Seriously curious...

BosPatriot71 · 2023-01-09T01:49:15+00:00

I will never ever marry again.

JAG_Sage19 · 2023-01-09T00:29:57+00:00

I don’t think I would ever get married again. Kudos to those who do. But, for me, once is a enough. I have made peace with my decision and try to stay positive.

Alatornio · 2023-01-09T00:44:00+00:00

I was never married round 1. I was common law and still got destroyed. It would have been worse with actual marriage.

Canadian by the way.

Bloodleither919 · 2023-01-09T00:33:03+00:00

There’s always the possibility that you learned something about yourself, or relationships, that might make it better in the future. Even if you found out to late to save what you had. I would guess.

1Cobbler · 2023-01-09T00:46:39+00:00

I have no desire to and it's been 18 months since we split.

I guess when I think about it, I'm somewhat introverted, so going out and socializing is draining for me, even if I'm quite proficient at it. Then there's the costs and the maintenance (i.e. having to keep the house 100% cleaner than I otherwise would) which statistically gives me only a 20% chance of finding a woman I'm compatible with. The other 80% just become money/time/emotion drains who just make you miserable.

Just doesn't seem worth it. Now that I'm completely over the ex I'm taking this year to work on myself. If the perfect woman taps me on the shoulder at some point I'll give it another go, but other than that, I'm jut happy with my own company.

Theedon · 2023-01-09T06:09:09+00:00

I will never marry again. Too much risk this late in life. Honestly I wanted to kill myself going through it. I looked for support and found it thankfully.

But to answer your question, if money wasn't a part of it, I could marry and apply what I have learned to the new marriage. Hopefully round 2 would last like it should. The thing is, maybe people are not ment to be married for longer then 20 years? Maybe we only stay together until out kids can feed and defend themselves. Keep having kids is a reason to stay together. No kids, no need to be married, just go steady.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-01-09T00:51:25+00:00

You guys aren’t giving me much hope (Nothing filed yet. But it’s coming.

Dead bedroom Career in the tank

This is not going to go well for me.

I’d like to find someone and potentially at least live with her.

Idk about marriage itself

ChompySnack · 2023-01-09T02:06:58+00:00

I’m unlikely to marry again. I’m not saying never though. Who knows, maybe someday I will feel like giving half of everything and adding a lifetime allowance for someone who doesn’t love me anymore will be tempting.

SpacemanLost · 2023-01-09T06:32:00+00:00

To answer OP directly, in tl;dr form - I would say that I really raised the bar on what it would take to get me to walk down the isle again.

For the long, rambling story form: - read the bottom line, you might find it very interesting....

I had an in depth list and understanding of why marriage # 1 failed.

I KNEW I shouldn't have married her, but I was young, seriously depressed, on the spectrum, and assumed it was the best I could do. Fast forward a couple decades when it's all going to shit, and I've grown up tremendously, normalized a lot, and achieved what some people would consider tremendous success and even brief significant financial independence (my SHAM cheating ex would soon spend us into the ground).

During my separation and afterwards I worked hard on myself, including a deep breakdown and exploration of what when wrong, what I DID wrong (and why), what I wanted out of the rest of my life, my must haves, my boundaries, limits and so on.

I looked hard at how I approached women, and what I valued, cared about and really wanted. I dated a lot and varied for while and had a lot of fun. I got numerous compliments on being honest and having my sh*t together. I also set up hard rules to protect myself and not rebound. For example, one I stuck to was that I would have to be dating/with someone for 5 YEARS before marriage was even on the table for discussion). Another would be what people now call always maintaining frame. I 'nexted' several when they wanted more, and I knew going down that road wouldn't end well.

Then I met HER, or rather she cold approached me, annoyed at how self assured I was. I've always have 'a type', a rather specific one, and "the one the got away(tm)" of my youth was of that type, along with a couple others, and I always felt were beyond my reach. SHE was my specific type, and nearly 15 years younger. I 'got her' from the word go, many times to her annoyance. I was/became 'that guy' to her (AW).

She stuck with with me for nearly 6 years before marriage was even discussed. That was enough time to let the NRE wear off, and behaviors to 'revert to the mean' - i.e. to see what being with her would really be like. To have truly vetted her and what life with her would be like. We did have the advantage of both already having had our kids (about the same ages) and both being non-custodial parents, and working in the same general sector making good bank (me about 2x her).

Honestly, of all the women I dated, she was the only one I encountered that had that long-term success potential. It was quite possible I would have not found anyone that had that - I didn't force it or settle - and would have remained single.

I've lucked out. Married almost 9 years now, and we still act like we're dating much of the time. Amazing partner, proven multiple times already. Lifetimes worth of intimacy.

And I absolutely CAN NOT recommend marriage to my son, her son, or re-marriage to divorced guys. I look at specific things that worked out for me that made the difference, and the odds of finding those things (or their equivalents) are not that good. It's like going into a Vegas casino, playing BlackJack, and getting 7 BlackJacks in your first 8 games. It's possible, but improbable. I really won, but I don't see that happening very often.

FunkyTownMascot · 2023-01-09T00:32:41+00:00

I never got married again, nor will I. But, I've had girlfriends. LTRs, etc. Same story. They all cost money and energy and, at this point in my life, it's just not worth it. My last LTR was 5 years long. And,it was another huge mistake.

rhett342 · 2023-01-09T06:14:25+00:00

I have no answer for your question at all but just wanted to say that you're not the only one that feels that way. The absolute last thing in the world that I want right now is any sort of relationship that is anything more than strictly platonic at all.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-01-09T11:15:49+00:00

Nevermore I believe in quitting while ahead

ArchBlue2 · 2023-01-09T12:56:11+00:00

For years I told myself I would never get married again, I’m glad I changed my mind. After being divorced since 2015 I’m jumping back into the ring with a truly good woman who I’ve been with just over 2 years. I was very apprehensive at first given my previous experience, but I noticed when it came time to the day I planned to propose, my gut wasn’t telling me “don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it” like it had in my first marriage.

It’s definitely risk vs reward. Sure, it could happen all over again. But I can’t help but think what’s the alternative life I would create for myself? Life has so many experiences to offer and I’ll roll the dice to try and create the life I want with a wife, kids, etc. I realize it’s a lot of work and a gamble, but (not to sound cliche) isn’t everything that’s worth it?

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-01-09T03:34:42+00:00

I would only marry another women who had a higher net worth than me and a higher yearly income. Otherwise it’s just not worth it.

jimsmythee · 2023-01-09T01:32:11+00:00

For me personally, I was always happiest in a committed relationship. I gave up on my first wife due to addictions to pills. My 2 "love languages" were not being met. Mine are "physical touch" and "quality time." So our sexless marriage didn't qualify as "physical touch" and then "quality time" sure as hell didn't mean, "Spend 7 hours in the ER so she act crazy until she gets more narcotics".

I did get remarried a few years ago, and it's great. I still have to deal with the exwife for the sake of the kids.

didyoucurbthewheels · 2023-01-09T03:24:08+00:00

I honestly don't think I ever wanna get married again

Gattsama · 2023-01-09T11:55:04+00:00

I will never marry again. I will date (have a new girlfriend now). I am even willing to consider the ceremony, exchange of rings / vows. But will never sign the legal contract ever again. The divorce rate for second marriages is actually worst than first.

Antique_Pace_4207 · 2023-01-09T13:20:56+00:00

I mean, I’m 37 so I plan on dipping my pale into the well, as they say. But won’t marry again. I’d like to find someone to commit to, vise versa, but will never sign a contract with the state which exposes me financially.

UbiquitousFlounder · 2023-01-09T00:22:22+00:00

Yeah I couldn't be bothered unless someone outrageous comes along, and since that hasn't happened for 20 odd years I can't see it happening now.

throwaway83759372 · 2023-01-09T01:05:05+00:00

Pretty simple really - I want to have a family and my and my ex never had kids. Life doesn’t feel like it has much purpose if I don’t do that

Classic_Dill · 2023-01-09T17:20:21+00:00

Huh? i will never marry again, live with someone (my house only), for sure. But...marry? Heck no!

livinthedream17 · 2023-01-09T17:25:37+00:00

The way my ex cheated with her boss, and hid her money with him so I had to pay more alimony forever made me not trust women. I have ended every relationship I’ve been in since before it got to serious. Yeah. It’s not good. I really want a partner. But I can’t seem to get over this.

MightBusiness7231 · 2023-01-09T22:25:47+00:00

I am currently at the "I am never getting married again" phase. Marriage offers nothing to men in America. She feels like she won a trophy and then when she's not feeling it she takes half your shit.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2023-01-10T19:19:27+00:00

Y'all are a bunch of wieners. If you feel as screwed over as you claim, you should be organizing like the feminists did. And yeah, you do have plenty of legit stuff to complain about.

I went back to the well because the thing that made me leave my ex-wife was something I'd have only, like, a 2% chance of getting again.

Title	Seriously curious...
Author	Zapped2311
Upvotes	17
Comments	72
Date	January 9, 2023 12:06 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/106yu6c/seriously_curious/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/seriously-curious.1146434 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146434

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