Why do they get so angry and destructive when most of the time they’re the ones leaving?

bo-rderline · 2024-05-16T21:15:08+00:00

Ok, so what did you do to her??

notyourmama827 · 2024-05-13T18:12:26+00:00

They double down on vindictive behavior if they think you are living life. Just my own opinion.

Masypha · 2024-05-07T22:16:32+00:00

It's human nature, very sad and unfortunate but that's just how it is. I'm sorry for your experience and pain, you're not to blame. Neither am I saying to not acknowledge your mistakes, but simply that you are not to blame for her treating you this way. You deserve better.

youknowthevibbees · 2024-05-07T17:30:02+00:00

Is usually for them to trick themselves to feel like they did the right decision in the future…. And a ego boost

ElderberrySuper3659 · 2024-05-07T06:04:12+00:00

Just remember this the next time your heart tells you it's in love with one of them.

NoLawfulness8554 · 2024-05-07T02:50:46+00:00

Maybe she needs to feel that she isn't the cause of this, isn't the one "at fault". So who does she blame then? She might say, "I've really tried. I've done all that I can". That's just a lack of accountability.

Business-Hope-5414 · 2024-05-05T04:55:24+00:00

Vindictiveness is a natural characteristic of all women…. In my opinion and experience… they don’t give a flying fuck what happens… as long as they win

Commercial-Rub-3223 · 2024-05-05T03:21:42+00:00

No because she's the evil one

Thevinegru2 · 2024-05-04T23:42:44+00:00

When I was dating, I went on about 50 first dates in little over a year. Exactly ONE of them took responsibility for their failed marriage. I’d say 2 more were fair about it. Maybe 5 didn’t want to talk about it. The rest claimed to be victims.

Seemedlikefun · 2024-05-04T22:11:48+00:00

Someone has to be the villain in their story. Something has to be the justification for their terrible, lying, cheating, manipulative, duplicitous, behavior. It helps them sleep at night, blaming it all on you, or their parents, or their trauma, or the fact that they didn't get the "Chatty Cathy Doll" or " G.I. Joe with Kung Fu Grip" for Christmas when they were six. Usually the ex is low hanging fruit for blame shifting.

GoldPotential6298 · 2024-05-04T15:58:14+00:00

There’s a scene in the movie “As good as it gets” that summarizes the entire situation. Jack Nickleson is an eccentric author and a woman asks him how he writes women so well.

His response: “I think of a man, and then I take away all reason and accountability.”

biscuts99 · 2024-05-04T14:12:16+00:00

We finally got to the point where she could be a stay at home mom. The dream she had wanted for years. Instead she has a mental breakdown and runs away with our kid. Now she complains about being poor and I hardly get to see my son. Their brains are fucking broken.

ExtensionAir9675 · 2024-05-04T11:54:30+00:00

I also wanted to ask this question. Am goind through this with my wife. I really dont understand but its better we dont try also. My stbex even told me that i did not give her time so that she could stop talking to her AP and what she continued to do for months was going for lunch with him, sending him msg at night. She expected that I should sit and watch all these. Lol. Am a mf with self respect and dignity. Only women understand women and they hate each other. Lol

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-05-04T10:39:37+00:00

Because it has to be all your fault and that’s their display to you and the world to prove it. Otherwise they would have to acknowledge some responsibility for the marriage failing.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Unless you were an abusive drunk, felon, cheated or abused your kids everyone in the world including other women will know she’s full of shit. And I mean actual abuse not “FRANK DIDNT WANT ME TO GO TO VEGAS WITH MY SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS HES SO INSECURE AND CONTROLLING IM BEING ABUSED”

Camping_Dad_RC · 2024-05-04T08:16:26+00:00

I don’t think there is a good answer to this. Perhaps the best one is that the life and future they knew is gone and they have nobody but themselves to truly blame for that. I imagine that is a living hell, especially if there are children dealing with the fallout. Who wants that kind of weight on them, every day? It’s much easier to convince yourself it was justified and blame the other party, even if you have to create a fictitious narrative. It’s much easier to have a “bad guy” to blame than to be the villain in your own life.

Sea_Purple2104 · 2024-05-04T04:19:04+00:00

American woman have unrealistic expectations of marriage and when it isn’t the fairy tale life that they imagined as little girls they blame you. They had unrealistic expectations and because you couldn’t live up to the fantasy that they thought their life would be once they married. Of married couples that graduated from university 92 percent of the divorces are initiated by the woman. That is because they get half and monthly alimony, child support if they leave. The judicial system encourages woman to dissolve their marriage, woman’s friends bitch about their husbands and the newly divorced friends are having fun, supposedly. So they leave, blame you for not living up to their fantasy of what marriage would be and their friends tell them no matter what that you are a jerk and she is doing the right thing by leaving.

alternative40m · 2024-05-04T03:58:49+00:00

They expect some over the top reaction. You should have been worshipping the ground they walk on and been devastated when they left.

We've used media to sell this picture of love at first sight, happy ever after, fairy tale romance. Movies and shows don't really show the work that goes into a relationship with another person. So when the end comes with someone that's expecting these grand gestures and things, they can't reconcile the relief some partners feel at not having to walk on eggshells or just not having to work so hard trying to make things work anymore.

Just wait till you see the reaction some people have at seeing their past partner move on and be happy...

karavan7 · 2024-05-04T02:52:06+00:00

They're not your friends.

CreativeNerd1729 · 2024-05-04T01:45:39+00:00

Accountability = Their Kryptonite 💀

MidniteOG · 2024-05-04T01:45:19+00:00

Bc they’re looking for a reaction to reinforce their decision, They’re mad at themselves,

Bernie51Williams · 2024-05-03T22:05:52+00:00

To reinforce their decision by pulling a reaction out of you. They can't understand maybe just maybe they contributed heavily to their own downfall, that you weren't responsible for thier actions. So they are going to hurt you in any way so you react and your reaction is their proof.

It's classic projection/deflection.

But to answer why? I have no idea, just own your shit ladies. But that's all we really wanted the whole time.

CrazySanta7 · 2024-05-03T20:31:16+00:00

It's not puzzling, really. Women go with feelings. When they become 'unhappy' during marriage, someone must be assigned that blame. That person is you. Even when they cheat, in her mind, it was really because of you. This is why men never get any kind of apology.

In addition, they still carry this dream of being some 'disney princess'. When the new guy pumps and dumps her, she realizes maybe she didn't have it so bad in her marriage. My own ex-wife will never admit this, but she mentioned it was dumb to get divorced (which i ignore). This is after 5 years of divorce.

Lastly, nothing pisses off an ex-wife more than you moving on with your life. Im not talking about other women. Gym, work, hobbies, great dad, etc. The best karma you can get is the one time she regrets divorce, even though she will never tell you. And don't ever go back. Keep going. Good luck!

kublakhan1816 · 2024-05-03T18:07:33+00:00

Guilt

Haunted-Tank-1943 · 2024-05-03T17:46:15+00:00

I left my ex after years of abuse. I didnt want to leave but when I saw my 5 year old daughter copy her mom's behaviour my heart shattered. Holy fuck I thought she hated my guts before marriage, she was livid after. The shit she was telling our daughter and others was off the charts. I thought she'd be happy when I left but noooooo...

I wrote the parenting agreement and have the kid every Wed, Fri-Sun and she's growing up great.

TheWormTurns22 · 2024-05-03T17:29:13+00:00

When you leave, you remove their CONTROL OVER YOU, and that's what they wanted most of all. Negging you to divorce or threatening to, was just another tool of control in the ol toolbox. Now they have nothing, once you leave. Of course that infuriates them.

Letsgetsoakinwet · 2024-05-03T17:15:05+00:00

Yup, you filed for this, why are you the one being so nasty? Literally asked her that question last night.

Title	Why do they get so angry and destructive when most of the time they’re the ones leaving?
Author	warwww
Upvotes	38
Comments	58
Date	May 3, 2024 5:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cjduts/why_do_they_get_so_angry_and_destructive_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-do-they-get-so-angry-and-destructive-when-most.1517321 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517321

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