Q4W & ,M : Do you think it would be fair on a man to end a serious relationship if he found out he was beta bucks i.e safety reliable kinda a guy

ilptrandom · 2019-03-24T17:42:34+00:00

If someone can't stomach being in a relationship they should end it especially if the relationship has no kids. Kinder on everyone.

But y'know... if safety and reliability is what he is then he's probably got to eventually face up to the fact that if he gets in a relationship that seems to work out, it is going to be because the person wanted safety and reliability. I mean... for those guys of you who can't see this because his story is too close to home imagine a 35 year old woman whose most defining attributes are she's big fat caring and busy mammy type of woman... all cooking and mothering and reminders to take your jacket with you it is cold outside. Imagine she gets in a relationship with a guy and she thinks things are going great until she finds out that he started up with her because he got angry that he was never being cared for by other women. And she gets angry and dumps him because her body or the pertness of her mind weren't why he was there, it was her warmth and agreeability. How do you think that sort of thing is going to go for her in the long term, demanding to be loved not for what she actually is but for what she feels she needs most reassurance about, and demanding that the only person who can seriously do this for her is someone who has been choosing those atrributes in mates all along. I mean seriously? She's like in her mid thirties and she's not willing to grab a guy who has only recently started to consciously see her type as good? She wants to just find a great guy from among the same old same old guys who have always been attracted to and accessible to her type and her type has been pawing through for the last 20 years and picking out all the good ones?

You have to turn your critical eye to yourself and ask yourself how it goes if you're expecting people to love you for your needs (weaknesses) rather than for your offerings (strengths) you've got to seriously wonder how someone with no physique is going to go seeking out someone to lust after their muscles or someone with a crotchety disagreeable personality is going to go looking for someone to lust after them for how caring and kind they are. Because if you're doing that then you've got a relationship with that dynamic now haven't you? You've got to turn a critical eye to the SMP and RMP and ask yourself whether those who have known all along they value your offerings represent a viable population to draw from rather than the dregs. I can't really advise you on it, it is territory I've never much bothered to travel myself, but I can tell even from this distance it isn't easy territory to travel and just throwing away a thing that seems to be working without actually bothering to travel down the path of analysing WHY and the other options is maybe a reckless move.

Texastentialism · 2019-03-24T17:21:23+00:00

Yes, if he doesn't want to be that then he has every right to end the relationship. So does anyone else who doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-24T17:19:39+00:00

its always "fair" to end a relationship for any reason at all. i dont understand this thought process

NalkaNalka · 2019-03-24T17:29:07+00:00

He has "the right" to shove a cactus up his ass. Why wouldn't he have a right to break up with his GF for any reason or none at all?

What's with asking for social permission for everything, did the current generation never go through the rebellious phase?

kandyapplez · 2019-03-24T18:51:37+00:00

no. he should ask his mother and father if its okay to end the relationship and see if there is someone more suitable in the village first

wekacuck · 2019-03-24T18:03:31+00:00

Yeah he has the right to do whatever he wants. He just has to accept and handle any reasonable fallout and consequences of his decision.

I'm not sure what I would do in that situation. I have kids and am married so I'd probably take some time before doing anything hasty. But vagueness like "opposite of me" and "commitmentphobia" don't immediately have some sort of emotional weight to me in those terms so the details would matter more.

GradualDecomp · 2019-03-24T19:35:14+00:00

Anyone can break up with anyone for whatever reason they want.

This does seem silly though, to break up what sounds like a happy and stable relationship because your SO has had partners with qualities you lack in the past. I don't see how a normal person can date without having variation in the types of partner's they choose. What would make this guy happy? If every person his girlfriend had ever gone out with was exactly like him in every way?

But still, every person has the right and ability to sabotage themselves out of some neurotic paranoid fear based on the opinions of angry virgins on the internet. Have at it.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-03-24T19:36:54+00:00

It’s kinda weird ya know

I know I have great LTR traits and I know that I’ve had to work hard to develop STR traits. Me being good at LTR is part of the package with me. What, am I supposed to only seek out women who don’t appreciate that side of me? What would be the point of that?

To be fair I’ll really only LTR a woman who would’ve been down to have sex pretty quickly after we met

sadomasochrist · 2019-03-24T17:22:12+00:00

Q4W : Does the man has the right to do so and do u think his choice is perfectly fine

Right? They aren't married.

SEcondly, he's an idiot for leaving after investing 5 years with someone who clearly is fun and sexual. More than fun and sexual though, what are their separate and shared values? Do they complement each others goals? Why would you leave if all that matches up and there's fun and sex too?

This is a dumb reason to bail. Do men even do this? I don't think it's going to be that common of a reason to ditch 5 years.

exit_sandman · 2019-03-24T20:19:46+00:00

Same question goes to men and what would they do in a situation like this

Trying to get that information 4.8 years sooner?

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-03-24T17:31:34+00:00

Everyone has the right to change their minds, to establish their own standards and to seek their happiness.

Moreover, no one is obliged to justify leaving a relationship.

If this man realises the situation doesn't make him happy, he should leave, owing no explanations to anyone.

I was the early 30s safe choice. I left her and that was the best decision I made in my life.

CrestfallenWolf · 2019-03-24T18:53:51+00:00

I don't understand the question maybe you should re-word it.

But rules as written: Yes he has the right... WTF is that even a question. Or your trying to ask is he right to do so? Was it a good choice?

Superfluous_Toast · 2019-03-24T21:34:05+00:00

"Gee, my girlfriend sure is great! She's fun to be around and she fucks me good and we've been happy for so long! Too bad she couldn't tell the future and know I existed so she could only ever date and fuck me! Now she's a tainted whore because she tried to make it work with other people before she knew I existed! I'm going to ruin this perfectly good relationship over my own insecurities! Such a shame!" - This dude. It's absolute in his right to end the relationship, but I dub him an insecure asshole for his reasoning.

oneprettycoolcat · 2019-03-24T18:43:07+00:00

If the relationship is fun and sex is good FIVE YEARS into a relationship then the man needs to shut the fuck up and recognize a good thing. So what if she craves him cause hes safe or whatever, if sex is still good that far past the limerance/NRE phase then it means the woman is really into him sexually.

If she’s really into you sexually you shouldnt care how or why you got there, whether she got into the relationship for dumb reasons etc. A really good thing is a really good thing

[deleted] · 2019-03-24T17:19:37+00:00

Do you think it would be fair on a man to end a serious relationship if he found out he was beta bucks i.e safety reliable kinda a guy

Not exactly. If he has a good relationship and a good life, why change? At best it is better to get some alphaness to maintain such good relationship and avoid monkey branching, cheating, or just her insatisfaction.

Being beta is only bad because women prefer alphas for sex and usually treat them badly in comparison to alphas. If she is descent enough. Why change? Reliable sex, reliable partner. Everything a man wants.

Although I have to say, usually betas are really poorly treated. Like they aren't worth being around with. I do not understand why would you treat someone so determined in making you happy so poorly, but it happens to men who are mostly beta. I feel sorry for the majority of them.

But there are exceptions of course, these exceptions where the woman really treat betas well and satisfy his needs, that women who do not seem men who want to make them happy as inferior. If you let one of those women go, you are but a fool as they are what ever man wants, be it alpha or beta or whatever.

Edit: Grammar

HumanSockPuppet · 2019-03-25T01:32:11+00:00

You can end a relationship for any damn reason you please.

[deleted] · 2019-03-25T03:39:09+00:00

He has no right to do what he feels compelled to do because his life is not his. He's to live it solely for her and please her no matter how many other men's shlongs she's creamed and squirted on. Otherwise he's a selfish jerk.

[deleted] · 2019-03-25T03:56:57+00:00

If you find out that your gf was a reformed whore and you still stay with her, you're probably a bottom tier man with no other options.

darudeboysandstorm · 2019-03-25T22:00:28+00:00

When is it not fair to end a relationship?

cattermelon34 · 2019-03-24T17:43:58+00:00

Technically: He has the right to end the relationship for any reason

Actually: that's incredibly fragile. Why would he care? If he's happy now he shouldn't let it bother him

planejane · 2019-03-24T18:16:29+00:00

They're not married, he can leave for whatever reason he wants.

If he were my friend and he asked me? I'd ask him if it's really a big enough deal to him to leave a 5y relationship where they're both keeping each other happy per your OP.

He can do what he wants but this is the sort of thing I see on AskMen: "I was seeing this great girl years ago and broke up with her over stupid reasons and I've never gotten over it."

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-24T17:30:46+00:00

what is this weird dating moralizing

trueorfalsedmitry · 2019-03-24T17:55:38+00:00

I was married for almost a dozen years and ended it for precisely this reason.

An unexamined life is not worth living.

[deleted] · 2019-03-24T17:39:46+00:00

Of course. Nobody wants to be a second or third best. Though i can't speak for all men. Many men are soy boys with no options.. That's why they date sluts and then marry them. Knowingly

Workshop_Gremlin · 2019-03-24T18:56:47+00:00

If he isn't happy or comfortable in the relationship anymore due to the discovery then yes he's more than free to end the relationship.

[deleted] · 2019-03-24T19:05:29+00:00

What is this? Of course he has the right, he’s not even legally bound to be there by marriage. He can leave whenever he wants, if people want to view whatever way they want that’s up to them.

TopOccasion29 · 2019-03-24T20:55:30+00:00

Of course he has every damn right to leave a relationship regardless of the reason.

If he's ONLY seen as her provider/atm/duty sex etc then he should leave immediately i would't blame him. If there is sexual desire from her and the sex, her devotion and respect for him is there then he shouldn't just leave. BUT some women will forever be alpha widowed and there's nothing you can do so move on.

Female_urinary_maze · 2019-03-25T00:09:27+00:00

He can do whatever he wants but wether it's reasonable really depends on how much of the "beta bux" narrative actually applies to the situation vs how much he just assumed. If she said "I mostly dated assholes before you, I'm glad I got serious about finding someone kind and reliable who loves me back," and he assumed she finds him sexually unappealing and married him for his money, he has a paronoia problem.

gattaca_ · 2019-03-25T00:16:27+00:00

Turn the situation around.

Guy fucks everything that moves. Realizes one night stands are empty and settles down with a nice girl.

Should the nice girl leave him if she learns of his past 5 years into the relationship?

She could, but that would be entirely due to her own insecurities.

[deleted] · 2019-03-25T01:02:25+00:00

He has the right to end the relationship for any reason no matter what.

blackkindergods · 2019-03-25T02:48:18+00:00

His feelings are valid. Enough said. Fair doesn’t matter but yes it’s fair.

-OpportunityCost · 2019-03-25T03:41:30+00:00

Of course he has the right to do so. Either partner can end a relationship at anytime for any reason they want to.

admiral_snugglebutt · 2019-03-25T05:10:23+00:00

I mean, anyone can leave anyone else for any reason. But if he allows someone else's past to make him unhappy, lots of arbitrary shit will probably make him unhappy. Just because she used to date a different type of dude, I mean, people change. Now, if it turns out she never liked him in the first place, that's a different matter, but that's not because of her past, that'd be because she's being duplicitous in the present.

nemma88 · 2019-03-25T12:17:54+00:00

I'm late to this party but...

He then decides to end the relationship Q4W : Does the man has the right to do so and do u think his choice is perfectly fine

I mean why tho ?

He's not a BB because of the woman he's with - He's a BB and that's what the woman he's with wants.

If the Sex and the relationship is fine why shoot yourself in the foot like... If I woke up tomorrow and realized I wasn't the prettiest 30 or so woman in the world so dump my BF because of it... ...

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-03-26T15:53:02+00:00

so, he learns she has experience and he ditches her? what an imbecile. she is better off without him.

yellowbrickroad01 · 2019-03-27T00:17:09+00:00

Seriously. We all take our time to learn through failed relationships. I used to fall always for the same type of person and then wonder was I wasn’t happy. I learned from it. If she’s with the guy it’s because her past made her the person she is now, which is the person I assume he fell in love for. Why would the guy throw 5 years and a relationship away for this?

[deleted] · 2019-03-31T01:25:40+00:00

He can end the relationship, but he's paying her cash and prizes on the way out.

The best solution is not to get into the relationship in the first place. If you're clearly the second prize after either Chad Thundercock said she was too fat, or she left Chad's apartment with his come leaking down her thigh and he never called back - chances are she's after "security", meaning your money.

douchebag_throwaway3 · 2019-03-24T22:55:27+00:00

Why is it so impossible to believe that women go though stages of life?

Like... Yeah, okay, she had some rebellious party years in college where she dated douchebag hot guys. Then she grew up and realized that dating douchebags doesn't actually make her happy.

Now she wants to date a stable guy that is a good husband and father.

Do you expect that a grandma would act the same as she did in her 20s?

sugaredberry · 2019-03-25T02:54:02+00:00

I mean, that sounds like a really insecure reason to end a relationship, so, yes it is fair. I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who got mad that I like him for who he is

coratoad · 2019-03-25T04:57:54+00:00

I think the right thing to do would be to end the relationship. The guy doesn't want to be in a relationship with her. He wants to pump and dump her. So he should do that so she can be free to find a man that actually loves her.

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DXBrigade · 2019-03-24T22:18:29+00:00

There is Nothing wrong with being "safe and reliable", last time I checked there were qualities not flaws.

LeJacquelope · 2019-03-24T23:34:45+00:00

Of course he has the right to end the relationship if it is not a relationship he wants to be in. Only a feminist would disagree.

Title	Q4W & ,M : Do you think it would be fair on a man to end a serious relationship if he found out he was beta bucks i.e safety reliable kinda a guy
Author	batman_is_dull
Upvotes	14
Comments	249
Date	March 24, 2019 5:13 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b4yqqa/q4w_m_do_you_think_it_would_be_fair_on_a_man_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-m-do-you-think-it-would-be-fair-on-a-man-to.256617 https://theredarchive.com/post/256617

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