The maze I went through to find ONE seemingly HVM on OLD. The statistics are staggering.

bleda_princezna · 2021-11-09T15:35:50+00:00

Wow, that's insane. I sometimes think about trying OLD again, but that's just because I'm bored after work when I'm too tired to do anything productive. This is a great reminder to just not go back. I haven't had a single positive experience that came from OLD, ever. Just a lot of anxiety and low moods because of someone's disrespectful behaviour.

top_of_the_stairs · 2021-11-09T17:10:10+00:00

Ughhhhhhhh the GRAMMAR!!! If I get one more fucking message that says "Your so pretty," I'll... I'll... hopefully delete the dang app once and for all 🤦‍♀️😂

toothfairyyx · 2021-11-09T16:38:18+00:00

Don’t even get me started on “I’m not looking for drama.” There are so many problems with this statement, I don’t know where to begin.

Number one, it places the burden on women so we question if we’re being “dRaMaTiC” when we’re merely expressing an emotion or a dissenting opinion.

Number two, LVM are usually such poor communicators that their conflicting statements cause undue stress, aka “drama.”

Number three, I commented this on another post, but no well-adjusted person is looking for “drama.” It is obvious. It is implied. There is literally no need to state “no drama.” As you pointed out, it actually conveys the opposite.

fireforestfairy · 2021-11-10T00:38:59+00:00

I think OLD has a higher concentration of LVM than irl. HVM probably find it easy to meet women irl so they don't need to use OLD. LVM also gravitate towards OLD due to its "anonymous" nature. They can disappear more easily after using you for sex with zero negative consequences from their perspective.

corkymuu · 2021-11-09T15:38:52+00:00

When guys say online dating is stacked against them, they don’t seem to realize because it’s mostly bottom-of-the barrel guys on these apps in the first place. You can find plenty of pretty women on them but the men are largely disgusting. The few attractive men have no problem getting matches.

good-day-throwaway · 2021-11-09T19:20:06+00:00

Another gem that men on OLD apps love to come up with - mentioning how they 'don't take life too seriously' or they're looking for a girl who 'doesn't take life too seriously'. All I can see when I read this is, "I'm not looking for anything serious but I lack the balls to actually say it out loud so I'll do this instead and hopefully string you along for as long as possible and evade commitment because tHaT's tOo sEriOuS fOr mE.

Also, agreed, the statistics are TRULY abysmal. Idek why I'm still on them. When I found my ex in 2019, I had been swiping regularly for probably 5-6 months. It's boring and a wholly unenjoyable experience - I recoil in disgust at some of the profiles there.

Tried new activities to widen my social circle - spin class, barre, animal rescue. Unsurprisingly, very few men, but I have been enjoying myself and I'm not mad about it. Work is a no-go. Help.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-11-09T17:19:42+00:00

Okay... so out of those 9 that matched with me, only 3 actually messaged me. The rest I blocked. The first had HORRIBLE grammar and texted like a bored tween, BLOCK. I disagreed with the second during a call (best vetting strategy EVER) and he shushed me. BLOCK. Now I'm on the 3rd. Good grammar, respectful, interested, appropriate questions, no small red flags (yet).

this sounds like a full-time job. it's too much! it is exhausting.

It is indeed 0.1%.... it's not even a measly 1%.

this is not only appealing, this is like a losing game.

before fds, I had 15 face to face dates in less than a month and double the video calls. I dedicated weeks to this thing and in the end I felt as if I was doing a market study with poor results. I would schedule a date every couple of days, and sometimes 2 dates/ day.

I cannot remember how many sweeps on tindr, but must have been less than 1000.

I decided to get out of my comfort zone and, as some pickme friend would put it, stop being so picky.

my pickme achievements were noteworthy. did I feel more accomplished? no. does one feela accomplished by eating bad food? did I feel more tired, depressed, used and manipulated? yes!
I had like 30 video calls but this also gave leeway to creeps who would video call me out of the blue, insistently, at really odd hours. I am very particular about calling someone and I usually message them first to know if the timing is wrong. the biggest fucking waste of my time ever. the one that was nicest to me also had no money and living with his pensioned mother ("I am going through a rough patch uwu"). the ones that were really insistent were the rebounders (I want sex now uwu). I also got videocalls from 2 divorced single fathers under 30. they didn't think it was something they should mention in their profiles. the ones that would bombard me with a month's worth of avid IG posting were also the ones that were plating women. then there were the ones that posted pictures from their corpo trash job or at conferences or big parties, surrounded by tons of people. then the ones at the gym who thought they were hot shit because they could lift (they were just shit). very entitled and rude, these 2 categories of men, the corpo trash gym bros. Some of the lawyer/ doctor types (look at me, I am my job) would send multiple pre-written long messages and tons of photos and were also the rudest and most aggressive and misogynistic and entitled. I happened to receive orders (yes, orders) from a shitfaced anesthesiologist (he demanded my nudes and talked to me as if I was his dog. I blocked him, he sent me request on facebook, calling me names and complaining. I spent hours feeling like I was going through insane casting applications. the only issue was that they were for the wrong role. I did not request entitled corporate psycho/ sex addicted divorced bum before 30. a category of their own were the facebook stalkers, the ones I didn't like and didn't swipe on OLD. the message requests were atrocious and in a league of their own, just like the bozos who would send me " I wanna f you" messages on LinkedIn. printscreened and reported.

WestAtmosphere · 2021-11-10T04:25:42+00:00

There's probably men who think we are bullshitting, but most men rn are undateable. It is indeed 1 in 1000 lol.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-11-09T22:50:29+00:00

*pictures all in a suit, in the office, mentions career in profile (I achieved only one thing in my life and I will continually use it to: rub in your face, an excuse to cheat, excuse to not see you consistently, excuse to not commit)

This is so true. If the only pictures are in an office, he probably has nothing else going on in life, he has no decent casual clothes, his home is an empty beige and gray wasteland, and he at least has the cunning to not post photos of himself at his Monday-to-Friday bar in ratty jeans, or up in a cheap club in his one club-worthy outfit.

ms_monquis · 2021-11-09T17:57:35+00:00

I just joined a new one because I have almost no idea how to meet any men at all currently. (This isn't it either. I haven't had a date with someone I met online in a couple of years now.)

Could someone explain to me the difference between "looking to see where things go," "dating," and "friends first"? How are those not all the same things?

Literally the same, I mean. I'd like to know the actual secret language behind it all. Any translators aboard?

ForestDwellingSkunk · 2021-11-09T18:29:12+00:00

OLD is a wasteland. I moved to a new city and downloaded Hinge twice in the past 6 months just to meet people; the first time, I kept it for two weeks and I met up with three guys in person (the rest were boring/bad at messaging). One guy has become my friend and he’s actually really cool and seems pretty HV - but keep in mind we’re just friends so I don’t see the side of him that other women may see. The other two I hung out with once or twice, and then they just stopped texting/replying. The second time I downloaded it I saw most of the same people I saw the first time…so it was even more disappointing and I deleted it after two days. I feel like sometimes we just need to download the damn app and login for like 5 seconds just to see what a wasteland it is…but I’m scared straight now, and will be looking for ways to make friends in person from now on lol. I’ve read the analysis of some women on here who say it commodifies people (of course especially women) and makes you invest less in building or maintaining relationships because you can always just find someone new on the app, and I totally agree with this analysis.

If you’re thinking of doing online dating, my advice is the same I’m giving to myself: build deeper relationships with your current acquaintances, and get to know their networks of friends. This will help you meet more people, and even if it doesn’t lead to dating opportunities it will lead to friendships!

Determinedblonde · 2021-11-09T15:54:38+00:00

My stats: 0.8% would end in a date out of all of my matches. That’s how non-committal most people are 😕

LostZookeeper · 2021-11-09T15:36:40+00:00

I did the math too, for me it came out to 0.03%. OLD is an absolute waste of time.

PeanutButterPigeon85 · 2021-11-09T18:33:12+00:00

Sorry, OP! It's really validating to read your post, though. The last time I tried OLD was back in...2017? I was on it for only about two weeks. I must have flipped through hundreds of profiles without finding a single one that really interested me -- and I felt guilty about it! I thought there must be something wrong with me, and I must be too picky. But no, turns out that this is a pretty common experience.

cinequefoils · 2021-11-09T18:37:30+00:00

I decided to try out a dating app that’s been recommended to me a lot lately. I paid for a month of premium membership so I could have unlimited likes. The month will be up on the 10th and I have had not a single match. The guys who like me are disgusting and I can spend hours on there without liking anyone at all. I’d say in a month I most likely have liked less than 20 men. My area is particularly bad for dating in general but even worse if you have any sort of standards. Ugly, boring, alcoholic sports obsessed losers just seem to fall from the trees here! I have started to lose hope in meeting someone here at all. I’m terrified to do the math on these odds, pretty sure it’s a big fat 0.

misandryisnotreal · 2021-11-09T19:24:10+00:00

“BuT hAiR aNd HeIgHt are GENETIC,” I hear the little lurkers screeching as they disregard the rest of the very practical concerns on the rest of your list.

Sadly, this tracks with my last experience with OLD. Incredible that nearly everything on your list (and mine) is almost exclusively related to vetting personality traits, priorities, and subtle(?) misogyny—and the ROI is still abysmal. Good grief.

Sewud · 2021-11-09T19:11:45+00:00

I disagreed with the second during a call (best vetting strategy EVER) and he shushed me.

Wow!

Risoa · 2021-11-09T22:15:27+00:00

Good god these are horrific numbers

Nonnasaysfuckoff · 2021-11-09T15:48:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

doll-life · 2021-11-10T12:06:57+00:00

It's been more than two weeks of me trying OLD for the first time, I haven't had any luck so far. Went on two dates with two different guys, blocked both of them. The first one was being a gentleman and doing and saying exactly what I want from a guy, so I was pretty attracted to him. Then, he started acting flaky, playing games, and dared me to block him when I called him out. So, that's what I did. The next one basically tried to date rape me on our first date (making excuses to call me to his house and get me drunk).

So far in my swiping experience, the men are so ugly, broke, lazy, can barely talk like adults, unwilling to make any plans. The only thing they do is send "hi, hello, good morning, had lunch" type of texts, ask my Instagram id and follow my account there, liking my photos and reels. This is all they are content with. Not even asking for Netflix or chill or any other lazy dates (I look "high maintenance" so maybe that's why they are not bothering asking for any of that). So, the only way those apps are helping me is gaining Instagram followers 🤷🏻‍♀️

xsweaterxweatherx · 2021-11-09T18:28:10+00:00

What site are you using?

xpressurself111 · 2021-11-09T23:03:54+00:00

My neighbor and I once swiped through her tinder for about 25 minutes. She swiped right on two people and one of them was a woman. All of the rest were immediate “oh hell no” kind of people.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-11-09T21:05:18+00:00

Sounds exhausting OP. I wouldn’t have the patience! You have more chance to find someone in the wild.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-11-10T15:10:54+00:00

I’ve taken myself out of OLD, and it’s been a peaceful four months. 😊

I’m not ready to go back to dating since theres too much drama. I’ve been showering all the love that I have towards my parents and family. ♥️

This list made cringe, but I’ll definitely keep this in mind when I start using OLD again.

Title	The maze I went through to find ONE seemingly HVM on OLD. The statistics are staggering.
Author	wavesandtea
Upvotes	479
Comments	73
Date	November 9, 2021 3:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qq5t6h/the_maze_i_went_through_to_find_one_seemingly_hvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-maze-i-went-through-to-find-one-seemingly-hvm.1085052 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085052