Are double standards in dating ever unfair?

CainPrice · 2019-05-19T14:23:46+00:00

I take the viewpoint that anybody's standards that exclude me from consideration for sex are unfair, while anybody's standards that include me are just fine. It sounds like you do, too.

decoy88 · 2019-05-19T15:43:38+00:00

Don’t know about “unfair” because everyone should get to choose who they mash their genitals against.

Some double standards are quite fucking stupid though

Men who want their girl to put more effort into their appearance but won’t do anything for their own
Women expecting “protectors” when they’re not willing to smack a bitch for their man
Women wanting men who have a car when they can’t drive themselves
Men wanting “a girl that can cook” when they can’t do shit in the kitchen
Men wanting low n count because high n count women “can’t bond well” yet they themselves have high n count
Women wanting men to get their hints and mind-read despite completely missing all the signs men give and wanting them to be direct.
many many many more

Do you have double standards in dating?

No. I hate hypocrisy, so I try not to do it myself.

Maybelowsmv · 2019-05-19T15:08:37+00:00

Yes, I have double standards. I'm 5'2, and I wouldn't chase after 5'2 men. I prefer guys to be around 5'6-5'10 in height. However, just cos a guy meets my height requirement doesn't mean it's BINGO!

I'm black and muslim, so I won't meet the standards of some guys. Is that unfair? Nope. They have every right to not want to date me. I find it silly when women complain about it online, like with guys preferring white women. Racial preferences aren't racist imo. It's only racist if they're spewing hatred through or enforcing ugly stereotypes.

Accent preferences are a weird one too. I think that is something that affects people even outside the dating sphere, like with employment. Can I find an Indian guy hot? Yes. But will I be attracted to him if he had a stereotypical Indian accent? Probably not.

random note for anyone reading:

Gah! I just watched some edited clips from some random k-drama, and whilst I don't find the guy's face particularly attractive, for some reason... I'm craving that romance. Lord, there's a reason why I avoid watching romantic shiz

Orange_Paisley · 2019-05-19T16:10:32+00:00

It doesn’t matter if dating standards are fair. You can’t legislate or regulate attraction. You can’t tell someone “you’ve dated X amount of fit girls, so you must fill a quota of Y amount of chubby girls.” Or tall vs short guys, or whoever you think dating is unfair to. People are going to like what they like. The trick is getting what they like to like them back.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-05-19T14:21:26+00:00

even if it is unfair, who cares? god? the Department of Dating Unfairness? lets say it is unfair. so what?

Nobodykers · 2019-05-19T15:02:58+00:00

I don't care honestly. I like talking about it and discussing things. But calling things about nature "unfair" is stupid. Its not like nature gives a fuck.

goatismycopilot · 2019-05-19T15:58:44+00:00

Double standards in dating are only a problem if people struggle to get desired results. If they do not get desired results they either stay single and don't get many dates and make peace with it, or they adjust standards. Fairness does not come into play.

DebatePony · 2019-05-19T14:15:57+00:00

Life isn't fair.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-05-19T15:24:18+00:00

It's simply not a matter of fairness. Nothing about attraction is fair.

regarding double standards, I think everyone has the right to have any standards they want - if it doesn't prevent them from finding a partner, more power to them. If it does, well it's still their choice (and why would it be better for anyone if they dated people they aren't attracted to in the first place?) Especially with stuff like physical traits.

When it comes to character traits that would fall under "virtues", it would probably be good and introspective if we held ourselves to the same moral standards we hold our potential partners to.

killertubbie · 2019-05-19T16:39:16+00:00

All I know is there is a "shallow" side in all of us to a certain degree. We all have some unique preferences and unfortunately, I'm also guilty of it. I'd like to keep it to myself and won't share it to anyone. Why? The people who doesn't fit my "standard", I still care for their emotional well-being because they are also human beings just as you or me.

VermiciousKnidzz · 2019-05-19T17:24:45+00:00

people that put so much importance on height/weight are probably not pleasant people to date anyway. consider it a "im an asshole" red flag and be glad you dodged a bullet.

but yeh, women that only wanna date tall guys but are offended when men only wanna date skinny women are just as hypocritical as men with weight preferences but are offended at women's height preferences.

flamingoinghome · 2019-05-19T14:37:09+00:00

I don't get the height thing. I really just don't.

I think they're usually unfair, but then, I think (physical) attraction is a lot more pliable than we give credit for. It's just that, for social reasons, most people don't care to ply.

Lordb0lton · 2019-05-19T14:31:38+00:00

Do you have double standards in dating?

N count

OfSpock · 2019-05-19T15:25:42+00:00

How can a someone refuse to date men while being a man himself? Totally unfair!

thorsbosshammer · 2019-05-19T15:42:30+00:00

People can have whatever standards they choose. Just don’t complain if you’re too picky, which I think is the real problem.

Zippo-Cat · 2019-05-19T16:22:56+00:00

World isn't fair. Deal with it.

SlashCo80 · 2019-05-20T09:10:37+00:00

The only one I consider unfair is that men are still expected to "chase" women so to speak, to approach and initiate things in 90% of cases. But that's more of a society thing.

MoodyBrizo · 2019-05-19T17:05:58+00:00

Okay now make the thread where you justify men not wanting to date sluts, darkies, and fatties and watch women lose their fucking minds.

FlavFal · 2019-05-19T15:02:43+00:00

Some people might see certain double standards as unfair, but it doesn't really matter.

Do you have double standards in dating?

I'm bisexual but wouldn't date a bisexual man. I'm over 30 and wouldn't date a man over 30.

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verticordia · 2019-05-19T16:29:08+00:00

I don't think I consciously have any double standards (I might!). Maybe me wanting a guy taller than me is? But I'm 4'11, I'm really not asking for much.

I basically want to date the male version of myself. I'm a narcissist I guess lol. Although, my first love was the male version of myself, and our "come here go away" attachment style was the biggest roadblock and at the end of the day I'm not gonna sit around waiting for him to fix himself. It went from us hanging out every day and him basically needing my attention so much that he was like that episode of family guy where Stewie was like "mom! mum! mummy!" for 20 mins to him acting like he didn't know I existed, rinse and repeat every week.

So basically, my double standard is I can have a fucked up attachment style but u better be securely attached to me, asshole.

Truedemocracy4 · 2019-05-19T17:50:10+00:00

The entire point of the Red Pill is that dating and life isnt fair, but to make the most of your situation.

And it isnt a double standard if there is a TRUE reason for one gender having that standard.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-05-19T19:51:31+00:00

Personal preferences ARENT unfair just human :)

wotsittoyou · 2019-05-19T20:11:48+00:00

I don't think they are unfair... people own their own lives and bodies and have every right to decide whether to hold or to sell their assets at any price they want. It is more that whining about other people's standards or their offerings is usually the sign of a freeloader, someone who wants in some way to not have to pay market price or provide marketable goods, and even worse has started on the path of nagging/manipulating/bullying/guilt tripping people to drop their prices or to make heroic efforts to change just to make a sale or to stop competing with others for the sale.

You've got to put some attention into being be aware where the boundaries are and should be, what is and isn't ethical behavior. And you've got to accept that sometimes people will walk away from the deal because you aren't what they are looking for... that it is OK for someone to have a huge list of what they want and prefer and the important thing isn't whether they have such a list it is whether they deal graciously with taking responsibility for the consequences to themselves of having such a long list and don't put that responsibility on others.

Stop focusing on the double standard itself, start focusing on how people express their double standard... whether they are kind and polite and have appropriate boundaries. For example... if you out of laziness swiped on her profile without looking at her pics or when there were no obviously accurate pics it is a situation you helped create and you should find a way to exit it politely when you discover she is 400 pounds and still gaining... you shouldn't call her a damn hambeast as soon as you find out ffs fat people exist and if you want skinny girls so much you can't even be polite any more, maybe you should be putting more effort into what you swipe on and how. Or if you are a woman who has a hard lower limit of 5 foot 6 in a man but didn't articulate it, maybe you're going to need to sit politely through a few dates with jockeys doing your best to give them a fair hearing.

Simple as that. Other people are what they are and are looking for things just like you are, those things aren't always going to be you and you need to start recognising boundaries that must not be crossed regarding your responsibility to yourself, their responsibility to themselves and everyone's responsibility to be civil.

I've always had a few double standards. I don't drive, I believe I am unfit for that task for various reasons... but since I entered adult life and driving started to loom large as a way to get things done I have always ruled out as appropriate partners people who can't drive. I'm short and I like my guys at least six inches taller than me. On the other hand... I've got quite a few facial features that are pretty and I've never much cared whether a guy is facially handsome. And I am absolutely and completely down with taking care of all of the laundry in a household so long as everyone puts their dirty laundry in their hampers (OMG put it in the hampers so it can get done promptly and not be stanking up the house) it will be returned to their closets in a few days perfectly clean and fresh and with minor repairs done and I don't even really count that as a chore when looking at who does what... which if you live in a walkable city is probably a fair exchange for the driving thing.

PlainSlim · 2019-05-19T21:50:16+00:00

Is it unfair that someone I like won't date me because I'm not pretty enough for them? I mean probably. I can't control my looks. There are people out there that literally no one will date because of something they can't control, meanwhile there are people that can get anyone they want. Yeah, that's not fair. But IMO it's less unfair than forcing someone to bang/date someone they don't want to.

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2019-05-19T22:24:24+00:00

There really isn’t a such thing as double standards in heterosexual dating because the playing field is so different for each sex, it hardly makes sense to apply the same rules to both genders.

Isollumanifta · 2019-05-19T22:39:08+00:00

Oh they're definitely unfair, but so is life itself so I cant really say much lmao

YetAnotherCommenter · 2019-05-19T23:18:38+00:00

Are such double standards ever unfair? In which cases?

Fair/unfair by what standard?

To an extent, even asking this question still implies a belief in the Just Sexual World hypothesis. But giving someone sex isn't primarily a moral validation of them... a lot of us wish it were, but the reality is that for 95% of people "moral character" is secondary at best to "looks attractive" and even though it may be a necessary condition to sustain attraction, it is both easily mimicked in short-term scenarios and it isn't a sufficient condition to incite attraction.

Everyone dreams of exceptionally attractive (by their own standards) sexual partners. No one really wants to settle, but when reality sets in they typically start doing cost-benefit analysis and dropping their standards accordingly.

Not to mention, why does everyone have to date/do relationships/etc. in the first place? Of course romantic entanglement is fulfilling for many people, but there ARE people for whom the costs outstrip the benefits.

SqueaksScreech · 2019-05-20T03:21:55+00:00

I personally don't care. I'm not gonna shit on others for finding someone attractive unless yah a pedo. I personally find older men and women attractive. My age limit is 24-47 because that is what I personally like.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2019-05-20T04:57:04+00:00

Don't you get it, this is the bubbling up and over and socially emotional excess of YEARS of telling everyone "Life is unfair and that is wrong and we all deserve fairness all the time/we all deserve the best and never settle/everyone else is getting what they want and when they don't, they throw a temper tantrum until they do, everyone else and their sensibilities and boundaries and heavy tendencies to go fuck you fucking spoiled child idiot go fuck yourself until I get what I want cause I am special and deserve entitled red carpet treatment whereever I go cause I worked hard unlike these other bums and why should I settle for less regardless?" As unrealistic as it is for some, I like this. It's made people re-evaluate and realize certain things and maybe they need to adjust themselves a little bit and be a tad more appreciative and considerate themselves, cause it's a different story when the shoe is on the other foot isn't it? I'm not saying anyone should be forcing anything, but the growing superiority complexes are concerning, and what the fuck are they going to do when people start fighting back? I don't mean like physical violence, but people inevitably standing up for themselves and going fuck you too? Cause that is what happens after a while. While we can't be there to hold everyone by the hand every step, I think we are clearly starting to see that we are/were woefully unprepared for this very heavy wave of loneliness and anxieties. Fucking shit, you'd think with Trump winning, that'd been a sign, but alas it was not meant to be.

Having standards is one thing, trying to make it everyone else's problem and then acting like a child who just had the toy taken away when some people might say go screw is another. But hey, equality am I right?

abaxeron · 2019-05-20T08:50:03+00:00

Are double standards in dating ever unfair?

Ah, but what even is fairness? Well, you say you want fairness, so you know what it is!

greenteaapplepie69 · 2019-05-20T13:57:56+00:00

everyone has their own standards.

however, these standards are often heavily influenced by culture, society and the opinions of others.

this creates an imperative for these double standards- fat men who won't date fat women, women who won't date short guys.

most people (particularly men) tend to see their significant other as a status symbol or a measure of their own worth. this is why men want to date up lookswise, because beautiful women are portrayed in the media as status symbols.

i'm not sure about women, but they generally seem to go with guys who earn more and are better educated than them. they also prefer tall guys. i think there's also a status element to this too.

Workaholico · 2019-05-20T20:50:23+00:00

Group's double standards are not unfair, as it can be described as differences in each individuals traits and values.

Individual's double standards which are shown as part of a group ARE unfair as the traits and values are the same, i.e. hypocrisy.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-05-21T07:08:38+00:00

Sexual strategy is amoral and can't be negotiated.

There's no fair or unfairness. Things are just the way they are.

[deleted] · 2019-05-19T14:20:10+00:00

There is no such thing as a double standard in dating.

Is it unfair? Sure it may appear that way. But thats life.

Dating is simple, you see/get to know someone you want top spend time with, be that for a night, a day, a week, a month, a year, a lifetime, etc. You present yourself in th ebest possible light (hopefully), then you build something together or they reject you. ANyone can reject anyone, so there is no unfairness.

However sitting back, pointing your finger at others, saying its unfair, will achieve nothing and if anything will make you even more unattractive.

Then you die (hopefully at an old age).

THE END.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-05-19T17:33:53+00:00

Im female, young, attractive, and pretty shallow. I am aromantic, which means that I don't desire romantic relationships, and never have my entire life; never had a boyfriend, and don't plan on ever having a husband, or anything like that. I do enjoy sex, however, and when it comes to choosing a partner, the only thing that I am concerned about is my sexual desire towards them. I wouldn't say that I have "standards" for men - as in a preconceived idea of what I want - my body chooses for me. I have no control over whom I find arousing. Interestingly enough, there is a particular set of features common among those men (and sometimes women) whom attract me sexually, and they certainly do include physical attributes like size. But then again, there have been unicorns out there who deviate from this standard.... At the end of the day, not up to me....

nevomintoarce · 2019-05-19T14:57:56+00:00

Not the same.

Men approach so they should tell tall men to stop dating short women.

Electra_Cute · 2019-05-19T14:21:51+00:00

Why would it be unfair.

Title	Are double standards in dating ever unfair?
Author	ColCrin
Upvotes	20
Comments	183
Date	May 19, 2019 2:13 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/bqhdq6/are_double_standards_in_dating_ever_unfair/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-double-standards-in-dating-ever-unfair.255702 https://theredarchive.com/post/255702

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