3 years removed from divorce, it’s like the woman I knew died.

ExtraLettuce555 · 2026-03-22T21:06:10+00:00

With my stbxw and from other stories I read on here, I feel like some women have a mid life crisis which makes them burn everything down to go find something else.

Then there’s all the podcasts, social media etc encouraging women to go do life for themselves, which, sure. Seek your happiness. But not at the expense of abandoning your commitment to your partner. That content is toxic.

No-Feature9585 · 2026-03-22T04:20:21+00:00

Wow…. All I can say is I’m feeling better about my shit show knowing there are more men who went through EXACTLY WHAT I DID and in a sense still am now trying to figure out this COPARENTING Thing…. Alls I know is to keep being me and doing what I know is right especially by my two kids … F** my ex wife … and the BPD NPD theory is that fr…..✌🏾💪🏾💌

FinanceUniversity · 2026-03-18T20:29:56+00:00

My experience exactly. Do you know if she has a personality disorder? If not, do some research on BPD (borderline personality disorder) and tell me if any of it resonates.

Cheap_Bourbon1959 · 2026-03-18T14:00:56+00:00

I'm coming up on 10 years since we last talked in person (the closing on our house we sold) and will be divorced 10 years in September. I did everything I could to keep the marriage of 25 years together all while she did everything she could to destroy it. I finally gave in. Fortunately our two children were adults although she sabotaged them and I have seen them maybe 3 times in the 10 years. It took me about 3 years to get to a point where I didn't want to go home and realized I didn't want to see her. Since then everything has been not terribly great but pretty good and getting better. I have zero desire to ever get married again. I do have a female friend who goes out to dinner once a week with me and we talk. It will never go beyond friends because that's what both of us want.

My suggestion is to enjoy life as much as possible. I had to work an extra 7 years after the divorce to get back to a point where I could retire but I finally made it. I do not keep track of my Ex although we have mutual friends that laugh at her behind her back because they still cannot believe she divorced me. They try to tell me stuff about her but I got to the point years ago I just tell them I don't care and don't really want to know. It's hard for awhile but time will make things better.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-03-18T06:52:40+00:00

Title is accurate.

gangbangglenn · 2026-03-18T02:15:14+00:00

It goes beyond not being focused on what your ex is doing. One thing I really tried to change about my outlook was to stop burning calories over things I had no control over. You have absolutely zero control over this situation. The catharsis you seek is not attainable.

As an aside, this mentality has improved my professional life quite a bit.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-03-18T00:33:47+00:00

We are all different and process things differently.
Take your time and don't feel pressured to rush recovery.
From the standpoint that things are always changing and evolving, so can even people change.
Some mature and grow old together, other change and want something else.
I have come to realize that nothing lasts forever, except maybe parental love for the time you are alive.

probebeta · 2026-03-18T00:25:15+00:00

I dont think there is a way to go back to who you were. But that doesn't mean you can't be better than who you were. I've learnt a lot by going through this. Let me just say that I am a lot more present today than I was before... Go live your life man, forget about your ex :)

NilesGuy · 2026-03-17T23:29:17+00:00

OP I promise you this will all blow up in her face ! She never took the time to heal , to process the end of her marriage, nor self reflected . Instead she avoided all the self improvement and jumped straight into another relationship. To make matters worse getting pregnant and financially committing herself buy purchasing a home . It was a total rush rush rush without thinking . It kind of reminds me of that reality show lady Christina Hack from HGTV flip or flop. She did the exact same thing when her first marriage ended. Then woke up and realized what she had done and divorced . Your ex was a poser and you were in a manipulationship. No sense grieving or shedding a tear for a person who wasn’t real. Focus on improving yourself, being the best version of yourself and enjoy the gift of life .

BeautyBeaux · 2026-03-17T22:13:50+00:00

I know the feel. Most of the time feels surreal almost like you’re watching someone else’s life and then you think holy shit this is my life. I’m 14 months from the day she left and 1 month since divorce has been finalized. We had a wonderful relationship up until a flip switched in her head the day our daughter was born. The person after that was an entirely different person.

She left with our 7 month old and filed. I never got an explanation or even an attempt to fight for my marriage or new family. Cold as ice HR rep the moment she left. I’m doing everything right on the outside. Gym, no alcohol, being a good dad etc. I have optimism for the future and a place to build a home for my daughter and I surrounded by nature. A blank slate to create a legacy. But I’m still just overwhelmed with anger at the injustice of it all. Her thinking it’s ok to end a marriage and a family in silence. Vows meant less than nothing. And to be treated not as a spouse or a father but as an enemy to destroy. My identity was destroyed overnight and idk how I can “move on” or let go of the anger.

I’m a much better man objectively now in all ways than I was before she left but I don’t think I can forgive the lack of fight or effort to give our daughter a chance at an intact home. Dating seems so daunting now (I’m 34) my entire life has been the dating apps and I’ve done well. No problems in the past getting dates and eventually relationships but since I’m in no rush I’m focusing on face to face meeting women. Always been a skill I’ve wanted. Just being comfortable communicating with anyone in general. So it’s slow going but improving.

Anyway I’m rambling, but trust me man you’ll be better off. You already are better off. I don’t think you’ll ever feel like you were “back to being who you were” you’ll be diferent. And In most ways I’d say you’ll be better..

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-03-17T21:01:32+00:00

They die long before the divorce I'm afraid.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-03-17T20:37:32+00:00

I love how most commentators on Reddit can’t just answer the question and feel the need to say something like “let her go” or “you’re giving her too much space in your mind”. Like some sort of back-handed superiority. If your so superior, then what are you doing in this forum?

Here’s my answer. 2 years to feel normal again. I can still watch my ex’s crazy behavior without wanting her back.

Away_Anybody7268 · 2026-03-17T19:52:51+00:00

Stop letting it have power over you, obsessing over it will never help you. I wasted so much of my time and life worrying about this stuff and the traumatic things I've been through. I regret wasting my life on it.

Get yourself out there, you don't have to date but so something, meet some buddies for some drinks, talk to people, do something you enjoy. go out and live a life.

She's not worth it.

Mission_Remote_6871 · 2026-03-17T19:49:44+00:00

You need NOBODY to have a new home life. Learn to enjoy your happiness, that you and only you can decide to have, and live your life, looking for all the good things around you.

And people don't change. People can act, for a while. And when the play ends, you can now know the actress behind her. Climb your grief steps, and when on the other side, enjoy your life.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2026-03-17T19:48:26+00:00

My no libido ex found her Ho phase. If she can do that, nothing is unexpected now. Mine was flying to Texas from Ohio to be with a man over 20 years younger

Conscious-Hope3083 · 2026-03-17T18:22:59+00:00

She’s gone brother!

HotCut100 · 2026-03-17T18:11:18+00:00

Start living your life and stop observing hers. Cut her out of everything except coparenting. You will find much less stress and a lot more time to figure out who you are outside of the marriage. Don’t worry about dating cause it sounds like you’re not ready for that.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-03-17T18:06:45+00:00

Everyone’s healing journey is different man. I’m going to agree with a lot of people on here, you are way too focused on your EXW’s life. Who cares what she’s doing or who she’s doing it with. The person you once knew is dead. Your divorce was finalized for 3yrs and that person has moved on. These type of things deserve zero attention because you have zero control and again why the hell should you care? Have some respect for yourself brotha. Her being gone is truly a blessing and you don’t even see it

funnyman6979 · 2026-03-17T18:02:01+00:00

Sharing similar situation years ago marriage done in 6, two years to get out of and two little kids-I was 29. Multiple affairs on her side and one child not mine then here comes new guy the father of no kids at the time.

I get your perspective, I really do in fact I remarried had another child and this one sitting at 21 years. But for the longest time, you get sucked into this vacuum more or less because how wrong your choice was. Maybe you’re still here but it finally took my ex getting divorced again after 20 years with the above mentioned guy. But what finally made me stand in front of a mirror and state do you now get it?

My 31 year old son, who was 2 when I left, lived only 2 years with me over his childhood to be bought back. He still resides with her for no good reason, and even though that didn’t bug me he no longer talks to me. It was as if her failed second marriage someone else also had to lose here. His grandmother (my mom) died he and his fiancée never showed up through the last 16 months to the end.

Advice, let it go you’re in a better place and learn from this experience. It will impact trust situations, understand the trigger point. We’ve all been here- life is too short and get this in the rear view mirror faster than I was able to.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-03-17T17:47:59+00:00

How long did it take you before you felt like you were back to being who you were?

THat's the thing... I don't even know who I am to know when I am back to being who I should be.

DivorceCoachGio · 2026-03-17T17:41:45+00:00

It’s not that she died, it’s that your reality changed faster than your mind could process.

mesi130 · 2026-03-17T17:36:21+00:00

You’re too invested in what she’s doing. You need to move on. People come into and out of your life it’s just how it is. People grow apart and want different things some time. Concentrate on your kids and yourself

One-Specialist-4983 · 2026-03-17T17:28:51+00:00

Your problem is that you are invested in what your ex-wife is doing. You been only married for 8 years, so 3 years post divorce and you needing another 2? You need to drop that

I’ve been married for 14. After 6 months post divorce I got back out there and had more fun than my college years. 10 months later got all the fun shit out of me. Took me a year of serious dating to find my girl then 18 months later we decided to move in together

Nuxpyro_Valhalla · 2026-03-17T17:20:41+00:00

I have a similar experience. 4 years of marriage, 8 years of being in relationship, my ex-wife cheated on me with her CEO. Went on fake business trips with the CEO citing ill in-laws, while I'm completely blindsided. I found out and she moved in with the CEO in an independent flat. The CEO has a wife and kids btw. Fast forward, 1 year and I'm out of the marriage and very quickly moved on.

After a point I realised I had too high values and this oathbreaker was too inconsistent to ever deserve a chance. Intensive shadow work with a therapist helped me immensely.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-03-17T17:16:44+00:00

When a woman genuinely desires a man all of their rules go out the window. You ex is really into this guy.

You'll never go back to being who you were. We are constantly growing and evolving. The old you is dead too. The good news is you get to choose the type of man you want to be going forward.

Firstborn3 · 2026-03-17T17:15:29+00:00

I’m a year and a half out from our separation now. I still talk to my ex wife a lot because of the kids, but don’t actually see her too often. The other day at my daughter’s school event I literally didn’t recognize her!! I actually thought she was her sister.

We were married for 18 years. Now it feels like she’s a complete stranger. My life is infinitely better.

Plenty-Piece897 · 2026-03-17T17:08:32+00:00

I am going through the divorce now... my wofe was going to give me another chance, hut when I announced i was going to get sober, she said I had been hiding too much and changed her mind... lots more to story.

She has mentioned her biological clock. People react differently to stress and will change how they treat their ex to avoid giving into their regret or guilt if part of them thinks leaving is the right thing.

CowBoyDanIndie · 2026-03-17T17:04:43+00:00

She probably realized she needed to land a man fast before she got even older.

Title	3 years removed from divorce, it’s like the woman I knew died.
Author	LuvDonkeeButts
Upvotes	64
Comments	38
Date	March 17, 2026 5:01 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rwcczf/3_years_removed_from_divorce_its_like_the_woman_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/3-years-removed-from-divorce-its-like-the-woman-i.1575733 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575733

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