Love is never enough!

millennialpink2000 · 2021-11-10T04:13:35+00:00

Amen. My mother used to say "you can't take love to the grocery store or pay your mortgage with it"

Love is NEVER enough. There must be something tangible

glitterandspark · 2021-11-10T04:20:11+00:00

I’ve never been married but I sincerely believe many divorces result from never having these conversations or never deciding how to handle major differences.

hikurangi2019 · 2021-11-10T04:53:38+00:00

Men that can’t even wash dishes and clean the house have the audacity to tell me they want kids. I humbly ask, how are you qualified?

Ashamed-Reputation-2 · 2021-11-10T07:43:30+00:00

I need ways to do this discretely. Because whenever I'm upfront about these things, they always act like they believe in the same things/lifestyles to get close to me. And then when the real them is revealed, it's hard to leave :(

Quirky_Confusion_235 · 2021-11-10T03:38:24+00:00

Agree with most of this list minus the childhood trauma. I think it’s completely up to you if you feel safe disclosing this info, but I’d wait a long long time at the very least. Or only reveal the gist of things without going into extreme detail. That’s what therapists are for.

aurelia_86 · 2021-11-10T09:58:13+00:00

And take it from me, if your partner refuses to discuss this stuff with you or makes you feel that you are being 'critical' or 'negative' or 'anxious' for bringing it up - run a f*cking mile, sis.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-11-10T04:42:43+00:00

Another way of putting it is that this is love. All those complicating, intimidating, mundane, inane things amount to love.

aoi4eg · 2021-11-10T09:18:07+00:00

I had a conversation with a therapist once, she gave off major pick-me-vibes from the start, but the peak moment was when she tried to convince me not to discuss anything about the future with a potential partner, ever. Like, she reasoned that men hate being pressured into something and if you talk to him about financial stability or property purchases, let alone kids, he can suffer from huge anxiety and lose all the motivation for being in this relationship. Instead, I must rely on myself only, never ask him for anything and put effort into making his life better. Because if he's happy, he might feel generous and allow me to have a kid or two. Too bad she still practices therapy and brainwashed young women into this.

repurposedschleem · 2021-11-10T19:50:29+00:00

I agree with almost all of this.

But my childhood trauma? My relationship trauma (which is intimately related to my mental health history)? No man is ever going to know the nitty gritty of either of those ever again. Enough to understand why I only see my mother and father on my terms. My relationship trauma? Never, ever. Men will 9/10 use your trauma against you, and it’s not worth sharing for the 1/10 who might be supportive.

Some might say it’s lying by omission but it’s truly self preservation. It’s dangerous enough, don’t give them any more ammo.

But the rest of this is spot on.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2021-11-10T03:31:30+00:00

More like before you even get into the relationship. Also, don’t share your trauma with men. They will use it against you.

samedinuitmort · 2021-11-10T12:28:22+00:00

Men can and will lie about any of these topics if they want to get you to stay. Sometimes you only find out the truth when the moment comes and his actions don’t match what he’s always stated.

The reality is that you can never be sure who you’re with, which is why it’s important to always feel ready to be on your own, and have the way out built into your relationships. If a man loves you and cares about your safety, he’ll be happy to offer you the reassurance of a door out, as he’ll know that he’ll never give you reason to use it.

MissouriBlue · 2021-11-10T08:02:12+00:00

When I discussed all these with my Covert Narcissist, he weaponized everything and used It for Future Faking, Love Bombing, Mirroring, Manipulation, Gas Lighting, etc.

Hard. PASS!

warinmymind94 · 2021-11-10T10:28:21+00:00

Also discuss the thermostat temp, and vet vet vet. Make sure to be on the same page about pets too, children /birth control. If he happens to have a pet during the relaxing a good part of vetting is to see how well he actually takes care of it and if he keeps the house clean (no dog fur everywhere or cat litter everywhere)

StarbornDancing · 2021-11-11T08:10:01+00:00

"Love" has got to be the biggest socially acceptable scam to get women to drop their standards. I'm not saying that mutual affection etc is itself bad but the centuries of mythology that have been developed around it are so damaging for women.

It's how you get women who have everything going for them ending up with men who offer nothing or are even a drain on her resources.

Best care lottery scenario is that he actually feels that way and works on himself to become a better person. Most often though it's a temporary lie or fades very quickly once you show yourself to be a real person and not a blank canvas he can project his dreams onto.

Falling is love is wonderful but never lose your head and back yourself into a corner. Keep vetting and have plans for if the worst happens.

cakewalkofshame · 2021-11-10T22:45:41+00:00

Love (the feeling) isn't worth a fart in the wind. Action is what counts.

2021-11-10T17:54:14+00:00

Yes, to all of this. I discuss most of this before we even start dating. I hate wasted time.

Interesting-Bat3992 · 2021-11-11T18:59:30+00:00

Never share trauma.

eatapeach18 · 2021-11-10T15:40:44+00:00

The three things you should absolutely agree on to make a marriage work are: finances, politics, and religion. I think politics is the biggest one because whether or not you realize it, your political beliefs dictate how you will raise your kids, handle money, and run your household.

I saw firsthand how a difference in political beliefs can strain a marriage. My father is conservative, my mother is liberal, and this is reflected in their spending habits. My father never shops. My mother shops multiple times a month, always on nonessential items. She has financially ruined my dad, and despite many come to Jesus talks, she will not stop.

Don’t be scared to talk about money with your man before you get married. It goes way beyond just income disparities. How someone chooses to spend money is just as important as how much they earn. Same goes for religion. My husband was raised by a Jewish mother and a Catholic father. They are conflicting ideologies. Unsurprisingly, my husband grew up confused and ended up hating religion by the time he was in high school. I told him we will not do that to our children.

Invisiblescars_123 · 2021-11-12T01:18:13+00:00

I agree with everything except revealing your childhood trauma. That can, and probably will, be used against you during an argument.

Throwawaylikehay · 2022-01-28T06:21:20+00:00

This is real shit we need to know. Can't avoid the important things!!

Title	Love is never enough!
Author	_xyoungbellax_
Upvotes	1941
Comments	49
Date	November 10, 2021 3:21 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qqkw4r/love_is_never_enough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/love-is-never-enough.1084936 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084936

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