✨ mood ✨

Kingkongsfathog · 2021-04-15T16:36:05+00:00

The hottest thing is two people enjoying each other, and you’re noticing what makes them feel better, and both simultaneously getting turned on by the other’s pleasure. The hottest sex of my life has been with nothing else involved, no chains or cuffs, just the mood when you want to tear each other’s clothes off, and there’s an intimate connection and it’s just you two alone, and really feeling each other. Man or woman, it’s always been the most enjoyable that way. That’s the kind where you roll over and you’re just like WOW. That never happened with bruises on my ass or scratches, let alone being slapped around. I’ve let people do a lot of really aggressive things to me during sex, after experiencing traumatic assault, probably some bid for control of dangerous situations. But my recovery and experiencing real pleasure during sex again has come from following actual enjoyment in the bedroom. And none of it had to do with feeling afraid

Pistachio_Queen · 2021-04-15T16:29:28+00:00

I can only get off to “vanilla” sex. There’s nothing more exciting and intimate than two bodies slowly and indulgently exploring each other. I had a partner (who was otherwise LVM but was good at sex) who rarely wanted to even fuck- we would just have oral or use hands and honestly it was the best! We both got off multiple times a night and there was no I’m Alan eating between our pleasure, and no feeling of “ok he came so we’re fine now”. Any time a guy needs to jump right into the kinky and hardcore shit, I’m automatically suspicious that he doesn’t care about me or my pleasure.

itsyourgirlfinn · 2021-04-15T19:28:00+00:00

So fucking sick of men putting their hands around my neck the first time we kiss, not even anything beyond kissing but their full fucking weight on my throat, squeezing my neck as if that's nbd. I need gentleness. Vanilla all the way.

Ok_Meringue9724 · 2021-04-15T13:15:31+00:00

It's patriarchy and the normalisation of porn and sex work (even romanticism) that has made "vanilla sex" a bad thing. Men use terms like 'frigid' or 'ice queen' to shame women into doing degrading acts for their pleasure. When a woman is confident in her sexuality so that she will not do what she doesn't want to do, men use that as an attack to blame how 'worthy' of a partner a woman is. "You won't let him do anal? Won't do threesomes? Won't send him nudes or accept him looking at porn? Wow, no wonder your relationships don't work. No wonder your last boyfriend cheated on you. You need to change! My ex let me hit her with a belt and she aalllwaays let me do anal. She wasn't arrogant like you!"

This type of patrolling has existed for so long. I'm sorry that I won't accept bad sex and expect nothing but the best lover for myself. 😪 If that makes me arrogant, then so be it. The path to greatness is often filled with solitude ❤️

Also, don't be that girl who accepts horrible behaviour. In short, don't be a pickme and encourage women who currently hold those opinions to change! ☺️

redwineandsolitude · 2021-04-15T16:26:38+00:00

Were you guys also pressured to take sex “quizzes” rating you on a scale of how “vanilla” you are? I took one years ago and sent the results to whoever I was talking to at the time. He was visibly disappointed because of how “vanilla” I was. I look back and realize he really was seeing if I’d “pass” his test🤮🤮🤮

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-04-15T18:27:19+00:00

The sadest thing was when two very good girl friends of mine called me "asexual" and "prude" just because I was "vanilla".

licoricespicedtea · 2021-04-15T15:48:37+00:00

It’s really annoying to me how since bdsm has become mainstream there’s only two options: degrading violent sex or “boring” sex. After I told my ex I was having new thoughts about what I was into and didn’t want him hitting/choking me for a while to see how it went, he said he felt “limited to boring sex”. Of course besides hitting me all he knew how to do was jackhammer and fingerbang me at warp speed.

There are literally infinite things you can do that are not jackhammering and not bdsm. It’s like if someone said “wow I’m not allowed to have rocky road ice cream, guess I’m limited to only vanilla ice cream now. How could you be so controlling and uptight?” 🙄

Midnight-writer-B · 2021-04-15T16:36:08+00:00

I wonder if there’s something essential about “the forbidden/ the pursuit” for activating most men’s’ sexuality. If so, every cultural normalization just turns into a slippery slope toward wanting the next thing most women won’t (or will reluctantly) do. And it’s essential to the conquest to convince a woman to perform uncomfortably or reluctantly. Sex before commitment? So hot, but everyone does it now, no longer works. Women owning their sexual pleasure? Ditto. Different positions? They’re allowed now, next... it’s so juvenile. So all it’s left is some depraved nonsense that’s not inherently enjoyable, it’s just all that’s left in the forbidden zone. Like that Calvin and Hobbes comic where Calvin only enjoys sidewalk chalk when he thinks he’ll be in trouble. Once it’s allowed, how could it be fun?

anywaysheresrational · 2021-04-15T13:57:22+00:00

Me every time someone brought up the word KiNk after my teenage years:

😴😴😴

Wow, you're so wiLd and cRazY. tHe foRbiDden anD sEcReT iS sO eXxiTinG.

Pistachio_Queen · 2021-04-15T16:24:00+00:00

Intimacy and kink are separate things and I stand by that.

AnniaT · 2021-04-15T21:45:46+00:00

I was kinkmeisha during my pick me years long ago and I can assure you that the most pleasure I had before, during and after sex was with the so called vanilla sex with both caring for each other.

spin_the_globe · 2021-04-15T15:00:05+00:00

Kink is the furthest thing from sexual "freedom" or "liberation." It must be a drag to not be able to just enjoy sex without a lot of theater and scening and pain around it.

PrincessCritterPants · 2021-04-15T17:44:50+00:00

Heh...I’ve only ever had one guy willing to let me do the same things to him as he did to me. He wasn’t ever aggressive, or demeaning, no slapping. But if I wanted to, he would let me tie him, peg him, spank him. He always made sure my needs were met, and always wanted me to feel safe and that I could trust him. We had plenty “vanilla” sex as well, and I never left the bedroom hating myself and feeling ashamed or dirty. It was all empowering in a way and just...nice..to have a partner that was willing to not only give, but receive. At this point, I’m convinced I’ll never be with another guy like him. Whenever I tell a new partner that if they want (whatever), they have to be willing to let me do it to them. Why should I be the only one to go through this “pleasure” you want to inflict on me? If you think it’s that great, then why don’t you try it out?

howdoilogoutt · 2021-04-15T15:19:38+00:00

truth

calicocoolness · 2021-04-15T16:53:50+00:00

Lmao yes

shockingupdate · 2021-04-16T03:34:03+00:00

Kinks shouldn’t be dealbreakers. If the only way he can cum is by choking his victi—I mean, partners...something is wrong with him.

I enjoy a few non-traditional things, but I’ll never in my life invite another man to do them with me, or even let on that they exist, until I know for sure that he’s willing to prioritize my pleasure and not just gallop in with some stupid pornsick fantasy he’s always wanted a woman, any woman, to perform on him. As some point in their lives, pretty much all men see Black women in particular as animalistic succubi that’ll have you swinging from chandeliers. They’d be correct with me somewhat, but if they try the weird violent shit, two can play that game. And now they’re EmASculAtEd.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-04-15T16:24:51+00:00

Gandhi211 · 2021-04-15T15:54:06+00:00

Porn warps the perception of sex. And men need more and more of it to get the same stimulation, (cuz it IS an addiction) leading them to weird fetishes.

exhalefierceness · 2021-04-15T16:06:46+00:00

I’m sorry but what’s vanilla sex?

justalonelysoul992 · 2021-04-15T18:38:21+00:00

I really don't get this whole "oh poor you, you only get vanilla sex".... Like how could it possibly be a negative thing? At least I'm getting sex.. And the best part? I get to do it with someone I love which is even better! It can be absolutely mind blowing and yet I don't have to get choked or slapped to make my partner happy. No one has to endure any pain, no one has to do anything demanding on the body, no one is at risk of anything dangerous happening to them. I mean there's so many idiots out there doing bdsm and they haven't a clue on how to be safe about it or even the importance of consent...they don't research at all! They watch porn and think "yep! That's what girls want!" There are people out there who take advantage of those into bdsm and abuse them even..

Im not shaming bdsm btw I honestly have no problem with what people do in the bedroom as long as no one is getting hurt and everyone consents...(I was just using it as an example) But honestly books like fifty shades or grey and porn in general has really warped alot of people's idea of good, healthy sex. At the end of the day saying negative shit about vanilla sex serves no purpose whatsoever. Compatibility matters, being open minded matters, being responsible and safe matters. but no one should be doing anything that makes them uncomfortable just because of the peer pressure of social media and what they see in porn. We really need better sex education in schools.

Connect-Ad-9361 · 2021-04-16T08:22:20+00:00

Yeah BDSM is cool but have you ever been lovingly caressed by candlelight?

Title	✨ mood ✨
Author	sassyheather
Upvotes	5432
Comments	59
Date	April 15, 2021 12:59 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mre54e/mood/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/mood.778021 https://theredarchive.com/post/778021

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