I recently started dating again, focusing on my age range, the late millennial cohort (25-35), in a major city. Never married, no kids, decent income. I've gone out with some outwardly cool, attractive women in this age range, both online and irl. Perhaps I'm a hopeless romantic, but I'm dismayed by some of the behavior I've seen, both from women I've been talking to, and from passively observing my friends' experiences:

  • Women who talk to many men at one time, where the unwitting participants on The Bachelorette are examined and compared by her friend group, then freak out when a dude cuts them off when he finds out they're talking to other men.

  • Women who openly hang out 1-on-1 with past lovers when their partner is not around.

  • Women who go to clubs and raves when their partner is not around (these aren't young women either). Clubbing isn't strictly a dealbreaker for me, but it requires some foundational trust in the relationship, and is generally something people refrain from doing if they respect their partner and the relationship.

  • Twice, women that I was serious with asked if we were "exclusive." Turns out they had been sleeping with other people, which is an automatic end-of-the-line for me (I don't two time it, and am not "honored" to be picked as a guy on rotation).

  • Single mothers who pretend they don't understand your trepidation about meeting or adopting their child, or why it's a mitigating factor in a relationship.

  • Women who have spent a decade sleeping around, and want commitment immediately. Also, a generally high degree of promiscuity; I don't need a virgin or someone who has never loved anyone else, but I at least need you to not be sleeping with your immediate friend group or having random hookups while we're talking.

  • Women who are divorced, and want commitment immediately.

  • Women who are aging out of the dating market, and want commitment immediately.

  • Women with OF who don't understand why this is a hard dealbreaker for a lot of men, even if they stop doing it.

  • Women who are standoffish or slow to respond, then become angry when you construe this as a lack of interest and stop reaching out.

  • Women who keep around male "friends" when the "friendship" consists of little more than him trying to sleep with her.

I'm negotiable on some of these, but it requires a bond of trust. I also respect that older women are going to have lived experiences, but some of this stuff is blatantly disrespectful to prospective partners. For instance, I have always kept my dating to one person at a time.

What really confuses me is that a lot of these women openly profess to want a permanent relationship, yet delude themselves that they are getting closer to finding a man with these dating habits which offend or scare men off. Many of them also have a sense of urgency and try to pressure you for commitment, but are unwilling to budge on any of their undesirable behaviors to make you feel comfortable or take pride in the relationship. Many also want marriage, which for me, is automatically off the table with some of these behaviors.

Am I an oldhead, or can others relate to this? Do I just have terrible taste in women, or have standards for behavior really fallen this far? I think traditional marriage is going to die as a social institution anyways at this rate, but this stuff seems much worse than even a few years ago. I'd eventually like a permanent partner but most of these women want you to compromise on a lot while expecting you, as the man, to bring more than ever to the table. It is no wonder young men are dropping out of the dating market.