I've been reflecting on my friendships a lot recently - getting closer to some and distancing from others. One thing that I noticed is the women I have decided to no longer be friends with don't value friendships with other women and/or are obsessed with men and being in a relationship. Often they neglect their own career, lifestyle preferences, family, friends and even themselves to focus on their partner.
A few things that stood out to me as the most problematic were:
1) women who disappear when they get into a romantic relationship and only reach out when they're having relationship issues/are single.
2)women who maintain friendships but the topic of conversation is only ever about men - the lvm men they're being ghosted by, sleeping with, are dating etc.
3)women who think less of themselves because they are not in a relationship, married or have children with men and are constantly scouting out a relationship.
There is a woman I've recently cut off for being obsessed with her boyfriend. Some things that led to my decision were:
🤡 She turned up to 95% of the plans we had but with whatever boyfriend she had at the time unannounced.. and proceeded to spend the entire time talking to him and ignoring me/other friends. The other 5% of the time she would cancel existing plans with me to spend with her partner. I last saw her one to one in 2013.
🤡 She dropped out of university to spend more time with her boyfriend who didn't go to university.
🤡She moved in with her boyfriend 1 year ago, they've been together for 4..except her boyfriend lives with his parents. So she now gives his parents rent money and pays utility bills instead of simply saving money living in her own parent's house and moving out when she can afford to.
🤡She has turned down several well paid jobs in favour of ones that don't pay as well because 'they're too far from her boyfriend's house' despite being closer to her. (this was before she moved in)
🤡Her boyfriend gave her a Disney princess promise ring for their 3rd anniversary that she wears on her wedding finger.. She took this as a sign to plan their wedding. She's decided on what venue, dress, cuisine, music will be at the wedding. Her partner has said many times in group settings that 'marriage is a social construct, I don't need a piece of paper to show my love for someone'. To this day, she goes on about how she can't wait to get married and be a stay at home mother. Her partner does not want children and jokes about running off to Mexico if she got pregnant.
🤡According to her, she doesn't know what to do if her boyfriend is not around. For example, he went on holiday for a few days and she spent the time laying around, twiddling her thumbs and sleeping. Why? She claims she doesn't know who she is without him, she doesn't remember what hobbies she had before him nor how to entertain herself..
🤡She refuses to get her licence (we are 24) because 'my boyfriend will get his and then he'll drive me around'.
🤡Everything I've ever told her in confidence she's told her boyfriend and his friends. Including when I came out to her.
So I wanted to ask you ladies, what are some signs that a woman may not make a good friend? What are your experiences dealing with these types of women?
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It's definitely a thought I've had often. One theory I have is these women are the result of the way we are socialised as children. Made to believe that there is value in nothing other than the prioritisation of romantic relationships with men but 🤷🏾♀️. I can remember several family celebrations from my teenage years to this day where I've been asked when I am getting married, if I have a boyfriend etc.
Another theory I have is this: some women don't want to focus on men and actually want platonic friendships with women, but there aren't enough like-minded women for them to focus on. Since they want companionship however, they end up with men.
When I first started reading FDS posts back in 2018 I came to the realisation that not only was I a huge pick me at the time, but my main group of friends were made up of other pick mes. I slowly started to distance myself from said friends and try to make friends with other women. However, these women would flake on me to meet up with their partner, turn up to meetings with their partner, they would only talk about their partner, just everything they did was in relation to their partner.
So what did I do? I stopped trying to be friends with other women because in my mind I thought 'what's the point? Most women I meet have no interest in platonic relationships'. I ended up dating a bunch of lvm who wasted my time when I could have learned to be happy alone. My train of thought at the time was that there's no point befriending other women who will inevitably ignore me in the future in favour of their partner. I think some women are so focused on men because of this.
I'm so happy I found FDS because I no longer think like this. Luckily I have made a few healthy and genuine friends since then, but even if I hadn't I'd still favour being alone than being in a relationship with an lvm or having pick me friends.
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