Love shouldn’t be hard

BabyGotBantz · 2020-09-20T20:35:21+00:00

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coloradoblondie · 2020-09-20T20:53:28+00:00

Broke up with someone the other day for this reason. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, lol

Pahapan · 2020-09-20T21:55:03+00:00

And women REALLY need to stop mistaking misery and drama for passion.

AnniaT · 2020-09-20T22:01:27+00:00

Yes, struggle love has to stop being normalized and even valued.

ellaykim · 2020-09-20T23:33:22+00:00

My narc abusive ex husband used to love to say things like “Marriage is HARD... you have to work HARDER” when I cried or became upset about how he treated me (cheating, lying, gaslighting).

They love to normalize the “struggle.” It ain’t normal!

Eris_the_Fair · 2020-09-20T21:21:33+00:00

I tell people that all the time! Your soul mate will not cheat, steal, or do anything negative to you. They will only add positivity to your life and be a blessing.

balladwilds · 2020-09-20T22:31:18+00:00

this is so true. if youre having a good day but your partner makes you stressed or annoyed every time you guys talk then get rid of him

SpaceC4se · 2020-09-20T22:46:05+00:00

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plentyofvengeance · 2020-09-20T23:42:40+00:00

Law school is not my soulmate

FriendlyPitch1 · 2020-09-21T00:37:43+00:00

Or constantly anticipating and waiting for a person to make moves or do something good for you. If they wanted to be with you, you wouldn’t be thinking this way either.

not_a_paper_pusher · 2020-09-21T03:14:08+00:00

i just got out of a relationship like this. I started therapy at the beginning because I was terrified of being ghosted and wanted to be treated for the anxiety that caused me stress my whole life. Every time I got upset about something he did (found an active dating profile, he never showed up to a homemade dinner bc he passed out drunk, he refused to call me his girlfriend saying the term felt childish, he told me no he wouldn’t travel with me during thanksgiving bc family holidays make him sad even though he’s not American, found a used condom for “masturbation” long after we stopped using them, etc.), my therapist was like it’s YoUr AnXiEty GivE hIM tHe BenEfiT of THe DouBt. I spent so much time trying to overcome my anxiety while never feeling better for longer than a few weeks. I think she must have had a bunch of LVM clients and was using me to prove they can have successful love.

I did learn that my anxiety is a powerful tool and my gut knows way more than I. Also, I realize I assume the worst in men. Though I don’t want to let this prevent me from trusting someone deserving of it, I do want to maintain my skepticism.

textbasedpanda · 2020-09-20T22:26:39+00:00

Damn wish I knew this when I was 18 lol

azngirl7689 · 2020-09-20T22:38:39+00:00

I hate the idea of struggle love so much. Relationships are work but they shouldn’t be THAT hard.

ThatsWhat__I__Said · 2020-09-20T23:07:47+00:00

I tell the young women at my work "If it feels like you're banging your head against the wall, then something is very wrong with your relationship."

umbralgarden · 2020-09-21T03:18:30+00:00

You mean to tell me he's NOT my soul mate when he keeps breaking up with me and asking for me back?!?

themintmitten · 2020-09-21T01:47:38+00:00

This advice is so legit. I wish I could spread this to all of my female friends everywhere. They most likely deserve much better than what they receive now

Nat_at_all · 2020-09-21T02:42:45+00:00

I'm pissed at how obvious this should've been!!!!

I guess how much work is too much work? I really feel like I don't know sometimes. Especially with someone telling me that my anxiety and confusion was my own fault because it was all in my head (nope! it wasn't he was a cheater and just used technicalities so that he could claim he wasn't a cheater).

Obviously when I'm out of the relationship it's obvious to me that I should've left. But when I was in it, a combination of him telling me that my feelings were my fault and not because of his action, and thinking he was a nice guy, held me back. I was scared to lose something good.

What do you guys do in order to establish if your anxiety is just your own problem or is it your gut telling you to run?

breadandbunny · 2020-09-21T02:03:40+00:00

I don't feel like it's even worth it to try anymore. I give up.

Hahane · 2020-09-21T08:25:00+00:00

And also we shouldn't lie to ourselves, thinking that maybe we are overreacting drama queens. Especially if we feel normal around friends and family.

washopingyoudask · 2020-09-20T22:53:00+00:00

Heck yes

meezapizza · 2020-09-21T08:12:42+00:00

People are incapable of change. Especially if he’s 25 or older. Their frontal lobe is evolved. It’s hard for even you to change if you’re 25 or older but daily conscious decisions can change anyone!

Newwavesupport3657 · 2020-09-20T23:03:14+00:00

I didn’t end up with my soul mate, (bad timing, I was too busy needing to focus on surviving getting out of a toxic situation which they couldn’t have helped,) and it irks me knowing I missed out and probably won’t cause most men out there will watch porn or betray you in some way to make you cry or get re-traumatized. Just sad how they are

Aurora_Borealiz · 2020-09-20T23:13:17+00:00

Louder!!!!!

bitchjustsniffthiss · 2020-09-21T04:46:46+00:00

So so so so so true.

ShadowRealmDweller · 2020-09-21T04:55:55+00:00

I need to save this as my phone background or something.

bhadby2k · 2020-09-21T07:50:26+00:00

Couldn’t agree more!

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-09-21T10:54:49+00:00

LVM are even reporting this post. They want to make women cry and suffer. And most importantly stay.

zagreus8me · 2020-09-21T12:53:14+00:00

Was constantly being told that love is supposed to be hard work and it was ride or die sort of shit. Can't believe I believed it for so long. Its so warped. My mental health has never been better since leaving.

Growlithe99 · 2020-09-20T20:55:09+00:00

[removed]

spoodlenoodledoodle · 2020-09-21T02:47:42+00:00

I left a marriage to a porn sick, cheating narcissist and worked on myself several years ago. Finding this subreddit affirmed I wasn’t crazy as I re-entered the dating world and demanded the best from any man who wanted to marry me (no more “dating around”). Happily married to a man now who doesn’t play those games, but I am happy knowing I can leave confidently if he ever tried anything.

kindahellaawesome · 2020-09-21T05:10:32+00:00

THIS!! The best feeling is knowing you have peace of mind. Took a long time for me to realize that the crying/stress in a relationship is NOT normal. I feel like being single made me feel a lot more at ease than being with my ex during our break which led me to break things off for good haha

shortygrooves · 2020-09-21T11:09:52+00:00

broke up with a guy who wasn’t “bad”..but who was hurting me so much. I think I cried of relief the first night because I was so happy to be single. I also stopped biting my nails immediately after I did it. even if I miss him sometimes I just need to remember.

peachpy54 · 2020-09-21T17:40:02+00:00

Trauma bond

ThrowRA745318 · 2020-09-25T21:29:57+00:00

Jfc, this. Just ended a relationship with a guy who often said "I feel like I never do anything right" and "I'm always upsetting you" and "I don't want to hurt you" but somehow still managed to keep doing those things.

Title	Love shouldn’t be hard
Author	eng2fly
Upvotes	3242
Comments	73
Date	September 20, 2020 8:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iwl9vx/love_shouldnt_be_hard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/love-shouldnt-be-hard.277658 https://theredarchive.com/post/277658

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