Disgusted

Interesting_Stress28 · 2024-01-15T05:18:01+00:00

Time for new friends brother

Legitimate_Text9879 · 2024-01-14T20:29:43+00:00

Fuck them all and unfollow.

organicwilly · 2024-01-14T17:38:59+00:00

Hang in there guy, it will get better just don't give up. I've been crying all morning and I'm sure she hasn't shed a tear.

Pythia808 · 2024-01-14T04:07:22+00:00

Those aren’t your friends those were her friends and you just cut the weight.

ImpossibleQuit6262 · 2024-01-14T02:31:25+00:00

You're way tougher than you think you're. Time to hit the gym, meditate daily, and achieve financial highs like never before. It will only get easier from here. You got this bro. Trust me.

keencone · 2024-01-14T01:53:51+00:00

Those aren’t friends, dude - anybody can tag along for the fun times.
Loyalty and accessibility in the midst of strife and hardship is the acid test. Better to have one or two solid ppl in your inner circle than 100 show-ponies.

jamesjeffriesiii · 2024-01-14T01:39:21+00:00

That’s horrible, man. I’m sorry that happened to you. Fuck them, indeed.

Plebe-Uchiha · 2024-01-14T00:52:00+00:00

They were never your friends.

Life is short. Why would they want to be miserable because you are too? Everyone is going through something. They might have a mother who is battling with chemotherapy which makes them more empathetic towards mothers. They might have it set in their minds that their friend, she, she would never do nothing horrible if she wasn’t pushed to it.

She might’ve told them stories about you. Stories that could be complete lies or embellishments. Regardless, they could’ve been swayed. It’s her birthday, a day of celebration. A day to celebrate life. Life is short. Why wouldn’t they celebrate? Because she’s human? We all make mistakes. But, the reality is, this is your responsibility. This pain, this hurt, these emotions are your responsibilities. Not theirs.

This is a blessing. You don’t need these people in your life.

Statistically speaking, there are only 100 relationships we can keep active at a time. We can’t have a deep relationship with every single person we know. It’s not possible. It’s your responsibility to get better, not theirs. Blaming them or holding resentment doesn’t help you at all.

I’ve been there.

I was hurting, and people took her side. That’s fine, we are no longer friends. I am in a healthier place now. These people who shunned me before want to be friends with me again. I am amicable and I politely decline their requests. They’ve started talking about how I am holding a grudge against them. I am not. There’s no reason to. They are human beings. Life is short. I understand why they made the decisions they made. I can’t be mad at them. I could’ve easily been guilty of the same thing if I was in their position. I will never know.

I am not bitter or holding a grudge, I am making a decision about my time. My time is valuable. Again, life is short. They shunned me in my time of need. They’ve showed me who they are. Why would I continue to invest emotionally towards a relationship that will easily thrown away again if I fall onto hard times again? It is a poor decision on my part.

Again, I don’t think I should be mean. I don’t think I should speak poorly about them. That’s also an equally bad investment of my time. I am amicable. I politely decline their requests to rekindle our friendship.

Again, there are only 100 people I can hold a relationship with. Why would I invest in people who will shun me again if the situation transpires again. They are taking space of someone else who has and will hold me down when I am in need.

That’s the reality of the situation.

Let the anger go. Let the hate go. It does not serve you anymore. Anger is good because it exists to let you know that you have been harmed. Thus, you must make a decision. That’s all. Make a decision to unfriend them. IMHO, this is the best thing to do.

IMHO, the reason why they are so persistent about asking me if I would be interested in rekindling our friendship is because they know deep down that they made a mistake. That’s their burden to carry. They reason why they call me bitter is because they are, deep down, ashamed of themselves after the fact.

I was down and out, In a bad place. They shunned me. They didn’t want to suffer with me. They thought that my ex made the right decision. Years past. I improved myself. I improved my life. I am striving. Now, they realize, deep down, that they made a bad decision. IMHO, they continue to make requests to make themselves feel better. They aren’t the bad person. They continue to give me an olive branch. That’s nice. Thank you for your offer. I do not have time nor room for you.

It’s their journey to make peace with the decisions they made. That’s their responsibility. It is my responsibility to continue my journey to make peace with all of my decisions. That’s life.

Enjoy your journey. It will be over before you know it and at the end you will realize how little hate, anger, and regret matters [+]

Wack0Wizard · 2024-01-14T00:18:00+00:00

Fuck them ... Sending you positive vibes

Embarrassed-Ebb-1970 · 2024-01-13T22:37:05+00:00

That’s why it was never ‘mutual’ friends in most cases.

Capable_Luck_2817 · 2024-01-13T22:18:52+00:00

I’m in the exact same boat man. Our mutual friend group is still normalizing my ex’s behavior by continuing to hang out with her and the AP. I guarantee your ex is shining them on and making herself look like the victim. Fuck ‘em. Make some new friends with actual principles.

GullibleSmoke4137 · 2024-01-13T22:08:11+00:00

would you be upsett angry or sad if you lost a bag of trash and it was hanging out with other bags of trash? houses are everywhere, they are not rare. set a goal to get a house you can make your own. as far as your kids go, bro they understand more than you know. if they don't know yet, then they'll see when she cheats on said pos and put 2n2 together later. life is whatcha make it. fyi stop letting other peoples life choices control your happiness. maybe start with finding a hobby.

TravellingDivorcee · 2024-01-13T21:29:15+00:00

Fuck those so called friends....vacuous turds each and every one of them.

Don't let them get to you OP ,consider it a lucky escape .

Now, what do you want to do with the rest of your life?

NewDay0110 · 2024-01-13T20:58:47+00:00

I also want to add that its during this time you find out who your true friends are and who aren't. I've cut a few people out who I once considered close friends.

sicrm · 2024-01-13T20:14:41+00:00

start with a plan.

you have roommates right now so money is the first issue. when you’re off work, spend your time with your kids, working out, and learning new skills.

those skills will help you get a promotion, or transition to a new job.

I don’t know your custody split but I assume she has majority. changing that anytime soon is mostly likely not the best use of your time, so focus on making the most of the time you do have with them and staying or becoming someone they can look up to.

you can do things like going for ice cream, food cart or buffet when they have a special, zoo, aquarium, water park, picnic at the park, hiking, or things like the carnival when they’re in town.

walkingdisaster4046 · 2024-01-13T19:15:34+00:00

I feel this. It really stings to see her continue on the family traditions I initiated and we did, trips and memories I planned, and hang out with the same friends. She just continues to rinse and repeat. I’ve made it a point to start over and build new traditions and memories with the kids. The loss of friends and life is hard. Just got to keep working on you, rebuilding, and forging the new life you want. I’m nearly 4 years in and still working on it.

NewDay0110 · 2024-01-13T19:03:40+00:00

The same happened to me during and after my divorce. The whole world supported my ex-wife's affair and destruction of my family too. She had many people coming to her aid to move her things and give her financial support. All of the friends and family we had celebrated her new life with her while I'm left isolated, forgotten, and full of responsibility as I try to recover from the damage of the divorce. I feel your pain bro.

sir_coltonius · 2024-01-13T18:42:31+00:00

Remember all of this. Let it enrage you that’s fine. Use the rage to motivate you. Start running around your community just grab some headphones, running, or basketball shoes and get to running. Become frugal and save all your extra money. Create a diabolical plan to take over the (Your) world. Become a better man; A stronger man! You can do this your betrayal is your rebirth. It makes them sick to see you several notches above them after the short flame burns out. You can do this. Better yourself use this a negative motivation. YouTube workout methods for certain areas you want to increase. Change your diet as well. Food affects our mindset.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2024-01-13T17:11:05+00:00

No my Friend it will not get better. It will get different. Hang on to what you can and try for a better tomorrow. Kids are smart. They will see what is happening eventually.

ProcedureAltruistic3 · 2024-01-13T15:54:57+00:00

I hear this loud and clear. I see this douchebag playing with my kids and at my daughter's plays and events and I see them giggle like a little family and hang out with all the people I used to associate with. She gaslit me and called me a million things while walking out the door to her "savior" and what really kills me the most is that there are people who behave the way she accused me of that are in a better place than I am. I can only hope that karma is real and one day she gets hers.

Diabolus-Optima · 2024-01-13T15:30:29+00:00

They're of the world bro.

Don't punish yourself, forgive yourself. Now you can see what she was. Your ego will soon see what your gut told you big homie. A loving person would never act like that therefore she had no love bro. You take your time bro to recover it's ok.

TheSmartPornstache · 2024-01-13T15:27:08+00:00

You need to get away from social media or at least disassociate yourself from all the friends in common you had. You need to start focusing on your life and on making new friendships or improving those you still have that you can call loyal.

wisstinks4 · 2024-01-13T14:33:31+00:00

OP, your comments/ venting is valid, you are correct She did all this. The key is how do you rebound and bounce back? Be resilient. You sound like a strong, high spirited individual. I hope you can turn the corner with mental health anguish and find a good spot in life.

Wishing you well. Be safe out there.

Bluetoes1 · 2024-01-13T12:17:53+00:00

You have every right to be upset. Hopefully it will get easier over time. You need to block everyone you see in those pictures on social media and I would suggest you get off social media all together. Additionally, say goodbye to all those “friends”. If they are out with her and the guy who broke up your marriage, they aren’t your friends. There is no walking a line of them being friends with both of you. You need all this for your mental health and for your ability to be able to move on.

Look toward your kids. They will be your source of happiness. You will have a new normal, but grieve what you lost and move forward.

My ex is still with her affair partner after 5 years. My kids say they are not happy, which is nice to hear. One thing I learned from some guy on this site that is very small but HUGE for me and I want to share with you is that however long your ex is with this guy, if they get married, and even have a kid, is to only have one title for him that you use with EVERYONE. He will only be called from this moment on, the “affair partner”. He diesn’t get the title of boyfriend, fiance, or husband. ESPECIALLY NOT stepdad, stepfather, or “bonus dad”. He will always be called what he came into you and your kids life as.

It is a completely legitimate descriptor for him. You use it with everyone you talk about him with. If he is with her 10 years from now, they are married, and even have a kid? Affair partner.

It might sound petty to some, but it is a reminder of what he and they did to them and everyone else. It is also an automatic filter that helps you auto select who needs to be in your life. If they don’t like it, they are gone.

Finally, again, stay off social media. You may as well rub hot sauce in your eyes.

MrInbetweenn01 · 2024-01-13T11:50:20+00:00

Accept that if life was fair then not a single organism could survive.

The only way to get through it is to get to a point where you are socially and internally in a better place than she is.

Might sound corny but the gym and 10% body fat is what did it for me.

S4z3r4c · 2024-01-13T11:18:18+00:00

This is how villains are made.

dragonballfan4 · 2024-01-13T11:00:26+00:00

First thing you do is erase all your socials. Block her. Old friends. Everyone that isn’t a positive influence. Is been two years for me and I’ve just now started to rebuilt my Facebook, old one was nuked.

Focus on you. Use the hate for motivation. She is gonna win the battles. But not the war. Get therapy, this is key, the biggest wall is depression and anything your body is doing for compensation. If you have roommates think of it as you automatically have a circle of social interaction.

Hit the gym, use the hate to motivate yourself. You are doing it for you and the kids. That’s what matters. You want to get to the point where your ex will convince herself she is gonna be better pregnant with someone else. And when she does her value as a woman will complete drop. While you will only focus on your kids, yourself, and is only at that point that the perfect woman will come along. Wait for her. She’ll show up. And when she does boy your ex is gonna piss on herself. Because people that lie and are narcissist, crush when their victims move on and improve. While all they do is plant little seeds of hate, because they use people and move on. Until one day, they have no one else to use.

OpeScuseMe74 · 2024-01-13T10:56:08+00:00

My current situation is two of her kids (and her oldest's fiance) still live with me but all 3 of her kids (all over 20) want nothing to do with her. They like me and can depend on me. They've been able to see their mom and me with their own eyes and ignore any lies they've been told about me. They've made their own judgment of my character and hers. Most of my friends were family beforehand.

If she's partying up with those people, don't be jealous. It sucks. I know. But would they also party with you without her? If not, then good riddance. Find your own friends. Or at least, devote your free time to doing things you enjoy and see who you meet while doing so. I got a side job at a local concert venue because I love concerts and music. I play tabletop games about once a week with some fellow former band dads that I met by helping at my kid's events at school.

If you're a decent human being and weren't the biggest problem in the relationship, the people who actually know you will come back to you.

Stay strong, my friend.

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-01-13T10:17:09+00:00

100% chance she spun a false narrative that you're the toxic bad guy

rhett342 · 2024-01-13T07:27:33+00:00

This is why you stay off social media, my friend. There is no good that could possibly come from it.

I keep my old Facebook only because of fun pictures with friends in the past and to use Messenger to keep in touch with my best friend.

77shantt · 2024-01-13T07:22:55+00:00

Man perhaps forget the kids friends everything. It takes a little while getting used to. I lost all as well and got abused alienated from my son the whole false accusations and all. Move on. Start a business do something constructive.

Visual_Cycle_1066 · 2024-01-13T07:16:14+00:00

Sorry about the house. Fight endlessly for time with the kids and make every minute of it count. Do not relent.

Build a kick-ass life one block at a time and leave your POS ex, her POS boyfriend, and your POS former friends in your rearview mirror. Let them eat your dust my friend. POS birds of a feather flock together. Let me tell you something - in my friend group there was a cheating scandal - husband in Couple #1 cheated with wife in Couple #2 - get it? Our entire group of friends sided with the 2 spouses who got cheated on and we shyt-canned the cheaters - they were sent packing, never to be included in a single social event, not one, not ever. That's what friends with morals and character do. Your former friends have neither so good riddance.

You're the captain of your ship brother, chart a course.

Rportilla · 2024-01-13T05:54:22+00:00

Bro no weird stuff but from the looks of your post history you seem to be doing fine with the ladies lol

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-13T05:28:38+00:00

A few things,

You need to stop looking at her. ‘No Contact’ doesn’t change reality, but our brains don’t care about reality. It’s a mind trick, but take advantage of how our brains are wired.

Second, it doesn’t get better for everyone than before your divorce. Some folks it does, for various reasons that’s another post. What WILL happen is you will ‘get better’ than you were -after- the divorce.

swrdfsh2 · 2024-01-13T04:26:26+00:00

You're pain shopping, please for your own sake, stop. Block her everywhere and focus on what you're doing.

She's not your wife any more. I get it, I went through it too. Best bet is to find a local spot and plant your self. A gym, a cafe, hell even a bar ( as long as you're not drinking excessively ).

I found trivia at a couple local spots. I suck, but chances are you'll find a team to pick you up, as long as you make your self available and ask to join. I've never been told no.

RedFridged · 2024-01-13T04:21:35+00:00

I’m feeling you my good man. Social media blows.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-01-13T04:04:37+00:00

Get off social media. Nothing good comes from it

And yes - I get the irony 🤣

icemountainisnextome · 2024-01-13T04:01:24+00:00

I'm sorry op that's tough. I just got a Google email yesterday stating [stbxw] has declined this event. The event was our anniversary in March...

I emailed and said "what the fuck [name] thanks for making sure to notify all parties" she replied and said "oh I didn't mean to it didn't give me an option?!" I went to the event and canceled it and guess what pop up I got... " Would you like to send an email informing everyone" ... Fucking wrecked me

Title	Disgusted
Author	colobat
Upvotes	126
Comments	65
Date	January 13, 2024 3:31 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/195eeiz/disgusted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/disgusted.1242858 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242858

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