EDIT: PLEASE DO NOT PM ME ASKING FOR ADVICE. I WILL NOT ANSWER IT.
Tired of seeing posts on here shitting all over Tinder. If you do it right there is no easier way to meet women in my opinion. The ones shitting on it are the ones not having any success. I've been successful at Tinder(and Bumble) for the past couple of years and let me show you how I do it.
I know a lot of Tinder guides have been posted here before, but here is my take on how to have success.
Step 0 - Understand The Ultimate Maxim of Tinder
IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING MATCHES, ITS BECAUSE YOUR PICTURES SUCK. 100% of the time this is the case. It's not Tinder screwing you, its not Tinder trying to get you to pay for its Plus/Gold features, its not shallow women, its not women only on there for validation, its not a glitch, its not anything but the fact that your pictures are ass. Keep this in mind when you inevitably see someone shit on Tinder in the comments of this post or elsewhere on TRP.
Step 1 - Understand The Tinder ELO System and how it works
Basically Tinder uses an ELO rating system to "rate" each account to judge how attractive the account is based on their swiping and how they get swiped. Obviously, if your profile gets swiped right a lot, you'll have a higher rating, and vice versa. It's not just how people swipe you that determines your rating, but also how picky you are. If you are swiping right on everything, your rating will go down because when you do that you are swiping right on low rated profiles. If you are pickier and only swipe right on higher rated profiles, you'll have a chance for a better score, assuming you are getting swiped right a lot as well. To learn more about how the ELO rating system works mathematically, check out http://archive.is/O07Ad
TLDR, your Tinder ELO score is determined on the rating/quality of profiles swiping right on you, and the rating/quality of profiles you are swiping right on.
Step 2 - Know your competition
One thing I recommend doing, if you have the time, is creating a burner Facebook account as a woman. Use it to make a Tinder account and select that you are interested in men. This way you can scroll through the profiles to see the men you will be competing with in your area.
A general theory of Tinder is that for brand new accounts, you get a "noob boost", which means they are going to show you the higher ELO rated Tinder accounts first, and your profile will also be put toward the top of other user's stacks so they don't have to scroll through many profiles before seeing yours. This doesn't mean every single Tinder account in your stack that you scroll through will be high rated, because remember, there will also be new accounts in your initial stack who are also being boosted, many of which will suck.
Why am I mentioning this noob boost? Because you can use this to scout your competition. The profiles you will be seeing when you do this are generally the profiles the attractive women will be seeing. That way you know what you need to do to beat the competition.
For the sake of this post I went ahead and did this for my area(medium sized city in the Southern United States). I scrolled through the first 100 male profiles and gave each profile a rating on picture quality(1 being shit, 5 being top tier) and attractiveness(1 being ugly, 5 being top tier) and then I flagged an account if they were not lean.
Settings: Age 18-32, 30 mile radius.
Of the 100 profiles, only 3 of them had what I considered top tier pictures. Most were shitty selfies, bad quality pictures that had grainy or fuzziness in them, bad lighting, or bad poses. Lots of crappy gym selfies and mirror selfies. The average picture quality rating was 1.866 out of 5. That's bad, and shows you don't really need to do much to have better pictures than the rest.
The average attractiveness rating was a 2.1, not much higher than the picture quality number. And this is supposedly contains the best profiles? I think a lot of the profiles I saw were "noob boost" profiles, no way they would be high rated. Either way, I only handed out a "5" to 4 profiles, that's 4%, and only handed out a 4 to 3 profiles. That means out of 100, only 7 were what I considered attractive enough profiles a woman would swipe right on.
65 of the 100 profiles were not lean, 51 were overweight, and 32 were obese. Once again, shows how much impact being lean has.
Average age was 20.9, but the average age of the profiles I gave a 3 or higher to was 24.6. Older guys seem to have a better grasp on this.
Moral of this story? You really don't have a high bar to clear when it comes to having a top tier Tinder profile. Most guys Tinder profiles suck ass. All you need are good quality photos and to be lean to beat most Tinder profiles out there. Unless Tinder only shows the highest rated accounts to accounts who already have a proven high ELO score and still hides them even from noob boost accounts.
Step 3 - Yes, being attractive matters
This is an app where people judge you on apperance. You think looks don't matter? They absolutely do. I am not saying this app is worthless for you if you are below a 7/10 in looks, but you have to reel in your expectations. Women on these apps are pickier than they are in real life, so if you are a 5/10, don't go in expecting to match with 8s or higher.
Before dismissing Tinder and other apps all together, try to max out your looks first. Lose weight, get lean, lift, dress well, wear the right accessories, sport a good haircut/hairstyle, have a good facial care/skin care routine, and all of that. Doing all of this + taking good pictures will go a long way and can add points to your attractiveness.
Step 4 - Pictures are 90% of the battle
I repeat the Ultimate Tinder Maxim: IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING MATCHES, YOU HAVE BAD PICTURES. PERIOD.
You are going to sink or swim by your pictures, specifically, the quality of your pictures. Period. I consider myself an attractive man, but I failed at Tinder at first because my pictures sucked. Even if you are attractive, if you have shitty pictures, you are doomed. When I finally put some good pictures on my profile, it was night and day the number of matches and interest I was getting. It became like shooting fish in a barrel. I even got reported to Tinder as a catfish because women thought I was ripping my pictures from models and wasn't who I was in the pictures.
Now the term "good pictures" can mean so many different things. From my experience, here are the elements that make up good quality pictures:
Picture quality - There is a difference between a shitty cell phone front camera picture and a picture coming from a DSLR or expensive camera. This does matter. Front facing cell phone cameras generally have bad quality, bad apertures, bad lenses, and distort your face. The clearer and less grainy the picture, the better.
Lighting - Lighting matters. Pictures taken in the dark will suck because they will have high ISO settings, meaning more grainy. Pictures taken using indoor lighting often cast unnatural shadows with harsher lighting. Pictures taken with a camera flash add 7 years to your face and create all kinds of bad shadows and unappealing flashback. The best lighting is outdoors. The problem with outdoor photos is that generally the sun will be too bright, causing too many harsh shadows, overexposure and your eyes to squint. One solution is to take pictures when its cloudy. Or you can take pictures in the shade(but beware of surrounding glare that causes you to squint). The best time to take outdoor pictures is an hour after sunrise or before sunset, known as the golden hour. You can google "Golden Hour Calculator" to determine what time exactly this is for your location. During the golden hour you can take good pictures with soft, golden lighting and yet its not bright enough to cast bad shadows or make you squint. If you are wearing sunglasses it doesn't matter what time of day you take outdoor pics, but generally you don't want to have more than 1 or 2 pics in your Tinder picture album with sunglasses.
Setting - Where you take your pictures matter. A computer selfie at your desk in your room = shit. A picture of you outdoors somewhere interesting = good. The key here is variety. When I was doing the burner account competition check earlier, most guys are bad when it comes to variety of their settings. Find unique outdoor places to go to. One of my favorite is the roof of a parking garage downtown on weekends. There is no one up there, I don't have to pay to get in, and you get a badass view of the downtown skyline in the background. Parks, hiking trails, mountains, lakes, beaches, rivers, etc. all work. You can also be creative and get shots on the sidewalks, streets, etc.
Pose and Posture - You want your poses to be natural based on the setting your picture is taken. If you are taking a picture on a sidewalk, you obviously don't want your pose to be as if you are posing for the camera, you want your pose to be as if you were walking down the sidewalk. Go to YouTube and look up modeling poses for inspiration. And make sure to have good posture whatever pose you use.
Facial Expression - The key here is variety. You don't want all your photos to be of you smiling into the camera. You don't want all of your photos to be of you looking away from the camera with your mouth closed and a serious expression. I go with the rule of halves here. You want half of your pictures to be smiling, half not smiling. Then half of your pictures looking into the camera, and half looking away.
Composition - Where you are placed in the frame matters a lot. You see a lot of guys fail at this when checking out the competition. In my opinion there are only 2 acceptable compositions: Half body shots, and full body shots. Half body shots are generally shots from the waist or upper thigh up, full body has your entire body in the frame. But that is only half the battle - you don't want much open space between the top and bottom of the frame. Use the entire frame. This is a good example of what I mean in a full body shot, the concept for a half body shot is the same. Notice how the whole frame is used, not much gap above his head or below his shoes. Now here is an example of a bad full body shot - notice how much empty space there is above his head and below his feet. You want to avoid face only shots because they just aren't flattering and will hide your body, which you want to show off if you are lean, and also hides your fashion, which leads me to:
Fashion/Style - Your clothing choices matter and can greatly enhance your overall look if done right. You want your pictures to show off a diverse variety of well fitting stylish clothes. FIT is the key, more than style. They both greatly matter, but bad fit will ruin any style. A good style can't overcome bad fit. Go shopping to stores like J Crew and wear the smallest size you can that still fits, in a slim style cut if you can find it. Some good ideas for clothes to wear: Dark Wash Slim Jeans, Slim Chino Pants(Khaki is my favorite color), Flat Front Chino Shorts at 9 inch inseam or less, Slim Fit Casual Button Down Shirts, Polos, Well Fitting T-Shirts, Denim Button Downs, Denim Jackets, Bomber Jackets, Leather Jackets, Slim Dress Shirts, Nice Sweaters, Watches(you need to wear one in every photo), boots, dress shoes, loafers, nice sneakers, necklaces, pendants, and bracelets. NO - Cargo Shorts, Cargo Pants, tennis shoes, basketball shoes, "skater" shoes, flip flops/sandals, baggy clothes, hats, sweats, hoodies, logo or graphic shirts. You need to be wearing a wristwatch in all your pictures.
Hair - Make sure you put some effort into it, whatever you do. Find a good haircut/hairstyle for your face shape.
Pets - If you have a dog, probably a good idea to have a dog pic.
Motorcycle - If you have one, probably a good idea to have a pic of you on your bike
Step 5 - How to actually go about taking good pictures
So I stated what makes a good picture. But how do you actually do it? There are 3 ways I recommend, all of which are viable and have their pros and cons.
The Friend With a Camera Approach
Find a friend to go along with you with a camera and have him/her take pictures of you in various places or settings. Ideally you'll want a friend with a good camera who knows a thing or two about how to take good pictures. Or you could go on Craigslist or something and hire a professional photographer but that can be a bit pricey.
Pros: Lots of possibilities, someone else controlling the camera means you don't have to set and forget the photo settings or placement, good for getting shots at busy places with lots of people without creating a distraction or scene(think downtown locations), cheapest approach
Cons: Less creative control over the pictures, can only be done when friend is available and in that certain time frame, not everyone has a friend who is available or willing to do this.
The Tripod Approach
This is where you buy a tripod to go with whatever camera you are using, set up the tripod and take pictures. I do have a nice camera and a tripod, and have used this approach, but it can be difficult to get right even though I have a remote controller for it because with nicer cameras, it's most ideal to have someone behind the camera to fine tune the controls for every shot.
Pros: Don't need someone else, can do everything on your own time, allows for unique locations to be shot
Cons: Can be expensive, not ideal for high traffic places, tripod can be unstable and knocked over by things like wind, some locations there isn't an ideal place to put the tripod, even with a timer or remote controller it can be difficult to get the right photo settings in terms of shutter speed, aperture and focus
The Drone Approach
This is personally the approach I have used over the past year to amazing results. Obviously, drones aren't cheap, but they are worth the investment. Not only can you get some good photos from some unique angles and take them anywhere, but it also gives you a fun hobby as well on the side. I've used both the DJI Spark and DJI Mavic Air drone for this. Both have good cameras, and even better, they have an interval setting meaning it will take a picture every 2 seconds. Meaning 30 pictures a minute. DJI Spark battery lasts about 12 minutes, and DJI Mavic Air lasts about 16-18 minutes. That means you can get 360-480 pictures per battery. Tell me you can't find at least one good picture? You can find a DJI Spark new for $350-$400 in stores or on eBay used for cheaper. Just make sure you get a quality drone, DJI is a good brand. The cheap $50-$100 drones you can get at Wal-Mart won't cut it.
Pros: Don't need another person, can get all kinds of unique angles/settings/locations you can't get with a tripod, can be controlled remotely, good picture quality once you get the settings right
Cons: Loud, not ideal at all for use amongst places with a lot of traffic/people so you have to find more isolated places, some locations are restricted for drone use, takes a while to learn how to dial in the photo settings like ISO, shutter speed and exposure value that flatter you the most, expensive
All 3 of these approaches are viable. But one of these 3 approaches have to be used if you want to have top tier photos. Getting your cell phone camera, leaning it up against something, setting the timer and running into place isn't going to cut it. Outstretched arm selfies won't cut it. Cropped group pics won't cut it. Mirror pics won't cut it. Yes, it takes time and effort, and for some of the approaches, investment, but it pays off. Do you want to succeed or not?
Step 6 - To shirtless ab pic or not to shirtless ab pic?
From my experience, you can go either way. If you have a shitty body, are skinny or fat, and have no defined abs and vascularity, it won't work. If you have a good body with defined muscles, vein vascularity and a 6 pack, it won't hurt to have a shirtless picture in there. It's not always ideal, though. There are girls who will swipe left when they see a shirtless picture no matter what. I've found that shirtless pics work better when you are looking for hookups, not so much when you are looking for dating/something longer term.
If you want to use a shirtless pic, there is one rule: IT HAS TO LOOK CANDID. Shirtless mirror bathroom pic = NO. Shirtless gym selfie = NO. If it looks like you are posing for the picture, and therefore it was planned, its not going to work. It has to look like it was taken candidly, unplanned, as if you were doing something, and someone happened to take a picture of you. The shirtless picture I had the most success with was one of me at the park holding a football, I made it look like I was playing football, even though I was there by myself and used my drone to take the picture. However, I made it come across as extremely candid, even though my 6 pack and vein vascularity and muscles were showing off. Shirtless pics at the beach or pool also work.
Step 7 - Post Processing/Editing
You don't want to just use the pictures as they are. You want to find your best ones and then edit them. Use editing software(Adobe Lightroom is good, the stock Windows photo software is good, I am sure iPhoto is good) to mess around with the pictures. Apply filters, change the brightness/contrast/clarity/saturation, and all of that. The key is to not go overboard with the filters and everything. You still want it to look natural. The editing will add to your photo, not make your photo. Women will know if your picture is edited too much. Edit it in a way where it looks a lot better than the original, but at the same time you can't tell it was actually edited.
Step 8 - Selecting Which Pictures to Use
The generally key, as I have already stated, is variety. You want your 6 pictures to give a well rounded perspective of who you are. Variety in terms of poses, facial expressions, outfits, and locations.
Obviously you want to pick your 6 most flattering pictures. The best approach to use is to pick 6 locations and outfits and take a shit ton of pictures at all 6. Then pick the best from each group and there are your 6.
Your lead picture needs to be your best one. It needs to clearly show your face and your body, uncovered eyes(no sunglasses) with clothes on(no shirtless pics as your lead), by yourself(no group pics). Your last picture also needs to be a good one, as if a girl is swiping through your pics, will be her last impression before she decides to swipe right or left on you. Remember, she will judge you by your worst pic.
I'm not going to post my profile, but here is a breakdown of my pictures:
4 of 6 I am smiling
3 of 6 I am looking at the camera
2 of 6 I am wearing sunglasses
5 of 6 are full body shots, head to toe
All are taken outside
No shirtless pics that I am currently using
2 of 6 I am wearing flat front chino shorts, 2 of 6 I am wearing jeans, 1 of 6 I am wearing khaki chinos, 1 of 6 I am wearing dress pants
2 of 6 I am wearing a v neck t-shirt, 3 of 6 I am wearing a casual button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, 1 of 6 I am wearing a dress shirt with a tie
2 of 6 were taken in broad daylight(both sunglasses pics), 3 of 6 taken at sunset in the golden hour, 1 of 6 taken in broad daylight but in the shade
Locations Used: Beach Sand, Downtown Sidewalk, Work(Outside), Top Level of Downtown Parking Garage, Football Field, Side of Building
Poses Used: Sitting on Cooler, Leaning Against Pole, Leaning Against Wall, Walking With Football in Hand, Standing Straight Up Smiling Into the Camera, Looking Over Shoulder
No Group Pics or pics with others. Group pics are overrated. Yes, it shows you having fun with friends, but generally they are not flattering and the cropping you have to do ruins the quality. I'd rather have 100% control over my pictures from start to finish. If your pictures are good enough she won't give a shit if you are alone in all of them.
Step 9 - Your bio. Does it even matter?
In general, your bio doesn't matter. She really only looks at your pictures which are all that matter. If your pictures are good enough, then she might glance at your profile just to make sure you are a real person.
Your bio will not help you at all. It can only hurt you. Since you have all to lose and nothing to gain, you need to keep your bio short and to the point. If you are over 6 feet tall, list your height. If you are 5'10, say you are 6 feet. Put where you are from, what part of town you live in, and about 3 or 4 things you like to do. Put the college you graduated from if you have graduated. If you have a cool job, put it in there, otherwise be either really vague with it or don't put it in there at all.
Example Profile that works: "6'1, from New York, living here in Florida in West Miami. Ohio State '13. Fishing, traveling, fitness, and more."
There. That's all you really need. Nothing in there that will scare anyone away or devalue you, but makes you look like a real person. Don't try to put anything witty or funny or out there. Just keep it simple.
Step 10 - Deploying your Profile and Using Tinder
Don't set up your profile until you are absolutely ready to start with your full profile because once you set up your profile you are put in others stacks. If you already have an account, delete it so you can start over. Upload your pictures, write your bio, and where you go from here is up to you.
Be picky. Only swipe right on girls that you are certain are who they are in their profile. If she only has face shots, chances are she is fat. Remember the rule: "If you got it, flaunt it". Girls live by this. If they have a good body, they will show it off. If they have good tits or ass, it will be shown off. If it looks like they are hiding something, they are. Read her profile, don't just look at her pics. Chances are you might like her pics, but then you look at her profile and it will state she is a single mom. Generally, if you have been swiping a while and have reached the point of the stack where all the girls are ugly, and then you come across one that is hot, chances are she is either a bot or single mom. Because legit hot girls who aren't single moms or don't have major red flags will never be that far down the stack.
Being picky also helps your ELO score, which increases your chances of being shown at the top of the stacks of the more attractive women.
There are two trains of thought on Super Likes. One train is that its good, it will make her think longer about you. The other train is that its creepy and too much and shows her you are already too interested.
My take? Use them. I've had more good than bad from super likes. Not only that, but using a Super Like automatically puts you at the top of her stack, so you know you will be seen next time she logs on. Unless you have Tinder Gold, you only get one per day so use wisely.
I am a fan. I only recommend, however, using this on a month by month basis. I think its a good investment to use your first month. The queue which shows who has liked you is helpful and will help you gauge how good your pictures are. If its not filling up you have shitty pictures. Also the quality of girls liking you will also help you see what type of women is finding you attractive. Lastly it helps because it helps you ground yourself to reality. A lot of girls don't log into Tinder that much, so by seeing who has already liked you, you won't get your hopes up for girls in the stack who may or may not be active(Tinder hides profiles inactive more than 2 weeks).
If you are successful at Tinder I think its worth it to stay on Gold after your first month. I do. The passport feature is useful for traveling, as you can arrange meetups with girls before you even get there. This is just my opinion though. If you aren't successful, paying for Gold won't make you successful. The best way I can describe Tinder Gold is that its a valet for an already successful Tinder user, it just makes it easier. Seeing who has already liked you might sound like something you don't really need or need to pay for, and while I agree, its actually been more beneficial than I realized.
Regardless of whether or not you subscribe to Gold, I think everyone needs to try a boost at least once. A boost puts you at the top of the stack for everyone in your area for 30 minutes. This means you will be seen by everyone who logs on during that time. I get matches regardless but each time I boost it seems like I get a lot more. Boosts help because after a while, unless your ELO score is good, you fall farther and farther down the stacks of other girls Tinder stacks, and you won't be seen. Instead all she will see are high ELO accounts and new accounts getting their noob boost. Women swipe a lot less profiles than men do(since the attractive ones will match with almost everyone they swipe right on) so its vital to make sure you are showing up at the top of stacks.
Timing is important with boosts. From my experience, Wednesday at 7:15pm is the best time to use it. This is ideal because its before the weekend before plans are set. If you use it on Friday or Saturday girls already have plans.
You get a free boost every month if you have gold, otherwise its $4 each.
Obvious bot accounts are obvious. Their pictures are often cropped and low quality but of really attractive women in generic poses/settings. Their bios are often empty or extremely generic. And they often only have either 1, 3 or 4 pictures exactly. They are pretty easy to spot.
Instagram/Snapchat Follower Farmers, Sugar Daddy Seekers and Venmo Scams
You'll see girls on here who are clearly only doing it to rope in instagram/snapchat followers, or find a sugar daddy, or get money sent to them via Venmo.
Here is my take on them. Yes, that is what they are doing. However, for the right guy, they will throw that away. Use the Brad Pitt test here. If she saw Brad Pitt had matched with her on Tinder, you think she would just try to use him for Venmo money or to get an Instagram follow out of him? No way.
If you think you are attractive enough, go for it anyway. Generally these girls obviously fishing for Instagram Followers or Venmo money should be massive red flags automatically disqualifying them from anything above plate material, but its possible to bust through the massive shit test. I've done it multiple times.
Step 11 - You've matched, now what?
So you have matched. Ideally with multiple women.
As successful as I am at this, I would still say only about 10% of women message me first(and many women who message you first will be bots if you were unable to detect them prior to swiping). You are going to have to do the initiation.
Fuck that shit about message timing, when to message her, etc. "If I message her too soon after matching she will think I am desperate!" No. Just message her when you feel like it.
The key to an opener is to be different, set the frame, use her name, and play on her emotions. I've watched girls use tinder before and pretty much every guy either opens them with a boring "Hey" or "Hi", or uses some really stupid cheesy pick up or sexual opener that is just awkward. None of that is different, none of it sets the frame in the guy's court, and none of it plays on her emotions in a positive way.
It has to be organic. Review her profile and pictures, and try to craft a message based on that. Don't compliment her physically(i.e. you're hot or you're cute), don't get sexual in the first message, or use a dumb pick up line.
Here is an example I used recently that worked. It was a profile of a nurse who said she worked the overnight shift and lets say her name was Anna.
"Anna, are you a Waffle House or IHOP kind of girl? Since I am guessing those are the 2 places I would have to choose from to take you with that schedule..."
See what I did here? I did a lot of things. I set the frame as one that I will be taking her out(not necessarily to Waffle House or IHOP). I crafted the message organically based on her profile, and I made her laugh with the Waffle House/IHOP reference since those places are pretty sketchy in the AM hours, but people secretly love those places. I also gave her a reason to respond.
Here is another example of a girl who had a picture of her bowling, lets say her name was Tina:
"Tina, if we go on a bowling date, I am not letting you use the bumpers, so you better learn how to bowl without them"
Again, I set the frame from the first message to one that I would be taking her out without asking her out. I teased her about her bowling skills and gave her a reason to respond(to defend her bowling skills). We did go on a bowling date when all was said and done.
It's a numbers game
You are going to have girls who don't respond. You are going to have girls who unmatch. You are going to have girls who take forever to respond. You are going to have girls who are just not into it even if they respond. It's really a numbers game. The more girls you open, the better chances you have at least one who goes through with it all. Don't get hung up on any one girl. Assume every girl you match with will ghost you. Assume every girl you talk to will eventually stop. Assume every girl who gives you her number and you set up a date/meet with will flake. Don't get invested. Persistence is the key.
I think this is where most guys get discouraged and come here to write their OMG TINDER IS SHIT posts. They have shitty pics, and only match with 1 or 2 girls, have no abundance, and when it doesn't work out with those 1 or 2 girls whether they don't respond, stop responding, flake, etc. they act like Tinder is shit and all women on there are shit. You have to remain persistent. Keep in mind the better you look, the better your pics are, the more attractive you are and better your text game is, the less likely she will flake, and the more likely she will respond and follow through. I can attest to that. Remember that girls have dozens of matches and are only going to bother with their best ones.
Step 12 - When to ask for her number/ask her out?
So you have had a successful opener and started a conversation. When do you escalate to get her number or arrange a date/meet up?
Every girl is different, from what I have learned, so there is no one size fits all plan. Some girls want more rapport and chit chat before they are comfortable giving you their number or setting up a date. Others require less. Regardless, you need to at least try to get a number or set up a date in 5-6 messages or less. Remember, she has dozens of matches, with guys who are farther along the process than you probably are, so you have to shit or get off the pot eventually. Plus she will get bored if you don't go after what you want.
The best way to do it is to have the conversation naturally flow into you asking for her number or asking her out. Here is an example that I used, of a girl who actually messaged me first:
Her: Hey! How was your weekend?
Me: Pretty good. You?
Her: Nothing too exciting lol. Lots of work.
Me: Well we need to fix the nothing too exciting part. Let's go get some drinks, when are you free
See how I took her response and turned it into escalation. You already have the IOI, otherwise you wouldn't have matched, so why waste time? I did it on message #2. You need to look for the opening to make it flow naturally to asking for her number or asking her out. Sometimes that takes longer than 2 messages, but you get the idea. You don't want to go too early though, then you just come across as a player/needy/desperate.
The worst thing you can do is just make her your pen pal and ask dozens of interview style questions without escalating. She is not an idiot, she knows what you are there for. If after 5-6 messages or so you still haven't found the opening to ask for her number or ask her out, just do it.
Step 13 - So you've got her number and set up a date, now what?
Try to set up a date within 1-3 days of getting her number/asking her out. Anything longer she will probably flake. The only times I have successfully set up dates longer in advance is when she was out of town.
From there you need to shut the fuck up and not contact her until the day of the date, where you confirm plans. Don't text her, don't become her penpal. All you can do at this point is hurt yourself.
If she initiates with you and texts you, respond to be polite, but space out your responses. I'm talking, take 12+ hours to respond. I had a girl who was all over me from the time we set up a date to the time we met up, always texting me. I didn't want to be rude so I would respond, and I thought that since she was the one initiating, I was fine. Wrong. We go out and then after the date she says she "wasn't feeling a connection". You'll never live up to the standard you set by texting her. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose. Resist the urge to text her until you meet up.
If she flakes, she flakes. It happens. Don't become invested. If she is truly interested she will propose a counter time. Just because she cancels doesn't mean she isn't interested. I had one cancel on me and I thought it was over and I needed to move on but she rescheduled with me.
Does this approach also work with Bumble?
Yes. The difference is that she will open you, so you can take her opener and play with it. That doesn't mean its any easier or harder.
My problem with Bumble is that the userbase is smaller, and there are so many inactive profiles on there. Unlike Tinder, Bumble doesn't remove/hide profiles that are inactive. I was using Bumble and saw the profile of a girl I work with who was married a year ago. She said she hasn't logged on there since 2015.
Also you will match with girls on Bumble and they still won't message you. Again, girls get tons of matches so they will only message the cream of the crop. Become the cream.
The upside to Bumble is that the quality of girls are higher.
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Tinder/Bumble/Online Dating is 99% pictures. They have to be outstanding. Not good. Not great. Oustanding. How much you want to invest in getting outstanding pictures is ultimately up to you because it takes effort and time and in some cases money. Just remember. If you aren't getting matches, its your pictures. End of discussion. It's not Tinder screwing you over, its not shallow women only looking for validation, its not women having you outside of their Tinder preference settings, its not anything but your shitty ass pictures.
Your approach if you are looking for hookups and your approach if you are looking for something more long term has to be different.
It really is a numbers game. I know this sounds cliche but the more matches you get the more your odds are in favor of at least one working out. You get more matches by having good pictures and utilizing features like boost. Tinder might seem like a lost cause if you only get 5 matches and none of them work out. But if you have 50 or 500 matches you're going to have matches that work out, its the law of averages.
Don't get your hopes up on any one individual girl until you actually meet up with her in person. From there you apply TRP to prevent the onset of oneitis.
Don't match with a girl unless you are 100% certain she is who she is in her pictures. Read her entire bio and look at all her pics before matching to find red flags.
Tinder Gold in my opinion is useful if you are already successful at Tinder, but it won't turn you from unsuccessful to successful.
I've seen false advice given around TRP that the opener doesn't matter, if she is attracted to you she is attracted. While attraction does matter the most, you still have to give her a reason to engage with you, invoke her emotions and set the frame.
Shit or get off the pot. She has dozens of matches and dozens of guys doing the same thing you are doing. If you don't make a move, another guy will. Build some short rapport and then find an opening to ask for her number/ask her out.
There is inevitably going to be someone in the comment section saying you don't need Tinder or dating apps, all you need is day/night game, Tinder is shit. What if I told you, you could do both? mindblown.gif