Being in you 20’s should be about self development, your eduction and to lay the foundation for financial independence

acerrima · 2021-01-12T19:52:12+00:00

To add on to this:

-your standards are not to high,

-you're not "too hard to impress"

-you're not too picky

-you don't have to give them a chance,

-you're not incapable of romantic love just because you haven't found anyone that you genuinely like yet, the choices probably just suck

Because i always hear that you shouldn't worry about no one wanting to date you, but rarely about you just not wanting to date anyone, even though you do have the option

MistressSelkie · 2021-01-12T18:30:10+00:00

Women gain a LOT more genuinely nasty mileage by being around LVM than by being single.

pinkcloudzzz · 2021-01-12T19:33:00+00:00

Keep in mind that just because other women have had boyfriends/fiancees/husbands even before doesn’t mean they were treated with love. Real love comes with respect.

Candid_Check_4843 · 2021-01-12T19:45:25+00:00

I agree 100% with your post title. I'm in my mid-20s and have spent essentially all of my 20s so far working on self-development, my education, and cultivating my financial independence. I feel like I've grown so much as a person, gained so many employable skills, and gained a lot of life experiences in my 20s so far, which I feel would have been stifled or muted or stalled had I been attached to a man.

I've dated here and there, but never in a super serious way; the guys I've dated have been great and respectful, but they didn't seem worth sacrificing my individuality and sovereignty for, especially because I felt like my early-mid-20s was/is the time to focus my time and energy on self-development, education, and finances.

I'm happy with where I am in life now. I think that being happy with your life, and having a solid self-development, education, and financial foundation is a natural repellent of LVMs and a natural "pheromone" for HVMs.

snowwhite224 · 2021-01-12T20:43:01+00:00

Yessssss! 23 and still haven’t had my first kiss haha honestly more focused on my career and self development right now though. Nothing wrong with it!

manrypanda · 2021-01-12T19:32:51+00:00

Human lifespans are longer than ever before. There is NO NEED to rush.

waddamelone · 2021-01-12T20:45:21+00:00

Seeing this honestly made me feel good. And seeing you ladies in the comments agree made me feel great. Thank you for the reminder. Because even though I KNOW this, sometimes social media still influences my brain and I think there’s something wrong for not having experienced the “normal” things like love yet.

But I think there’s more people out there that haven’t than people that have. It’s just that people don’t really talk about it. Maybe because of shame? Meanwhile it’s nothing to be ashamed about.

Maude2010 · 2021-01-12T20:35:49+00:00

I didn’t start dating till I was 27. I spent my 20s in school and traveling. I think it’s really weird that teens date and have sex.

silentlyrunning94 · 2021-01-12T21:47:36+00:00

For someone who had only had a brief relationship during my first semester at university (currently 27), I needed this. Not interested in dating yet, but outside pressure can pull you down at times.

wedonthavetobeishtar · 2021-01-12T22:27:37+00:00

Check out “The Defining Decade.” Scared me straight in my mid-twenties. My relationship choices were questionable, but the career I built is reaping rewards now.

Necessary_Resolution · 2021-01-12T21:09:36+00:00

Thanks for the reminder! I'm turning 30 this week and sometimes I get really down on myself for not having been in a serious relationship yet (despite trying for years!).

But then I remember, girl...you have great friends, two degrees, money in the bank, and have travelled all over. I might not have a ~husband, but it's not like I've been sitting here letting my life pass me by.

We need to give ourselves credit and keep grinding until a HVM appears and reminds us why we waited in the first place!

TheEldritchHorror · 2021-01-12T22:34:36+00:00

I’m 29 and have been on maybe 4 dates, with guys I didn’t even like. It’s hard not to feel like there’s something wrong with me. This makes me feel better about it.

spicyspa · 2021-01-12T22:57:26+00:00

Exactly. Don't rush. I'm sure a lot of 20-somethings see a lot of their friends with their engagement photos, wedding photos and baby photos all over a social media and feel like they're being left out of the fun. They're not. A lot of this is just public relations and a need for external validation. In all my over 50 years, I have witnessed as an outsider only two good marriages. There could be more out there but if you can make your single life the best life then if a man does show up you will have the finances and stability to leave if you have to. Always have an exit plan.

apple_cores · 2021-01-12T21:55:53+00:00

I mean, I didn't start dating until 25. I spent years working on myself. I ended up having to learn hard lessons later. I do mainly wish I started therapy at 18 and started talking to guys at 20.

I recently turned 31 and got out of a toxic relationship. Honestly, if I had just gotten that experience at 18, I would have maybe avoided it near my good settling down years. Maybe it would have been worse though. Who knows? I think 20 is a good age to start dating and that doesn't mean having sex. It means get valuable relational experience so you bring skills to a relationship and know what to look out for.

Nothing wrong with waiting but trust me, waiting doesn't necessarily make everything super easy either.

overthinker4444 · 2021-01-12T20:13:24+00:00

Yes, this is accurate. To get a man is easy. To find a HVM can be difficult. We should not loose hope. Better to settle late in life with a HVM than to settle early on with a NVM or LVM. Self improvement and focusing on yourself is way more better than to focus on a man. Especially in your 20’s. When I speak to relatives or friends do they ask me: “And did you meet someone yet.” The moments I say no and mention that I am focusing on my study are they impressed. But I want them actually to ask me about my education, job or hobby. Why is a man important? My life is not about man and dating.

Connect-Ad-9361 · 2021-01-12T22:06:49+00:00

Dating in your teens wouldn't be that much of a problem if we would actually emphasize FDS principles to teen girls to help them avoid getting manipulated by horny boys

Shefthegooddog · 2021-01-12T22:57:25+00:00

Honestly I'm a bit scared that when I finally do want to date again I'll be too inexperienced and it will show. Besides, one thing I've noticed is all men I like are taken pretty early... The good guys who are serious and not afraid to commit when in love with their partners. This makes me feel inadequate, but still, I'd rather die an old cat lady than force myself to date people I'm not really into (and I've always been super picky).

Shefthegooddog · 2021-01-12T23:08:22+00:00

ADD: I see comments saying they would have liked to date more / had more experience dating. This post isn't about not being allowed to date, but more about to not make it a top priority when you're a teenager and early 20s.

I think dating experience will help your social and vetting skills.

BUT not having that experience does not make you weird or behind, I know (in and outside) pressure can make you feel that way.

2021-01-12T18:47:43+00:00

I’m 34 and “it is never too late” holds true.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-01-12T19:44:31+00:00

I think it’s fine to have zero love and relationship experience in your 20’s, but I think you should still have gone on dates. It’s a good way to develop communication skills, fine tune your “red flag” radar, and it really teaches you how accurate female intuition is (spoiler: it’s 100% accurate). Plus it’s a good way to try out new restaurants/movies/art galleries....and not pay 😝

Also it’s a good way to learn how to emphasize your good qualities discreetly and how to say a “soft no” which are useful not just in dating but in the professional world too.

nooraani · 2021-01-12T23:32:16+00:00

I used my 20s to get 3 degrees including my masters which will get me a lot further in life than any relationship with a 20 year old man would have 💅🏾

Kit_Kat_Yum_Yum · 2021-01-12T22:47:34+00:00

i needed this cause i’m turning 20 this year and i’ve never even held hands with a man/women , and i always feel like i’m unlovable or smt cause even 14 year olds have had sex .

berned-out · 2021-01-12T22:03:56+00:00

Back in the day, if you weren't worthy of being picked, and didn't get picked, your fate could easily turn into sex work, back alley abortions, no money, and no rights.

I was just in the car and heard a song called "Sugar Daddy" and yeah it was as awful as it sounds, all about being able to taste the good life, I have a right to, he gives me all his money, he give me all his money.

So, the main issue I have with this is, the Sugar Daddy was born from a time only a FEW YEARS AGO when women had zero upward mobility financially, and were either a wife or a mistress or invisible.

A woman's wealth was only determined by her ability to find a man with money, and convince him to give away his money.

How many people did I see in my 50 years who accomplished this? Rich people finding rich people to marry, super common. Prostitutes outside the country who offer the traditional woman and wife role in exchange for being exclusive. Otherwise, never saw it. Saw many believe in it, saw many men leverage it, saw many women get trapped trying to be a "good girl" and not marry for money, get trapped without money. Women marrying for money, the ones I saw married gay men who were in the closet are the only women I saw pull this off. LOL

SO MUCH WORK.

It's easier to get an education and a job that pays nicely.

And this is why I put it here, in the thread about 20 somethings. The old reason 20 somethings had to find love quick, level up, be a good mistress or the most valuable partner quick now it's the natural order of things. That was born from yesterday, when women were terrified on not getting picked, ending up not being able to get a mortgage or a car or job unless a man stepped up to promise to be there.

Back in the day, if you weren't worthy of being picked, and didn't get picked, your fate could easily turn into sex work, back alley abortions, no money, and no rights.

NO. It's hella easier, and should be the standard, for a woman to take her own sweet time, and not be convinced that her value lies in how close to being a child she is.

Sensitive-Shoe-1079 · 2021-01-12T18:21:45+00:00

THANK YOU

RKoczaja · 2021-01-12T21:24:16+00:00

I know Adele doesn't write her own songs but whoever does write her hits NEEDS to read the OP's comment. I roll my eyes when she sings about love being "almost too late" in her twenties!

Saitschik · 2021-01-13T01:06:52+00:00

Honestly. There is so much to build, explore, expierience, and learn about the world. Being obsessed with romantic love or worse waste your 20s in a realtionship with a LVM who dulls your mind is the worst of all possible ways to spend it. Women need to let go of this.

CaktusJacklynn · 2021-01-13T01:48:01+00:00

I spent my 20s fighting depression and low self esteem, only to get to my 30s a d fight against folks putting me in a fucking box that I don't belong in.

ChocolateBiscuit96 · 2021-01-13T02:26:24+00:00

Exactly, thank you!!! My coworkers always ask “where’s your bf/husband”, “you don’t have kids, omg, why not”? And it’s like, why can’t I focus on my masters degree and making sure I’m financially stable before I start a family? I have very little experience with real relationships but I’m not too concerned with that because men will always be here.

seekingcodingjedi · 2021-01-13T06:00:16+00:00

100% yes. This message should reach every young girl in the world. Never to prioritise romantic relationships over your self growth and education. I felt like a loser in college just because I did not have a boyfriend. I was made to feel that way by even some who I considered to be my friends. Years later, most of these friends who invested most of their time on their relationships do not have much of a career. It's a trap and best to completely avoid till you are confident about yourself and a certain level of education.

honestlyimdeadinside · 2021-01-13T14:25:31+00:00

This is so important in my opinion . I felt so much embarrassment over myself for not being experienced with dating or anything that goes in that direction, while my friends all did their thing and dated, got into relationships etc. (Young) Women really need to understand that it's not that important and that it doesn't have any say on your self worth. You don't need to be in a relationship and you don't need to have sex to be an adult and to be mature. Do your thing. Focus on accomplishing education and getting good paying, enjoyable jobs. There is so much time, don't hurry through it, because you'll regret it if you force yourself to it.

Blackrose_ · 2021-01-12T22:09:15+00:00

The amount of soul crushing time that was wasted by scrotes in my 20s... I'd best see an optometrist or an eye doctor because my retina's are in danger of detaching from the amount of eye rolling that was caused by that delusional period of my life. I'm thanking what ever dark entity that I either pissed off or appeased with my suffering during that time.

Scrotes gonna scrote I guess.

craftyAnne6 · 2021-01-12T22:29:08+00:00

I needed to hear this. I haven’t had a “boyfriend” since I was 15, and that was just peer-pressure pairing off. I’m going to be 26 this year, and seeing my job put up Valentine’s Day merchandise already got me in a cynical mood. But the more I think about being in a relationship, the more I think about how I need to work on myself, especially emotionally.

CatusCactus · 2021-01-12T23:02:23+00:00

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2021-01-12T23:03:15+00:00

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BabyBlankieieieieie · 2021-01-13T02:32:13+00:00

This is me 100% so goddamn, fucking thank you. The looks I get when I say I've only had 2 maybe 3 serious relationships, and I don't date, actively; people shudder and act like they've seen a bug. It's crazy! Context; I just turned 30.

2021-01-13T08:03:19+00:00

this hit me really hard :(

sacchilax · 2021-01-13T02:31:29+00:00

Oooooh, I would have to disagree with this one. Experience is required to learn. Especially when it comes to love and relationships. You can read all you want, discuss it all you want- but until you go through it you'll never learn.

The worst thing I have seen are women in their 30's with no dating or relationship experience. They are like literal prey on the market and are playing this dating game with an empty playbook. Things that they might have noticed as red flags due to dating in their 20's they just simply don't notice at all. Especially when these men they now want to date in their 30s have literally been dating since they were in their teens and have years of experience and "tricks" they've acquired. Specifically LVM and NVM. They have had years to practice and if you don't know the tricks or red flag signals--- you'll be in a terrible position.

Also, those who don't date in their 20s and save it for their 30's often come off green and often they carry a level of fear of "not messing up" due to their age that then often breeds insecurity due to lack of experience. It's just not a good combo. Now am I advocating for women in their 20's to make men the center of their world? No. But I wouldn't advocate for not learning anything that entire time.

HotCheetoLife · 2021-01-13T02:07:01+00:00

I didnt start daiting until I was 26, now I'm 29 and getting engaged. Didnt feel like I started too late and I learned alot from my friends relationships.

Gracefullyadulting · 2021-01-13T04:16:23+00:00

Thank you! I'm in my early twenties. In my hometown, alot of people my age are getting married and starting families. It can get kind of pressuring sometimes. Then I remember all the things that I am just learning about myself right now.

throwaway23004345 · 2021-01-12T22:34:47+00:00

Honestly I wished I dated more in my early 20s and 20s in general. I’ll prob be 30 by the time covid ends, so two years wasted lol majority of my “dates” were awful and I didn’t have a date until 26 and he was a 50/50. I’m not saying woman need to have serious commitments but date casually and don’t accept dust. I wish I did more and now it feels too late bc I don’t know how to emotionally connect

sleeping_pretty · 2021-01-13T03:02:25+00:00

We also need to stop saying that it means the person has 0 experience in relationships. We have families, friends, and most importantly we need to have a relationship with ourselves. Being with a person does not give any type of experience. I haven't seen anyone with a Master's degree called "I dated people".

dearsky · 2021-01-13T01:12:02+00:00

Wow omg I really needed to see this. Seeing this definitely made me feel better and reading everyone’s comments as well. I literally spent most of my 20’s getting my education, and trying to get my life in order (still a working progress). I’ve got days where I feel like there must be something wrong with me. But right now I just want to focus on myself and getting where I want to in life. It’ll happen when it happens.

2021-01-13T02:23:40+00:00

I actually feel unlovable despite turning 20 next month because everyone glorifies being in a relationship. Everywhere I turn or go you just see couples. Even people I used to like they have been in a relationship and previous relationships. I haven’t even been in a single one.

It really dawns upon me because I am an only child and I am constantly stressed out. I don’t have anyone to talk to and sometimes the thought of being in one saves me. To have someone love you back and to share a familiarity.

Title	Being in you 20’s should be about self development, your eduction and to lay the foundation for financial independence
Author	Shefthegooddog
Upvotes	4393
Comments	107
Date	January 12, 2021 6:00 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kvwu6b/being_in_you_20s_should_be_about_self_development/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/being-in-you-20s-should-be-about-self-development.728922 https://theredarchive.com/post/728922

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