Guy a cheap date?

veruscka · 2021-02-12T05:14:05+00:00

Wow, a month in and he’s already complaining? Maybe he can’t afford to date.

Pasdepromesses · 2021-02-12T05:22:43+00:00

I dated a guy who had almost no bills because he owned a house and he made more than six figures. He still was like this, but never with things for himself. I feel it’s more a financial control kind of thing than being really stingy because they always splurge on sound systems, ski trips and winters in Thailand but when I’m hungry we have to share a sandwich to go?

He’s either obsessively stingy and should get therapy or he’s prepping you for financial abuse and testing the waters.

Either way, run.

daisy_0720 · 2021-02-12T05:54:37+00:00

You've been dating this dude for a month and you're already this stressed? Oh honey, no.

Dump him. Life is too short to be tolerating that bullshit. You want a man that will consider it an honor and a privilege to take you out somewhere nice. Also, feeding you sob stories about his poor background this early on comes across as gross and manipulative. You seem lovely and he's using your empathy against you. He's already got you picking up the tab. Are you willing to stick around and see what else he tries to extort from you? Fast forward six months and he'll be living in your apartment while you pay rent and he contributes nothing, but he'll talk you into accepting this because eQuAlIty and you're not like those other gold-digging women amirite?

It also sounds like you're new here? Firstly - welcome! Second, Read EVERYTHING in the Handbook and internalize it. I guarantee in a month's time, you'll look back on this post and laugh.

Gambit12345 · 2021-02-12T05:17:38+00:00

Don’t date a guy like this ever. My ex was exactly this way. And the attitude never changed even after he made a comfortable income. It makes you hesitant to ask for anything or suggest things for fun because money is an issue. If he’s too broke to date he shouldn’t be dating

Vmwvi · 2021-02-12T05:38:55+00:00

Don't even offer to split the bill; it's obvious that he doesn't want to date you unless you put yourself on a huge discount. He either can't afford to date you or doesn't want to date you. He sees you as a cheap in-between forever girlfriend. Also, don't do bar dates, that's a way to get drugged and date raped.

featherflowers · 2021-02-12T06:09:41+00:00

Read 👏 The 👏 Handbook 👏

But block and delete him first. He's a waste of your precious time.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-02-12T06:32:00+00:00

He’s making his budget your problem. Imagine what it would be like if you actually married a guy like this. You would be miserable and have no control over the finances. Hard pass.

Alarming-Midnight-73 · 2021-02-12T06:36:28+00:00

Firstly, you shouldn't be splitting drinks. As others have said, read the handbook.

But more importantly, don't downplay yourself. It's not rude of you to find something to be a turn off. If dating someone for just a month starts stressing you, then they are not compatible with you. If you feel the need to ask/google his behavior within just a few months of dating, then something is wrong and you should listen to your gut.

souredskittles · 2021-02-12T07:17:38+00:00

Nah he’s cheap af. If he would be making more he’d still be cheap. I remember I wanted to go to a place where they make good burgers. When he saw the price was $8 a burger he gave me like a “I can’t believe you brought me here” glare. Super turn off. Dump sis, don’t deal with this cheapness. Have you seen the show Extreme Cheapskates? That’s what your future will look like. In one episode the husband took the popcorn and soda cup out of the trash and washed it to refill for his wife. It’s a no for me.

Davina33 · 2021-02-12T08:25:07+00:00

Tight fisted men are the worst. You shouldn't have even offered to split the drinks. Next time say "okay" go home then block and delete him. I've been there and these type of men make miserable partners. Their meanness spills over into other parts of the relationship. I grew up really poor as well but I do like to treat my loved ones now and again.

Sensitive-Sun-3591 · 2021-02-12T08:25:10+00:00

Hey girl, it's not rude to be honest about not wanting to date someone. If you don't like it, don't date him.

There are thousands of men exactly like him, but that will pick up the tab - and then thank you for the privilege.

You dated, you vetted, and he didn't pass.

snootdidanoot · 2021-02-12T06:13:03+00:00

Life is too short to deal with that shit and be that stressed

singing_stream · 2021-02-12T10:07:52+00:00

it won't get any better, trust me.

Next thing you know he'll be bitching about the postage cost of your birthday and christmas presents.. (sadly i'm speaking from experience here)

by year 3, he won't even bother to get you presents unless your birthday happens to be on the same day as his.. then he'll only get you anything so he gets something of the same value in return.

By year 4, you'll be trapped with a kid with him, and he'll bitch at the cost of diapers and new clothes for the baby. He'll tell you the baby doesn't need clothes.. it can live in sleepsuits (that you pay for, because the baby's is YOUR responsibility).

Oh, and he won't bother waking up in the night..EVER.. because that's also YOUR responsibility.

Then when you finally see exactly what he is, and divorce his worthless ass, you won't get a single dime out of him for child support because remember =- the kid is YOUR responsibility and why tf should he pay when YOU'RE the one that got pregnant and trapped him.?

warinmymind94 · 2021-02-12T10:14:17+00:00

He sounds just like my NVM dad. This guy will keep complaining, but also start neggjng and shaming you, publicly and when you are alone. "Well I took you to applebees two for $20, you should be grateful. Its hard for me right now and I'm struggling so be grateful to me." But it'll also be "i just took you out last week, how much more do you want from me, money doesn't grow on trees!" And it'll also be low end gross, dirty, restaurants with lousy food or there'll be a day where you won't finish all your food (the reason won't matter) and he will neg and guilt trip you "you picked at your food like a bird/ what's the matter its not good enough for you/ you can't even clean your plate, whats your problem?"

He also is gonna start saying things like "well since you want to go out, then you can pay for ME, I can't afford it". If you want to do anything with this man, like any trip or event, you're gonna be the one footing the bill for him or he will complain or neg the entire time. "Well I can't afford to go to the beach I HaVe tO WoRk"

Leave this cheap broke ass man for himself- better yet let him work and start getting his money together. He shouldn't even be dating since he can't afford it and is cheap.

burpleseaurchin · 2021-02-12T06:30:43+00:00

A good guy who grows up poor often becomes a highly disciplined, frugal (where it matters), and ambitious man who knows the value of money... And wants to spend it on who he loves/his family even if he doesn't have that much. Because he knows what it's like to struggle without it. He invests in his future and by the time he's going to start dating, you bet his shit is together (or very close to being together... Where he will still display HVM tendencies despite being a broke student for example.)

A bad man becomes obsessed with money but somehow doesn't lift a finger to find better opportunities, complains about paying for dates, etc. A good one wouldn't be trying to date if he wasn't ready for it financially... Or if he's simply young/in a temporary odd financial situation, he would replace money with pure effort to make sure you're feeling loved.

materialpleasures · 2021-02-12T09:26:52+00:00

Walk away. This man does not value you. He's not enriching your life - you said so yourself, he's making you stressed.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-02-12T14:57:28+00:00

Drop this guy. Never offer to split the bill with a cheapskate or a man who can’t manage his money. Spend that money on a nice dinner for yourself and not on him!

shockingupdate · 2021-02-12T18:14:29+00:00

NEVER entertain a man who fusses at you about money. This happened to me all the time when I lived in San Francisco. I truly don’t get why men are like this in one of the most expensive cities in the world. If you can’t afford to pay for a meal out, don’t ask a girl out for a meal???

One ex did this to me daily all the time and made me feel too incompetent to make financial decisions on my own, which tbh is probs exactly what he wanted

karaokekiller · 2021-02-12T13:57:06+00:00

Ugh cut and run! It'll only get worse.

I had one who when we got together I was out earning him (not by much BTW), and if we went anywhere I always paid- 'oh, you just get your card out quicker than I do, I'll get next time' (hint, he didn't get next time. He'd happily order what he wanted or filled the trolley with what he wanted and then just wouldn't pay). He got me so used to paying for everything. So wrong.

Sadly, stayed in the relationship way too long and it cost me an awful lot of money and more time and energy than I should have given.

Don't be old me!

biggestsigh · 2021-02-12T15:14:46+00:00

this guy tells me he grew up poor

And he lets it affect his entire life. I grew up poor and I also know how to be generous with myself and others. If he hasn't figured it out, he needs to work on himself. You can't fix him.

You've been dating him a month too long. Let this guy go, he is not the one.

nothiniwouldntdo · 2021-02-12T15:36:06+00:00

omfg is it my ex?!! no really.. every thing we did he was stingy with his money. I mean, never for his hobbies, but ALWAYS for our $80 dinner date on a Friday night. Of course. I’m cringing thinking about how I put up with that..

If your man has the financial means to take you out and is stingy about money... next. It’s a horrible quality.

Bonus points: if he makes you feel GUILTY and like you’re asking for too much for wanting him to contribute !!!anything semi significant!!! monetarily to your relationship.

theshadiestsister · 2021-02-12T05:23:06+00:00

People forget that dating is a luxury, not a necessity. I follow the same rule of thumb as well as you do where I only order what I can cover comfortably.

Men are so pathetic when they realize women have interests and want to actually do things! I don’t understand why men date when they can’t even afford to. Isn’t it better for them to just not date and be single and save?

donttextme_k · 2021-02-12T16:35:57+00:00

There’s a difference between being cheap and frugal... yes you should spend wisely but to comment on cost all the time is a huge turn off, that’s literally embarrassing 🙄. I know guys that spend $100+ on a date and pay the bill even if the girl chose the place.

sunswangalileo · 2021-02-12T05:59:51+00:00

Someone that truly wants to be with you would be happy for the mere opportunity to take you out to drinks.

Also someone that’s so stressed about finances that they believe they can’t afford to eat out on a date is a big red flag.

devoushka · 2021-02-12T14:43:31+00:00

The only way a relationship with this type of guy can work is if you are just as cheap. If you actually want to go out and experience life you will have to pay for him or endure constant complaining. Save yourself time and money and just focus on yourself.

Street_Narwhal_3361 · 2021-02-12T20:41:43+00:00

He. Ain’t. It. Sis.

purasangria · 2021-02-12T17:26:16+00:00

Please read the handbook; this behavior is covered.

frogchickenhorse · 2021-02-12T10:27:02+00:00

I had to google bougie lol. Sounds like a money miser and complainer. Run.

LevelTurbulent · 2021-02-12T17:31:20+00:00

He probably just doesn’t want to spend the money but if it is trauma from growing up so poor, he needs to work on that before he ever starts dating.

So either he’s not interested in you enough to spend the money or he needs therapy and isn’t available for a healthy relationship. This is not worth wading into, you aren’t his therapist.

pickadaisy · 2021-02-13T00:59:18+00:00

Do you want to be around that your whole life? Just be honest with yourself.

PenneyPence · 2021-02-13T01:44:09+00:00

I did this dance with my LVX for 4 years. Grown men who use their past as an excuse for not being good partners now are not dating material. In fact, any story that a potential partner tells you early on for the purpose of eliciting sympathy is generally a huge red flag. It is trauma bonding meant to create false intimacy and to lower your standards. It makes you believe you can love them out of their victim mindset, but they have no reason to change if you demonstrate your low standards by staying.

feeturingmyself · 2021-02-12T05:19:04+00:00

Growing up poor vs staying poor are different things. My family never took vacations when i was a child yet I can now travel very comfortably multiple times a year. I'm able to send birthday presents to friends across the country without second thought. I live within my means and spend money on what makes me happy.

If this guy is staying poor, you can't change him and you don't need someone constantly talking about price tags. Once he finds out how much manicures cost and how many you get in a year, he will comment on the price tag. Once he finds out how much you spend on night creams, he will comment in the price tag. Do you want his energy in your life?

staywiththecrown · 2021-02-12T23:38:41+00:00

Dump him. Block and delete, too. Cheap men like him will gladly pay on a date with their dream girl. Splitting the bill won't make him value you and will only make him think less of you. And please NEVER SHARE A RIDE OR GET IN A CAR WITH A STRANGE MAN that you haven't vetted carefully for months!

Title	Guy a cheap date?
Author	sarahlsf13
Upvotes	74
Comments	39
Date	February 12, 2021 4:25 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/li3ktt/guy_a_cheap_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/guy-a-cheap-date.742322 https://theredarchive.com/post/742322

Comments