Future proof my next marriage?

breakbelowHL · 2022-08-10T18:54:37+00:00

Don’t get married ?

S4z3r4c · 2022-08-10T20:18:01+00:00

Do NOT get married. Its like being hit by a car and then asking if you should go stand in the motorway again but this time in a different position!

SecretDoctor8121 · 2022-08-10T19:57:05+00:00

Never get married again....if a person loves you...like really loves you the don't need a fucking ring,paper,ceremony and all the financial burden comes whit it. Whis there would be true love in this world but all I see is fake ppl try to get advantage of you...So just don't marry again.

Psychological-Net-62 · 2022-08-10T21:10:33+00:00

Ok... I'm just going to put this out there.

If you are already thinking about protecting yourself when your next relationship goes wrong, doesn't that already show an expectation of failure?

Why go into a partnership expecting it to fail?

I can speak from relatively recent experience... I went into my marriage expecting to succeed. I didn't think I would end up here 15 years later; 36 years old, divorced, and with two teenagers.

Have I learned my lesson? It's an ongoing process...

Will I protect myself better in the future? Absolutely...

Does that mean my the first thing I'm doing is looking for my next relationship? no.

Here's how the process should work... 1. Work on yourself so that you are happy with you. First thing. 2. Find something that you can do rather than sitting on your brain, worrying.

Yes... divorce is traumatic. No question. But you have to move forward... get off the X so to speak.

Be self reliant. Don't worry about someone being there for you... you be there for yourself.

Once you do all of that maybe you'll find someone that wants to be there for the person you became and the life you live. Don't go seeking out another relationship... it's literally the last thing you need.

... it's tough love but you need to hear it brother.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-08-10T21:52:44+00:00

Marriage has undergone drastic changes since the early 1970s. What used to be the bedrock of Western culture with life-long commitment and unbreakable barring the most severe circumstances, has been relegislated into something entirely new thanks to the lobbying efforts of radical feminists and the divorce industry. This includes legalized abortion, no-fault divorce, domestic violence laws and the concept of marital rape. The changes themselves were not wrong. However, the principal benefactor of these changes are modern women. And modern women have a sense of entitlement that is not possible to satisfy, expecting to have it all. Magically they expect to juggle a marriage, career, parenting and social life with no hassle. When it doesn't work, the husband is the first to suffer. We live in a world where arguing with your wife is considered emotional abuse, telling her that she is spending too much is being a control freak, and wanting regular sex is misogyny. These same women cannot cook, clean or handle the kids without stressing out, but we men are expected to make it better. In trying to make divorce fail-safe for homemaker or lower-earner spouses, society has made marriage unsafe for virtually everyone else. Marriage used to be a worthy goal for a man but today, not so much.

Marriage is a good idea; it’s how we execute it today that makes it one of the worst prospects imaginable for men. Marriage today has the potential to be the most damaging decision a man can make in his life – it’s a legal extortion scheme. You’re betting a woman half your net worth that you’ll love each other forever. Marriage is handing a woman an axe, then putting your head on a chopping block in the trust that she won’t cut it off. It’s not reciprocal. The modern state of matrimony has become the legal equivalent of gambling. Getting married is like betting half your stuff she won’t cheat on you. No matter what she contributed, or did not contribute to the marriage, half of your stuff is hers. If you are not married, she has no claim on your assets, nor you on hers. That fact alone makes rejecting marriage the smartest financial move a man can make, and lets you avoid career slavery. Marriage used to be a business and social partnership for the accumulation and conservation of wealth and the raising of children. Now marriage is the new retirement pension for modern women, rewarding them for breaking a contract. A woman that won’t take your name in a marriage will gladly take your house in a divorce. You can get the same effect of marriage by selling your house, giving all your money away and have someone castrate you. There is no incentive for men to get married. Society has stacked the deck against men in modern marriage. You are allowing the state to decide what happens to your wealth, your freedom, and your access to your children if a marriage doesn’t work out. Statistically marriage has become the worst decision a man can make in his life at present, yet so many men want to believe they won’t be one of those statistics.

By all measures, contemporary marriage is essentially what’s known as an unconscionable contract. Women are taking advantage of men in every way possible, and the government is enforcing this unscrupulous behavior. To sum the current circumstance: women have choices, men have responsibilities. Marriage only benefits women. Men accept all of the risk. Marriage amounts to a no-win struggle of mutually assured disappointment. In this era there are no appreciable advantages for men to marry even the most ideal of women. You can’t name one thing you get from marriage that you can’t get outside of marriage.

SwamiSweatSocks · 2022-08-10T19:48:01+00:00

I am doing a prenup and set up a trust, myself. We both have assets, it isn’t that I don’t trust her or she me it’s just if things go wrong and they do.

akihonj · 2022-08-10T19:23:42+00:00

First don't get married

Here's a way to talk yourself out of it.

Give me one reason that cannot be refuted for marriage, any one reason be it social, legal, moral.

Trust me, as a deep thinker there isn't one.

During a discussion I heard a woman say medical, so if you're in an accident they'll not let her in, I called a nurse friend of mine, she said that was bs, you can name her as an emergency contact, doing that gives her the same rights of access.

Of course she loses the right of control, but if the doctors think you need emergency surgery to save your life and you're unconscious they can decide for you, you don't need an advocate.

You can set terms in your Will, she could legally change her name, you can set up trusts and contracts, so there is no reason.

At this point the only reason I can see any man getting married is because he wants the ring and security.

A bit of metal that likely to cause an injury, a big cost and for what, unmarried couples live together all the time and nobody cares.

waterfoiler · 2022-08-10T19:41:42+00:00

Get an irrevocable trust in Nevada. Nevada trust law specifically protects against child support and alimony claims. You must have had the trust for 2 years to be fully protected. This is for bank accounts and other brokerage accounts. Get a living trust for property that is separate. Do not own anything in your name.

Physical-Pie748 · 2022-08-11T00:02:35+00:00

dont get married.....i mean why is marriage even a possibility for you, even after you lost so much money? second marriages have a 60% divorce rate.

samk002001 · 2022-08-11T02:06:27+00:00

Not getting married again is the answer, but I don’t think you wanna hear it!

Gattsama · 2022-08-10T19:36:31+00:00

IF you truly want to get married again and you truly want to protect yourself leave the USA. Consider the Philippines (divorce is illegal) or other parts of SEA. Or marry someone that makes much more than you.

The system is fundamentally broken. There is no way to truly protect yourself. Also statistically speaking the divorce rate only increases with 2nd or 3rd marriages. So you are at higher risk of failure next time.

My advise is to not get married. Do a LTR in a date without common law marriage. You can get all the legal benefits: DPOA, joint accounts, cohabitate, intimacy, etc without the state getting involved. Marriage has three aspects: social, religious and legal. You can have all the social, and often then religious. Exchange rings and vows.

But the legal contract is a contract between you and the state. NOT you and you wife. You enter into a contract with the state to transfer your resources to the female during and after the marriage. It's a horrible contract, as you are currently learning.

So marry up or get your passport ready. Stay safe...

trashy615 · 2022-08-11T07:54:32+00:00

Lmao, lost half your shit and didn't learn? You deserve it the second go round.

eyesayhello · 2022-08-10T23:21:55+00:00

You don't repeat the mistake of marriage. You've already experienced it. You can't future proof a rigged game.

gronk4198 · 2022-08-11T01:11:30+00:00

Um ... stay single forever. There is no benefit to getting married that you can't get with just dating

pk2at · 2022-08-11T15:22:23+00:00

Looks like I have to keep repeating my posts, take these steps (as many as you can) and hope for the best

1) Reside in a non-community property state (if in the US); Update: Not relevant, most states are the same when it comes to asset split but pays to research 2) Always marry a woman who has a job that can feed her; Update: True both partners need to have an equal income, best way to take alimony off the table 3) Sign a well vetted prenup with presence of attorney; Update: CRITICAL 4) Do not buy a house, it is considered community property in most states, always rent and always pay portion of rent; Rent a house owned by a family member (parents?), that way asset builds outside marriage 5) Always use separate bank/financial institutions to deposit any and every form of earning, ask wife to sign assignment of interest form from financial institution: Update: Good practice, not needed with pre-nup but reduces disputes 6) File taxes as married filing separately (is this needed? Yes): Update: Good practice 7) Regularly sign postnups after marriage (redundant step): Update: Not needed 8) Banks/financial institutions in your name should only have month or two of expenses, any and every investment $ to be invested through a gift to your parents or a trust (if you have the $$$$);

9) Periodically sign inter-spousal transfer deeds with clear transmutation clause; Update: This is one of the three critical steps needed

10) Any remaining assets to be in non traceable form ex. gold, crypto, buried cash etc. Update: Use irrevocable trust to remove gifts and assets before marriage Frequently reduce marital property by giving gifts to your parents, this should be regular part of your married life

NOW for the three critical steps needed to keep assets separate after marriage (Bookmark this, you will not find it anywhere else and moderator will likely remove, as it may bankrupt the divorce industry)

Prior to marriage,ask a family member, typically a parent to make you the beneficiary of an irrevocable trust. Put any and every asset you have acquired prior to marriage in the trust. All gifts and inheritance go into the trust. The trust should not pay you during marriage. By definition, a trust is not owned by you, so all assets including any asset appreciation are out of marital property by definition. You do not need to disclose a trust in the pre-nup or any time during divorce (unless asked to by the other party), this is equivalent to burying your money. You should have ZERO assets after this step, now you are ready to get married!! Sign a simple pre-nup or post-nup: It should be simple, state that account 1 is separate property irrespective of funding source, account 2 is joint account to be used for household expenses, get it signed with legal representation from the other side. Do not include marital residence in pre-nup, include destitution clause (saying if divorce leaves one partner destitute, small amount like $10K to be given). Always include alimony waiver For any large asset acquired using marital property (including primary residence) you wish to keep separate, ask spouse to sign inter-spousal transfer deed ( ISTD with a transmutation clause). A transmutation changes community property to separate property. One caveat, ISTD's come with the presumption that negatively impacted party was coerced into signing. So, its important to have language showing consent as well as understanding of impact.Always record ISTD's

georeddit2018 · 2022-08-10T19:10:37+00:00

Why would you not want to sign prenuptial to protect yourself?

azsb23 · 2022-08-10T22:21:40+00:00

If you’re already thinking of protecting yourself there’s your sign. Your family’s estate I believe is yours unless her name is on it. Any financial benefits from that estate has to be in a bank account under your name only under the trust. If it has her name on the account. You’re done. If you do decide to get remarried you have to find out all the laws and protect yourself. Im sure if she had assets as well she would protect her ass.

O-nie · 2022-08-10T23:16:44+00:00

Don't get married really! If you do marry someone who makes more or the same at the bare minimum anything else is a liability.

Keep everything somewhere, all transactions in cash!

vector5633 · 2022-08-11T11:35:08+00:00

Well...with all do respect. After taking a hit during your divorce. You would be an idiot to get married again.

Lesson learned? Never get married again! Problem solved!

pk2at · 2022-08-11T15:59:56+00:00

Your parents citizenship matters for certain trusts. On the flip side if you can keep money outside the country in your parents name, its very tough to include those assets in divorce

Alphamode1 · 2022-08-11T18:31:06+00:00

A prenup can come off as a distrust but that's when only one person has set it up but if both people sit down and talk it over And make it fair for both parties then is more of a insurance just in case . And you can make a prenup that is only in the case of an affair or drug issue. A prenuptial is hundred percent customizable.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-08-11T23:44:36+00:00

A prenup would represent distrust in my next marriage

BULLSHIT.

Absolute bullshit.

It does NOT represent distrust or lack of faith. If anything, it demonstrates absolute confidence in your relationship with the other person, that you can talk about and arrange what would happen if you were to split up and still get married. It forces you both to expose your vulnerabilities and open yourselves to each other. If anything, putting together a prenup should be mandatory for all marriages.

If there's going to be absurd, marriage-breaking conflict later, doing the prenup will force that conflict out up front so you can both know you shouldn't get married. And if you can go through the prenup process with full and complete respect for each other and no resentment, it's a sign that your marriage will continue to be strong even when you inevitably have serious conflict about something.

Stupid f$#@ing Hollywood bullshit about prenups being unromantic. Stupid stupid stupid. Those same Hollywood $#!+bags write movies about how a woman gets kidnapped by a gangster and then falls in love with him. F$#@ off. That isn't love. That's Stockholm Syndrome.

Love is a lot of things, sure, but an absolute fundamental key one of those things that love is, is mutual respect.

Get the prenup.

Title	Future proof my next marriage?
Author	ExplanationAdept7354
Upvotes	12
Comments	59
Date	August 10, 2022 6:45 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wl5abu/future_proof_my_next_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/future-proof-my-next-marriage.1126865 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126865

Comments