Most people in the dating world are just acting.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-06-17T13:12:29+00:00

Me and a coworker had this conversation the other day that people should sort of learn to do the best parts of autistic dating.

Like if there's no spark, just say it. If you're not interested in them or what they're talking about show it or say it. Stop wasting months and months being tied up in knots trying to control things for someone you're not even sure you want.

toad-wrangler · 2026-06-17T12:46:46+00:00

Most people are utilizing a public persona most of the time they are not alone. That's how people are. It's not limited to dating. You're just describing normal, basic human behavior.

PendingDecision · 2026-06-17T13:11:39+00:00

Ngl, I don’t know which one is better: being fake and likable, or being yourself, though that also raises the question of how much of your personality is actually authentic and how much has been shaped by others, and then either being liked or not (most likely not).

toasterchild · 2026-06-17T14:16:23+00:00

There are plenty of people who don't really put on false personas well, mostly ND people likely. If you prefer those sorts search them out.

wtknight · 2026-06-17T13:07:07+00:00

I think that most people do want to find someone compatible, so there is not a desire to always be an actor. I do think that many people often do “act” because they want to be with someone and to not be lonely, but I don’t think that anyone really wants to be an actor forever, and this is why a lot of relationships end quickly. Once people find a compatible person, then the dating world for those people is no longer “acting”. Truly compatible people can be difficult to find, though.

Training-Cook3507 · 2026-06-17T13:14:26+00:00

While this is true, this is basically how everything in life works: friends, jobs, experiences, etc.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-06-17T12:58:37+00:00

All people are “acting”.

We present ourselves to the world trying to communicate what we want to communicate. Everything we wear, everything we do, everything we put work into communicates something about us.

Even if you “didn’t do any acting” and you walked around wearing grey sweat clothes and you never styled your hair and never wore anything that communicated your personality at all, you are still communicating to everyone around you that you are someone who prefers asceticism.

AndyCat9 · 2026-06-17T14:58:58+00:00

Literally the reason I'm non-binary. It's my feeble attempt to be the most authentic person I can be.

Most people are acting: from clothing, to the way they walk, to speech, to hairstyle. Men act like men, and women act like women; some men act like women and vice versa. It's a script we follow because society is easier on us if we blend in.

It can be rough sometimes because people judge those who don't conform, but it's fun to just try to be authentically me. We are souls navigating physical vessels in a small moment of time. I'm not going to waste it listening to what people tell me I should do because of what's between my legs.

ouishi · 2026-06-17T17:54:55+00:00

I've started being 100% authentic. It repels fake people. Give it a try.

Mission-Pie-7192 · 2026-06-17T20:37:40+00:00

That's why they say wait to have sex until the 3rd date. People can pretend for a while but it's hard to pretend 3 different times without cracks showing.

Also why work, volunteering, and classes can be great ways to meet people. You get to see them multiple times first.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-06-17T20:44:56+00:00

No different from the rest of life, so it’s not unique or notable

Terrible_Mixture_759 · 2026-06-17T14:03:57+00:00

This is truly the bottom of the barrel, high school tier take. No there are people that are not 'just acting'.

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ta06012022 · 2026-06-17T14:01:15+00:00

To an extent. I don’t know that I would necessarily call it acting, but early in dating people are typically on their best behavior. This hides their red flags for at least a period of time. Someone might seem perfectly decent up front but prove to be a total asshole later in a relationship.

Chicken_Nugget_2 · 2026-06-17T15:09:11+00:00

That's just how people work. It's not just dating, whether you're trying to make friends or get a job etc. people will subconsciously present the best version of themselves to people they don't know. It takes time to get to know someone, that's just how it works. People aren't going to list all of their bad qualities on a first date, if they did that there would be no second dates.

chalkandapples · 2026-06-17T15:21:37+00:00

Maybe that's how you act when you're young. But eventually you figure out you can't act all the time and any relationship you find when acting are not sustainable anyways.

EugeneCezanne · 2026-06-17T17:54:29+00:00

I wouldn't say so. But I think I have a pretty good sensor for authenticity, so I just don't even consider dating people who seem like they're acting.

I would say that, in the early stages, everyone is performing a bit. We're pretending to be the best accessible version of themselves. That isn't wholly fake: it's a reflection of who we are and what we value in ourselves. It's who we think we could be tomorrow. And sometimes doing so even helps us actually become that self.

Of all the people I've dated and known long enough to see their "true" selves, the only ones who ended up being substantively different had very specific reasons: substance abuse, mental health issue, or actually growing and changing.

PrecisionHat · 2026-06-17T20:47:52+00:00

I actually think you're right and that being genuinely authentic makes you stand out. Even if your authentic self is an asshole. It's super weird but I've been propositioned by women who i just had an argument with. Like, seriously, I've had romantic success when things go fine, of course, but the women who have been the most forward with me, who have actually chased me instead of the other way around, have been the ones who I challenge the most. I know there's some psychology going on there just not sure what lol.

Edit: I've reposted this below because I'm not actually disagreeing.

Extension-Leek-1523 · 2026-06-18T00:38:42+00:00

I don't know but I think we all just need to love each other a little more 😄

Tylikcat · 2026-06-18T19:28:41+00:00

This seems like an extreme read on things. And very high school. Most people get better at this over time.

I for one hit forty and largely ran out of fucks. I still filter content (and somewhat presentation) by audience, of course.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-06-17T13:04:37+00:00

Most people try to put their best foot forward when meeting new people or going in dates.
The ones that are truly refreshing and admirable to a lot are those who can go “this is who I am, this is what I’m about” unapologetically.

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-06-17T13:19:36+00:00

It's called a honeymoon phase.

YeaNobody · 2026-06-17T19:02:48+00:00

Even within the farce you've described...it's still easier to be female in regards to pulling attention.

Title	Most people in the dating world are just acting.
Author	Gnostic_97
Upvotes	17
Comments	82
Date	June 17, 2026 12:42 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1u894u7/most_people_in_the_dating_world_are_just_acting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-people-in-the-dating-world-are-just-acting.1582995 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582995

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