Women with masculine traits do you look for men with feminie traits or men who are so masculine they make you more feminine?

Littleknownfacts · 2019-05-01T19:37:00+00:00

I've written and then promptly deleted like 3 (4 now) different replies already cause I'm having a hard time putting thoughts into words.

I see two types of masculine behaviors, alpha and beta. To me, beta masculine is still distinct from the feminine. So I would say I lean masculine, but if it's alpha or beta masculine depends on the men around me. For example, in a situation with a lot of alpha energy, I pick up those traits. I want to fight with them. I want to compete. If a guy aggros me I'm incapable of backing down. If I can physically keep up or not is just not on my mind. With my ex who was very competitive, everything between us was a pissing contest.

Alternatively, if the guys are more beta, I totally chill out. They aren't competitive, I don't need to compete. If they are cooperating to complete a mission, I want to help too. If they are protecting eachother, I want to protect too. So on and so forth. So the most harmony for me comes with men who have fewer alpha traits and more beta ones.

damaskrose · 2019-05-01T20:34:24+00:00

I look for guys who are similar to me. So probably they're more feminine than an average man, and more masculine than an average woman.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-05-01T18:45:35+00:00

I'm very girl brained and feminine.

But I do have certain masculine traits - a very high sex drive, a tendency to be strong willed and stubborn, and the unconscious drive to walk all over anyone who will let me

To answer your question, no I don't look for feminine men. I look for men who are even more masculine in these areas, to keep me in check

Barneysparky · 2019-05-01T19:17:12+00:00

I'm very feminine, and spent a great deal of my youth around 80s drag queens. I'm a straight/cis woman. At one point I tried to be bi, just because my friends were all gay boys. It didn't stick.

I've always been attracted to intelligence and greatness in men, and kinda disgusted by muscled meatheads. I could have also wrote that I've always dated guys who are really smart and passionate about one thing. Or just that I was a bit of a nerd magnet.

My husband grew up very passionate about Rush, and has a engineers mind, long haired and well groomed. I am coming to terms with being a friggen whimsical old woman love child.

We are each other's family. We ignore the farts, call each other out, and spoon. Who the heck cares about scales?

madcockatiel · 2019-05-01T19:28:44+00:00

The former. Extremely masculine men don't even ping on my sexual radar unless they're very aesthetically attractive or have some hidden vulnerability. Friendliness and emotional openness are a must!

poppy_blu · 2019-05-01T23:16:20+00:00

IME, women who are jocks tend to date and marry men who are also jocks. This idea that men here have that the QB/alpha male marries the sweet docile hyperfeminine kindergarten teacher is way off. Yes it happens, but we’re talking about aggregates here. Every jock I knew in HS and college dated other jocks. I’ve never dated a man who wasn’t an athlete. Partially because that’s who I’m attracted to but also because you share a lifestyle commonality (especially in college where because you keep such rigid schedules you tend to live and associate mostly with other jocks).

Just a few examples:

Tom Brady and Giselle. She’s hella masculine. Before you protest look at her face, especially without makeup.

Norman Garciaparra and Mia Hamm

A Rod and J Lo (she not an athlete but was a dancer does seem to be pretty athletic, as was/is Madonna).

Laila Ali and that boxer

One from back in the day: Dolph Lundgren and Grace Jones.

Now you could argue that being an athlete doesn’t necessarily mean “masculine.” Women who are athletes tend to have higher levels of T but many female athletes myself included wear makeup, dresses , heels, and have feminine elements to their personality. So it depends on your definition of a masculine woman.

Again for me it isn’t about being with someone “more masculine than me,” I’m just attracked to manly men and want someone with whom I can enjoy running, outdoor activities, sports, and shares the same commitment to healthy living I do.

FlavFal · 2019-05-01T21:39:00+00:00

I don't look for girly men but at the same time I don't let men order me around. Never really cared about "feeling small" since I'm already quite short, sadly.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-05-01T18:49:59+00:00

most masculine brained women try to make a go of it with more feminine men because they arent will to search jails and homeless compounds for men more masculine than them lol

doctor_trucks · 2019-05-02T18:13:21+00:00

I am extremely masculine. A good friend told me once that I am the most masculine woman he has ever met, and more masculine than many of the men.

I do not gravitate towards masculine or feminine men as a rule. Ive dated both, crushed on both. It's not really a criteria I consider.

yasee · 2019-05-01T21:03:08+00:00

I don't feel like I ever actively sought out one or the other, but I ended up with someone who has probably less stereotypically masculine traits than the average

[deleted] · 2019-05-01T21:13:08+00:00

I didn't specifically look for "masculine" just who I was attracted to. I like/do a lot of stereotypical girl things so I can't say I ever needed a guy assist in feeling feminine, it's not something I consciously sought out. But I do like tall and broad shoulders so 🤷 I had serious relationships I pretty much ran so I thought this was normal, I also never saw myself married. In hindsight who I married I had the most contentious first year with. Not angry or explosive but he knew what was essential to his happiness and where he would and wouldn't relent even if it meant we were done. He wasn't bitter or emo about it either, just direct. Overall he's pretty serene unless he's happy, and he's very fun while also being dependable so he can draw his lines where he wants.

flamingoinghome · 2019-05-01T22:49:54+00:00

I'm pretty feminine in most ways, but...I am strong-willed and DO look for a man who will defer to me. I've been through the whole 'put me in my place' thing, and I don't like it. I want to steer. Always have.

ayeayefitlike · 2019-05-02T07:46:00+00:00

I don’t consider myself masculine but plenty of people on this sub have said I am, so I’ll give this a shot.

My OH isn’t typical in that he’s sensitive, shy, nurturing, openly thoughtful, kind and a feelings-sharer - sort of the opposite of the typical masculine stoicism. I very much consider these as strengths that I tend to lack, and I have the confidence, go-getting attitude and leadership drive to balance him out too.

However, in other ways he’s very masculine - he is into sports, DIY, rescues me from spiders, is very laid back and will call me out when I start overthinking things. And he makes me feel very sexy, which is about the most feminine thing I can think of. So, I guess like most people we are just a mix of traits, and the important thing is that we both have strengths where the other lacks but admire the strengths the other has at the same time. It makes for a great, strong team.

pngmafia97 · 2019-05-01T20:11:07+00:00

Men who are so masculine they make you more feminine.

I'm feminine looking with a masculine personality. Hourglass athletic build, long hair. Very outspoken, daring, adventurous, blunt, independent, intense, confrontational at times.

I very strongly have a type: masculine looking (broad shoulders, V shaped back, extremely muscular, deep voice) with masculine personality. I like guys who dominate me physically and sexually but will spar with me in all the other ways and treat me as an intellectual and cleverness/street smarts equal.

In bed, I want an extremely masculine man to make me soft and small and vulnerable, because that's the only environment when I let myself be acted upon/taken advantage of/objectified, so I want that dynamic in an extreme way. I want really rough, aggressive, violent, fucked-up sex, and that's just not possible with a soft dude, physically nor mentally.

I've found that the type of guy I go for is typically more emotional than me, though. They've always been the one to "capture me" emotionally -- convince/manipulate me to be monogamous with them -- and that involves acts of romantic pursuit on their end while I act aloof for as long as possible. IDK, is that sort of emotional romanticism more feminine or masculine? Maybe it's ultimately more masculine because they are actively participating in "the chase" and I am allowing myself to be "chased." However, I have been know to "whip" men, so maybe they become more feminine acting around me despite being very masculine as individuals.

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[deleted] · 2019-05-01T19:07:53+00:00

I look for masculine men, but not of the same type as my extremely masculine father.

He was a feral alpha. I married a dude who is extremely masculine, but who trends far more aloof and detached than my father ever could have dreamed of being.

sublimemongrel · 2019-05-01T19:11:16+00:00

I’ve dated both. Husband is more masculine though, he is the man I’ve been most attracted to of all men.

[deleted] · 2019-05-01T19:24:48+00:00

I wouldn't say I look for masculine traits, just sexually attractive ones. I don't really screen guys based on dominance or leadership or whatever other shit is considered masculine. It's more like, is he cute, funny, charming, can hold a conversation etc.

b0tacct · 2019-05-01T20:10:05+00:00

The latter

Wandos7 · 2019-05-01T20:44:41+00:00

The former. I don't look masculine but my personality is. I'm only attracted to men who have some kind of vulnerability; extremely masculine men make me feel threatened.

PumpkinSub · 2019-05-01T20:46:59+00:00

They gotta me more masculine than me, doesn't matter the scale.

jintana · 2019-05-01T21:07:59+00:00

MoodyBrizo · 2019-05-01T21:55:19+00:00

Women who are masculine look for men that are hypermasculine.

confusedspade97 · 2019-05-01T22:54:39+00:00

I dress very feminine but I act more masculine. I love sex, I'm more vulgar, going into a male dominated field etc. I look for men with masculine traits but who can be vulnerable when we're in private.

spicesalt · 2019-05-02T00:18:10+00:00

I am masculine-ish.

I look for some feminine traits (empathy, emotion, caring)

Mostly masculine interests (video games, sports)

And some masculine traits (resilience, independence, leadership)

In all, it depends far more on the trait than whether it is masculine or feminine. I don't like to date hyper-masc or fem guys at all.

[deleted] · 2019-05-02T00:34:35+00:00

Is she wants masculine, then hope confirmed lost.

LifterofThings · 2019-05-02T01:28:58+00:00

I always looked for feminine men and was the pursuer, but that never ended up working for me in the long term. I kind of stumbled across my current SO by accident -- he did the pursuing, and is very masculine. 6 years and counting, and I still respect the shit out of him and find him very desirable.

... so yeah, left to my own devices, my picker sucks. Fortunately my SO saved me from myself.

quasirealikecreature · 2019-05-02T09:10:20+00:00

Yes, I basically look like Jane Lynch and am only attracted to men who look like 16 year old lesbians.

/S

Nevidimka- · 2019-05-02T09:30:16+00:00

The latter. I'm quite strong / fearless / unemotional for a woman, so the bar is set high. The guys I've dated typically tick all the alpha boxes. That said, I've dated / been attracted both types of alpha: the physically strong / army or similar type of job, and the ones that were not huge or very tough looking, but were highly succesfull and had that type of natural leader character. Theres no difference in attraction for me.

Willow-girl · 2019-05-02T11:54:37+00:00

I need a man who is as tough and smart as I am. Quickly lose patience with the other kind.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2019-05-02T12:34:31+00:00

I feel that I definitely possess masculine traits of perfection, discipline, strong interest in technical analysis and mathematics (I'm a musician) yet I'm very feminine looking - baby face, curvy bottom, thick thighs, soft voice, a tendency towards being a pacifist and avoiding confrontation. I'm not particularly athletic but I do strength training and I look for activities that get my blood pumping, instead of gentle activities like yoga. But I would definitely say overall I'm not as intense in my physical activities.

I would say my boyfriend is more masculine - he has extremely low body fat and is always moving even though he's not a sporty person. At the same time he has a very laid back attitude and I do know that he looks for a woman that is very compassionate and nurturing. He's a touchy person and at the end of the day, he loves to hug my curves (because he doesn't have any insulation of his own). I definitely do more sitting than he does.

He's more masculine in that he's very action and logic oriented, whereas I'm emotionally oriented. He's actually not as cuddly as me - I need lots of hugs but for him it's really at the end of the day he needs cuddles.

So yes, he's for sure more driven, socially active, physically active and demanding than me, even with my strong analytical skills and perfectionist tendencies. Overall he is more masculine. And I definitely do need somebody to be able to break through my shell.

[deleted] · 2019-05-02T14:04:12+00:00

i’m a woman who lacks empathy (not sure if this is masculine or not, but i rarely express my emotions) and a lot of the men i attract/am attracted to display more BPD traits

BritPetrol · 2019-05-02T20:09:56+00:00

Depends on what you define as masculine traits but I'd say that I have a fairly masculine personality and have masculine interests.

In general I think most women like masculine men, including me. I do think I am generally attracted to more masculine men but then again I feel like most women are regardless of personality.

escapethesolarsystem · 2019-05-03T01:36:24+00:00

From my experience the man needs to be more masculine than the women for the relationship to be stable. He doesn't need to be hyper-masculine (especially if the women is pretty feminine) but of the two he should be the more masculine one.

[deleted] · 2019-05-03T19:31:11+00:00

Neither. I look for good qualities. Categorizing good qualities as feminine or masculine is incredibly limiting. I don't live my life under those ridiculous constraints and neither does my husband. I feel sorry for those that do. they don't live to their full potential.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-05-03T21:30:28+00:00

I excel at a lot of individual sports, am crazy competitive & professionally ambitious

I date fearless masculine men who are better than me bc I dont respect men who arent

DXBrigade · 2019-05-02T00:43:42+00:00

I am rather masculine and I am into men who are masculine too.

eet_mijnen_schijt · 2019-05-02T02:23:20+00:00

Classifying traits into "masculine" and "feminine" is completely arbitrary and uninteresting. Whatever trait I like has about 50% chance of randomly being considered "masculine" or "feminine" because it's a completely random assignment.

Title	Women with masculine traits do you look for men with feminie traits or men who are so masculine they make you more feminine?
Author	Zero_The-Hero
Upvotes	41
Comments	158
Date	May 1, 2019 6:25 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/bjklkc/women_with_masculine_traits_do_you_look_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-with-masculine-traits-do-you-look-for-men.255960 https://theredarchive.com/post/255960

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