Hello to this wonderful community.

I've been browsing this sub and can honestly say I feel like my eyes are opened. More than anything, I see that it's okay for me to want what I want from my current relationship. Some backstory: shy introvert did not get into any physical or emotional relationship of any sort until 23. Met girl (26) and we are now engaged and about to complete buying our first home. We plan to have children etc.

Don't get me wrong, we get along very well and I do definitely see LTR potential with her (I am marrying her after all). Sadly, sex is a major (and the only problem I have) in our relationship:

  • Sex used to be exciting, all cards on table. Now I'm averaging once a month. She stopped giving bjs because of the pain from a genuine jaw cartiliage/muscular issue...however she recently dropped the bombshell: you're never getting one for the rest of your life. Get used to it. Even if my jaw was fine, I'd only do it once a year.

Wow. Okay. I've told her many times how much I miss oral, and that I'd really like her to at least try. It's been so long since she attempted it that I can't understand why she can't just take me in her mouth just to fucking try for me.

  • Getting her to a point of wanting sex is a game of 95% rejection. She constantly plays a card she likes to call "my head wants to but my body doesn't". I think in the end I'm too tired of fighting it to really think about what a oxymoronic bullshit sentence this is.

But I've not called her up on it. Ever. She clearly either does not understand or respect my needs.

I guess I just feel I need to alpha the fuck up and make her want me again. I just hope it's not too late and that she will be able to see me as an alpha again. I don't fucking know.

I just suddenly feel rage but I don't know how to focus it. Help appreciated.

EDIT: I do at times feel like I could cheat without remorse in order to feel sexually wanted and appreciated.