If a girl openly says she wants to find a guy who makes enough to support her and let her be a SAHM

merlinscalculator · 2020-11-30T11:59:27+00:00

Serious question: do men not want kids? Like if she’s a mom, she’s raising your kids. She’s providing a way bigger service than “unenthusiastic starfish sex”. I’m presuming she’s also taking care of the house? And all the things that go with it?

Or is this a child free couple where the woman literally only has to fuck the dude for him to subsidise her entire life? And she does nothing around the house?

One is a trad wife. And a fool. The other one is a gold digger. And probably a genius.

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-11-30T07:31:50+00:00

I personally would never be with someone who wanted to be a SAHM.

I understand that it’s not good for kids to never see their parents cause they are always working but this leads to another issue.

What happens when the husband drops dead of heart attack?

I have a close family friend whose father died of a random heart attack when she was very young. Her mother, who was a SAHM at the time, suddenly found herself with no income and four mouths to feed.

Even with the life insurance and state benefits, it was not easy for them growing up. They faced stigma of being very low income/ relying on government assistance.

If I’m having kids with someone, I want to know that if something happens to me, they won’t have to worry about money. That’s just the world we live in nowadays, unless one spouse is making over six figures, it is very difficult to only have one parent with an income.

TLorrai · 2020-11-30T07:24:08+00:00

A gold digger comes with the negative connotation of only being in relationship with guys for the purpose of extracting money. If girl is doing this to start a family and genuinely wants to raise her children then that would be a different word that shouldn't have a negative connotation. A woman.

Women shouldn't be shamed for wanting to have a stable environment to have children and not having to worry about working while doing so. The problem is it's hard to tell apart the first from the second.

Cleanit_up_Jannies · 2020-11-30T14:20:05+00:00

Depends on her past. A low n count girl looking for a family? I can buy that. A double digit n count girl looking to be a sahm? Hard doubt on that one.

mechanical_elves · 2020-11-30T07:41:46+00:00

She's not a gold digger at all. Exactly how much he's expected to make and exactly what she's expected to do as a SAHM, if the guy is smart, he recognizes it not as a done deal but as the start of a negotiation. He needs to decide whether it's worth it and know the (very different) penalties if either side doesn't hold up their end.

Most men are not smart though, they'll say yes to the making the cash and let the woman decide what a SAHM is on her own terms. Most men really are this stupid.

CraptainToad · 2020-11-30T10:35:18+00:00

Not really. Just Hella naive. Sorry but unless you're extremely hot and have the personality of an angel, this is an unrealistic expectation nowadays.

Frosty-Gate-8094 · 2020-11-30T14:14:24+00:00

A SAHM arrangement is that, the man provides the financial requirements of a relationship and woman provides the non-financial requirements. (Cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, managing family and friends)

Sex is something both have with each other.

Dan240z · 2020-11-30T09:04:26+00:00

72 percent of mother's work full-time or part-time after giving birth when the 12 weeks of family leave is over. And with inflation going up and wages being flat for 30 plus yrs that 72 percent number is going to up by 80-90 percent by 2030.

majani · 2020-11-30T21:53:25+00:00

It would be a more palatable position if the woman was already in a respectable place career wise, but claimed that if a man was able to provide better lifestyle prospects for her than her job, she'd do the SAHM thing. Regardless, the trad life nowadays is only for the super rich, so thread is like discussing what we would do with lottery winnings

Sid_Insidious · 2020-12-01T04:16:59+00:00

Yes.

Because a SAHM today is a massive financial liability. You'll owe her between 50 and 90% of your income when she files for Frivorce^tm

Why do you owe her so much money for 25 years after she runs off?!?! Because she gave up her sacred CAREER FOR YOU! Yes, the career she never had, and never would have had!

Because she's the type of gal who'd rather stay at home, make babies and pies, and Frivorce^tm her dumbass TradCon "manly man". lolol.

Some people just deserve eachother.

analt223 · 2020-11-30T07:07:35+00:00

if she always wants more more more, yes. If she can be generally satisfied with a man with a good but reasonably obtainable salary, then no I think shes perfectly fine for wanting that and stating it.

cloudydays84 · 2020-11-30T08:01:13+00:00

You could probably still classify her as gold digger, but I don't think it really matters.

Dan240z · 2020-11-30T09:09:14+00:00

The only times a woman can become a stay at home mom is careful financial planning or marry wealthy man.

Bandit174 · 2020-11-30T13:10:53+00:00

If she is willing to date a guy primarily based on his wealth or who she wouldn't have been interested in if not for his wealth then she is a gold digger. However if she wants a guy with a high income but won't sacrifice physical attractiveness and personality compatibility for it then I just see it as having high standards.

That being said even if not technically a gold digger I could still consider those demands to be annoying or at least not worth dating her. If she can get a guy who meets those standards then more power to her. However if I was a guy who earned enough to fully support a SAHM I still probably wouldn't want to especially in this particular scenario i.e. boring sex and she probably doesn't even meet her traditional expectation of having been chaste/modest prior to marriage.

ImmortalEdge · 2020-11-30T15:14:19+00:00

Trading sex for money and not truly caring about the source of that money is gold digging no matter what.

wtknight · 2020-11-30T16:53:41+00:00

If the sex is transactional in nature and not love-based and she's staying at home while he works, then she's probably a gold digger.

Karmanger · 2020-11-30T19:41:01+00:00

Sounds like a Honey Trap. She WILL change her mind down the road and divorce him, due to the built up resentment she will accrue over the years for him.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-11-30T21:49:42+00:00

If she's specifically looking for wealthy men to parasite off of, that's what a gold-digger is. If a woman wants to sit at home and be a mother, that's something different.

cuckspace · 2020-11-30T08:20:55+00:00

If the only thing she brings to the table is sex, then gold digger is not the worst you could call her.

Willow-girl · 2020-11-30T07:34:48+00:00

[deleted]

BurdensomeCount · 2020-11-30T10:57:02+00:00

Modern women wanted to be independent so bad that they swapped from their husbands being their masters to corporations being them.

Very few men these days are fine with a SAHM. Women: enjoy your "freedom" being subjected to work at the millstone for your new masters.

AutoModerator · 2020-11-30T07:01:35+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

username_6916 · 2020-11-30T11:10:05+00:00

Is she interesting in a man providing a decant living, or is she going to try to play status games with his money?

One of these I'd be very interested in. The other, I wouldn't tolerate in the slightest.

throw-away-1709 · 2020-11-30T11:14:10+00:00

"I want".... then make the life insurance policy big $$$.

orbitaldecayed · 2020-11-30T14:33:18+00:00

Hardly.

KillGOPandFDS · 2020-11-30T14:52:09+00:00

Absolutely..That seems like a terrible trade off being the guy. What if you dont want kids? or better yet you enjoy blowjobs or anal sex. If a guy did say yes to her being a SAHM if it applies those two things should be a minimal. Also unlimited sex is great but unless she wants to fuck the people I pay my bills and rent to then I am getting screwed many more ways than one even if I am getting more sex than any other point in my life.

2020-11-30T16:28:53+00:00

Only if virgin if you're gonna larp best go all the way

WestAd3827 · 2020-11-30T18:29:15+00:00

Regardless of how we call it, what is the value she provides?

If that's only sex, then I can get a sugar baby and escort way cheaper. And then rotate them every few years.
If that's reproduction value, what values and moral code will she pass to my children?

I don't have anything against being a main provider (I earn 8x more than wife) and building safe environment for children, but wifey has many other positive traits I hope she will pass into children.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-11-30T18:50:19+00:00

I think so. She isn't looking for someone she loves as a main thing but for someone who will provide a lifestyle

Notsonewguy7 · 2020-11-30T20:57:17+00:00

What you describe is an upfront transactive relationship which I'm fully on board with.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-12-01T05:55:47+00:00

Yes. She's a gold digger

2020-12-01T07:53:03+00:00

I wouldn't say gold digger, more lazy freeloading leech

stranglethebars · 2020-12-01T10:23:45+00:00

Merriam-Webster's definition:

2: a person whose romantic pursuit of, relationship with, or marriage to a wealthy person is primarily or solely motivated by a desire for money

So, strictly based on that, I suppose the answer to your question is "yes". However, "gold digger" has some clearly negative connotations, so I would have reserved that term for people who aren't upfront about their intentions.

abaxeron · 2020-12-01T13:32:14+00:00

Depends on how many children she's planning to have.

Teflon08191 · 2020-12-01T15:44:18+00:00

Sounds like this girl is looking to be a prostitute on retainer in exchange for being provided for; And a bad one at that.

Since the primary reason she's with the guy is because of his money, then yes, she's a gold digger, no matter how often she gives him "starfish" sex.

psypD · 2020-12-01T19:55:47+00:00

Is that a "gold digger"?

Absolutely.

rft24 · 2020-12-01T20:18:24+00:00

i don’t think she’s a gold digger because she’s not with the man solely for his money and she’s not looking for him to provide a grand lifestyle for her, she just wants him to be able to provide for their family so that she can be the one to raise them instead of babysitters, daycare workers, and teachers.

if she’s smart, she’ll find ways to make a passive income so she’s not relying entirely on her husband financially and can have a decent amount of savings put away in the event that something happens to her husband. or she’ll have an educational background that can help her get a job if she needs to. she just needs to have some sort of backup plan. at least, that’s my plan.

although if the money is more of a priority than the family and she only goes after very wealthy men do they can provide a luxurious lifestyle for her, then i’d say she’s a gold digger.

trve_21e · 2020-12-03T04:25:55+00:00

Males mainly measure a woman’s worth by her looks. She needs to meet many physical requirements to achieve housewife status.

grand_tiremaster · 2020-12-03T18:43:36+00:00

I want to be a SAHM at some point in my life, to experience raising kids and being a homemaker. If I hate it, I can go back to work. My SO will help me when needed, but I already told him to get used to me handling things so that he may have quality time with the children. So that all his attention can be on the kids, I think that is important for both him and the kids.

I have no intention to be a gold digger. Children are expensive, most of the money will be going to them, they're the gold diggers lol. I just want my future kids to grow up like how I grew up, kind of spoiled, but with more love and support. My parents weren't always there emotionally, so instead they bought me stuff to make up for it, and that's nice but also not really good. I want to spend actual time with my kids.

The women living that life must be marrying very rich men? I just don't see how a middle class or lower middle class SAHM can be a gold digger. If they were, they'd be living in luxury, while their kids live in poverty? That's extremely fucked up.. kids always come first. I've heard stories of selfish moms having $$$$ a brand new phone, coach purses, new nails, etc whatever, while their kids eat boiled hot dogs and have like 3 clothes. But I've never seen it. And how would a husband be okay with that? That is literal abuse and neglect.

Barely-moral · 2020-11-30T10:43:33+00:00

Is that a "gold digger"?

She may be a gold digger. Maybe she isn't. It depends on if she has any interest in the man or if she is in the relationship exclusively for the money.

i dont think a girls a gold digger simply because he wants to find a guy who could let her be a SAHM

I agree.

However... she seems like a bad deal to me. Unenthusiastic starfish sex is not valuable enough to be worth the ammount of money that she asks for. (Assuming she wants at least 1 child + her to have a lifestyle that is at least middle class or above)

The idea that she will refuse to X for her husband if X does not bring her pleasure is stupid and it is easy to see if we apply that principle with reciprocity.

Imagine the man says that he will refuse to provide her or the child with X because X does not bring him pleasure... of course that would be unacceptable to her so I don't see why the opposite would be acceptable.

acron5n5 · 2020-11-30T14:39:07+00:00

it simply makes sense that if the man is providing a lot and providing what she wants then she should provide what the man wants

Also let's say the girl says she gets no pleasure from blowjobs or anal so she wants none of that.. but she says she does get pleasure from starfish sex or doggystyle or sidewayssex so shes down to give a guy as much of that as he wants

Doesn't seem as a fair deal at least for most men. He probably does not enjoy giving his money, so by this premise she does only what she enjoys while he is providing.

I am not talking about some crazy or weird practices but god these days blowjobs are pretty standard.

If a girl openly says she wants to find a guy who makes enough to support her and let her be a SAHM

Comments

A FUCKING THREAD ABOUT FUCKING STAY AT HOME MOMS WHO WON'T FUCKING EARN ANY FUCKING MONEY