Hmm, did this seem like an innocent question from him or am i wrong to possibly feel the ick?

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-03-01T11:01:49+00:00

If you get the ick, it’s the ick.

geologykitty · 2022-03-01T10:43:11+00:00

It was definitely a neg, and as an aside, in the future, no explanations or justifications needed - that's an energy and time sink and it does you absolutely no good. Simply block and move on.

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2022-03-01T09:25:13+00:00

You're never wrong to feel the ick.

In this case, it's because he was not actually asking a genuine question, like he said. He was actually "challenging" (negging) you to to defend your views to him - because he lacks empathy and intelligence, and believes you're either feminine or a feminists, but not both. He was not "trying to understand", like he pretended, otherwise he would not have phrased this in an attacking way in order to make you defensive.

Whenever you feel the ick, just know that it is your instinct picking up red flags that are not always easy to verbalise at first glance, but remember that you don't need to be able to name the red flag, you just need to walk away from it.

PumpkinTalkari · 2022-03-01T12:57:38+00:00

“Your profile was really enjoyable to read up until that last paragraph” Nope, NEXT!

fuckbeingautobanned · 2022-03-01T10:53:57+00:00

Being pampered and protected by your partner should be the standard. It's lovely. My partner loves what I do for him, so it's not exactly wrong for women across the globe to ask for the same kindness in return: an awesome husband.

In a what we call 'scrotes', this standard seems to vanish. It's what I like to call 'the Eternal Suffering'. These people are asking us to choose between protection and independence. We surely can't have it all!

In their eyes we're getting more than they've ever had, but fail to see what bad things they're missing out on and that surprise, surprise... A woman's life is a minefield even if you manage to avoid to get raped or used. In their minds they think: why should women make their own money AND be protected/treated like a love interest? That's not fair! They have to suffer like I did. Even if you tell a man like this about our suffering, he just can't sympathize because he's never 'been there'.

And that - my fellow FDSers, is how you get a Men's Rights Activist. Crabs in a bucket at worst, a blame game at best.

Vaahla · 2022-03-01T12:28:56+00:00

You can’t be a feminist and expect to be treated as a woman at the same time.

Feminism to him must be a libfem definition, 50/50, cool girlfriend, pickme energy.

thewetdog_ · 2022-03-01T11:18:08+00:00

Does your profile say you are feminine and want a masculine guy to pamper you or where is he getting this from?

If it does, YOU ARE BLASTING A MEGAPHONE for red pillers with this language

k_sugarplum · 2022-03-01T11:50:52+00:00

I wouldn't have bothered to answer...

oceanstains · 2022-03-01T14:07:03+00:00

Men who question you about feminism right off the bat - red flag. They want YOU to prove yourself to them

AyemHerself · 2022-03-01T12:21:09+00:00

You're not wrong to feel that way, but explaining it didn't do any good. Anyone who asks a question like that won't care for the answer.

You're allowed to like what you like and you're 100% right on that last sentence. Don't feel the need to explain yourself to men you don't want to date.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-03-01T11:02:01+00:00

Misspelling 'genuinely' is enough to give me the ick #Virgo

extragouda · 2022-03-01T13:16:02+00:00

He doesn't want her to explain herself. He doesn't understand or respect her standards and is put off by the concept of a man treating a woman with love and respect because he thinks that the payout for a man doing that is that, that man should also be catered to by a trad wife, and no feminist can be a trad wife.

Therefore, in his mind, no feminist wants to be treated with love and respect. In his mind, a feminist is a lib fem who is available for sex to "test for compatibility" and pay for dates because "women can pay for dates now" and doesn't need flowers or birthday presents because those things are too "girly". So: someone to buy him things and service him sexually.

She should not have bothered to reply to this idiot.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-03-01T09:35:05+00:00

He can't spell, block him.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2022-03-01T10:02:55+00:00

You were right to have the ick. He's definitely one of the men who thinks that women who want independence, i.e. having control over the decisions in their own personal lives, should be punished for it, to be treated like a work mule. Because if they can't control every aspect of your life, fuck you.

imnotfitforexistence · 2022-03-01T13:13:44+00:00

So apparently, if you are a feminist you can't want to receive affection and protection from your partner?

What do they understand by feminism?

Has anyone ever asked s scrote what they think feminism is? I'm curious now.

PanCanAlt01 · 2022-03-01T14:22:31+00:00

He’s not curious; he’s baiting you. If he was genuinely curious he wouldn’t have put the not-so-subtle neg in his top text.

Zurflu · 2022-03-01T14:38:14+00:00

Men are starting to read "feminist" and think "50/50 on everything and free sex".

It's funny how they can't comprehend that being a feminist might mean you have HIGHER expectations from men and not lower.

saint-jezebel · 2022-03-01T12:30:46+00:00

He wanted you to prove yourself. That was the point of the question. Why? Because he’s not masculine.

Maingurl · 2022-03-01T13:26:10+00:00

Yes, he was setting you up.

ShegoGreen · 2022-03-01T14:08:18+00:00

Why does being a feminist mean you cannot be feminine or love masculine men? It's not clicking.

No-Village-3946 · 2022-03-01T15:11:42+00:00

Men think they can frame their negging as "questions of curiosity" and get away with being disrespectful. Also, men think feminism means easy sex, not ever paying for a woman's anything, and getting to punch women because "equality." There is no intellectual debate to have here.

cryptohobo · 2022-03-01T10:20:02+00:00

Aside from the negging, any dude who writes that much upfront is a red flag to me, I’m not here for a pen pal.

FUBARfromLSA · 2022-03-01T14:49:52+00:00

Lol, so this guy is complaining your profile wasn’t enjoyable enough?

Like it’s a movie?

Men really think we’re here for their viewing pleasure.

themissdaydreamer · 2022-03-01T13:44:09+00:00

Whenever a guy says "I'm just trying to understand" "I'm just asking a simple question" "I was just joking", it's safe to read it as "I'm just trying to undermine your confidence and boundaries by putting you on defensive mode".

These guys on apps rarely care about whatever opinios we have or what we want, so if they're hellbent on "trying to understand" why you think this or that, it's because you have standards that don't serve them.

Like, you don't think a coffee date is an actual date? You don't date guys who shorter than you? You won't submit to having bad sex at his crumpy flat after the first date? Why???? Please explain to me because my low effort ass can not understand????? /s/

katiekat0214 · 2022-03-01T13:42:30+00:00

He's writing as if your and every other profile is there FOR his enjoyment. That to me is the ick. He's "displeased" (EYE ROLL) that your last paragraph suddenly disrupted his enjoyment of all these fine lady-objects by suddenly making him realize, oh, she's an actual human, not an object just to be enjoyed and cast aside.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2022-03-01T15:26:44+00:00

I wouldn't even respond. He is negging you and acting entitled to an explanation 🙄

Yogacat4 · 2022-03-01T12:14:58+00:00

Eww yeah he seems more suited for a burly, masculine woman. Also the emojis with every response ….

StrawberryMoon3 · 2022-03-01T16:20:02+00:00

Men love to play dumb to undermine what women say or to somehow get their way. It's never an innocent question. They are aware of how patriarchy works and how it affects women in every way.

edelbiatch · 2022-03-01T10:29:29+00:00

Besides the neg, he immediately questions your feminism because you say that you are feminine. He is probably one of those who assume that feminism is about sexual liberation (porn and sex positive pickmes who will fulfill his sexual desires) and financial freedom for women (for him to mooch off of them). In other words, he doesn't care about feminism unless it caters to him. He will try to gaslight women that we can't have both, being invited to dinners and having basic human rights.

Title	Hmm, did this seem like an innocent question from him or am i wrong to possibly feel the ick?
Author	makeawomancum
Upvotes	315
Comments	50
Date	March 1, 2022 9:09 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t43t2r/hmm_did_this_seem_like_an_innocent_question_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hmm-did-this-seem-like-an-innocent-question-from.1104721 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104721

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