Is the 'bar' really on the floor for men?

AntiVictimhood · 2022-08-15T13:45:08+00:00

People say the bar is on the floor for men in regards to what makes them attractive and gets them interest from women.

This isn't the way I hear it used or intended.

I hear it in the sense that men get into relationships and then treat their partners like their mothers. They expect their partners to cook, clean, do all the chores, do this laundry, organize their life, financially contribute, do the emotional labour etc. and the guys basically show up and stop being romantic, stop making their partner feel loved and important. They get really comfortable to the point where they take their partner for granted and just expect her to take care of the house, take care of him, organize everything and he just shows up.

I also see this "bar is on the floor" in reference to dads in the delivery room who complain about being tired, who are on their phones playing games, or who are napping and not even being supportive or present throughout the birthing process. They have no awareness of what their wife is going through, it's all about their needs and comfort despite the wife being in labour?? That is when "bar is on the floor" is used. When a video pops up of a dad being emotionally present, supportive, and excited at the birth of his child. And then he's applauded for being so amazing when all he's doing is the basics that a husband should do. Aka be excited, present, and emotionally invested in his wife and child.

For me, the low bar for men is in regards to their behaviours in a relationship. My man is praised for being loyal, thoughtful, and romantic with me. When we hang out with friends, the women will comment about how he's so good to me (he brought me a glass of wine). And the thing is, he is an absolutely lovely man. But people respond with soooo much praise to his gestures, and see my equally loving treatment of him as expected and unremarkable. To love your partner and want to do kind things for them should be normal and expected. But it is unusual in the experience of enough women that these phrases emerge and have mass resonance.

I also see the same thing mirrored in the lives of my friends who are parents. The dads take their kids on a walk or take the initiative to change the baby's diaper, and all the women are like "omg he's so involved!". Yeah. He should be. That's his baby and both parents work full time. But women/moms are just expected to be involved, but men are not and when they do tasks that are expected of women, they're seen as extraordinary.

Many say things like 'all it takes is hygiene, confidence, putting yourself out there, etc and you'll get get dates/laid in no time'. They say that doing the bare minimum puts you above most guys

I don't think you can fast track your way to getting dates and having sex. That still requires attraction, chemistry, and interest.

But if you show genuine love and interest in the context of a relationship, then yes, you will likely stand out to the women who tolerate poor treatment in relationships. For example, getting her flowers, remembering things she likes, being engaged and present, planning dates, making sure she's comfortable, opening the car door for her, being complimentary to her, not following random women on social media, not paying more attention to your video games than her etc.

Taken together, these actions are often seen as remarkable. Especially among younger women who have more time to waste, are still figuring out their own needs and standards, and who are still becoming established as women and may see themselves as less deserving of good treatment.

Meruem-x-Meruem · 2022-08-15T16:14:10+00:00

As another commenter said, this saying is usually about guys being celebrated/appreciated for doing bare minimum, especially things that nobody bats an eye when women do. A big one I’ve dealt with is how men handle rejection. Women are so used to men handling it badly that when they handle it well it almost makes us want them back lol, cause when they respect our boundaries they’ve now basically shown themselves to be some of the most emotionally mature guys we’ve interacted with so it makes us second guess whether we should have rejected them. Like, “I said “no” and he said “I understand, that’s ok :)” and actually left me alone….. is he a catch???“ when all they’re doing is the bare minimum of respect, it’s just that a lot of guys don’t do the bare minimum, hence the bar being low (respect is a low bar) and many guys being even below that.

Dads being seen as great dads because they help their children with homework, or cooked dinner for the family, or vacuumed, or went out with the baby for an afternoon, or changed diapers, or let their breastfeeding wife sleep through the night, or remembered a kid’s birthday, or fixed a piece of clothing for his wife, or ‘babysat’ his kids while his wife traveled for work. These are all things that make people go, “Wow! What a great man!!” when it’s like… moms do this all the time… and everyone just thinks “well yeah why wouldn’t she?”

Red_Trapezoid · 2022-08-15T14:18:56+00:00

OP, I've got some really bad news for you. The "bar" people are talking about isn't it regards to dating, it's in regards to just being tolerable. A lot of men, absolutely suck. They are totally insufferable in every way. You're thinking about boyfriends but I'm thinking how I don't even want to sit next to a lot of men on a train, let alone interact with one. For the record I'm a cis het guy. God forbid how women must feel about these men.

xXMachineWomanXx · 2022-08-15T13:30:46+00:00

No the bar isn’t on the floor. I enjoy my peace and if I date a guy, there has to be a good reason for me to risk my peace and sanity for this guy.

However, a lot of guys don’t even meet basic standards, like hygiene and common courtesy. If I put the bar on the ground, they will dig under it.

(I say guys because I’m straight and that’s who I date. I’m sure there are women like this too, but I obviously don’t have experience with it.)

redpillnonsense · 2022-08-15T12:44:50+00:00

You'll noticed people disgruntled with their dating lives will omit factors or obscure the truth to make it appear that nothing is wrong with them, but rather it's everybody else. The "bar" is incredibly subjective. But nobody ever meets their perfect match.

In my experience, every woman was looking for something different. When dates didn't work out, it was usually the lack of chemistry, but rarely will anybody tell you the exact reason why (I only got an honest answer my freshman year of college, and that's because my friend told me).

SweelFor- · 2022-08-15T11:42:19+00:00

That sounds like a stupid saying. The bar is on the floor for what makes a sandwich edible but that doesn't mean I want to eat every edible sandwich.

For me to want to eat a sandwich, it must be edible, but it must also have certain qualities that I like about sandwiches.

The bar on the floor idea, although I've never heard it in real life, sounds like an idea that angry women who are frustrated about dating and relationships invented to put the blame on men. Men who are angry and frustrated about dating and relationships also come up with stupid ideas to blame women for their difficulties and issues.

Disregard it and move on

Ok-Business-6888 · 2022-08-16T02:55:07+00:00

Nobody will ever be able to tell you how to be attractive to women - everyone has different tastes, and those tastes change over time.

I had an (albeit brief) friendship with a man once who seemed to think there was a formula for being attractive to women - if only he could figure out all my variables, or figure out all the boxes to tick and I'd be attracted to him. It was painfully obvious and ruined the friendship.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you "all you need to do is... and you'll have women wanting to fuck you." If the chemistry is there, she'll be attracted to you, but there's no forcing it. There's no rushing it either, sometimes it takes awhile.

I notice in one of your comments you say you have a low expectation of women - that might be the issue. That'll come across to the women you're talking to whether you like it or not. You have to be willing to give the person a chance, you can't go into it having low expectations of them.

wasted_basshead · 2022-08-16T06:23:20+00:00

When I hear the bar is low, it’s more in the sense that if a guy is even nice to us and doesn’t think we should have fewer rights than men, then we find them attractive as hell. That’s what I think when the bar’s low.

ChargeVisible · 2022-08-21T00:40:37+00:00

You can do everything right and be plenty attractive, and never meet anyone if you don't leave the house. Source: female who did the same thing for decades. Get off the computer, get off the Internet, get away from screens. Go outside.

SolidSnakesBandana · 2022-08-15T15:06:26+00:00

I would say that they are privileged in the sense that typically the person saying those things has social skills and isn't really capable of comprehending what its like to not have social skills because they've never not had them. People with social skills frequently find themselves in social situations and the truth is its a numbers game. If you constantly meet people, eventually you will stumble on one that is single and finds you attractive. This woman might not meet whatever standards you have personally, but she will exist. Like I said its just a numbers game.

For the record I'm a guy with no social skills. Ironically I am a bartender at a karaoke bar. I basically fake my way through every social interaction I have. I'm not really familiar with how other bars operate because as I said I have no social skills, but I can tell you that at this bar, if you showed up to do the karaoke every night, actually talked to people and had any level of charisma whatsoever (more or less the hygiene and confidence thing), there is a basically a 100% chance of someone, at some point, wanting to fuck you. Will this woman be attractive? Probably not. But she will exist!

I think I should also point out that if this kind of thing is frequently making you frustrated, especially on a daily basis, it's going to be come across in your personality whether you notice it or not. This is true of all forms of chronic frustration. If someone can sense these negative feelings from you then you are no longer meeting the minimum requirements.

vaporwav3r · 2022-08-16T13:52:28+00:00

Would love to know your idea of “Above the bare minimum.” What do you do for women above bare minimum?

Yes absolutely, the bar is in hell. I can give an example most women can relate to: the guy who claims he likes you or “really likes you”, yet puts in absolutely no effort to keep in contact with you or spend time. The last guy I dated, I cut him off because of this bare minimum low effort and we got back into contact 6 months later cause he wouldn’t stop messaging me and then spilled his guts about how he missed me, messed up and would like to make it up to me. I said okay, sure, we’ll see… he was extremely emotionally unavailable before so when he told me his heart I thought that was big for him and was willing to give him a second chance… I’ve learned not to give men a second chance from this, it NEVER works out.

Within 2 weeks, he was back doing the same SHIT. “WYD” and good morning me to death. All he would say was wyd? I would answer and then he wouldn’t respond. Or respond with 1 word answers. Would NEVER call me. If I tried to start a convo via text, it would never go anywhere cause he put no effort into responding. Never asked me real/deep questions about who I am as a person. He CAME TO ME asking for forgiveness but then turned around and put in no effort. We talked back for a few weeks before I was moving out of state. He barely ever arranged for us to meet in person, it was mostly me! When I asked, he was willing but this mf wanted to sit pretty as I made all the effort when HE IS THE ONE who approached me.

I have encountered this a lot. You will see a lot of women on TikTok and the like as well, talking about how men will WYD you to death. They put in no effort at all to try and get to know you deeply, or even to plan a meet up or date that is fun and not just drinks at a bar. Doesn’t do anything special for you ever, no thoughtful gifts, however inexpensive. With this guy, all our “dates” that I planned were so fun and not HARD to think of: bowling, roller skating, a night out dancing, a mini road trip, mini golf.. all his shit was meet up at my house, let’s go to the bar, let’s go get food…. Lol I’m getting triggered. But I’m sick of this. I would rather be single than date another low effort male. ATP I think marriage seems so unrealistic cause I’m not willing to put up with that.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-08-15T20:16:01+00:00

I doubt that no girl has ever shown interest in you.

I think there must be at least one instance where you have rejected a girl because you didn't think she was right for you.

carritotaquito · 2022-08-16T03:22:25+00:00

To me, this is almost the equivalent to men who say:

A woman just need to be: skinny, childfree, under 40, and that's it!!!

^{^Note:} ^{^Less} ^{^developed} ^{^countries} ^{^tend} ^{^to} ^{^be} ^{^25-30.}

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2022-08-15T17:06:06+00:00

No, women just have crazy standards.

For example women calling Jason Mamoa's off season body a dad bod. The dude has been on multiple steroid cycles. Has been in the gym for 6 years. He takes 6 months off and is now considered a dad bod. That's crazy. Unachievable for the average man who has a job and doesn't want to take steroids.

Just look at dating sites data. You can obviously see women are disproportionately selecting top tier men. Compared to men who are much more accepting of women. It's empirical evidence.

Women's standards are merciless.

Not to mention the average man is more fit and makes more money than the average women.

This is not the fault of men. Women have become insanely selective.

Personally I don't like to make excuses. I'll abide by those standards. But there is no mercy on my standards, where as before I'd be willing to be more accepting.

vcreativ · 2022-08-16T10:36:44+00:00

I judge speech on what it achieves. I don't know what the bar is really on the floor for men achieves other than shitting on guys, successful or not. It doesn't improve the situation, it isn't advice, and it doesn't uplift.

At best, it'll make you feel worse about your situation, whatever that might be. There still appears to be doubt that men can have struggles. lol?

I doubt an emotionally mature guy would entertain dating a woman that says stuff like that. It's basically a flag. On a good day it's an oversimplification. That means this particular set of women is likely left with an impression of men based on survivorship bias a type of cognitive dissonance.

I'd like to add, it's perfectly reasonable to say I used to have really high standards but I never met a guy that was interested in me that fulfilled them so I had to drop them to the floor. But it's weird to assume that this is now true for all women.

This is like CBT 101, investigate your biases, don't settle on it being everyone else's fault.

Hope this helps.

TheFlaco1999 · 2022-08-20T14:17:24+00:00

Notice how all the male view points are heavily down voted

furious1235 · 2022-08-20T18:51:10+00:00

This whole comment section is giving me FDS vibes.

FunOk9257 · 2022-08-15T11:39:25+00:00

Oh have you not heard?

imeannothing · 2022-08-16T10:57:22+00:00

I saw similar post on PurplePillDebate sub and one comment said that it can be true when the woman is already attracted to you physically, and i think that make sense for example when you see posts with women complaining about shitty behavior of their bf- it's like they didn't notice it earlier, before they committed or what?
I'm not saying that all women are like that, but certainly the ones which are saying the bar is on the floor for men.

2020mademejoinreddit · 2022-08-17T12:57:15+00:00

There is no "bar". Firstly, it mostly just depends on what kind of individual you are to begin with. Meaning, what you look like, how you conduct yourself, your communication skills, your behavior, mannerisms, etc.

It's inaccurate to say the "bar" is "low" or "high". Because different people will experience different levels of difficulties in getting dates, especially depending on their location. Not to mention culture, in addition to the above mentioned.

Ask yourself, why are women not interested in you? Have you asked anyone of them? Maybe try and focus on yourself and try to live your life to the fullest. The other stuff will come.

KingKunta2-D · 2022-08-22T03:26:56+00:00

I hate this saying . Girls on the left be like "omg the bar is so low for men and they cant even get over that". The bar is on the floor for guys they find attractive (tall, clear skinned, healthy, and good looking for euro-centric beauty standards). for average guys the bar is the bar im not gonna say whether its high or low.

But girls will definitely (lower it) put up with a lotttttt of abuse and bs if the guy is handsome and/or wealthy

Title	Is the 'bar' really on the floor for men?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	51
Comments	249
Date	August 15, 2022 11:29 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/wox7p0/is_the_bar_really_on_the_floor_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-the-bar-really-on-the-floor-for-men.1209090 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209090

Comments

A woman just need to be: skinny, childfree, under 40, and that's it!!!