Are You The “Clingy” Type?

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-07-16T05:12:45+00:00

If a guy says you’re being too clingy, it’s because he’s trying to manipulate you into accepting his breadcrumbs and low effort behavior.

Narcissists will lovebomb you at the beginning of the relationship and as the months go on, they start giving you less and less attention until eventually you have to fight for it.

Also watch out for LVM who say their ex was too clingy or a friend or family member of theirs is “just too much”. It is likely he’ll tell his next dating prospects the same thing about you. They really tell on themselves

ponchoacademy · 2021-07-16T05:46:03+00:00

I had a guy ask me if Im clingy cause I just seem like one of those girls who would be clingy, his ex was like that and hes trying to avoid women like that. Ohhhh my gosh I had a blast telling my friends a guy said I come off as clingy. The general response was...did he mean to send that to someone else cause....huh?!

This is me...there was a guy I was getting to know, we went on a couple dates, exchanged texts very few days or so. One day I sent him a text, didnt hear back, I didnt think much of it, he'll respond when hes free. A few weeks later he finally texted me saying he "got busy" and wanted to know if I was free to meet up. I genuinely had no idea who the guy was, could barely remember what he looked like. Had to turn down his date offer and move on, not even because he took so long with a lame ass non excuse, which is reason enough, but that he was so unmemorable that I forgot he existed.

Thats what my friends know me as...the girl who will literally forget shes dating a guy. So his "observation" was pretty hilarious.

The truth is, guys will very very often point out things under the guise of "my ex did this" to try and manipulate you into not wanting to do anything like her, with the intent of getting away with stuff "my ex used to nag me all the time" so now he can just...not do things or you risk nagging him and being just like his ex. or "my ex used to be so jealous and act crazy for no reason" so that when you see him being inappropriate around other women, you dont say anything and keep it to yourself cause you dont wanna be like his ex. "my ex never appreciated anything I did for her, never said thank you" so that you are sure to say thank you and over appreciate all the low/no effort stuff he does that is downright insulting, because unlike his ex you want him to feel appreciated...

ugh.

SkiesEclipse · 2021-07-16T06:45:40+00:00

I agree that so many dudes I’ve been with thought normal relationship things were “being clingy” which is just a way for them to unconsciously indicate to you that they aren’t that into you.

HOWEVER, I do strongly believe that codependency is a very real issue that FDS women should be aware of. I was codependent with an ex, and it was absolutely terrible.

I put all my energy into our relationship. I’m not joking, my grades started to slip because I’d spend every waking moment with him instead of studying, I was calling in sick to work so that I could be with him, I was losing touch with friends because I hadn’t talked in months, it was….bad.

That’s why this sub is so much more than a dating sub. It emphasizes the importance of women’s independence, and encourages women to improve themselves. Never again will I be codependent on a man, or dependent in any way for that matter.

luna_prismatic · 2021-07-16T05:07:52+00:00

A man who uses adjectives like “clingy” and “needy” to describe women, especially ones he’s been romantically involved with, is just telling on himself that he’s emotionally unavailable. There’s no such thing as a “needy” person, just people with unmet needs. Someone who views bids for connection, honesty, and integrity within a relationship as some sort of huge, unreasonable ask has nothing to offer. Yes there are people who get into relationships where needs are misaligned, but someone with class isn’t going to be using such hyperbolic language to demean their ex partner.

ApartPersonality · 2021-07-16T07:29:52+00:00

I prefer to think of it as being “high engagement” rather than “clingy.” I like regular communication and having a guy’s full attention in person - and he gets the benefit of my attention, time, wit, empathy, etc. If he’s not investing in the effort to communicate and spend time with me, then I’m out. Men look really stupid when they accuse a woman of being clingy and then she goes no contact 🤣

Not all men are meant to drive Lamborghinis. Not all men are meant to date women who are high engagement.

Professional-Ad-457 · 2021-07-16T09:39:09+00:00

A first date scrote asked me if I was the jealous type and I said ‘only if a guy was being inappropriate around other women’ and he told me his ex would accuse him of looking at other women all the time. At that point I knew he had just told on himself. Then he literally told on himself later when he told me him and his best friend loved to ‘people watch’ and would sit somewhere together and give women marks out of 10 as their favourite thing to do 🤢I pointed out this was precisely the behaviour that made his ex jealous and he had nothing to say. I’ve seen a few guys in their OLD profiles say they ‘like people watching’ and now I read that as perving on women. Nope.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-07-16T05:38:03+00:00

You can never be so independent that a LVM won't call you "clingy" or "needy" as an insult. And it is an insult. I was down to calling one of my exes just once or twice a week, to give him SPACE, and he still did.

SuitablePerformance3 · 2021-07-16T04:54:28+00:00

Don't tell men your baggage. 9/10 they always use it against you. Far as they're concerned you've been treated like a Queen and they better do the same or get gone.

happygolukcy · 2021-07-16T07:49:27+00:00

There’s no such thing as clingy, just a low effort clown 🤡. Also, do not fall for the “you’re being to clingy argument”. Most guys just say that so they could cheat on you, or avoid you. In which, you should not be wasting your time and energy. He either makes time to talk to you or you’re going to remove him from your life entirely.

THIS A 100 TIMES. I've always said this! Men WILL be "clingy" with women they actually want. And when they don't want someone, they use clingy to transfer the shame of them being low effort onto the woman they just want to mess around with.

The men who call women clingy are themselves insecure and angry at a low effort woman, they WANT the attention without the responsibilities of being in a committed relationship.

And ironically they're the ones who use you for emotional dump, who ask you for money, who expect you to cook for them, who basically want you to do all girlfriend duties EXCEPT anything that demands actual action from them.

kensnenenne · 2021-07-16T08:13:48+00:00

Gosh…. I am so clingy. When my husband and I were dating I stuck to him like glue. Five years later and I still stick to him like glue. I love him so much. I had other relationships where the men would tell me to “go get some friends” and when I did go get friends, they would beg for my attention. My husband on the other hand, always allowed me to be myself and I am absolutely in love with him. This is how I am. I can’t help it. Even after therapy I am still clingy. My advice to women is find someone who accepts you for who you are.

ninefiveoneone · 2021-07-16T12:32:46+00:00

Even women with an anxious attachment style can do perfectly fine with men who are emotionally stable and available. It’s the avoidant and emotionally immature men who cause women to feel anxious and like they need to somehow latch on more tightly. DO NOT ever get involved with a man who cannot express his emotions or uses stonewalling or emotional invalidation. It can make even the best of us “clingy”

VividPsychology7 · 2021-07-16T11:37:19+00:00

A NVM/LVM will call you clingy/needy/keen because you don’t let him get away with the same low-effort shit that his pickmeisha ex did, and he isn’t used to women actually requiring him to do the bare minimum in showing his interest in the relationship.

If a guy calls you this just block and delete him (if it’s IRL just avoid him and don’t talk to him again).

dimsummer- · 2021-07-16T14:18:18+00:00

I agree with this. It also happens in reverse, where a man will constantly compliment you on being so 'independent'. What this usually means is: they think they don't have to support you financially or emotionally, but they will get upset/run away when you express any opinions or desires that challenge their own.

A HVM can and should value independence in a woman, of course, but watch out for the guys who harp on it or say it's their favourite thing about you. A HVM who values your independence will show you by supporting your career goals, listening to your opinions and respecting you as an autonomous human being.

midwesternwinds · 2021-07-16T12:10:32+00:00

My favorite character on a show was hated by people for being, supposedly, "clingy". Which I didn't see at all, but even so, she was in love with the main character. Why WOULDN'T she want to spend time with him? Is that not the entire point of a relationship??

To me, people who hate "clinginess", real or otherwise, are telling on themselves as commitmentphobes.

Twolipz_78 · 2021-07-16T10:33:27+00:00

Please, what are some good comebacks for when they want to say that we’re needy and things like that? What were some reasons/benefits a guy would want a clingy/needy woman?

melonmagellan · 2021-07-16T14:25:40+00:00

My STBX, who is and was highly abusive, called my need for basic information "clingy."

Yeah, I'm clingy because I want to know where you've been with my car for four-hours 🙄🤡🙄

munissa · 2021-07-16T14:30:26+00:00

The answer is “you’ll never have the pleasure to find out the answer to that.” There are a handful of seemingly harmless questions people ask that are a complete turn off on the first date. That’s 1 of them, so is “so why are you still single?”, “why did your last relationship end? (Or anything about your past relationships)”. Those are the ones that come to mind but they are low effort questions.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-07-16T17:36:48+00:00

If a man calls you clingy it’s because he’s not into you or he’s trying to lower your self-esteem.

The best thing is just to not bother with them. Walk away. Block and delete.

Professional-Pea-317 · 2021-07-16T17:58:20+00:00

He's trying to gaslight you. He wants you to feel like youre the clingy one so when he tries to coerce sex, you won't recognize that him trying to put his penis in you is actually the epitome of clingy. The gaslighting sets the stage for the coercion.

Wkndwhorechata · 2021-07-16T18:39:38+00:00

”When you point one finger, there are three fingers pointing back to you." 👉

You point to someone and call them clingy, well let’s look where those three fingers are pointing and perhaps we’re emotionally unavailable.

_queeeen_ · 2021-07-16T21:16:04+00:00

This is one of the things we NEED TO BE TEACHING WOMEN but I’m also annoyed because I don’t want abusers to just learn not to use the word clingy.

This is 100% true. Any man who gripes about his exes being clingy… not worth a second further of vetting.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-07-16T21:42:45+00:00

I needed to hear this, thanks for sharing the wisdom 🙌🏻

fak_beauty_standards · 2021-07-17T13:56:35+00:00

I was told I was a crybaby when I started an argument and that it's one of the reasons he breaks up usually.

I broke up 2 days later. He lost his 💩after.

Title	Are You The “Clingy” Type?
Author	Junior-Lion7893
Upvotes	455
Comments	43
Date	July 16, 2021 4:27 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ol9hsx/are_you_the_clingy_type/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/are-you-the-clingy-type.793123 https://theredarchive.com/post/793123

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