Don't know where to start

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2022-09-19T15:49:19+00:00

I hate to ask this, but do you have any evidence that she's cheating? The sudden loss of interest, the rapid decision to divorce.......it kinda adds up.

Jbr74 · 2022-09-19T18:15:23+00:00

Don't chase/beg her. ( it never works, even if it works temporarily it never lasts and you will end up worse off financially and emotionally. )
Move back in, or let her move out. (Otherwise you are going to get hit with abandonment, and come up on the short end of the stick with the kids and the house.)
She's cheating, at the minimum emotionally, and close; if not already physically. But thats on her and not you, you will take it personally, but shouldn't. But you will and despite what you think, she's cheating. I mean there's a chance she's not, if that's the case go buy a powerball ticket because rare things are happening around you. (All the signs are there.)

dogsrule2019 · 2022-09-19T18:37:15+00:00

Also, some of us were raised to be the new "sensitive generation", to be in touch with our feelings, and to not be the "hard" men that came before us. That women liked this new type man, etc. In the vast majority of the time, imo, it's total bullshit. Women want a MAN. A leader. Wants him to be stoic and strong. They do not want him crying and being sensitive. They don't respect that guy. Just my .02.

jaihind123456 · 2022-09-19T16:58:00+00:00

Look up walk away wife syndrome. She checked out years ago and has been getting ready to exit. Said resentment had been building up and trued to discuss with me but she didn't. Past hurt which I take responsibility for and she gave up and wanted out. 20yrs marriage and all gone. Get a lawyer and prepare

CrazySanta7 · 2022-09-19T17:02:12+00:00

Sorry to hear this, but it is textbook. She has thought about this for months or even years. They often start fights, are cold, etc to make things bad so they can get the opportunity to bring up separation/divorce. There is likely a new man on the picture. Don't shoot the messenger or deny the possibility of her cheating. It's too easy these days with social media, etc. Women don't announce separation/divorce without having a place to land, period.

Get the ball rolling. It's over. Don't be a d%$$, but don't be a doormat either. The person you married is gone. It sucks, but hold it together. Be the best dad you can be under the circumstances. Get sleep, eat right, don't drink yourself to death and hit the gym. If you want to see your marriage demise in 15 min. Go watch 'the marriage wheel' on youtube by coach greg adams. Good luck bro.

James1933-75 · 2022-09-19T16:22:19+00:00

Hire a PI. Consult the attorney. For God's sake don't move out, stop begging, breaking down, and stop talking to her except logistics about the children.

pk2at · 2022-09-19T18:47:58+00:00

Get back into your house ASAP! Stay calm and try to make her feel guilty, then tell her she is greedy for money. Your biggest priority right now is to secure your hard earned money. Do what it takes (emotional drama, talking through children, giving gifts to parents, asking her not to involve lawyers etc.)

Party_Rebel · 2022-09-19T16:31:18+00:00

You’re attorney should recommend a legit private investigator. Trust me and the rest of us on the sub, WHEN she leaves you she is going to be the victim and you will most likely pay her because she will get your kids. It sounds like she is cheating and your PI will get you evidence so you can get out of this failed partnership without her poisoning your kids against you, taking half of your everything, including relationships with other people. Divorce laws in most states heavily favor the women and they become ruthless most of the time. Something has happened. You owe it to your kids and yourself to get out in front of this because from what you said, she has already left you and she is getting her ducks in a row. And stay in the house even if you are confined to a guest room or basement. Your lawyer will explain the benefits of that move. Put your kids first, lead by example, don’t look back, and most importantly, remember that your best days are still ahead of you. Hire a PI today!

AirSailer · 2022-09-19T16:47:10+00:00

I'm agreeing with everyone else, the behavior (even if there is no evidence) is that she's either cheating or is beginning a relationship with someone else (probably on social media).

Don't leave your home. Stop breaking down, now is the time to turn off all emotions around her; crying is totally acceptable and understandable, just don't do it around her or let her see you afterwards. You should be stone-cold around her, only interact with her regarding logistically topics such as kids or bills.

What out for domestic abuse accusations... They are usually the default for women at the beginning of the divorce process.

The woman you are with now is no longer the woman you married, you cannot treat her the same nor can you behave the same around her.

StoneyRocksInMySocks · 2022-09-19T19:48:02+00:00

Sounds like she has already moved on mentally and emotionally. And she probably has moved on physically in terms of being with another man.

This doesn't happen all of a sudden. I think you probably just didn't recognize the signs.

I'm in a situation now where my wife and I don't speak at all. We are staying in separate rooms in the same house, so no sex.

It will remain that way until the divorce is final. I am not moving out of a house that I paid for until we sell the house.

I know it is difficult, but I think you need to move on. Don't try to make it work because she has already moved on. Her actions show that. Consulting with a lawyer is a good decision.

JohnnyMnemo · 2022-09-19T19:52:37+00:00

she has no where to go.

That's now her problem. She can treat her love for you like a luxury while she retains the conveniences of being married; the sooner you end that the sooner she will have to grow up and be an adult that's responsible for her own choices.

You have as much right to the house and kids as she does. Her not having any other options is a problem of her own making that she will need to solve for on her own.

Greadle · 2022-09-19T20:17:27+00:00

First, things weren’t fine before. Happy marriages never end. Second, get your ass back home because she is cheating. Thats your house, your kids. Your money. She is an enemy now.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2022-09-20T01:14:21+00:00

She didn’t fall outa love. She’s falling for someone else.

Also if she’s mid 30s she’s hitting her wall/midlife crisis and they go straight hoe phase girls nights etc. once you do some research you realize how all to common this is in modern women.

But even if you’re hurt, you’ll win in the end. No man with value wants “used good” or to raise someone else’s children. She may think she’s hot shit an the grass will be greener. It will be for you not her.

We always win in the end.

Classic_Dill · 2022-09-19T21:45:12+00:00

Soooo, OK. Let me try to help clear the air, your wife fell out of love with you awhile back or shes currently cheating, and is so bold in her treatment of you because she believes she has other arms to fall into (theory) but don't put it past her. She has already told friends and family of her intentions awhile back and they are advising her. It hurts bud, and it will for awhile, you need to go into protection ode now! get to that joint account and get half your money NOW (perfectly legal) and i would really start to dig for her real reason for her change in feelings? did you rant and rave a lot? if she is cheating, that will go far in court, even if your state overlooks infidelity, it will still tarnish her side of the story. DON'T!!!!! concede anything to her, you aren't the bad guy (i hope) she is in destroy mode, she isn't your fiend, wife or confidant, she is an enemy at this point and this is war. If you go into this weak (we all kind of do) she will take you for everything, either by her doing or her lawyers. After the divorce, lay hard boundaries, absolutely no speaking, text about he children if needed, she shouldn't be allowed in your new dwelling, or come to your work or have any conversation with you. Cut her off cold turkey (you can't heal with her anywhere near you) this isn't the women you married! please, understand that. Never speak badly of her in front of the kids, that will backfire. IS your name on the house? go back and start getting you valued property, its about to be thrown in the trash. I'm truly sorry brother, maybe you deserved it? maybe you didn't? you need to truly find out, whats happening.

This sounds cold, i know, because cold is what a divorce is, its a death for sure. As the court date grows nearer. she will become angrier and bolder, be ready. Again CONCEDE NOTHING!

And never cry in front of her again, she see's that as weakness and will use it against you, i used to breakdown in my car.

jtimmrman · 2022-09-20T12:29:20+00:00

As a man who's wife did the same thing, later found out she had another, I was traumatized as well. It came out of the blue. Went through the divorce, had a lot of crying nights, talks with my kids, etc...

Let me tell you something though. After almost a year, I have my own house, a beautiful girlfriend and I am the happiest that I have ever been. I feel like a man again!!! I know you don't see it now but trust me, it gets much better.

TZ879 · 2022-09-19T20:09:42+00:00

Step 1: Move back into your house. Depending on the State and country, leaving the marital home can qualify abandonment. Step 2: Retain a divorce attorney. Step 3: Hire a private investigator to follow your wife. She is probably having an affair.

cryptus-maximus · 2022-09-19T20:33:01+00:00

Saturday night after she told me she wanted to leave

Let HER leave then - not you.

Don't break down or reveal talk about your emotions to her. You've lost your frame and its going be quite a task to regain it, should you want to. 2 months of bitchy behavior is nothing in terms of enduring shit from a wife, but its also suspect how sudden of a turn she took. So snoop on her and get conclusive evidence she is cheating and start working on your divorce game plan ASAP!

Frequent-Bench-648 · 2022-09-19T16:10:49+00:00

If you can hire a detective and find out about what she’s up to. Being emotionally attached will be catastrophic for you. Don’t be an emotional fool, once woman move on, they move on. Salvage what you can, these emotions will only hurt you in the long run.

Theedon · 2022-09-19T21:18:27+00:00

Isn't it crazy how a spouse will treat you at the end of a relationship. Not even friendships end in such a horrible manner.

capnjackstation · 2022-09-20T10:25:52+00:00

90% there’s another man involved. This happened suddenly to me. It was my wife’s coworker.

Talk to a lawyer. Go back to the house immediately and don’t leave overnight again. You’ll lose your kids leaving the marital home. Look up marital abandonment. Carry a voice activated recorder on you at all times because she’ll try to accuse you of DV to get you out of the house. A PI might be in order too. Look up the divorce 180 if you want any shot of saving your marriage. Don’t do the “pick me dance”. She’ll lose what little respect she has for you. Do not do the “pick me dance”!

Long-Review-1861 · 2022-09-20T16:52:05+00:00

When a woman goes cold "out of nowhere" she is usually getting attention somewhere else. I learned this the hard way...with 4 different women

Gattsama · 2022-09-19T18:35:14+00:00

Yes, she's cheating. I don't get the calls to hire a PI though, what difference does it make?

Also, I'm sorry this is happening to you - it's horrible. But the only way out is through, and your strength now will be your foundation for your new life.

Mjolnir37 · 2022-09-20T03:24:37+00:00

There’s another dude

RideATX · 2022-09-20T16:03:17+00:00

Buckle up brother... If you thing the last two months were bad, you're in for a hell of a ride. Focus on yourself and then your kids in that order. Stop looking at her for validation, you have to become your own mental point of origin.

OkEconomy7266 · 2022-09-19T20:35:24+00:00

I will be going back tonight.

derelictherds · 2022-09-19T21:01:16+00:00

Pull yourself together and find a good lawyer. You probably should move back into the marital home ASAP unless you're cool with getting owned by your stbx in terms of custody and child support. Make sure to bring this up during the consultation. Whether or not she is cheating won't matter to the court unless you live in a state where infidelity is a factor in alimony decisioning. Others have mentioned hiring a PI to find out if she's cheating, but this could be a waste of time and money. That kind of shit usually comes out in the wash shortly after (or during) divorce anyway.

Ambitious-Cheetah-36 · 2022-09-19T21:57:12+00:00

Stay in the house, let her leave. If she wants put, let her do the work, let her get the lawyer, let her hire the moving truck. Go split your money now, or start siphoning off money if you are joint.

simjanes2k · 2022-09-20T07:08:02+00:00

This has been in her plans for months, my guy. It's not new or sudden, it's just that no one told you about it.

All the things you're about to think, such as "Oh my god, what about...?" she has already planned out and organized

This has happened over and over and over again, and we've heard the story hundreds of times. I'm so sorry, bro.

bobsugar1 · 2022-09-20T18:33:15+00:00

Do not move out of the house. It can hurt you if this thing goes to a divorce.

Title	Don't know where to start
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	39
Comments	116
Date	September 19, 2022 3:35 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xifg3a/dont_know_where_to_start/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dont-know-where-to-start.1208741 https://theredarchive.com/post/1208741

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