Q4Men: How would you feel if a woman that you were starting to date told you she was seeing other men, how would you react?

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-05-31T15:59:38+00:00

Her ceiling is now fwb

SerpentCypher · 2019-05-31T16:04:34+00:00

I'd break it off, to me it seems like option A is for men that don't have the option to choose B, desperate guys and those lacking a backbone. I have enough self respect to walk away, you have to look at it like you're the prize, if she saw you the same way she wouldn't be fooling around with other guys. I'm not going to compete with other losers who willingly put up with that shit, I'm not dropping to that level.

Salty-Bastard · 2019-05-31T16:11:18+00:00

Can you throw out a timeline as to when she disclosed that information to define starting? 1 month, 1 year?

blackedoutfast · 2019-05-31T16:32:22+00:00

if we haven't agreed to be exclusive with each other, i would already assume that she is seeing other dudes. and i would be seeing other girls at the same time. that's how it works.

i don't get this whole "you can only date one person at a time" shit. say i just met some chick and we are gonna meet up for drinks later - do you guys really think that i'm supposed to instantly end it with any other girl and be monogamous with this new chick? that makes zero sense. hell she might not even show up tonight. or what if she sucks and i don't want to go out with her again?

Aaren_Augustine · 2019-05-31T16:22:00+00:00

Break it off. I like LTRs and will go for women that appear to also want LTRs. Women that are dating other men don't appear like that's a thing they actively want; just something they may be open to if it's the right guy.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-05-31T16:07:18+00:00

When I am in a relationship and become friends with my gf’s friends, one of the more interesting things I like to ask them is how many dudes they are currently talking to (in a romantic context).

It’s incredible how many guys women can talk to and juggle at once. That’s just kind of the benefit or privilege of being female and having the passive role in dating. At most, I was able to talk and date 3 girls at once. Taking the active, masculine role with more than 3 girls at once is essentially part time job level of labor. It’s exhausting carrying that many conversations and relationships, no matter how casual.

To answer your question, it’s typical for people to speak to various people in romantic contexts. “Mila will be at X happy hour tonight, maybe I’ll go speak to her after I talk to the other girl I’m interested in at my own happy hour.” I wouldn’t be mad at a girl talking or dating other men. There’s not a single cute girl in this country who is not at least on texting terms with some guy who is trying to date her. If I was mad at every girl who was talking or dating some other dude, I would have to be mad at every single cute single girl.

[deleted] · 2019-05-31T16:01:22+00:00

Relief. I don't want to be top dog, I want to be the guy you fuck while looking for your husband.

perfectedinterests · 2019-05-31T18:47:45+00:00

Bail. If I'm dating her it's for something serious. I don't do plates but if she told me that she was usi me and other guys in a contest I would use her like the whore she is. Why waste money on her by going on a date in the first place ?

diffdedbed · 2019-05-31T17:17:54+00:00

If I'm looking for an LTR no, at least not after a date or two and especially if we are having sex. I'm not competing, in that way or my time.

If it's just casual sure.

p3n3lop3 · 2019-05-31T18:34:16+00:00

Hint: Don't tell them, as they are not telling you. Make them fight for you and not even realize they are doing it.

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-05-31T17:01:26+00:00

I’d start seeing other women. Bye, Felicia.

analt223 · 2019-05-31T17:11:29+00:00

If we were serious, then id break up with her. If it was after a few dates spaced out over a long period of time, i wouldnt care.

Bekiala · 2019-05-31T18:16:51+00:00

OP does dating mean spending time together like a bike ride, movie or a hike or does it mean having sex? I guess it might mean both.

It would seem weird to be having sex with someone who was non-monogamous but then it seems like plenty of people are like this from both genders so must be fine with some.

Would you consider dating someone who was not having sex with you nor anyone else but possibly doing the biking/movie/dinner with another man.

It seems like in the old days "going steady" was considered risqué for young people. I believe society thought it was better for young people to spend time with several different people but not get serious until they were older.

[deleted] · 2019-05-31T18:58:41+00:00

I would assume they were anyway.

Unless we had had a chat and agreed to be exclusive.

eliechallita · 2019-05-31T19:02:46+00:00

I'd probably continue dating her:

If I'm not looking for a monogamous relationship, then I don't care whether or not she's dating others (as long as she's being safe).
Even if I were looking for a committed, monogamous relationship, I don't see other guys as competition: I don't need to do a special mating dance to woo her away from anyone. If she prefers me, as I am, she'll commit to me. If she doesn't, then I've lost nothing but time.

DaphneDK42 · 2019-06-01T02:41:22+00:00

B) Break it off.

Low quality slut. I know some rp says you should just get continue to have sex with her or some such silly thing. I just can't be bothered with all the potential drama, and if the other guy was emotionally involved that'd make me feel bad. Also icky to think his dick in her pussy just a little while before mine. Just not worth it. I can buy a whore for that, and it'd be much easier and less likely to blow up.

There are tons of girls you could date which are not seeing other men, why bother with one who is? Make no sense.

passepar2t · 2019-05-31T16:57:48+00:00

Why would she tell me that? Everyone knows that this is the default but you still don't say it.

firewatchersdaughter · 2019-05-31T18:08:11+00:00

I would feel upset, and of course break things off, but I wouldn’t be disrespectful. It’s not illegal to be a slut. I would go home and spend some time looking for empathy the only place men can get it, the manosphere. We would have another example that AWALT. It would take a good few months, but I would probably return to dating against my better wisdom and repeat the cycle.

TopOccasion29 · 2019-05-31T17:46:09+00:00

B. Don’t date sluts.

Barely-moral · 2019-05-31T16:29:38+00:00

So... before we were dating she was seeing other men?

Unless there was an agreement that stated that exclusivity begun before we started she did absolutely no wrong.

In any case I would leave her even if she did nothing wrong. I don't like competition. If she already has a line of men willing to be with her then she will monkey branch eventually. I would rather be with a woman that has no other option.

Pikachu___2000 · 2019-05-31T16:33:15+00:00

Option A) Reasoning I'm not trying to own the cow. I just want the milk. Couldn't care less who else is getting it as long as I get mine. Once the milk dries up then Option B)

Any guy with any amount of value should be seducing multiple women at the same time anyways.

perfectedinterests · 2019-05-31T16:43:07+00:00

I'd fall on one knee and ask her to marry me and let me get zinc shots from her BFs. /s

I'd just leave her on the spot. Just turn around and walk away.

[deleted] · 2019-05-31T16:50:59+00:00

It really depends. If im also dating other chicks then im probably ok with it. (id even encourage it, its easier to maintain a plate if she isnt looking to settle down just yet)

If im not ok with it, its kind of on me for not bringing up the exclusivity talk earlier.

I would also give the chick some points for bringing it up honestly. A lot women will do this but just not say.

So overall, my feelings would be pretty positive. Only exception i can think of is i wanted to be exclusive with her before and she hemmed and hawed.

Word to fellow men, if you see a future with a chick.. say so, and say you want to date exclusively. Worst case scenario she says no and you adjust your expectations and plate-cap her.

You snooze you lose boyo.

TriborgPierot94 · 2019-05-31T18:14:11+00:00

Well it was nice knowing her. Hopefully the door don't hit her on the way out

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-05-31T16:23:40+00:00

Not a guy.

But isn't dating considered a relationship? I think that would be cheating

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jax006 · 2019-05-31T18:06:37+00:00

Stop spending as much time trying to woo her or whatever and Start trying to find other girls to date, lol

MakeMoneyNotWar · 2019-05-31T18:29:32+00:00

Don't care as long as I retain the option to sleep with other women. Not going to be in a serious relationship with her, so why not enjoy the sex while looking for a serious relationship elsewhere?

[deleted] · 2019-05-31T18:45:41+00:00

It just depends on the level we were dating. In general, if there’s no confirmation of exclusivity, she’s free to do what she wants, but so am I. Sometimes, exclusivity is implied but not agreed upon. Sometimes one party may think it was implied when it wasn’t. It really just depends on the situation.

I don’t think casually dating multiple people to see who is the best fit for you is inherently wrong, though...as long as you’re honest about it.

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-05-31T20:14:17+00:00

I'd continue to see her for a purely platonic friendship. Rather than tell her that, she can decide on her own that that's as far as it's going.

Pope_Lucious · 2019-05-31T20:18:10+00:00

It would depend completely on the context. Is this three months in or like the second time you’ve seen each other where she drops this on you?

My response in most situations would to just treat it like a friends with benefits situation. Her behavior doesn’t indicate she wants to be monogamous. So I would keep fucking her until the fling fizzled out.

daniellederek · 2019-05-31T21:05:26+00:00

Depends. Are we fucking? Is it worthwhile enthusiastic sex? If it ain't broke dont fix it and many hands make light work.

That said we be splitting the bills on any meals or event tickets

Tealllane · 2019-05-31T22:30:32+00:00

When I was doing casual dating and FWB....I felt indifferent, it meant nothing to me at all.

phlegmdawg · 2019-05-31T23:03:35+00:00

Why would someone who holds exclusive dating at such high value even make it to date 1 without verifying this other person works the same way? How is this any different than verifying a dealbreaker before meeting up with someone? The person in the OP’s example needs to recognize their role in the situation.

People can’t bitch about how the world works if they’re not going to set their own standards to help them meet like minded people.

Rant over 😂

[deleted] · 2019-06-01T06:10:37+00:00

Most women when single are dating/fucking multiple men, so demanding exclusivity after one date is just fantasy. I guess the goal is to be so attractive she drops every man and becomes obsessed with you (men can dream).

Just like a woman who fantasises her bf/husband won't ever look at other women or watch porn as he's so attracted to her every other woman does nothing for him (women can dream).

E-Dorian · 2019-06-01T07:44:04+00:00

I assume it upfront and don’t assume otherwise until we’ve had a clear talk about it

I used to date someone who told me several times she was seeing other men but she was obviously forcing it into the conversation, it wasn’t something that naturally flowed into whatever topic we were talking and it wasn’t subtle either. Like a clumsy overt way of telling me she was keeping her options open, probably had the opposite of the intended effect though. It’s gross when someone’s trying to manipulate their perception of you in such a blindingly obvious way but I did get a 6 month fwb out of it, so whatever lol

matrixpush · 2019-06-01T16:47:13+00:00

In 2019 there's an inverse polygamy, men don't have much choice it seems, so many learn to accept it while not wanting to. In the US at least, even a woman with a far lower SMV than a man is still in demand.

TopOccasion29 · 2019-06-01T21:52:25+00:00

I assume she's seeing other men but if she told me she's seeing other men that is just disrespectful. I would keep her as a sexual partner/plate/fwb and nothing more than that. No man wants to hear that shit.

songofmelancholy · 2019-05-31T16:02:29+00:00

i don't understand. why would she disclose this?

[deleted] · 2019-05-31T18:11:44+00:00

That's what plate spinning is. Men date multiple women until they find their ltr if they wish so of course. And such man should not feel offended if his plate is dating other men in the mean time. He looks for loyalty first and good time. If she is dating other men, she's not ltr material and will stay his plate until she breaks.

Personally I would date her but would not try harder than I must to get what I want which is sex for the most part. If she's vocal about dating other guys it's good for me since I already know she's not serious about me. If she drops other men for me it's also a good sign that she wants commitment from me.

Mistake most women and soy boys on ppd make is applying same standards for both men and women. We are not competing on the same level. Even in sports gender differences are acknowledged. And so the same should be for dating.

HNTI · 2019-05-31T19:09:29+00:00

Nexted

autoflowergal · 2019-05-31T23:11:49+00:00

Recently a break up happened in one of my friendgroups ...and like all the other break ups before the girl claims her ex was an: asshole, manipulative, didn't pay enough attention to her etc.

Just all out character assassination on the dude.

I happen to know the dude from soccer. So i saw him today i asked him what happened .......in short she cheated on him. She's been cheating on him for atleast 2 months now.

Except these two versions arent contradictory nor do they cancel each other out. They could easily both be true.

[deleted] · 2019-05-31T17:19:34+00:00

A.

Just... spin, plates, spin.

Hoping for exclusivity takes too much of a toll, unless it’s a landwhale. Maybe. Never been with one.

earlpfeiffer · 2019-05-31T19:04:18+00:00

Thank god I’d finally met a living breathing piece of ass I didn’t have to take care of. Oh, I mean, respect her independence. Yes, baby, you’re free.

mtflyer05 · 2019-05-31T20:06:24+00:00

As long as she gets tested after every new dick she rides, IDGAF.

Title	Q4Men: How would you feel if a woman that you were starting to date told you she was seeing other men, how would you react?
Author	Mystery_Tragic
Upvotes	25
Comments	345
Date	May 31, 2019 3:57 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/bv9amf/q4men_how_would_you_feel_if_a_woman_that_you_were/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-how-would-you-feel-if-a-woman-that-you-were.255509 https://theredarchive.com/post/255509

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