My girlfriend keeps making comments about mansplaining and men's humour... Etc

mr_j_12 · 2024-10-12T06:03:21+00:00

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

veiakas · 2024-10-12T06:16:45+00:00

Why would you want to be with someone that makes you feel exhausted?

A partner should bring something good to your relationship, not take energy away.

Sounds like you two are not compatible in your values. Time to call it quits, and find someone that appreciates you for you.

WanabeInflatable · 2024-10-12T06:06:51+00:00

Call her out openly on her behavior. Either she realizes that she is unfair, wants a cake and to eat it, changes her attitude, or she barks at you and it will be easier to dump her

raging_pastafarian · 2024-10-12T06:30:16+00:00

Tbqh, sounds like a huge red flag. Especially since she started it again, and that means she hasn't changed her mind.

Don't let her move in, dude. It will end badly, and you know it. Enjoy the sex while you can, and just be ready for it to blow up at any moment.

TheHashLord · 2024-10-12T07:50:21+00:00

First of all, she's shit testing you.

Mansplain comments? She knows it pisses you off. Shit test.

60/40 + you pay for everything? She knows it's gonna be hard on you. Shit test.

She wants her way every time? That's no accident. Shit test.

Two ways to go about it.

Pass the shit tests and show her that you can't be bossed about.

Or ditch her.

I guess there is option 3 of becoming her doormat too.

AlternativeEagle9363 · 2024-10-12T07:09:59+00:00

Never move in together! Goes drastically downhill from there. You will be picked on every tiny habit, you need to explain and justify everything you do. You will lose all freedom and me time essentially.

Captaincorect · 2024-10-12T12:16:42+00:00

This is her on her best beahvior, if you ever give her a ring it's downhill from there.

LongjumpingEnd2198 · 2024-10-12T08:12:52+00:00

Have you met her friends? Are they feminists or, I am a strong, independent woman, I don't need a man types? If so, run, dude. A feminist will tone down their rhetoric untill the ring is on the finger and the confetti is thrown. After that, it's about you being controlling, financial abuse, and my body my choice, and you can't tell me which friends to be with, no matter if those friends are pissing on your relationship and she's being strongly influenced by them to her and your detriment. Find out who her friends are and what their values are.

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2024-10-12T05:52:01+00:00

You feel that way because that's the way she wants it. If she wasn't expecting the dates, gifts to be paid for by you, it might be OK, moneywise anyway. The mansplaining is a bad sign. Does any woman who's not a feminist talk like that?

fishermans-frienemy · 2024-10-12T07:24:54+00:00

Send defective products back to the manufacturers.

fodargh · 2024-10-12T07:04:59+00:00

Run!

AirSailer · 2024-10-12T13:51:46+00:00

Couple issues you have that won't end well for you.

Splitting costs like that isn't bad, unless she isn't splitting other things like dates. If she's keeping her own money and not spending it on you or the two of you as a couple then she has the "what's his is mine and what's mine is mine" mentally. Run away quickly.
The mansplaining comments are truly scary. As a guy who was married to a hardcore feminist, I can tell you that such behavior will only get worse. Every time she has a problem in life it will become the fault of a man, and guess who will be the easiest target. Yep, you. Eventually you will start hearing these comments in front of your friends and family. She will start wanting you to take on a more feminine role, then when you do she won't see you as masculine and will lose attraction to you.
If you get married to this woman, who already thinks she is entitled to your money, she will eventually want a kid, then will want to stop working to be a SAHM, then she'll get fat (if she isn't already), and unfortunately she probably won't throttle her spending. Oh yeah, sex doesn't get better after marriage, it declines drastically. Say goodbye to BJs as well, once she has a ring she has no incentive to give them. Eventually she won't even want to touch you.
You will get divorced some day since your life will be unbearable, then you will be on the hook for paying child support to her for up to 18 years; you will be living inside squalor while she's getting ploughed by some other guy in the home and bed you paid for, while she doesn't work whatsoever. If you don't pay the mommy support (most of the child support won't go to your kid) people with guns will show up and take you to jail.

Sorry brother, you're girl needs to go. It sucks, but not as much as giving 60% of your income to a lazy leech. You'll find another women.

Sahir_a · 2024-10-12T10:49:20+00:00

Bro if she’s like this BEFORE you move in it’s only gonna get worse when you move in. You’ll be exposed to her drama everyday.

Plus it’s not gonna stay 60/40 it’ll end up being like 70/30 because there’s so many expenses you just don’t account for on a daily basis. That’s what happened to me but my gf isn’t on that bullshit and she makes like half my salary so I’m fine with it.

TheRealJamesHoffa · 2024-10-12T06:19:11+00:00

You should mansplain how she should pay equal rent if she wants to be such an feminist about things

ms4720 · 2024-10-12T07:22:52+00:00

Ok if she wants to play I win you lose, just go play somewhere else and let her move on

3rdLevelRogue · 2024-10-12T07:19:29+00:00

So, what's your end goal with this relationship? Just dating? Marriage? If just dating, don't get an apartment together. If marriage, do you really, really want to be married to someone like this? Create children with someone like this? Go through an inevitable divorce with someone like this? Lose said children, which could be male, to someone like this? Be forced to pay alimony to someone like this?

Not having a girlfriend is far better than a misandrist girlfriend. Have some respect for yourself dude. You're more valuable and worth a lot more than being someone's verbal punching bag and pseudo ATM. You deserve a partner that values you for you.

Tactical_Dad_84 · 2024-10-12T14:04:28+00:00

You're a man in the modern dating scene. Of course you drew the short straw...don't you know we just exist to throw our money at women and become unhappy, sexless slaves in our marriages and relationships? That's what we're here for.

Trick_Definition_760 · 2024-10-12T06:08:36+00:00

Sorry, so what exactly does she bring to the table? Why are you in a relationship with this person? How are they helping you move your life forward and become the person you want to be?

MusicalMerlin1973 · 2024-10-12T07:58:56+00:00

I remember when my wife and I first moved in together. Had to find a new place she could afford half the rent on. My previous place had been perfect, good size etc. went down 500 sq ft to find something. Oof.

It was her insistence. I was making 80k at the time. She might have been making 25. I was fine with us not going 50/50 figuring I was already paying it alone anyways. Nope.

I love that woman.

Just sayin, op. If all the stuff is already bothering you - don’t move in. It’ll only get worse.

TechnicianLegal1120 · 2024-10-12T09:59:15+00:00

Time to move on. Your mental well being will thank you.

RodneyMcIroncock · 2024-10-12T11:22:55+00:00

She's shelaborating?

doggonedangoldoogy · 2024-10-12T14:42:26+00:00

This is called an abuser. She might not intend it, but humans have a natural tendency to take the easy way out of everything. This is not going to work out for one simple reason. She doesn't love you. She loves the idea of a free ride. Good luck brother. Get out and move on.

Methodless · 2024-10-12T15:00:26+00:00

OK, so I agree with most of the comments here, but nobody has addressed this part of your post specifically yet

each side she wins and I lose.

You shouldn't be in any relationship, romantic or otherwise, which makes you feel this way. People cut off family who makes them feel this way. It's one thing to put up with it if you feel you can't replace what she brings (I personally went MGTOW), but why bring this INTO your home? Dates are at least an arms length away. The costs are fixed and predictable, and easy to cut off if you ever need to. Once this toxicity is in your home, getting rid of it is nearly impossible.

royalflushed · 2024-10-12T15:13:29+00:00

Don’t date feminists.

enesutku12 · 2024-10-12T08:02:43+00:00

have some respect for yourself and break up

Nepene · 2024-10-12T08:32:12+00:00

Is she giving you appropriate female gender role favours that make up the extra money you spend?

Inevitable_PC1740138 · 2024-10-12T10:48:33+00:00

You should just "Man Up" and tell her "you know what, I thinks it was a Dumb idea, for me to suggest that we should move in together"...

Also tell her "I thought, Feminists were strong, independent woman, who are able to pay for themselves?"...

laughsperminute · 2024-10-12T11:08:22+00:00

She's a terrible person. Dump her.

IceCorrect · 2024-10-12T11:29:36+00:00

I don't get it. Why she feel entitled to yours money, especially when she is feminist.

Adeus_Ayrton · 2024-10-12T11:30:27+00:00

More red flags than a soviet parade as the saying goes.

danktankero · 2024-10-12T12:28:59+00:00

Did she just declare the 60/40 expectations or did you mutually come to that agreement? Seems a lot considering the income difference..maybe a 55/45 would be better but it's really about both of you being happy with the arrangement. It doesn't sound like she has ensured your comfort.

The mansplaining comments are ironic when she expects you to pay in full for dates and flowers. She wants to play these gender roles but doesn't do her part in making your life easier/happier it seems. You haven't moved in together yet and you already feel taken advantage of. Those comments are part of a value difference too, and might escalate into other problems in the future.

I think you need to have a serious conversation with her about improving the balance here. And If she keeps repeating this behavior despite you telling her how it makes you feel, she is being disrespectful. Why be with someone who has no respect?

smug_beatz · 2024-10-12T14:37:34+00:00

Then you call out on her constant femtrolling

criolle · 2024-10-12T17:49:07+00:00

"she wants to play it both sides, each side she wins and I lose."

She's female.

AgentOrangeMRA · 2024-10-12T09:18:34+00:00

Time for a new girlfriend.

chortle-guffaw · 2024-10-12T13:01:13+00:00

Many women get their heads filled with online content, where they are told that they are the prize and don't have to contribute anything to the relationship, other than existing. Please avoid moving in with her unless you can come to find common ground that is satisfactory to you. You will never be happy if the relationship contributions are 99%-1%. At this point in your relationship, she should be making a significant effort towards contributing to the relationship; doesn't have to be money necessarily, but you should be seeing the effort. You should be seeing instances where she has done things for you or for the relationship with no expectation of immediate returns.

rhoo31313 · 2024-10-12T08:13:11+00:00

She'a being poisoned...i'm sorry. You're in a tough spot.

TiddybraXton333 · 2024-10-12T08:36:16+00:00

Tell her you need her to do more of the chores around the house and have dinner ready when you get home?

VlijmenFileer · 2024-10-12T09:36:06+00:00

Dump her as fast as you can.

She is not interested in you at all. She is interested in the money you produce, for her.

Expensive-Bid9426 · 2024-10-12T14:42:36+00:00

Not worth it

whoaitsmarsh · 2024-10-12T16:23:19+00:00

Fully prepared to get ripped apart here, but I'll take the chance.

I'm female. I'm a normal feminist. I don't hate men. I love equality, but we, collectively, have work to do. I have a male partner that I absolutely adore and I would be lost without him.

All that being said, this girl is entitled. The only thing I agree with is splitting rent based on income, and that goes both ways. My partner makes more than I do, but we split it evenly at my request, because I can afford it. But if he couldn't, I would pick up the slack without a second thought. OP, you shouldn't have to pay for everything and I'm sorry you found a dud. Is it okay to buy her flowers? Absolutely. But if you're getting nothing but demands and rules in return, it's time to let that girl go.

I joined this sub to learn and even if y'all hate it, give some insight to the other side. Some women are just trash - but I promise we weren't all raised that way and there are still good women in the world. They're certainly not perfect, but they're out there.

petname · 2024-10-12T10:48:03+00:00

You feel that way because she does want both sides. The gender politics is just a justification and not really an ethical issue for her. If she literally goes out and works on behalf of all women somehow my apologies. But my gut tells me no. Stop going on dates and just hang out in each others home. Get a feeling for what it would be like to live with her. Does she cook for herself, clean up after herself? Does she get along with all her roommates or does she bicker with everyone?

MrNimbus_81 · 2024-10-12T10:54:12+00:00

Believe a person when they show you who they are. Granted, I know nothing of the girl except what little you have shared but trust that she is showing you who she is and these expectations she has for you are not going to change. My advice, do not get married and do not move in together. If you want to stay together, go for it but don’t fool yourself in thinking that the behavior will change.

13artC · 2024-10-12T11:02:54+00:00

50/50 on bills, rent, food etc from here on out. 50/50 on dates.

She wants to have her cake & eat it, & she wants you to pay for both. If it were me, everything would be 50/50 it's the way of feminism. She's an autonomous adult who can support herself. You're not a free cash machine.

PonderingMan33 · 2024-10-12T11:46:34+00:00

If it's a fight of Domination ever day... See how long you can take it... 5,10... 25 years...

TheSystem08 · 2024-10-12T13:03:44+00:00

She's not for you, cut your losses and pack it up. You will not be happy with her.

alter_furz · 2024-10-12T20:49:51+00:00

Basically, your GF is womansplaining to you how to socialize because she has been told by the sisterhood that they are the "social" and "empathetic" gender

something clicks when you ask them not to womansplain. she's basically heard this "mansplaining" word and is parroting it now.

also, it's a sign of her being under bad influence.

not to mention that she doesn't respect you enough.

TauregPrince · 2024-10-12T21:16:40+00:00

Run. Otherwise it won't get better you'll just accept how shitty it is. You'll be expected to do everything difficult and she will complain the entire time. Do not move in with her. If rent is an issue get you a good roommate.

I made that mistake, she quit her job, works 18 hrs a week, and she won't get out my house. Many women will embed themselves into your life as a dependent. Find you someone unentitled without Tiktok brainrot.

adam-l · 2024-10-12T10:09:33+00:00

Why spoil a perfectly fine relationship by getting married? -or, in this case, moving in together.

You get her best behaviour en route to a goal of hers. Once achievement is unlocked, the shitshow starts for good.

Get the mileage you can out of her, but don't commit.

KneeDeepThought · 2024-10-12T10:22:02+00:00

If you owe more since you make more, just quit your job so she owes 100% of the rent and bills. Ladies do it all the time.

PROFESSA954 · 2024-10-12T13:29:47+00:00

Discuss it. If there's no changing Their mind or getting Them to knock it off with the sexism it's time to go.

Luxtaposition · 2024-10-12T13:40:50+00:00

This will only get worse.

-iamai- · 2024-10-12T13:48:25+00:00

Say goodbye to her

LordBogus · 2024-10-12T18:57:17+00:00

'Your money is our money and my money is my money'

Moist___Towelette · 2024-10-12T20:04:47+00:00

Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out.

Successful_Video_970 · 2024-10-12T21:29:06+00:00

Does she think she’s an expensive escort?

Lord_of_Entropy · 2024-10-12T22:09:42+00:00

You should re-think your relationship. Yeah, you will be bringing more money to the table. What is she going to bring? Is she supportive of you and your goals, or does she just complain about how shitty her life is and expect you to do more?

Mysterious_Salt395 · 2024-10-12T10:29:30+00:00

Run, how did she even get to know the amount you earn?

neutralityparty · 2024-10-12T13:37:43+00:00

I would just leave her bro

aries0413 · 2024-10-12T13:44:25+00:00

Run run as fast and as far as you can.

timeteo_de_el_cielo · 2024-10-12T20:26:08+00:00

Men occasionally stumble over truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. (Churchill)

Most-Poet-7435 · 2024-10-13T00:09:31+00:00

Dodge the bullet she doesnt see you as a lover

michaelpaoli · 2024-10-13T00:34:33+00:00

If it ain't reasonably working for you, and can't be reasonably worked out, just drop her.

Many are reasonable. Alas, also, many are not. Not reasonable, drop 'em and get on with your life.

See also, e.g. r/relationship_advice

MGTOWManofMystery · 2024-10-13T02:00:24+00:00

She doesn't want equality. Move on ASAP. If she cared for you, she wouldn't require gifts like that.

roomthree04 · 2024-10-13T04:06:45+00:00

Holy fuck. Are you blind to the color red? Because the amount of red flags is UNIVERSALLY conspicuous. I'm almost as angry at you as I am with her.

trufflebutter1469 · 2024-10-13T15:02:55+00:00

I think your girlfriend has a side piece

kiibbbaaaa · 2024-10-13T16:15:36+00:00

I am a woman and I’m gonna tell you to RUN!

Pete__Maverick · 2024-10-13T21:54:54+00:00

Dump it.

mdoddr · 2024-10-12T12:05:40+00:00

Get the fuck out of there

wobernein · 2024-10-12T07:25:26+00:00

Never ask Reddit for dating advice. You will get always get a majority of responses telling you to break up. Especially in this subreddit with the way you described the way you described. You don’t need validation if you want to break up with someone. If you are unhappy, no matter the reason, it’s justification enough to break up with someone.

jobiegermano · 2024-10-12T13:43:54+00:00

Instead of a flat 60/40 maybe you could get a joint checking account and each have 10% of each pay check go to it with direct deposit and then use far money for all shared expenses.

Side note, if you’re finding the cost of buying here flowers stressful, you might be over committing to debt. You should want to do things for her like get her flowers, etc. and if you tell are trying to build a life together you need to have a talk before moving in together about financial obligations and expectations. You should discuss that you need to move to a cheaper location because saving for the future is important to you both and to your future, or stay where it’s expensive but set expectations around little gifts like flowers, etc.

PhulHouze · 2024-10-12T19:51:41+00:00

I make the financial decisions in my relationship and I pay more to monthly expenses because I’ve determined it’s fair. If she wants you to “be the man” and support her, then be the man and make the rules too. If you want a modern relationship, 50/50 all the way. Tell her to get a better job she wants to make the rules.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2024-10-12T19:55:52+00:00

Please walk away my friend.

SlyPogona · 2024-10-12T20:03:08+00:00

Move in and you are very susceptible to a false acussation, break it up before you see yourself in the court

JoeR942 · 2024-10-13T07:33:36+00:00

People show you who they are. I reiterate: "show you." Conversation and discussion usually feels extremely productive however; if afterwards they again "show you" that they did not actually listen, further discussion is often pointless without wise counsel eg couples counselling. More often than not people do not change and if we try to "make" them we're actually violating their will and individual freedom. Even if we know it's best for a person to say, stop taking drugs, if they do not want to do it - in the end all they think is that we are controlling and we end up stuck in the mess that they're never going to fix.

To this point we cannot fix a person. For whatever reason, your partner is more fixated on the intricacies of what she judges to be "equal" and "fair" rights than she is on how it impacts the relationship. It's too rigid and extremely precise to a point that makes me wonder "why?!" Perhaps the meticulous detail is to evidence how this is "fair," and it makes it difficult to challenge. This means that it becomes "enforceable," relatively easy, and is rolled out all behind a veil of "if you question this, you already know you will be the one in the wrong." All that this sort of behaviour is, quite simply, is control and probably "narcissistic." Thousands of years ago religion called it "Jezebel."No doubt Jezebel is still alive today.

I say run... run... RUN 🏃‍♂️.

bigskycaniac · 2024-10-13T12:56:48+00:00

She doesn't care about you as a person. It's overt.

Eject.

TheProclaimed99 · 2024-10-13T13:51:34+00:00

Bills and rent should be split 50/50 and if she wants more money left over after paying those things she can get a higher paying job

StrangeBook5200 · 2024-10-14T02:33:36+00:00

Dump her

Fearless_Ad4244 · 2024-10-14T04:25:33+00:00

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/humor-sapiens/201910/are-men-really-funnier-women

AliBe5 · 2024-10-14T06:45:07+00:00

Run 🏃

AffectionateTry6175 · 2024-10-18T12:18:12+00:00

If you are always paying for dates and she never buys you gifts or anything, then it doesn’t seem like she cares about you.

I think the unequal rent split is crazy considering the small difference between your pay to me, however it’s her prerogative to expect that. It’s your prerogative if you want to leave or pay more.

Overall, y’all don’t match financially, you don’t really seem to like her personality, and you say it’s exhausting just being with her. Considering you have not mentioned anything redeeming about her or your relationship, it’s pretty clear what your decision is.

vjnvisakh · 2024-10-12T12:08:27+00:00

The fact that she is willing to pay 40% is a surprise. I feel that is the best of what you can get these days.

MeanestNiceLady · 2024-10-13T02:44:56+00:00

The 60/40 split is a major red flag. If you give this chick and inch she will take a mile. And I'm saying this as a woman. Run.

Rational women exist, she is not one of them

yourcarlosdanger · 2024-10-14T14:59:05+00:00

You need to teach her the meaning of the word "respect". In bed.

deedara · 2024-10-12T15:10:24+00:00

You say she expects the flowers, gifts, and dates, but how is any of that an expectation and not just being loving and enjoying activities with your partner? I don’t understand, do you not enjoy seeing her smile and joy? Doesn’t she love you back with effort and kindness? Does a difference in the wage gap mean you are unwilling to do nice things for your partner without expecting reciprocating actions and that your wife makes no selfless gestures of love or affection? I don’t understand.

xpoisonedpeachx · 2024-10-12T11:13:01+00:00

Talk to her about it. Tell her you don’t feel it’s fair that you have to pay for the large majority. Have a real conversation where you both listen and come to an understanding you can both agree with.

You also have to understand that as a women we were brought being told that if a man is not paying for most of it he is paying for another women. And so there is this expectation that a man who makes more needs to pay more to show he only want that girl. It is a bad expectation, but was hammered into our brains as kids.

Title	My girlfriend keeps making comments about mansplaining and men's humour... Etc
Author	Round_Stay8227
Upvotes	422
Comments	145
Date	October 12, 2024 5:46 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1g1tiux/my_girlfriend_keeps_making_comments_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-girlfriend-keeps-making-comments-about.1533919 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533919

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