How to make it clear you will NOT go on a drinks date?

apommom · 2021-11-06T01:37:06+00:00

You don’t have to make it clear, the low effort date is a red flag anyway

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-11-06T03:51:13+00:00

Suprisingly, I have one very good friend who is male, who has been on OLD, and He is only interested in asking out Women for dinner dates, He knows good places and he make reservations. But at first when he was first on the apps and chatting He felt weird about asking Women out to dinner, because everytime women would downgrade and suggest drinks, also his housemate thought that it was hilarious that he asked women in dinner dates and not drinks and that he was "old fashioned" also many women canceled the dinner date last minute. He persisted and has met really loveley Women now. I was quite surprised by how many of his matches felt like dinner was too intense/ intimate (I would LOvE to be asked out to dinner) and so anyway my point is, mayyybe, And I have done this and ngl it didn't really work, but maybe dropping a hint about your favourite restaurant or a new place you want to try would let a guy know that dinner is you vibe not drinks walks or coffees. But the one breif time i had an app I had been chatting to an OK guy and said flat out that this italian restaurant was really good and my fav, and he saii he was too shy to go out to dinner. So I Block delete. Too shy for eating a meal together but lemme guess? not too shy for someone to come over to you house and watch tv then have sex with you? 🤮🤮🤮🤮

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-11-06T03:40:09+00:00

Maybe using the ice breaker 'whats your ideal first date' will help you learn sooner?

warinmymind94 · 2021-11-06T05:53:43+00:00

You should not be leading/training the man on how to properly date you. Let him do all the talking because that's how you will see his true self. If he is the one suggesting drinks/coffee/walks/hangout then if you're online block and delete and if its person stop being polite and just laugh it off like it is a ludicrous suggestion and decline. Say you need to get going. If you tell him you only do dinner he will just pretend to be high value, try to get you to catch feels and then revert back to his true cheap self.

Davina33 · 2021-11-06T09:33:39+00:00

I'm teetotal. I don't like alcohol and I'm scarred by my violent alcoholic stepfather. So I just say I don't drink. In the U.K., you get treated like a pariah for not drinking. I've never been offered a coffee date but I would say no to that as well. I haven't been on OLD for 12 years and have no plans to go back on it anytime soon. When I was in my early 20s, I got fed up of geriatric men preying on me. I'm sure it will be no better now I'm 36.

2021-11-06T14:13:21+00:00

I choose to make it clear by never going on said date or talking to them ever again.

ivesynthed · 2021-11-06T02:49:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ChocoBananza · 2021-11-07T20:06:55+00:00

My current bf invited me for a walk date. End of January. I laughed and said no. I think that my laughter said much more than my ‘no’. The next words that came out of his mouth included ‘diner’.

Even though I shouldn’t have, I did go out with him. I felt like I needed to practice my vetting, and the diner and drinks went great (he paid for everything). It turned out that pickmes had convinced him that diner was ‘too much’ for a first date, and he didn’t want to scare me away, and that it seemed like a great refusal-proof idea, since he knew I was being careful because of covid. Months of vetting had shown me that he indeed tends to overthink things, and that he wasn’t being a cheap scrote.

discoveringliberty · 2021-11-06T12:39:17+00:00

Honestly I think living and breathing self-worth and self-respect is the key here. Carrying yourself gracefully and confidently, talking about interesting things, giving men the sense that you would literally laugh in their face if they suggested walking you around the park and splitting the £7 coffee bill.

Does anyone remember a post on FDS about 6 months ago that was a screenshot of a guy asking for advice for 'cheap yet fancy' date ideas? His friends had set him up with a woman they knew, and just from looking at photos of her and hearing his friends describe her he could tell she would not be down for a coffee date. He said he'd usually take girls for coffee or ice cream because it's cheap and non-committal, but knew that if he wanted to keep this woman's interest he'd have to go higher than that. I think in the end he settled on taking her to a (free) museam exhibit, lol.

I agree with other posters too that building rapport with a man before he asks you out is a good idea, as then he'll be more invested (as opposed to OLD) and already have a sense of what you'd expect on a date.

catastrophejr · 2021-11-06T03:30:44+00:00

Reply, "that sounds fun, but I don't drink!" (Even if you do.) Wait for his response. If he suggests dinner, green flag. Otherwise, dump his ass.

TheOGJammies · 2021-11-07T08:14:07+00:00

You tell them you prefer to Skype or FaceTime and if you like each other then tell him to take you out - read the handbook .

starlight_sequence · 2021-11-06T05:47:58+00:00

“I don’t really drink, but I’m available X evening for dinner.”

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-11-06T03:30:22+00:00

FDS doesn't recommend online dating. They are full of low value fuckboys and cheaters.

Trying to find a HV man on there is virtually impossible. This is why you are getting asked on drinks or coffee dates. You will definitely be paying for your own coffee and drinks.

her-vagesty · 2021-11-06T09:16:25+00:00

I say "oh thanks but I'm not really much of a drinker" and they suggest something else. what they suggest will help you determine whether it's worth your while.

londochig · 2021-11-08T01:48:08+00:00

Block and delete. HVM do not ask women out on coffee, walk or drink dates. LVM filter themselves out when they ask you out to drinks, walks and coffee.

fairywakes · 2021-11-09T16:51:36+00:00

This may be hard core but I simply block and delete or do not respond. Low effort offers in the beginning usually have proven to be a bad sign for the future.

wet-plants · 2021-11-15T16:57:09+00:00

In my experience, though this is frustrating- often I’ve agreed to a drinks date, and then when I arrive and the first drink goes well he will pull out the menu. I think in a way they are vetting too, and only committing to a drink but if they like you they often will stay for dinner. This has happened to me a lot. At first I was annoyed, because if it was just drinks I’d eat beforehand. But if I knew we’d be eating I wouldn’t show up fed. I’ve started having a snack before a drink date and taking it as a good sign if we both want to stay for food after our drink.

I know a drink date isn’t FDS approved but personally I like the short commitment timeframe, and I see why a man might feel the same in case its a bad fit. I regretted agreeing to a tapas dinner with a guy who ended up having horrible table manners. Had we gone for a drink first I would know not to be seen in a restaurant with him.

While HVM aren’t dealing with nearly as much shit as we are, they still do have disappointing/bad dates and if they are really HV they are vetting too. I think drink dates are a low commitment way to feel each other out.

That all said - I agree with others that you could put it out there that you prefer a FaceTime date prior to meeting. Then during the call (if you like him) you can flirtatiously put out the vibes that you cant wait to see what he comes up with for a fun date, or something along those lines so it comes across well rather than being misconstrued over text.

Another way if you are using online dating, is to use the prompts to your advantage. “Searching for: the best tacos in town, can you help me find them?” Or “the best way to ask me out is: by planning a fun and interesting date I cant refuse!”

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Gologic34 · 2021-11-07T01:17:35+00:00

I am not doing drinks, but I am also not going out without a video date. For me, that is the first meeting instead of coffee or drinks. If that goes OK, it’s on to a fun restaurant and/or another activity he thinks of and books after asking my preferences. This is in theory since I am not dating ATM lol.

Title	How to make it clear you will NOT go on a drinks date?
Author	ivesynthed
Upvotes	280
Comments	57
Date	November 6, 2021 1:19 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qnpjsb/how_to_make_it_clear_you_will_not_go_on_a_drinks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-to-make-it-clear-you-will-not-go-on-a-drinks.1085678 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085678

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