Did getting into a relationship change your views/approach?

Joelypoely88 · 2025-12-07T22:15:27+00:00

If you're asking about pill-related views specifically, initially it made me slightly less redpilled, but then later more blackpilled. The reason for the latter is I realised she chose me since (1) I'm almost twice as tall as her and (2) I was in excellent shape when we met. It's really great that we've been able to bond over shared interests and have many amazing experiences together, but if those two factors weren't the case it's quite likely we would have ended up just as good friends rather than lovers.

The-Devilz-Advocate · 2025-12-07T23:37:12+00:00

I’m starting to realize that my non-incel boyfriend sometimes slips into red-pill-ish mindset.

Can women stop using the incel term incorrectly?

Incel means involuntarily celibate. Of course a guy that has a fucking girlfriend is not an incel.

"I'm starting to realize my boyfriend sometimes slips into a red-pill-ish mindset."

There. Fixed it for you.

I guess I'm surprised he hasn't reconsidered those ideas, given our long-term relationship, the fact that we love each other, and that I stayed with him through his unemployment.

Why should he? And exception to the rule does not disprove the rule. I'm glad you truly love him for who he is and support him in his lowest moments, but that's not necessarily something that all women do with men in their lives.

Isn’t his real-life experience evidence that those beliefs aren’t accurate, and it was a matter of finding someone compatible?

Compability should have nothing to do with the way women treat men overall or at least not really. If it's true, that the only difference between a man getting empathy and a man not getting empathy from women, is how compatible he is to them i.e. how attractive he is to them, that would make women's empathy and love extremely conditional if we follow your own line of logic.

TheOneWhoThinketh · 2025-12-07T19:35:53+00:00

Red pill is a theory that men turn to after being disillusioned.

I became redpill gradually after talking to hundreds of women and listening to dozens of them describe various elements of the red pill: "getting over" their aversion to casual sex with strangers by doing it with random men; getting into decade-long relationships with a man because he was the one who most aggressively pursued them when they were teenagers, then leaving after he had matured because they realized they didnt want a family with him now that he had become "boring"; going into their 30s with expectations that a man should provide for them and their lifestyle and not have the same flaws that they themselves or their 20 previous boyfriends had; and even describing their current boyfriend in the most loving terms while informing me that his sexual inadequacy required them to look outside the relationship for satisfaction, rather than break up or even discuss it with him, because he was the best one for her to marry.

After I got into a relationship with a woman that I thought was "reasonable", I discovered that even the most reasonable, mature woman would interpret reality based on how she felt at any given moment. Me telling her the truth about my feelings did not prompt her to work with me to resolve them, but instead furthered the divide between us than when she didn't know the truth or when I was actively withholding it from her. What I did in that relationship didn't matter, only how she felt about it. This was also something I experienced before after listening to women describe their abuse and even witnessing verbal abuse myself and then watching them go back to their abuser and post on social media about their loving relationship.

So yes, I thought I was red pill in the dating world and just had to be on the lookout for a good woman. When I found this "good woman" was when I truly became enlightened to what the red pill was. Specifically, I understand that come what may, it would always be my responsibility to manage a woman's emotions, and that this responsibility alone would determine our relationship, not some mumbo jumbo about equality, "honesty", or "unconditional" love.

throwaway73737828 · 2025-12-08T09:36:03+00:00

This is a stupid asf take. You cant change redpill views because redpill = truth. Once you see the truth, changing the views is basically making yourself purposefully deluded. Infact the more you sleep with and have relationships with women THE MORE you see redpill is real. You shouldve change the question to “did getting in a relationship made you more redpill”.

kongeriket · 2025-12-08T03:05:47+00:00

Short answer: No.

Longer answer: The observations of the red pill are useful regardless of relationship status.

In fact, there are RP observations specifically for being in a relationship – whether you want to maintain it (see dread game) or expand it (see plate spinning).

I guess I'm surprised he hasn't reconsidered those ideas, given our long-term relationship, the fact that we love each other, and that I stayed with him through his unemployment. And sure, by red-pill standards he’s not a “high-value man” - he’s not a high-earning gym chad - but I think he’s pretty great. He’s funny, smart, has passions, and I’m very attracted to him

Good. That doesn’t mean he’s necessarily wrong about the evaluation.

The problem occurs (or may occur) if he takes it too much to heart.

What a lot of people don’t seem to understand is that TRP is not a cult or an ideology. It’s a set of observations gathered by men comparing notes across cultures and geography (and increasingly across time since it’s been around for decades) about female nature. That’s it. What one does with that information is up to him.

Isn’t his real-life experience evidence that those beliefs aren’t accurate, and it was a matter of finding someone compatible?

Not really, no.

He doesn’t become taller, wealthier or closer to his own ideal of manhood just because he’s with you.

He should become more content (I’m likely agreeing with you partially here) but the overall observations about how attraction works do not change because they can’t change.

LysanderAegis · 2025-12-07T23:24:37+00:00

I am in a LTR and it didn't change it, I still realize how things work around me and not necessary in my relationship.

TheCultOfGrogg · 2025-12-08T00:11:52+00:00

Yes. I’m a pretty smart guy. I can see patterns quite well and analyze situations decently, and I already thought, for many reasons, relationships didn’t really benefit men. By benefit, I mean, men must acquire some weird, immaterial, altruistic-based, benefit from dating women because there isn’t any real, tangible, obvious benefit. With women, on the other hand, it’s usually extremely easy to see what they’re getting in the relationship and the benefits can usually be physically counted.

There’s some other things too, like, society doesn’t indict women’s actions at all really. Women can do whatever they want, and no one ever really says “you’re delusional”, “humble yourself”, “you don’t qualify”, like they do with men; so naturally, I’ve always thought that women tend to be the ones who ruin relationships simply because they’re beyond reproach and men are constantly reproached.

I got into a relationship after suspecting these things, thinking that it’s not enough to merely surmise, but you have to test your hypotheses. The relationship proved nearly everything I’d previously thought.

Women, in relationships, don’t do what’s right, they do what they feel…and because they’re naturally insecure and neurotic, what they feel tends to be selfish and irrational. When you combine that with the fact that they aren’t corrected, and they have so much optionality, you have the ingredients for someone who knows no real bounds, can’t be satiated, and isn’t really worth being in a relationship with.

James_M_Croft · 2025-12-08T10:46:34+00:00

Interacring wih women, including going into relationships, turns men into red pills (or black pills depending on their personality and personality).

You are mistaken in thinking trp ideas are not evidence based. Its the blue pill that is the unrealistic illusion one sheds as they experience women.

I am not saying he is part of the TRP. Most guys who have TRP ideas never find out about the community or really discuss much with anybody. They discover them by trial and error. And unless they go full on incel I never seen a guys mentality go bluer.

I am sorry to say, butalmost every time i lost my job or even changed jobs to less prestigious but better paid ones, the women who did not out right left still treated me like trash. All but one(the first one) did that. And it was something they never recognized or aknowledged. It only served to make my trp beliefs stronger. Not weaker. And I assume the first one didn't become we were in hs so no feminist friends to destroy our relationship.

N_Count_Council · 2025-12-07T23:07:15+00:00

I’m starting to realize that my non-incel boyfriend sometimes slips into red-pill-ish mindset. When provoked, he’ll go on about women having unrealistically high expectations, using men, and refer to himself as a low-quality man

Yes because he's not referring to you. He's referring to the other 100 women he had to sift through until he found you. He will overwhelmingly remember the negative situations over the positive.

TrumpFucksKidz · 2025-12-08T11:32:37+00:00

No.

I got into this relationship because of my views and approach.

I'm a very egalitarian man in every area of my life except my intimate relationships, and I make it very clear that I'm in charge. Because of that, I only attract women that are happy with that arrangement.

It's funny how if you're upfront about who you are and what you want, you'll tend to attract people with a similar mindset.

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Suspicious_Year_4958 · 2025-12-08T16:57:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Asleep-Pin-5664 · 2025-12-10T19:45:53+00:00

My value comes from God not my perceived value on the dating market.

lastrevolutions · 2025-12-11T18:03:07+00:00

Men know they’re being controlled by weaker beings, and they’re not going to be for much longer, because their compliance was purchased with a black swan post wwII surplus that has just about run out

The bill has come due

MarioWilson122 · 2025-12-08T00:55:44+00:00

Not at all because it is mostly true, of course not for every woman in existence, but a majority of woman do indeed have high expectations.

So find a woman here or there that doesnt is what men would like to find. Can be hard to do so, as not too many women will have reasonable standards nowadays.

Of course their choice, so they can still have them. The RP movement is just helping men get a better understanding of that. Which of course isn't the most popular thing currently, still doesnt mean its not on point.

Title	Did getting into a relationship change your views/approach?
Author	Prior-Impression-871
Upvotes	25
Comments	142
Date	December 7, 2025 6:06 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1pgp049/did_getting_into_a_relationship_change_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/did-getting-into-a-relationship-change-your.1568279 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568279

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