My husband of 3 weeks now, said he wished he married his x instead of me.

Time_Attention_1182 · 2020-12-16T04:03:38+00:00

In 5 years from now you ll be asking the same exact question “ he said bl bla bla ... should I get divorced? “

Save yourself a few years and get the hell out now.

The fact that you had to ask him in the first place, shows you where you guys are at. He was honest . Either lie to yourself and stay or wake up and go.

Edit to add: what’s extreme is staying married after am conversation like this. It’s extremely sad. You owe it to yourself to get out .

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-12-16T04:50:28+00:00

Hey, everyone has good advice but this feels sinister to me in a way beyond him just being trash. This feels like a classic case of an abuser feeling like he’s got you, and then ramping up the abuse. It’s not about his ex, really. He’s telling you this to destabilize your self-esteem. Then notice he gives you thing to do: lose weight, fix your hair. Be more like her. Now he’s trying to control you. Of course, the goal posts will always be moving and you’ll never be enough.

The fact that he flipped so quick after just 3 weeks married gives me really bad vibes. I gather this is completely new for you based on your OP so his mask is just coming right off. I think you should get an annulment and get far away from him.

souredskittles · 2020-12-16T04:11:41+00:00

Dude. Annulment ASAP. You’ll thank yourself later. Also, how did you get into this marriage? I’m curious because if it was his own organic idea and then he turns and says this bs. That is scary.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-12-16T03:57:17+00:00

Dump him and run!

eluriaeve · 2020-12-16T04:17:18+00:00

Not extreme. Get the hell out of there! Throw the whole ass man away. Wtf is wrong with men these days.

Edit spelling

wonkyeyes8877 · 2020-12-16T04:28:57+00:00

You are not being extreme by wanting out. Yes, please get a divorce or an annulment. Get out as soon as you can. You'll be ok. His treatment of you will never change. I promise.

findnbalance · 2020-12-16T04:30:10+00:00

You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t make you their first and only choice. You deserve better than this.

shinyjewels · 2020-12-16T05:57:21+00:00

You should tell him that you wished you married your ex who had a huge dick.

No but seriously, annulment. He's an asshole at best and abusive at worst.

janetheautomaton · 2020-12-16T04:29:40+00:00

Annulment now.

kettleodumplins · 2020-12-16T05:59:41+00:00

An annulment is absolutely not extreme in this instance. This behavior is about putting you down, it's not about his ex. You will regret staying, and the divorce will be much harder than the annulment.

Pahapan · 2020-12-16T07:46:46+00:00

PLEASE read Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. You are going to recognize your husband in those pages and I hope it jumpstarts your survival instinct and gets you the hell out of this marriage, if the comments here alone aren't enough.

ferociouslycurious · 2020-12-16T04:58:30+00:00

The sooner you get out the better. What a jerk.

hakunnamatatamfs · 2020-12-16T05:44:10+00:00

Girl no, this guy is trash. Get an annulment like yesterday

pinkcloudzzz · 2020-12-16T06:06:48+00:00

This is a failed marriage. Leave.

sacchilax · 2020-12-16T06:59:58+00:00

Take it from someone who got warning signs 3 days in and chose to ignore them. Didn’t end up leaving until almost 2 years later. Leave NOW

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2020-12-16T06:56:56+00:00

your husband is a loser fuck him off- sorry it got this far, my step dad also turned into the psychopath he was as soon as my mom married him. You can grieve you will get over it you will be glad you didn't waste a lifetime becoming emotionally battered and then another lifetime healing and forgiving yourself. Please take the advice of all the women here who have your back. Get out and dont look back. any "redeeming" qualities you might remind yourself he has are fake. Thats your imagination bargaining with the reality- any explanations like "oh but he had a tough childhood - past relationship- his father beat him- yadda yadda- " are not excuses and do not give him permission to treat you like garbage and ruin your life. get out of there, move on, your will be so relieved that you did

2020-12-16T07:06:46+00:00

Um wtf?! Annulment is the way to go. It’s like nothing ever happened and I think that’s a beautiful thing lol

Original1one · 2020-12-16T16:56:52+00:00

i suggest you leave him and I am saying this because of something i read on another forum. I know we can't link other forums but this woman married her husband who still had feelings for his ex, she had so much evidence, she still stayed...her husband and ex didn't see each other for years because the ex moved away...somehow they run into each other at a party. her husband nearly cries near his exes presence and is showed she's back in town...fast forward he goes behind his wife (she went through his phone) to find that he had reached out to his ex to ask if he they could have coffee...she confronts him and he said he is still in love and asked the ex if he gets a divorce if they can get back together....the wife filed for divorce and wasted 3 years of her life with that loser....

you do not want to be option number 2. find someone who sees you worthy of being number 1.

HexyHag · 2020-12-16T09:51:32+00:00

Sorry he did this to you :( Remember that you're not leaving because 'he said something off' or because you're 'jealous of an ex (?)' or whatever he might say to reel you back in. You're leaving because his vows were untrue, he doesn't love you (no way the things he said were a misunderstanding/joke/momentarily lapse of judgment - he clearly has his abuse plans laid out) and because he's already abusive and controlling and you don't want it to escalate.

Remember, you are NOT being petty, unreasonable, hasty or overreactive! Your reasons for leaving are understandable, acceptable and well justified!

ancient_ajattara · 2020-12-16T06:30:20+00:00

Don't know the reasons for his behavior, but I do know this won't be a happy marriage. Leave!

UniversityGlobal · 2020-12-16T08:23:28+00:00

Don't second guess yourself. You know what to do. What an asshole/abuser. Glad you came to this realization early and didn't waste the rest of your life with him.

Mysterious_Service_1 · 2020-12-16T06:11:48+00:00

Get TF out!

kaoutanu · 2020-12-16T09:05:50+00:00

Well, this is what annulments are for!

Dude doesn't sound right. Get out.

balladwilds · 2020-12-16T14:22:22+00:00

this is the very start of an emotionally abusive relationship please leave before its too late

ladyyninjaa · 2020-12-16T17:36:11+00:00

You deserve a man who loves you, not someone who settled because you came at the right time.

mini_baguette · 2020-12-16T06:52:11+00:00

Dump him before it gets way too serious. 3 weeks is not very long. The fact you even had to ask him the question shows how fractured the relationship is, and how the marriage will be in the future.

PinkestMango · 2020-12-16T08:59:24+00:00

Get the annulment yesterday

2020-12-16T07:31:56+00:00

Yes get out. I’m so sorry.

2020-12-16T08:26:10+00:00

[deleted]

straighthairgreece · 2020-12-16T09:05:45+00:00

Annulment!

LadyGrimes · 2020-12-16T11:21:39+00:00

JFC dump that shit stain

comet2004 · 2020-12-16T12:59:39+00:00

if you can get an annulment, that's the best option. you may not be able to unless you can prove you were under duress when marrying him or something. I know how hard divorce can be I wouldn't wish that on anyone and im so sorry you have to contemplate this right now but it is shorter since you had been married so short.

question though I'm curious since you asked him why did you feel the need to ask him? is it becauae you guys got into a fight or was he clearly just hung up on her? if he was just trying to piss you off after a fight that's concerning enough but if he is actively trying to bring up his ex and compare her to you thats a major red flag for abuse.

Cairenne · 2020-12-16T17:41:53+00:00

As the others have said, get out now. It only gets worse from here, and not even slowly.

Marigold-ink · 2020-12-16T13:50:15+00:00

Don’t wait. Get an annulment immediately. So many red flags!

Belovedembrace · 2020-12-16T18:29:12+00:00

annulment or divorce the shit out of him.

Seriously I hope you leave him. The disrespect will only get worse. He just told you everything you needed to know.

Waste-Win · 2020-12-16T18:45:53+00:00

I am thinking of getting in annulment?

ASAP please, YOU ARE NOT AN OPTION, He can go to his ex if he likes her that much (maybe she doesn't want him back)

chateauduchat · 2020-12-16T22:03:03+00:00

He is awful. Love yourself, you deserve so much better. Please find the strength to leave. 💕 we’re here for you.

me-a-troglodytam · 2020-12-16T04:43:58+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that, he’s clearly really hung up on and still in love with his ex. Explain how you feel and get an annulment.

warinmymind94 · 2020-12-17T13:04:12+00:00

Oh no. He is still in love with his ex and hasn't gotten over her. Hes still stalking her with having pics on his phone and even sicker hes not accepting you for you. He doesn't love or value you - he's trying to manipulate you into dressing up like her and this will go further. He will want more and more and hes gonna end up cheating, because you're not her and theres no reason you should be her! You are you and that is enough! You need to start filing for the annulment/ divorce asap.

Title	My husband of 3 weeks now, said he wished he married his x instead of me.
Author	fzahraal
Upvotes	176
Comments	48
Date	December 15, 2020 11:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kdwyfe/my_husband_of_3_weeks_now_said_he_wished_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/my-husband-of-3-weeks-now-said-he-wished-he.494068 https://theredarchive.com/post/494068

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