"Why don't you marry young, have kids, then when the kids are grown up, start school?" A question men ask career women all the time, answered.

Littleknownfacts · 2019-09-14T13:18:11+00:00

Removed for circle-jerking.

PrehistoricPrincess · 2019-09-14T05:53:41+00:00

This. This is also why the idea of "divorce rape" in the case of couples with children is typically stupid. Take my older sister, for example. She is in her late 30's. She was married with 3 kids. Found out her husband cheated on her; their marriage disintegrated and she decided to divorce him. She had a bachelor's degree, but she had been a stay-at-home mother for years and out of the work force with a huge gap in work experience, while he actually became ridiculously wealthy during their marriage. Financially, he's totally fine. She went back to school to get two master's degrees and is working her tail off to achieve the job of her dreams (with total grace--but still). He makes bank; she does not. She doesn't get much from him financially, but every cent that she does, she deserves.

TRP talks about how women should marry themselves off and have a family immediately for stability and security. But at the same time, they're constantly preaching about "spinning plates" and how disposable and replaceable women are, and how "post-wall" women are basically worthless. Go for the "younger model" or whatever. The advice they give to other men and the advice that they give to women sets women up for failure. I doubt that is an accident.

bunker_man · 2019-09-14T04:57:32+00:00

What? Why would someone have kids first then go to school? Who wants to go to college at 35 and start a career at 40?

azngirl7689 · 2019-09-14T02:20:50+00:00

Exactly. Never put off your own education for a man. Divorce is a reality and starting over at 40 is hard. This is why alimony exists even though men don’t get it. Get your education and start a career then worry about marrying. Men will always be around.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-09-14T03:50:59+00:00

That’s basically the basis of “permanent maintenance.”

You married her, she sacrificed her economic future depending on your commitment to her for life.

The problem was “no fault” divorce.

Back with “fault,” it was very important to know “why” this contractual promise was falling apart and dissolving. Was it the wife’s “fault” or the husband’s “fault”?

With “no fault,” Judge doesn’t care. And because of that, “permanent maintenance” is largely a thing of the past. So, what can women do in response to this? Not rely on the contractual promise of marriage! Why? Because it can simply be dissolved for any or no reason at all, with no greater negative consequences to a man who cheated on you than a man you cheated on. Judge could care less. Makes zero difference.

CanadianTurt1e · 2019-09-14T03:49:37+00:00

From a biological standpoint, if more and more women start having children at an older age, will our biology adapt to this change over time? Nowadays if you have kids at 40, you're susceptible to birth defects and other problems. Maybe within the next several generations, having babies at 40 might not be a problem anymore. Especially since freezing your eggs are starting to become a thing.

wtknight · 2019-09-14T03:35:35+00:00

I'm not sure if this comment is true or not, but I do think that it does answer the question of why a woman might decide to be a career woman when, if her husband divorces her, she is subject to the whim of a judge's decision about whether she will be provided for as she seeks to establish a career later in her life.

SqueaksScreech · 2019-09-14T05:30:43+00:00

Marriage and children can wait. Establish you career. If you gonna be a SAHM get some money first and save it. Shit happens and that last thing you want to be is a jobless and divorce with no savings. If you watch sex in the city be a Samantha.

Skratt · 2019-09-14T02:15:50+00:00

Moids will swear up and down that story is not true even though all women know it is. Women are trash and objects to moids. They will throw us out when they think we aren't attractive and fuckable to them anymore. They WANT us to throw our lives and youth away FOR THEM and then become an incubator for their dry sperm, and then waste our lives raising them. When we do, they throw us out and repeat the process with another poor woman.

Ladies, FOCUS ON YOUR CAREER FIRST. MEN AINT SHIT!! They are untrustworthy, liars, and users. They don't see us as humans, only as a machine to grow their devil spawn. Hell, I say don't even have babies. Don't give a man the chance to grow his spawn inside you and use your body as a resource for himself. Women are happier without babies.

Mattcwu · 2019-09-14T03:57:45+00:00

That sounds unreal. If that story actually happened that way, there must be some extreme and unusual factor at play. I dont believe it is a real story backed by evidence.

hammerhaunts · 2019-09-14T02:01:15+00:00

I am trying to marry a woman right now and I'm afraid all the time she will lose interest

sparksjoy · 2019-09-14T03:10:51+00:00

Is this a MC/WC fundie expectation?

In UMC/UC circles not having an undergrad degree is a great way to disqualify yourself from the marriage material pool. Men always seem eager to brag and ask about the schools their wives/SO graduated from, the study abroads they did, and the projects they're doing. I have yet to meet one who had to say "actually my wife didn't go to college yeet."

Rabidstuffy · 2019-09-14T01:46:21+00:00

After almost 25 years, we divorced. I was finally in school to be a nurse. Guess what the judge awarded me? NOTHING! I had 30 days to find a job

This random Facebook comment just isn't true.

poppy_blu · 2019-09-14T02:32:00+00:00

I'm going to look at the broader argument of family versus career here.

Which do you want then? If you cannot have both, pick one and be happy letting go of the other one.

Unless you're born filthy rich, no one gets to 'have it all'. You cannot put all your energy into being a mom then expect a job waiting for you when you're 40 when you haven't got more than a high school diploma. You also cannot spend 15 years studying and working and expecting a husband to be waiting for you. You need to put time and energy into what you want.

Do you know what they call people who want something but don't put the work in to get it? Entitled.

You can have a job to help pay bills and be a parent, but it means extra stress and less time for your kids or yourself. There are downsides to every choice and no one gets all the benefits with none of the responsibility. Being an adult can be hard because we often have to make shitty decisions and be willing to compromise.

katymarx · 2019-09-14T03:11:21+00:00

Fortunately I dont know a single high value woman who has sacrificed her educated and personal development because a man told her to. The ones who did were strippers and/or human urchins who attached themselves from one guy to another draining him of resources...

Barely-moral · 2019-09-14T02:04:39+00:00

Guess what the judge awarded me? NOTHING! I had 30 days to find a job

He is sitting pretty. I left with nothing from our house. Nothing

I am calling bullshit on this one. But for the sake of argument lets say that this happens and it is common. (It is not common at all)

If a woman does not focus on her career when she is young, she risks complete betrayal by the man in her life.

True. Now a counter argument. If a woman does not focus on getting a good partner and forming a family when she is young, she risks losing her window of opportunity and ending up either alone or with a poor choice of a partner.

Now each woman is free to choose which risk to take. Both options are equally shitty IMO.

NockerJoe · 2019-09-14T01:36:45+00:00

That's the deal. Kids are a time and resource intensive gamble. Unless you can afford someone to basically raise your kids for you, you can't afford to focus on your career. There is no have it all. You either pick one or the other. If your family craps out on you, tough shit. If your job toughs out on you, tough shit.

Life is about choices. As a dude I've lost a lot, multiple times. Nobody cared and I had to fight for everything I got after. I really don't care if someone else lands in the same boat because I never had an alternative.

Midwitticism · 2019-09-14T01:32:38+00:00

17 is “the prime?” This sounds like the strains of some white trash fairytale. And yes, I took time out from Death in the Bayou to make this comment. Smh.

Salty-Bastard · 2019-09-14T02:59:48+00:00

In a community property state she would receive half his pension and half the marital assets including the house if they own it together.

LotBuilder · 2019-09-14T03:02:58+00:00

Need some details because that isn’t how divorce works. Maybe her husband was a fire captain in North Korea or the Congo but I doubt it.

XtoDoubt · 2019-09-14T03:53:08+00:00

Women are the ones initiating divorces, not men. The statistics also show it is women, not men, who lose attraction much faster in marriage. The idea of the man dumps his dutiful housewife for his secretary is a myth.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-09-14T02:10:40+00:00

cough bullshit cough not full story cough

FleshPanda · 2019-09-14T04:19:59+00:00

Dont men face the same thing? Supporting a woman for years only to be betrayed?

lagavenger · 2019-09-14T11:33:49+00:00

Takes two to plan for things.

Few people have mentioned there’s no safety net when the average man (person really) makes bad decisions in other aspects of life.

Now, I’m completely supportive of women developing skills before pumping out a few children. This is a conclusion that the couple should arrive at together. It’s not simply for divorce, but a medical catastrophe could happen to the male as well. Hell, dude could just get laid off during a recession.

I’m not for or against alimony, there are cases both ways that abuse it. Obviously I disagree with TRP mentality, but come on! You’re complaining about girls who get hurt by chasing TRPers! then want laws to protect women who get hurt by TRPers! I got nothing.

You shouldn’t have to try hard to convince a man who’s interested in your future of the point you’re trying to make.

diffdedbed · 2019-09-14T11:55:19+00:00

I'm guessing there is a lot more to the story and she deserved nothing.

reluctantly_red · 2019-09-14T03:16:54+00:00

The post is bull shit.

reluctantly_red · 2019-09-14T05:24:01+00:00

A can't imagine a jurisdiction where the wife of a fire captain for 25 years doesn't get half his pension.

razenha · 2019-09-14T04:16:39+00:00

Faaaaaaaaake. Women get a fat alimonily pretty much every time.

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yureku_the_potato · 2019-09-14T12:18:06+00:00

Cuz I hate children and want to be able to pay my bills without having to take care of a demon first.

catbrainland · 2019-09-14T12:41:16+00:00

In more challenging fields, it's much harder to start when you're 35 as opposed to when you're 18. Whereas with children it's almost the opposite - you don't need all that much fast thinking as opposed to wisdom and patience - all that comes with age.

The criticism about having children when too old is still valid though. People over 35 don't make for all that good parents either as there's overall drop in energy investment. All in all, there's "golden window" sometime between 24-30. When a woman "chooses a career" consisting of english and gender studies major in order to be "strong and independent", don't be surprised there's derision for that.

aypi98 · 2019-09-14T02:40:33+00:00

I have realised women only care about themselves thats why they are afraid of those responsibilities. Patriarchy made it "work" for some years but the truth is that women dont want any of that, nowadays they have the freedom to avoid those things and they are doing it. If women dont want to have anything to do with that i dont want to have anything to do with them.

Spicychickenaholic · 2019-09-14T06:44:39+00:00

After almost 25 years, we divorced.

See if he devorced her she would say that in the story for sympathy. OR.. there's something pretty important missing from the sorry (e.g: I became a heroin addict), which would also explain getting nothing from the divorce.

So.. she picked someone to live with "until death do us part".. then her life is hard when she divorces him. That just sounds tragic, truly.. if only she could go through life without her decisions having repercussions.. someone save this poor poor girl.

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