Are my values and preferences too old-fashioned?

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-12-09T05:46:36+00:00

No you aren't too old fashioned

But, like every other preference you have to be aware that it narrows down your pool.

Fauxmannequin · 2023-12-09T05:50:51+00:00

Eh it’s not unreasonable really, and I do respect that you hold yourself to the same standards. With that being said though, you’re gonna have a hard time finding someone like that who’s in your age range. Like someone else said, church is probably the best way to meet someone like that, so hopefully you’re religious too lol.

JuIi0 · 2023-12-09T05:46:27+00:00

Look for your partner in a church then.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-12-09T08:26:20+00:00

I don't think they're unreasonable, and I say this as someone with tattoos who got married waaay after the good ship Virginity had sailed. You want what you want, as long as you're not being a dickhead towards people who don't meet your requirements, you're good. However, you might struggle to find someone if you're looking at colleges (debt is almost a given when it comes to higher education in the US) and your average 18-28 y.o woman (they might not all have tattoos, but most women will not be virgins by the time they're your age).

januaryphilosopher · 2023-12-09T11:18:30+00:00

It's fine to prefer whatever you want, but you need to be aware there's one thing you left out that will make this harder - most people who fit your preferences will have already settled down by your age.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-12-09T12:12:48+00:00

and why haven't you found anyone by 28?

apresonly · 2023-12-09T07:22:49+00:00

I would say you are getting too old to expect virginity, not that you should give up the preference, just FYI as a former 20-something virgin that they are going to want someone around their own age.

ETA i see you are trying to meet women through church so I take it back, it's not unlikely you can meet an older virgin woman there.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-12-09T12:52:52+00:00

No, your preferences are valid and realistic because you’re holding yourself to the same standards. Now will it be harder to find someone due to your preferences? Yes, but you have more of a shot than most guys who want the same but aren’t doing anything to make themselves appealing to that kind of woman.

I will say though that if you should let anything go, it’s the tattoos. Waiting till marriage for sex is a core values issue that should align, debt-free is a life goal that should also align. Some ink is some ink, a lot of traditional type women have a small tattoo these days, particularly religious themed.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-12-09T20:45:32+00:00

Since you are holding yourself to the same standards as the type of woman you desire, I think your preferences are reasonable. In other words, you aren’t a hypocrite, unlike many guys who demand a virgin bride.

With that said, very few people are virgins beyond a certain age. If I recall correctly, 8% of people over age 22 are virgins and 2% of people over age 25 are virgins. So with the virginity preference alone, you’re eliminating a huge percentage of women. When you add in the other two preferences, you’re probably left with a very, very small pool of women to date.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2023-12-09T08:42:21+00:00

I don't really understand the debt free part that much. Would you never take out a loan for a car? What if you wanted to start a business?

None are necessarily bad preferences. Obviously, your options will be hugely limited though.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-12-09T06:43:18+00:00

Your preferences are fine as long as you accept that your options will be limited as a result. The issue is when people set high hurdles and then get mad that people don't clear them.

hannahg000 · 2023-12-09T06:11:46+00:00

dang i’m a tattoo-less virgin but i have student loans. so close 😭

but seriously, i think your preferences are fine especially since you aren’t being hypocritical about them. there is just a smaller pool of people who fit them

OtPayOkerSmay · 2023-12-09T07:03:32+00:00

It's not old-fashioned to want a partner that exhibits the characteristics of self-control and being long-sighted, especially if you are that way yourself.

So many people (I don't want to single out women here) are doing extremely short-sighted things - jumping into ridiculous car loans or maxing out credit as a means to exude status they haven't truly earned, getting tattoos cuz YOLO, having casual sex because life is about having fun (right?), etc. A surprisingly small amount of people actually plan for the future, which causes them to make poor decisions in the moment because it felt good - ie: short-sightedness.

If you hold yourself to a higher standards than the short-sighted idiots out there, then you should have no shame about holding the woman you want to the same standards.

MidoriEgg · 2023-12-09T10:10:48+00:00

Those aren’t unreasonable requirements at all, but that doesn’t mean you are gaurenteed to find someone like that (I’m hopeful that you will though).

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-12-09T10:44:45+00:00

Your only problem is the virgin bit, now casual sex is not everyone’s cup of tea, it’s actually very rare off dating apps, but most people do form romantic relationships from late teens which again for most people lead to sex at one point. Unless you are religious, sex just comes naturally after you’ve developed strong feelings in a committed relationship over time. They say by your 30’s, most people have an average of 6 previous partners,

The only real question here is how adamant you are about the virgin bit, cause by your age it will be very difficult, but if your open you’ll probably find you can be happy with a woman with 1 or 2 ex’s

FineDevelopment00 · 2023-12-09T09:22:48+00:00

I am holding myself to the same standard.

I am saving myself for my future wife. The idea of casual sex is honestly disgusting to me. I want it to be part of the marital bond.

👏🏻 I applaud you, based bro! You are a shining example of The Way.

Is it unreasonable, in my case, to desire the same out of a lady? Am I too old-fashioned in my preferences?

Absolutely not, on both counts! There will unfortunately be people who try to make you feel like your standards are unreasonable and your virtues outdated, but you don't have to (and shouldn't) listen to those people.

AngeCruelle · 2023-12-09T08:06:46+00:00

If anything you're too new-fashioned in the sense that you're on the internet asking for the approval of strangers

baiser_vole · 2023-12-09T06:03:19+00:00

Well you just have to realize how severely you would be nuking your dating pool. It is not necessarily unreasonable, but could be quite unrealistic for many. This is coming from a volcel woman without debt and tattoos dating a volcel man who is the same.

duskst0ne · 2023-12-09T13:10:12+00:00

Are you actually holding yourself to the same standard, or are you trying to convince yourself that you being a 28-year-old virgin was an intentional decision about values when it wasn't a choice for you? Honest question, not saying that to be mean.

Either way, your preferences are reasonable if you can find interested partners who fit them, "unreasonable" if not and you're not happy staying single. If you can't find someone, I might suggest relaxing your view on student debt and having some sexual history from serious relationships.

MacaronFinancial · 2023-12-09T11:45:12+00:00

It is not realistic to get a virgin at your age. If you do, she might be mentally ill or very prudish and hateful towards sex and men.

You also have no way of finding out what her past is. The virgin thing is cringe outside of the muslim world; I'm not saying it is not natural to want them in theory but it's going to scare off every woman with a brain because women are rarely virgins past their late teens and the ones who remain virgin are insufferable mental cases or don't care about sex. I'm not saying others don't exist but you'll be grey and wrinkly by the time you find them.

boom-wham-slam · 2023-12-09T13:19:24+00:00

Good luck. I make more money than you and I'm pretty hot and the only virgins I've met are so messed up in other ways they are undateable. And I hardly meet any virgins at all.

I just gave up and live the Hugh Hefner sort of life and that's that. If I even meet an attractive young virgin then maybe things will be different but I don't even meet any in the first place so it's essentially zero chance I guess.

Safinated · 2023-12-09T15:32:55+00:00

The virginity part is old fashioned and religious

Everything else is not

SecondEldenLord · 2023-12-09T11:07:59+00:00

Too old fashion for this crazy modern day, yes. But it's not ridiculous to want the same thing from women, but good luck finding such a woman. Most women have almost no control or will power over their urges.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-12-09T12:10:30+00:00

Debt free is subjective, school debt is a thing. Some small debt is good for credit.

Tattoos are a horrible filter but to each is own.

Virgin is kinda meh in today's day and age but do you.

Yes these r very old fashioned and ur prob rejecting some solid women because your views on women with some of these qualities within reason is flawed in you associate negative other qualities with them

mike-sonko · 2023-12-09T06:46:17+00:00

Not unreasonable. Your preferences are your preferences. Even if you were a high n-count dude looking for a virgin/low n woman that is fine. Women have hypocritical standards all the time and are praised for it.

That said, your best bet is to look in religious circles. Such women exist, I landed one myself.

ArtifactFan65 · 2023-12-09T05:55:56+00:00

I don't care about debt, tattoos & marriage but I couldn't date a girl either unless she's also a virgin.

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ramyanambessan · 2023-12-09T11:36:47+00:00

It's cool to have your own values and preferences, especially if they align with your beliefs. But when it comes to relationships, being open minded and respecting different choices is key. Finding someone who vibes with your values is awesome, but being chill and understanding helps keep things healthy. Remember, people have all sorts of backgrounds that shape their choices.

Willow-girl · 2023-12-09T13:11:06+00:00

You're playing a numbers game. The average age at which Americans lose their virginity is 17 and by 22, 90% have had sex. The older you get, the harder it will be to find that inexperienced woman you desire. Hurry!

KayRay1994 · 2023-12-09T14:59:52+00:00

I don’t think you fall into any “pill” (and frankly i don’t think you should categorize yourself by any pill)

That being said, i’m sure you’ll find such women in religious or conservative communities (though virgin might be less likely) - it certainly makes things more difficult, but you will 100% find women with similar values if you know where to look

wtknight · 2023-12-09T15:38:21+00:00

No. There are a lot of women like that in developing countries if you can't find one in a western country. But I think that there are some women like that in western countries, too.

y2kjanelle · 2023-12-09T23:38:58+00:00

Old fashioned for sure but not unreasonable at all. You meet the standards of what that kind of woman would want and it doesn’t seem like you’re hateful of women who don’t meet your standards. That’s just what you prefer.

Seems healthy, respectful and kind to me. Hope you find a woman who has the same values.

hestiaavesta · 2023-12-11T01:04:58+00:00

Yes they are and you are quite rare.

I’ve gotten rejected and ghosted by plenty of men for being a virgin and saying I’ll just wait until marriage. Even so called religious men from my own community, which really opened my eyes.

People with your standards are a minority and it will be difficult to find what you seek (a person on the same wavelength), but it’s noble to keep at it and never compromise your values. Good luck.

Title	Are my values and preferences too old-fashioned?
Author	Sensitive_Truck_3015
Upvotes	6
Comments	81
Date	December 9, 2023 5:42 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18e6nvm/are_my_values_and_preferences_too_oldfashioned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-my-values-and-preferences-too-old-fashioned.1240263 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240263

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