The level of pick me that is expected of you of you if you're a black woman

chasingshoesales · 2021-08-02T14:23:44+00:00

This makes me so uncomfortable. I really do hope she gets help.

BeeWren · 2021-08-02T14:54:30+00:00

She didn’t the memo about us refusing to cape or mule anymore.

Reception_Queasy · 2021-08-02T16:40:13+00:00

I'm not white or black so I'm sorry if I don't understand a few things properly. I've seen time and again, how many BM demonize BW. The level of pick me expected is very high like you said OP. I'll never understand why these men feel comfortable demonising the women they are supposed to want to protect when they except her to drop everything for him and protect him.

SakuraGirl88 · 2021-08-02T20:56:34+00:00

Ugh. I know I'm late but as a black woman this made me cringe 😖. Nah. They want you to be ride or die literally. But these same men that she's praising in this piece wouldn't even take you out to a nice dinner date and think that sex is transactional. Our community always has a thing about being loyal to our own kind as far as race goes. You'll never see a BM pen this about a BW.....EVER!

TERFSareawesome · 2021-08-02T21:31:13+00:00

Deborrah Cooper did a video on exactly this subject yesterday... about the threats that black women face in dating, and she gave some really shocking and frightening statistics about the violence they face. She also brought up the fact that black women are expected to lie or cover up for black men to keep them out of jail and how dangerous it is. ITA. Anyone committing violence towards me needs to be CHECKED no matter who they are and it is downright sick to act like it's women's jobs to heal violent, crazy, sadistic men. Hell no.

Snoo16620 · 2021-08-02T14:25:07+00:00

Ewww... This romanticisation of abuse has to stop. These men want unconditional love, while they dish out shit and expect women to be grateful.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-08-02T15:42:59+00:00

I’m not a religious woman at all, but this level of worship is downright religious. No mortal man should be given this amount of naked adoration I’ve only ever seen in religious contexts. It’s sick.

_cnz_ · 2021-08-02T14:40:37+00:00

As a black women, this is why I stay tf away from black men. They want feminine, lighter skinned “submissive” women and shame any women who doesn’t fit this archetype. They end up abusing all types of black women. And then black women get blamed and gaslighted for the lack of “black love” and all other social issues within the black community.

Don’t fall for it ladies. Please divest and find a man who actually values you

Smolfrend · 2021-08-02T17:20:21+00:00

This is more concerning then just pickme behavior. OP mentioned somewhere she's a doctor and Stanford grad, and not to say this woman can't be an intelligent and academic oriented person, she probably is for all I know. What's extremely concerning here is the trauma she has. Even the most successful person can have mental health crises and to be perfectly honest, not processing that in a healthy way always leads to poorly adjusted adults like this. I'm only speculating and I could be wrong. It seems like her experience as a black woman has been so devastatingly traumatic that she wholeheartedly believes, despite being educated, that love is equal to your ability to absorb abuse. It's so hard to read through that and I really hope young women reading that will feel uncomfortable rather than validated. I'm not a black woman myself, I am a person of colour though and I've grown up with misogynistic expectations, most likely different from black women, who are absolutely one of the most marginalized people on earth. I can't imagine how a black woman must feel reading that poem. All I can say is that, when I look into my own culture, the fundamental issue I see that perpetuates pickme behavior is other women's perspective: moms favoring sons and limiting daughters, women gossiping and shaking other women, making it a contest to win mens affection by tolerating their torture, etc and counting these as "virtues of womanhood". It falls apart quickly when you question the double standards but some women believe so deeply that their worth as women are tied to men's happiness and it's a tragic pit. Not impossible to escape but very difficult. It's generational traumas. It's patriarchal cultural standards. It's many many things. I really hope this woman can see the error of her belief system one day. Because if the alternative that pickme status can be permanent is true, that's a scary world we live in. One where women can't support all women. I don't want to believe she can't change.

Platipus6 · 2021-08-02T22:36:47+00:00

As an elevator operator accused of raping a woman who was white.

oof someone just heard about the Tulsa race massacre and had to write a whole manifesto around it. (Bailey Sarian recently did a video on it).

Black men freely admit, with no shame or recognition of what they're doing, that they want a light-skinned woman so that his kids are lighter than him. They hate themselves and black women so much.

Men really need to grasp that women are the backbone of society, not them. China's learning it. If you murder the women you lose your entire race. Dumbasses.

mitskiismygf · 2021-08-02T18:00:09+00:00

Wtf is with the rape victim shaming too

pascalines · 2021-08-02T22:08:24+00:00

Ew what the fuck? I have loved you when you and your friends beat and GANG RAPED ME? What the actual fuck.

Black women have suffered far more than black men in this country. And yet we only ever pay attention to the men. It’s even difficult getting people to remember Sandra Bland, Atatiana Jefferson, the prevalence of r*pe as a tool of control by White enslavers/authorities, on and on. Sick.

08__80 · 2021-08-02T15:11:49+00:00

This is heartbreaking. (I'm not black or white, so I'm sure I'm missing some cultural things when reading this, and I apologize about using a white culture reference but) it again reminds me of the Peter Pan and Wendy dynamic. Peter gets to fly around and be a brainless asshole and do whatever he wants, and Wendy's job is to be his adoring mommy-maid-girlfriend. All the men in these examples are just living their lives, not loving the woman back. Even going off to love and marry other women. The woman who gave all her love is getting nothing back except pain. If she had spent all that time loving herself, or God if she's religious, or a cat, or a houseplant, she would have been better off.

Meadow97 · 2021-08-02T17:07:30+00:00

??????????

There aren't enough question marks I could write to explain my confusion at this 'poem'

Ironsculpture · 2021-08-02T20:00:28+00:00

This woman loves men more than they love each other. Incredible.

letsberealforamoment · 2021-08-02T23:03:06+00:00

Say NO to struggle love

Say YES to putting yourself first.

Say NO to sacrificing yourself on the altar of an ideology.

pozzalovah · 2021-08-02T15:48:20+00:00

I was waiting for the redemption arc where I expected her to say but I can't anymore...

IDontAgreeSorry · 2021-08-02T16:08:07+00:00

.....run trains on you with his homies??? Literally everything in the poem is a red flag. Learn to respect yourself and don’t entertain such types, because they definitely don’t have the same love for you. Black or white.

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-08-02T14:43:13+00:00

Ewwwwww hope she learns to love herself one day because wtf

randomgirl34861 · 2021-08-03T00:19:34+00:00

I hate how Black women are expected to be Barb the Builders for Black men…. Yet it’s expected that the men they built move on to women of other races once they’re established 🤢🤮

Golden_Lavender · 2021-08-02T15:28:26+00:00

From the gorilla grip that is the christian community to the history of struggling in society together and finally the normalization from previous generations, it is not wonder why so many of us are forced into doing the most for black men. I'm glad more BW are opting out of relationships with them and expanding not only their interests and goals but also their dating circle, but its not that much better on the other side so I've heard.

IndigoTR · 2021-08-02T17:48:59+00:00

😬😬😬 I audibly gasped reading the poem

she_is_munchkins · 2021-08-02T21:37:08+00:00

Ugh "struggle love"

Ok_Neighborhood_6971 · 2021-08-02T21:13:45+00:00

Yayyy I got my flair!!!!

cutiedew · 2021-08-02T23:12:24+00:00

I hate stuff like this so much. Not only does it minimize abuse and make it look like something that makes you better then other women if you suffer through it (therefore encouraging you to suffer to), but it makes it look like there is a prize waiting for you after you live through it! The prize is normally worse abuse or death. Please get help if your in an abusive relationship when its safe! There are many resources waiting to help you! I don't work with them so I can't list any here. Please be safe! God Bless!!

Ambitious_Cup5774 · 2021-08-02T15:42:28+00:00

I've noticed this, and combined with the pathologization and stigma around WOC expressing anger...it just seems incredibly difficult to break all that conditioning. WOC radfems have helped me so much, because their analysis of situations is so sharp, astute, and helpful.

FDS-GFY · 2021-08-02T15:31:56+00:00

Wow. Enlightening. Thank you for sharing with us. I learned something today. I have noticed in discussing race that Black men have a very hard time grokking male privilege. It reminds me of how us White women often struggle with race privilege.

They are rightly angry about how the world treats Black men. At the same time it’s as though that experience blinds them to their own views as men. As I said, relatable as a White woman.

Only Black women and other women of color see both at the same time. You all carry a heavier burden.It is deeply unfair. It is wrong. It is not ok.

I hope she can develop past this.

_electrafire · 2021-08-03T20:01:25+00:00

THIS! The suffering black women are expected to endure is surreal, and it rlly annoys me when white feminists try to act like they have it just as bad - as if BW need anyone else, much less OTHER WOMEN, invalidating and gaslighting them. The emotional abuse you’d have to endure as a BW just surfing the internet would be horrifically traumatizing, much less what they have to go thru in real life. It’s 24/7 emotional abuse and I’d go absolutely INSANE if I had to go thru it. BW are gaslit and called angry when in reality, they’re admirably composed considering what they’re subjected to. As an outsider I can smell the overwhelming stench of bullshit. When BW try to call out obvious colorism they’re even told that they’re “jEaLoUs” and “aNgRy” which is a fucking lie. It makes me just as livid and it’s because of the utter hypocrisy and injustice. Fuck that, I strongly believe that until BW are treated better, the rest of womankind won’t be liberated either. I think that the treatment BW are expected to endure may even be a type of root cause of misogyny. This is why we need to focus the majority of our energy addressing their issues FIRST. It’s also a critical component of uprooting the misogyny in liberal circles IMO.

More outsiders NEED to stand up for BW. No more excuses. I’m fucking sick of black femicide being swept under the rug among a slew of a million other issues. And the fact that these issues aren’t addressed hugely proves how WW especially aren’t living up to the duties of sisterhood. It’s heartbreaking and devastating

BigDebbie4ever · 2021-08-03T00:41:15+00:00

Jaysus

EntireTadpole · 2021-08-03T21:08:58+00:00

This poem is shit.

EurasianEmpress · 2021-08-03T00:19:48+00:00

I felt so much second hand embarrassment from reading that poem. And she’s a DOCTOR!!!??? She is literally out of league for almost every Black man and most non-Black men. Damn, anytime I feel inadequate in my career/academics, I guess I’ll know that there are people who are super successful in these arenas who are still extreme Pickmes.

BxGyrl416 · 2021-08-02T16:08:04+00:00

I apologize for mislabeling you as a WW before, by the way.

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-08-03T04:03:28+00:00

I couldn’t even read past the first few lines.

Title	The level of pick me that is expected of you of you if you're a black woman
Author	Ok_Neighborhood_6971
Upvotes	464
Comments	79
Date	August 2, 2021 2:18 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/owfgdc/the_level_of_pick_me_that_is_expected_of_you_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-level-of-pick-me-that-is-expected-of-you-of.796879 https://theredarchive.com/post/796879

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