And there it is

womandatory · 2021-02-07T11:23:38+00:00

Many people are surprised when I tell them how long I was single after my marriage ended, most of them are men. Women generally aren’t surprised to hear a divorced woman choosing freedom - freedom FROM and freedom TO.

Freedom from financial abuse of a man unable to budget and looking to lay blame, freedom to choose to drink soup for a month to afford a pair of nice shoes. Freedom from picking up after a child you never birthed, freedom to leave the vacuuming another day to catch up with your sister instead. Freedom from the inane buzzing of video games, freedom to control the remote. Freedom from a sad, paunchy, middle aged guy clicking his tongue in criticism as you enjoy a cocktail or a slice of cake on Friday, freedom to go to the gym whenever you like, to eat clean five days a week and buy the nice gymwear you like. The freedom that comes when you drop not just that 250lb of useless baggage, but another 20 of your own and it hurts them so bad you levelled up.

Ngwanuza · 2021-02-07T10:47:22+00:00

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Pasdepromesses · 2021-02-07T10:50:59+00:00

This is me right now. I am very content with my life right now, but open to a relationship. I’m not actively dating though and I’m not in a hurry. I only want a relationship if it adds positively to my life, or rather stay single. I don’t need one at all.

People are so surprised (and sometimes even butthurt) that I’m not dating and am living my best life without a partner and kids. They are fine with it at first, but when men hear that it’s my choice I get a lot of resistance. They don’t get it because they assume I’m in a hurry to have kids or marriage and I have no problem finding suitors so I guess they’re mad that I have standards.

Some woman are nice about it though, they go in error mode for a moment, rethink and are like ‘good for you’. I think most women my age in relationships get my need to have either a HVM or freedom and nothing in between.

HengroenAndLlamrei · 2021-02-07T15:00:51+00:00

Men aren’t only competing for women with other men, they are competing with how content she is being single.

chokkolate · 2021-02-07T13:43:57+00:00

Exactly. Marriage means you'll sacrifice some things. You'll lose freedom to do a lot, you'll be bound to other person and all your life choices from there on will have to take that person in account. It's a big deal.

That's why I don't dream about marriage per se. Single life is more practical, specially for career-driven women. That's why I would trade that absolute freedom only for something even better. Someone worth it. And if that person never appears, it's ok. It's better to be alone, making my own dreams come true, than to go through the rest of my life dragging a dead weight behind me. Getting married just for the sake of it, just not to become a "spinster" is a recipe for disaster.

JaneD-oh · 2021-02-07T14:20:00+00:00

I know too many people who have settled and are now unhappy in their relationships. I've been there, but thankfully never married! And I will NEVER be in a position like that again. Fuck these men, most of them are no good and I don't want a damn thing to do with any of them. "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

nebsemi · 2021-02-07T11:03:53+00:00

I've been told for so long that my standards are too high and no man was like that. However, I know men like that exist and I refuse to settle for less.

But right now, for me to enter a relationship, a HVM will have to literally fall onto my lap because I'm done searching for him.

skyerippa · 2021-02-07T15:56:24+00:00

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Maude2010 · 2021-02-07T17:22:34+00:00

If you ever feel unsure about choosing to be single, go check out the breaking mom sub. I was on there for about a half hour yesterday and saw about five women finding out about cheating husbands, one concerned that her husband might be stalking one of her daughters friends, and pretty much all of them complaining about doing absolutely everything while their husbands sleep and play video games.

Not_Main_Acct · 2021-02-07T11:29:33+00:00

I think I had generally decent standards. Married a good man and live a lucky, stable, and peaceful life. Then FDS opened my eyes. I raised my standards for myself. I held myself to higher expectations. I wanted to be a high value woman.

And I raised my standards for my husband and our marriage. Things that were acceptable before no longer were. I wanted and demanded better from both of us. He, for the most part, rose to the challenge. He met my new standards and our relationship is so much healthier and better now. If he didn't rise up, we'd probably be divorced.

I might have called him HVM before I found FDS, but he was just doing the bare minimum. With women getting beaten, killed, raped, financially trapped, abused, neglected and all the other things that happen all the time I thought I was lucky to have a man who didn't do all that and was kind. How low the bar is! Now, though, with the new standards.... yes, he's shown himself capable and is a HVM.

I'll never let my standards dip again. Especially not for myself.

EarthKveik · 2021-02-07T10:46:30+00:00

They can step up or fuck off.

TheOGJammies · 2021-02-07T14:53:56+00:00

Women didn’t enforce the new standards because everyone told us it was our job to teach them instead of letting them repeatedly fail with women until they learned. This is why “jUst CoMmUniCaTe” will never work. It has to be backed up with action. But every time women enforce boundaries and standards all of society attacks her, even so called “feminist” media.

Necessary_Resolution · 2021-02-07T16:05:28+00:00

Not much to add here except to plug this amazing book! Rebecca Traister is one of my favorite writers and this book made me feel like not only are my life choices okay, they’re quite radical. Lots of great historical examples of bad ass women who were single/child free and changed the world.

yolosunshine · 2021-02-07T19:02:43+00:00

Women having money and safety means they don’t have to rely on men.

Turns out some men aren’t worth being with unless your life is at stake.

What a fucking concept. Duhhhhhhhh.

slayeroftruth · 2021-02-07T20:25:52+00:00

American women have it rough with our men. Their standards for themselves is so low while what they say want in women is so high. Its such clusterfuck.

They want 50's housewife but is opposite of 50's male. They want housewife but does not want to be sole bread winner. They are shocked when don't get housewife when they call women gold diggers for wanting man to pay for date. Why would housewife want man who wont pay for date? How would he support her financially? Traditional women in my family told me to stay far away from those type of men. Male logic makes no sense.

OR

They want working women to do so called 50/50 when it really women doing vast majority of the work. 50/50 to men in not half in reality. They know it as well. That's why they get so mad when being asked to do more. Men know they are getting off easy and want it to stay that way.

The grooming expectations for men is getting worse while women expectations keep getting higher. It amazes me they complain about us when physically they are worse than grandpa and even fathers generation.

Every women I have talked to has told me I was smart to be single. Yes this includes married women. Men are like "not married yet?" .. Women are like 'i don't blame you' and "your smart".

2021-02-07T20:20:34+00:00

“She can do it all!” became “she has to do it all!” No more!

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-02-07T14:32:34+00:00

The only reason I could see getting married is to have sex on demand but now I know that's not even guaranteed if they would rather watch porn and can't get a boner

Belgian_jewish_studn · 2021-02-07T16:01:25+00:00

This brings me so much joy.

level_up_always · 2021-02-07T18:20:05+00:00

i'm reading this book right now was actually going to do a fds style book review post when i'm done. it's pretty good and mostly follows fds principles but the author does glorify some pickme libfem casual sex type stuff but overall its a great read with lots of statistically backed figures. also thought it was weird she is married herself preaching about single ladies but w/e lol

randomgirlimok · 2021-02-07T21:17:18+00:00

I gained nothing from being married. I would have been better off with a roommate who paid rent to me.

2021-02-08T06:26:37+00:00

Men are still expecting the same things from women in 2020 that were compulsory for our grandmothers becuase they literally needed a male partner to act as a legal guardian in order to survive.

It's been more than 50 years since women gained financial independence from men in the 60's and 70's and they haven't figured it out yet.

palanuik · 2021-02-08T00:01:15+00:00

Why can't I upvote twice!!

Title	And there it is
Author	millennialpink2000
Upvotes	1827
Comments	79
Date	February 7, 2021 8:56 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/leiygj/and_there_it_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/and-there-it-is.1192692 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192692

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