Do women encourage nice guy behaviour?

hairer · 2016-08-05T12:01:56+00:00

I was a "nice guy" - but nowhere near as extreme as the examples on the NiceGuys subreddit. Honestly, I think those examples where these guys lash...

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 31 points32 points33 points 10 years ago* (111 children) | Copy Link

Nice behavior will always be encouraged.

People typically reward nice behavior by being even nicer to you and doing nice things for you as well.

The problem is that in many people's minds "niceness" should be rewarded with "attraction" or "lust" or "romance" or "sexual favors."

When really if you're nice to me I'm simply going to say thank you and maybe remember to bake you some cookies or something.

edit

This is why men and women have to provide the "sexy" and the "niceness."

The sexy makes me want to fxck my SO. The consideration makes me want to bake cookies for them.

Both together make me feel "madly in love."

Because there are plenty of men who I find attractive who I wouldn't waste a modicum of energy cooking dinner for because they're assholes who don't deserve.

And then there are sexy and considerate men who could "get it" and also get a nice warm meal.

And then there are men who are "only nice" who I feel inspired to do nice things for; however they don't inspire any sexual attraction from me.

[–]PemBayliss 12 points13 points14 points 10 years ago (56 children) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 10 points11 points12 points 10 years ago (50 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Grammatical_Aneurysm 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (36 children) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link

[–]mc0079Non-Red Pill 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]dopesk12 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (23 children) | Copy Link

That is out of my control, i'm not saying I am controlling or anything like that, just that when they say certain things or tell certain stories they can see in my face that I don't like the story because I am possessive over them and w/e they are saying is making me feel some combination of jealousy, sadness, anger etc etc. As to why girls tell me stories of how they yelled at their boyfriend because he rawdogged them while not on birth control and waited until the literal last second to pull out is beyond me, clearly if i'm interested in you that isn't gonna be the best thing to tell me about. Yet I hear stories like this(some girls arent as graphic) all the time. The worst is when they say something simply because they enjoy the attention even tho they know it will bother you when there was no reason to bring it up in the first place, like "woops better delete that picture my boyfriend would be mad if I showed it to anyone" why on earth do you feel the need to say this to me when I wasn't even looking at your phone? This other girl would always tell me about her nipple piercings for no reason other than to tease me

You cant just not do that, feelings are feelings, they cant be simply wished away

I have thought about being like "hey if u wanna be friends you cant ever ever talk about your boyfriend" but that doesn't seem right to me, typically what ends up happening in my past was I would start asking too many questions that would upset me, I would get really hungup and eventually the girl would make me upset just thinking about her and after some time being around her would make me miserable. But from her POV we were spending more and more time together, sharing more with each other, from her POV our friendship was growing but from mine it was coming closer and closer to imploding. So for her it will look like we grew to be great friends and than I ghost out of nowhere. I think at a certain age most women have gone through this because I have seen other men do it too, which is why they want to hook you up(obviously there are other reasons too, but this one is common for me personally)

The onyl real women friends I have that last a long time are parts of social groups, not 1 on 1 type of friendships.

[–]squidracer 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

I like it because it feels very definite, I push myself to the point that I know I wont go back

If I don't feel strongly enough we will drift back somehow, even if I don't want to I give in out of guilt or feelings of "well, she didn't really do anything wrong". I need to give myself a reason sometimes because I know the situation is bad for me but its not that persons fault and I genuinely enjoy them

Its enjoyable because I don't get to release my emotions very often and it feels good, you know that feeling you get after you cry that feels really good? I went through a PCT phase after my first steroid cycle where I fucked up my hormones and had insane levels of estrogen for a month, cryed everyday for no reason and it felt fucking great. Well anger has a positive after effect type of feeling too, maybe its not so much anger but just releasing your emotions feels nice

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link

IDK man, when I meet someone I do the test thing where I can see how much im allowed to say around them. Not many people make me feel comfortable so if they pass idc if they have a boyfriend I feel compelled to keep them around.

This specific girl who gets raw dogged is an "anti feminist" who I feel I can tlak about anything with. You know how hard it is to find someone IRL you can talk about rape fetishes with while at work(i spit on your grave is the sexiest movie I ever saw, girl with the dragon tatto pretty good too, google strugglefuck if you wanna find soem good shit)? All these crazy topics I would never dream of talking about just float out of my mouth while i'm around her and she responds grinning with some shit just as crazy. The day I met her she just randomly bragged about how tight her pussy is(because we saw some pils called vagifirm), if it was easy to replace people like that I would, and no she doesn't look goth or like she works in a sex shop, shes totally normal looking

There was this other girl I knew who I found sexy because she would call her black boyfriend a nigger whenever she was mad at him and threaten to call rape, I didn't know sexy racism existed til that moment. I dated a tumblr feminist(only reason I ever learned about that shit) and I fucking loved arguing with her, if she just threatened me a few times she would have been even ebtter. Its like Nietzsche says "The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything."

Its hard to wlak away from some people who are so easy to talk to, the world needs more people like this. I once went on a date with a grown woman and she was telling me about her dog gizmo, so I started talking about the movie gremlins and how I really liked stripe, she said she stopped watching the movie when it got scary but watches it all the time. I even knew a stripper who yelled at me for like 5 mins str8 for calling my mom a whore during a story, like lady you are a fucking stripper can you shut the fuck up and listen to my damn story. Too mnay verbal prudes runnin around nowadays

EDIT: I have noticed that these relationships always feel like the girl wants me to rag on her boyfriend, like this one who gets rawdogged I always call her boyfriend the 2 pump chump and we act aggressive towards each other, him mostly passively by like grabbing his chicks ass mean mugging me or something while I typically act regular/physically aggressive. There have been other girls who would just rag on their dudes infront of me because they knew I would rag on him too since I liked them

[–]squidracer 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–] squidracer 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–] GermanEgo 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] squidracer 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] GermanEgo 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

I think i'm in the middle, I just grew up with a lot of edgelord friends who were into gore and weird kinks with zero filter and I like to test people/push people and try to scare them away sometimes. The people who don't scare away are always my favorite people

If you are really open and say shit that isn't normally said than 2 things will happen. Most people will be put off, but the others will just tell you a bunch of shit that they would have never normally told you because you already set the "weirdness bar" pretty high. There's a 3rd category of guys who just enjoy watching you/think youre crazy but they are only useful as an audience

Now that I think of it the tumblr feminist I told you about did something similar when she was growing up. She told me that since she had to move around so often and start over without friends she started acting crazy. Because she knew the "weird girls" would immediately become friends with her, but all the other girls would hate her.

I also have been taking AAS for over 3 years, including test, tren, methyl tren, superdrol, anadrol, dbol, eq, deca and epi. WHich most definitely has changed me. On some occasions when people disrespect me on the road I have followed them home to ask them to repeat themselves in person. Idk why people think they can say anything just because they are in a car. I never did that type of thing before, its just the ego gets so big you cannot tolerate disrespect

I think real alpha males don't care about shit and dont get flustered, im certainly not stoic

[–]sardonis70 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SpaceWhiskey🍃 Social Justice Druid 🍂 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Grammatical_Aneurysm 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]darkmoon09 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I do what I want to for them.

Same here! And they've done so much for me, and for others, that I want to do things for them, and for others too! They claim that's where their joy comes from, and I believe them. I want to give back to any community I've benefited from, because it feels good and beneficial. This was the tradition set long ago by the patriarchs of our family and I plan on continuing their traditions as much as I reasonably can (and WANT to).

My family is supremely good at manipulating me with guilt when it comes to religion (when I tried to tell my dad I didn't believe in god, he tearfully asked me where I thought his dead mother was if not in heaven, lol). I used to fight against it a lot when I was younger. Now I realize I am willing to compromise and go along with a lot of things for the love of my family. I suppose I'm less rigid and stubborn than I used to be, at least when it comes to the comfort of those select people that I love and enjoy so much.

[–]XXYukieXXAll of yall are assholes 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]XXYukieXXAll of yall are assholes 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GermanEgo 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (45 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 13 points14 points15 points 10 years ago (44 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (36 children) | Copy Link

[–]Justbeingme145 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (35 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (31 children) | Copy Link

[–]Justbeingme145 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (27 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link

[–]Justbeingme145 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

You keep saying that, but I think that you're just wrong on that. Yes men are being told that they should be nice. No, men are not being told "being nice will get you sex". If a man still thinks that just being nice gets him sex, the problem is in his interpretation of what he's told and his inabilities to read any social context whatsoever.

Of course exceptions exist, if you're brought up in a strictly religious environment and you're not allowed to view any media not approved by your parents, I can kinda understand where you get your ideas.

But nowadays most people aren't raised like that and pretty much no dating advice out there (magazines internet take your pick) says "just be nice". If they do, please point me to it. And yeah, people say that sometimes (especially girls when rejecting you) but that's just to not hurt your feelings. Again, if you assume that means that you just need to be nice, you are the problem.

[–]GermanEgo 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] Justbeingme145 3 points 4 points 5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

How is it then that men come to TRP saying the same things I've said?

Do you think I am the only one saying things like this? Do you believe I'm somehow telling them to say the same things I say, or they tell me to say what they say?

How do you explain that this experience is limited to religious groups or regions of the country when men from Europe and non English speaking countries also experienced the same thing? Men from all regions of the country also did? Men from non religious backgrounds also did? Men from nonwhite backgrounds also did?

"being nice will get you sex"

That's not what I said I was trained and taught. What I said was that I was told that being nice is SEXUALLY attractive. Being sexually attractive does not "get you sex". Being sexually attractive increases the odds that you'll get sex and increases the number of women who might want sex with you.

[–] Justbeingme145 4 points 5 points 6 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago * (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is what I'm wondering. Even if a young boy was told "girls find niceness sexually attractive," wouldn't he have questions? Wouldn't he respond with something like, "but a girl's niceness doesn't make her sexually attractive...how can girls be so different?"

I have no idea. I have never been told by anyone in my family, even by my more old-school grandmother that women are attracted to niceness in a man. Being nice, having a good personality as a man is essential to make a woman want to have a long-term relationship with the guy, but the guy gotta be attractive to the girl in the first place.

Somehow - which I very much doubt to be true - these guys are saying their pastors, boy scout captains and their parents taught them that niceness in men is sexually attractive and it will get them sex and relationships.

I very much doubt they've had people tell them any of that. i mean, the older red pillers, the guys who are in their 50s and from a religious background might have been told that. But young men? Nope, never had anyone tell me niceness is sexually attractive(why would having normal social skills be sexually attractive? O.o) and I never met a guy whose parents taught him niceness was sexually attractive.

Besides, these guys certainly interact with women. Women are naturally nice and friendlly. Do they become attracted to every girl who is nice to them ? If that was so, why would they have problems with women? They'd eventually find a girl and date her, if nice is sexually attractive..

Personally, I remember being given messages like "don't judge a book by its cover" and "it's what's on the inside that counts" but these were more messages telling ME and my classmates that we should try to see past our own shallowness to really get to know people and not only judge them on their attractiveness.

Oh, totally, I also got those messages as a kid, from teachers and my parents, but they never taught me that I was obliged to feel attracted to a girl just because she was nice to me, and that seems what the red pillers feel like, that they should be owed sexual attention from women because they are nice to women.

lol.

[–]OncleJulian 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I can see your parents or your pastor or whatever telling you being nice would get you women, but young men?

I have two 17yo boys in the house, and I'm noticing that they are FAR more aware of the fact that "women are just people" than I ever was at their age. They are FAR more realistic about what they can expect from others, including women in terms of bad behavior and drama. They aren't often caught off guard by their GF's, so I'd have to agree that in my limited experience, younger boys today are FAR more aware of the things I had to find the 'sphere to learn.

I'd suspect young men in very religious communities are still getting the "be nice, be yourself" message to some extent. It really was the root of how I came to be raised with it, despite my declining religious participation, those lessons kinda stuck.

[–] OncleJulian 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AnarchkittyBetter dead than Red 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–] Anarchkitty Better dead than Red 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–] direpellth I eat ass 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] direpellth I eat ass 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

How ridiculous does it sound to you that a girl would mention a guy being nice and her girlfriends would be all giggling and wanting to see his picture? Or a guy telling his friends a girl is nice and getting the male version of that reaction?

I've literally witnessed the girl version of that. I lived with some "typical white girls" for two semesters. If any of them mentioned to the other girls any positive attribute about a guy (including being nice), the idea was that she was interested in him and they'd all giggle and girl-out and want to see who he was. Obviously other attributes are implied, but it's funny you being up that specific imagery since I've seen it too many times.

I've never had a bro talk where "nice" was one of the things explicitly mentioned about a girl, but I'd probably just respond with "that's cool man".

It reminds me of this scene from Friends, but instead of "Ross kissed me" it's "I met this guy and he was niiiiccceee".

Girls were told the same thing you know.

Are you addressing me specifically, or all nice guys^TM specifically? I was ironically conditioned to think that only being attractive mattered. One friend in high school told me that she though all guys should have abs. Any time one of my friends talked about a girl, the first descriptions would be "hot" or "she's got a nice ass" or stuff like that. Maybe all my friends were assholes?

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I can say in the hippie-liberal-feminist Pacific Northwest,

From what I've gathered mostly here at PPD, the TRP "story" is most common in the mid-west and south. The coasts (both east and west) seem far more liberal then the fat center of the US.

I can also say that I'm not a fan of the coasts partly for the reason I stated above. FAR too crowded. FAR too liberal. FAR too fast paced.

Add to it classism, which is to ALSO say that PPD has taught me the most common AWALT behaviors tend to manifest in the lower classes, which explains why I've seen so much of it, and many younger/richer folks here have not. It cracks me up when people deny these behaviors. I think "just come hang out in my hood for a weekend and I'll show you a different world." And then I realize that just like "ugly" women don't exist for men, "poor" people don't exist for the elite. Sure, they know there's a ton of people out there somewhere, but they don't think about nor care about them. But there are far more "low class" women in the US than "quality" ones, at least if you aren't living in an ivory tower.

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, my mother told me that what matters as a man, when it comes to attracting women is looks. Money and social status and all that nonsense that old red pillers who are keen on attracting young hot girls talk about('' oh my smv is the same as a young hot woman because a man's smv is made up mostly of social status'' heh, no) charm also plays a long part in attracting women :p

My family is highly sexual, highly open with their sexuality and I grew up with my mom telling me about life and what she did as a young woman. I believe the way my mother raised me made me the guy I am today. I don't judge women. I don't feel like they are ''sluts'' for sleeping with a lot of guys if they want to do it, if they did it, and I don't really expect a woman to be a virgin.

Hey, I saw the tweet you sent me on tweet, it was sweet, thanks. I forgot to follow you xD but I will.

[–]Pastasky 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Justbeingme145 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Pastasky 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]AnarchkittyBetter dead than Red 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ianiemasns 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 26 points27 points28 points 10 years ago (167 children) | Copy Link

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq. (woman) 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (162 children) | Copy Link

[–]disposable_pants 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (82 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (81 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago* (50 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (48 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (46 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (42 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (41 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (40 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (34 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (33 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Why would I take the risk of coming forward when I have no interest in someone while the person who is enamoured with me refuses to lay his feelings on the table and pretends to meet me as a friend? Why?

I can flip that of course. Why would a man that wants to get laid care that the women he intends to P&D will be heartbroken over it? That pesky thing often referred to as common decency and respect for others seems to come into play here. If I suspected a woman had a "thing" for me, and because of that I could get the lay in and run, I'd instead separate myself from the situation because I don't need the sex that much, and its cruel to intentionally hurt others.

I suppose if you need friends so badly your willing to break a guys heart, have at it. Don't be surprised when he turns to RP and becomes an "asshole" either.

[–] Sandralees 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

And you could be wrong and make your life complicated by avoiding her while she is only trying to be friendly with you.

I'm not looking for more friends. And the less people are involved in my life in general, the LESS complicated it is.

You can't be on your guards all the time and be on the lookout for someone's possible unwanted interest.

Actually, to some extent I am ALWAYS on "guard" when outside the privacy of my home. Not just for unwanted interest, but sketchy behavior, stupid behavior, hell I basically assume everyone and anyone I don't know is capable of going postal with me standing right next to them. And, anytime I interact with someone new, I'm VERY on guard. I don't know them, and don't know their motivations. Best to go on the belief that they want something from me until they prove otherwise.

But then that's what you RP people do by detecting shit tests and maintaining your frame, right?

I'm not sure what you are claiming here, so I don't have a reply. I don't even consider myself "you RP people" because RP isn't some club I have a membership card to be a part of. We don't have a club house, nor do we have a gathering. Well, maybe we do and I'm not cool enough to be invited...

[–] PemBayliss 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

I don't know in this case, but I've known a few women here and there that were FAR too flirty in a general sense and didn't fully understand how many men viewed her interactions with them. This is especially true with "touchy" women, which is to say women that naturally do a lot of kino type touching while speaking with people.

In one case at least, after such a woman asked something like "why do guys keep thinking I'm interested?" and I explained the situation, she seemed absolutely flummoxed. She said, and I quote "I'm just being nice!". I said "no, you are being flirty in their eyes. NICE has nothing to do with it." She seemed genuinely sad to realize that many men saw her behavior as a "come on", but seemed to figure it out going forward, to an extent. What was funny to me was, a few of the women in our mixed group totally agreed with me. :P

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Your use of hella was indeed cute <3

Was it? I was thinking, ''should I say hella cute? Its not like I skate or whatever, I am not a cool dude'' :p glad to see you think it was cute <3

Lol I also like your explanation but the truth is I was extremely shy and had to force myself to become less socially awkward. I really just had to learn how to be myself around people. I am much better at it now!!

Yeah, a lot of young people are very shy, that cuts down on their opportunities to hook up and to have relationships quite a bit. Its not your fault, and you are not to blame, and the guys you met were also doing their own growing up and probably were very shy aswell, and I firmly do believe those guys were interested in you, as a young woman, and as a person, but they were also going through their socially awkward phase and didn't know what to do.

I really just had to learn how to be myself around people. I am much better at it now!!

Yes, you are, and you are going to keep getting better and better as the years go by and you come to realize that people do like you, and that people are attracted to you as a woman and as a person.

[–] TW_CountryMusic bluepill redneck 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] [deleted] 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] [deleted] 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think you understand me.

This:

To be crass, most men would have sex with any woman that gives them the chance, even if perhaps she's not "his type" in that moment.

is what was NOT taught to me. Yes I was told "boys only want one thing," but I thought they only wanted that one thing from the selective proportion of girls they found attractive.

And this:

More to the point, if a guy is making an effort to spend alone time with you, and certainly a lot of it, I'd bet you $5 if you took him by the hand and walked him back to your bedroom, he would not stop you. :P

simply was not true in my experience! Trust me, I tried to make a move on many a boy I found in my bedroom, only to be told time and time again, "I don't see you like that;" "I just want to be friends;" or "Sorry but I like Emily."

Now NONE of that is to say you have to feel the same way, but IMO it would serve women well to understand the dynamic at play.

Of course it would serve women well, I am simply explaining how women like myself, who don't assume that every man who pays us attention finds us attractive, come to exist. And I think it's understandable, given what I was taught combined with my experiences. I was in my twenties the first time a boy 'made a move' on me when we were hanging out and I was completely taken aback that someone seemingly found me attractive.

To do this day I hang out with men who show no outward interest in banging me! Some of them probably genuinely don't, or don't think it's worth the hassle, while others I imagine don't because of other reasons (they value the friendship or our work relationship more, for example).

[–] PemBayliss 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago * (7 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Ringoddess1 point 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

For you:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/07/100722142201.htm

The study also helps to explain "why feelings and behaviors related to romantic rejection are difficult to control" and why extreme behaviors associated with romantic rejection such as stalking, homicide, suicide, and clinical depression occur in cultures all over the world, the researchers wrote.

"Romantic rejection is a major cause of suicides and depression. We have known very little about it. Understanding the neural systems involved is extremely important both for advancing our basic knowledge of intense romantic love in general and of response to rejection in particular," said Dr. Aron. "The specific findings are significant because they tell us that the basic patterns seen in previous studies of happy love share key elements with love under these circumstances; they also tell us that what is unique to romantic rejection includes elements that are very much like craving for cocaine."

In other words: if a guy has fallen for you, and has fallen hard - and let's not pretend that this is incredibly outlandish for young, shy and inexperienced guys who never had a real girlfriend - he for all intents and purposes isn't in control of his feelings.

The same goes for women who fell for their fuckzoner - but for some occult reason, women are far more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt and expect the guy they've fallen for to "do the right thing". I wonder why that is /s

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]disposable_pants 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

Not at all. That advice says nothing about rejecting someone actively; the whole point is to just make them drive the interactions and give them honest feedback, not feedback you think will keep their feelings intact. For example:

"Not continue text/email/fb conversations past the matter-of-fact" doesn't mean "not return phone calls" -- it means have a conversation with them but don't chat them up for an hour. If they text you, respond but don't keep texting them back asking how their day went. Think of how you'd answer a call or email at work and respond that way. Be polite, just don't non-verbally communicate that you want to get to spend more time with them.
"Not laugh when guys are flirting with me but rather look polite" doesn't mean "stop laughing at his jokes" -- it means stop laughing unless you're actually amused. People laugh a little more around people they're romantically interested in because A) it reduces nervousness and B) they want to signal interest. Don't do that little extra laugh; talk to them as you might talk to one of your parents. You'd laugh if they say something genuinely funny, but not all the time.

A key concept here is that the medium is the message. How you communicate with them is just as important (if not more important) as what you say. Two examples from the last several months:

I talked to a girl on Tinder and set up a date; she flaked. She told me she couldn't make it, though, and suggested another time. She responded to my texts pretty quickly and initiated new text conversations when I didn't. She'd text complete messages and add to the conversation instead of short replies that were merely responding to what I was saying. Despite the first date flake, she showed a ton of interest in the way she'd communicate with me, so I set up another date, she showed, and we wound up sleeping together for a few months. What she was saying wasn't all that important; what told me she was interested despite the flake was how she was saying it.
I had an ONS with a girl from a pool party over the 4th of July. Got her number in the morning and we talked about seeing each other again. I'd text her and she'd respond (even quickly), but her responses were generally short and to the point. She'd never initiate communication or add new topics to the conversation. She never suggested a time or date to meet up. She wouldn't commit to any time or date I suggested. What she said was that she wanted to get together again, but how she said it told me she was indifferent towards it at best. After getting in touch with her 2-3 times with the same results I came to this conclusion and stopped texting her all together.

Neither woman was rude or "actively" rejected me. One just showed she was interested while the other showed she was disinterested. Too many women who aren't actually into a guy will act like Girl 1 instead of Girl 2 simply because the guy's nice. If you don't want to make that guy think you want to sleep with him, act like Girl 2.

[–]PemBayliss 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]disposable_pants 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

TRP tells men exactly how to read this in women and that the medium is the message because a lot of guys get the bullshit message that men and women are exactly the same.

This is actually a good illustration of how certain advice can be "common sense" yet still be a relatively unique part of TRP.

Many guys have heard some version of the "take a hint" advice. He's pining after some girl and it's not working, and he's not getting it. After a lot of struggle and misplaced hope, and a lot of the guy beating himself up because he thinks he's doing everything right, if he's lucky and if he gets to talking about her he might have a friend who will spell it out for him -- "take a hint." But this is at the end of a long, painful road; the guy is already highly invested in his oneitis; and it's easy to disagree with one single person even if their advice is good. People may get this advice, but they get it when it's least likely to help and when they're in a prime position to reject it. It's usually quite vague, too.
On TRP, the conversation starts with advice like "take a hint," and it's spelled out in great detail in countless examples and anecdotes. Guys hear the same thing from many people, and they're in a position where they're more likely to be open to advice (they sought out TRP for some reason). If that's where the conversation starts and what the default assumption is, "take a hint/the medium is the message" becomes far, far more useful advice.

It's really just a larger version of the key point -- how and when an idea is presented is just as important (if not more important) than what is presented.

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

What??? No, we don't. I didn't need the red pill to tell me that women are all seeking out the alpha male for fux and the beta bux for payment, every guy I know IRL figured this out in real life. I'm seriously starting to think that the majority of the red pillers have autism or were poorly socialized if they somehow got this message that women are some special snowflakes O.o
e, innuendo, double entendre, hinting, and doublespeak.

Women communicate covertly, using body language, avoidance, insinuation, response timing, lack of respons

What???? No, they don't. Have you ever had any high smv men as friends? Women go up to these guys all the time and offer in very plain words what they want to do lol.

Covertly using body language.

OK lmao.

When a woman is attracted to a guy its pretty easy for the guy to get sex. The woman throws herself at him, gives him what he wants, and in many cases the girl is attractive and young. The problem is that women are only attracted to alpha males lol

[–]Ringoddess 1 points1 points1 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]disposable_pants 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

Wouldn't it be easier for number 2 to just say she is not interested?

It's very possible that #2 was interested. We'd had a great time together the previous day, slept together that night, and slept together again in the morning; it's not like she wasn't into it. Her job takes her out of town 5-6 days/week at a time so scheduling wasn't easy either. Maybe she was just busy and a bad texter. It happens.

However, "she's just busy" isn't a good default mindset. First, guys usually have to put in most of the legwork up front to get a date -- not doing that shouldn't be excused (within reason). Second, you can argue that while she may be somewhat interested, she's not really interested unless she makes time for you, even if she's busy. This last point is the conclusion I reached, and it's sensible to act on it, too; worst case is I don't sleep with her again right now, and I fade away without leaving a negative impression. Next time I see her at some group event it'd be easy to pick back up as I'm not the guy who just kept texting and texting and texting her.

the reason why women aren't just treating every nice guy that seems interested in them that way is because most of the time they're already friends with the guy and just treating him in a friendly manner which he interprets as more than that maybe

Another way to look at this is that they aren't friends, and that the guy is talking to her because he's romantically interested in her. She's interpreting a guy who otherwise wouldn't just casually hang out with her as "just friends" for some reason.

[–]Ringoddess 2 points2 points2 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 10 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

By TRP standards my husband is not really alpha. At most in the sense that he doesn't give a shit what others think and is pretty strong physically even though ppl tend to underestimate him because he's overweight.

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Ringoddess1 point 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Ringoddess1 point 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]disposable_pants 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't befriend men much if at all and cut them off if they seem romantically interested even if it makes me feel like a total ass

Again, you're not cutting them off. Respond politely, but not so frequently or in such an enthusiastic manner that it can be mistaken for romantic interest. Imagine a guy at work who's being especially friendly toward you. If he sends you a message asking what time you want to set up a meeting tomorrow, do you:

Respond "10 works for me -- let's get the big conference room," or
Respond "10 works for me -- let's get the big conference room. How was your weekend?"

Option 1 is a perfectly fine response, and it in no way indicates any sort of interest in him on your part. It's a mile away from cutting him off. Option 2 can be interpreted as romantic interest, as you're asking about fun social stuff and broadening the conversation beyond its immediate scope. Another example, if it's a guy from a circle of mutual friends; say he asks you what you did over the weekend:

Respond "Went for a jog, went out Saturday night, cleaned a little on Sunday," or
Respond "Went for a job, went out to this cool new bar on Saturday -- have you been to Blue Hill yet? Then I was reaaaal hungover Sunday so I just cleaned up a little and watched some X-Files (with the lights on)."

Option 1 is a perfectly fine response, and it in no way indicates any sort of interest inn him on your part. Again, not cutting him off. Option 2 can be interpreted as romantic interest -- you're giving him little openings to say "let's do one of these cool and fun things you want to check out (e.g. the bar) together sometime!" You're also showing your personality and humor and thus inviting him to reciprocate. Just don't do those things -- keep your responses simple. Don't say more than you need to.

Hopefully this helps, because it does suck to tell people you just aren't that interested in them.

[–]Ringoddess2 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I don't spend time alone with any guy and never offer it, I am clear about being taken and most guys who get my phone number get it for work or school only and I make that painfully clear as well as that I prefer text over phone calls because phone calls are annoying. If the guy then still wants to hang out with me alone after a while, calls me, or constantly compliments my looks or wants to be touchy-feely, then I block everything and cut them off entirely as soon as work/school no longer requires me to talk to them. I am pretty open about my personality, if I can't show my personality without someone assuming that I'm open to banging them then there's no reason to try to talk to them in the first place. I still feel like an ass for cutting guys off cause sometimes I think maybe they weren't interested and I just misinterpreted their social awkwardness and longing for friendship but yeah.

[–]Sandralees 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (33 children) | Copy Link

[–]sen--sen 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]truthuncensored 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bloodypalace 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]TossenTurn 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] TossenTurn 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq. (woman) 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (44 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (43 children) | Copy Link

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq. (woman) 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (42 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (41 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (38 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (32 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (31 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago* (30 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link

Here's how a guy who likes you comes forward and "expresses his feelings":

Man: Let's go out. Meet me tomorrow night, 8:00, Mother Murphy's.

Sandralees: No. I have to sort my sock drawer.

Man: K

Or

Man: Let's go out. Meet me tomorrow night, 8:00, Mother Murphy's.

Sandralees: [No response]

I'd expect Man to get the hint at the refusal or lack of response.

But if it goes this way:

Man: Let's go out. Meet me tomorrow night, 8:00, Mother Murphy's.

Sandralees: I'd love to.

Man: K

In that situation, AT THAT POINT where he asks you out, you are on notice that Man is sexually interested in you. A man doesn't ask to spend alone time with a woman drinking alcohol unless he is sexually interested in her. You KNOW that sex is ultimately what he's interested in. At that point you're obligated to say NO if you're not interested. Otherwise, Man will reasonably believe you are or might be as sexually interested in him as he is in you.

It is on you to turn down a man, firmly and unequivocally, if you're just not into him.

[–] Sandralees 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 2 points 3 points 4 points 10 years ago * (12 children) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–] Noxin__Nixon PillPoppa 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–] Noxin__Nixon PillPoppa 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

For information. In a lot of different contexts. Information is power. By maintaining a casual friendship with some women you gain valuable pieces of information that open up opportunities that might not be open to you.

Connections, work, business. Like I said above.

Also sometimes drinking with a female when single makes hitting on other random girls for ONS much easier than if your wingman was a man. Also just the fun aspect. Sometimes hanging out with a hot you don't want to bang is still fun.

Why wouldn't you want to bang someone that's hot?

Sure though, hot women are useful wingmen.

I mean why does a man hang out with another man if he is not sexually attracted?

Lol really? Cause they're actually able to have intellectual conversations and have intellectual hobbies and interests. I suppose if a man isn't into intellectual things then I can see why hanging out with women is more appealing.

[–] Noxin__Nixon PillPoppa 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] Noxin__Nixon PillPoppa 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] MagicGainbow 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] Noxin__Nixon PillPoppa 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] sublimemongrel Becky, Esq. (woman) 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–] sublimemongrel Becky, Esq. (woman) 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] sublimemongrel Becky, Esq. (woman) -1 points 0 points 1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]holyjesusitsahorseA Whiter Shade Of Pale 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]holyjesusitsahorseA Whiter Shade Of Pale 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] Sandralees 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq. (woman) 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]BPremiumMeh -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Sandralees 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I do believe that a less extreme version of 'nice guys' exist. People who believe that being nice entitles them to sex.

It's more that these guys believe that being doting, devoted, attentive, and pedestalizing is attractive, and that when a woman accepts that courtship treatment, she's also under some sort of obligation to seriously consider that guy as a romantic prospect (i.e. a covert contract). This goes even moreso for guys who are socially awkward and nerdy - or, how I wrote in the thread I just linked

My personal theory is that introverted (and among them especially the nerdy) types are most prone to set up covert contracts. They see the world through a lens of cause and effect - their mode of thinking is "if I do X, I'll get Y".

I'd wager that the share of guys who react poorly to a woman who has basically rejected them from the onset (not necessarily through words, but simply by not accepting their courtship, i.e. keeping their distance) is minuscule. They're disappointed, but since they didn't get to do X in the first place, they also don't expect Y to happen.

[–]sardonis70 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]alreadyredschoolRational egoism < Toxic idealism 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (110 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 9 points10 points11 points 10 years ago (49 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

If all I can say about you is that you're nice, you don't have a "great" personality. You have a bland personality.

Touche! Problem is, I never realized that most women (and in fact most people) thrive on excitement, adventure, and intrigue. I actually prefer my life to be as calm and serine as possible. Unlike most folks, I have no desire to seek out stimulation in the form of adrenaline rushes and whatnot. In fact, being overly happy/excited about something bothers me just as much as being overly angry/sad.

Thing is, being that kind of person doesn't necessarily mean I am "bland", I just don't make a habit of showing what's on the inside often. Of course the problem there being: if I never show it, no one can discover it. Being "nice" was what I saw as an effective strategy to "get to know" a woman so she'd see my better qualities. The issue is, that's not a sexual approach, its a friendly approach, and if the goal is a sexual relationship of any kind, you need to start on the right foot. Being "nice" from the gate is the path to becoming an orbiter, at least that's usually how it played out for me. haha

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

The guys who seek out TRP are very "one dimensional" when it comes to social aptitude perhaps?

I can buy that. In my case, I had the ability, but lacked the extroversion and desire to talk to enough people to foster it. I've always had a close circle of good friends, and nothing else. AT BEST my friends had friends that I kinda/sorta knew in passing, but never talked to them because I had nothing relevant to say TO them.

I don't make the assumption everyone wants to chit chat, because I almost never want to myself. I hate talking to strangers about the weather and shit, but failed to realize that is exactly how most people go about meeting others. Me? I tend to select my friends from environments I'm already involved in. And, usually the "friendship" starts because a situation arouse that gave me a reason to talk to them in the first place.

put another way: I used to consider it "rude" of people to randomly chat me up on an elevator. Why the hell were they intruding on my thinking time? OH, you mean most people don't spend 90% of their waking hours churning through mounds of data in their head to work out the meaning of life? My external social skills overall probably were rather one-dimensional, but that an unconscious action to keep people from bothering me. I guess it works!

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AnarchkittyBetter dead than Red 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] sardonis70 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I tried it once, hated it, walked away and never looked back.

I hate the idea of "selling" someone on a product. I'm all for chatting with someone about a product I believe in, but if they aren't interested, I have no desire to try and change their mind to make a living.

And to be frank, I've never met a used car salesman (or woman) I could tolerate for more than about 15 minutes. I really just dislike pushy people, and convincing me to buy your clunker is rather pushy. If I want the piece of crap, you can be sure I'll tell you so. If I didn't come find you, I didn't need your assistance.

Don't get me wrong, I can do it effectively. It just feels like my soul is dying every minute I'm forced to play the part. I just want to say "Do you want the damn thing or not? If so, lets ring this up. If not? Have a wonderful day!"

[–] Anarchkitty Better dead than Red 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I hated it too, the only saving grace is I actually liked the store and the products. By the end of my time there I didn't really "sell" anything, I gave up on trying to pull in huge checks and just acted like an unusually motivated and helpful normal retail employee. I asked people what their needs were and just handed them the best solution for their needs, and if necessary explained why it was the best (not necessarily the most expensive) solution. If they asked questions after that I would answer them, but I found that, especially for other young people, that trying to "sell" anything was counterproductive.

The only time I really enjoyed it was when someone was enthusiastic about something and needed stuff for a project or something like that, and it would get me all enthusiastic with them, and we'd basically just be "shopping together", more than me selling them anything. I made my biggest sales that way, without even really trying.

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 10 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]neverbesmall -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]alreadyredschoolRational egoism < Toxic idealism 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

OK Imma play Devil's advocate, because its Friday and I'm off the clock! :P

Both 6s.

Well, umm, if they are both equally "sexy" it makes perfect sense to start moving on to other traits to make a choice. The thing is, the charisma is only "sexy" for the six once he's cleared the gate of initial attraction.

When Pem is saying "sexually attractive", I think I'm safe in saying he means physically arousing. Can an ugly dude have enough charisma to overcome being ugly? Perhaps, but in general it just doesn't work for most guys. They have to have charisma and some level of physical attractiveness. I don't think anyone here will argue that when it comes to choosing two equally attractive people, you have to move on to other traits to choose. But those traits don't even come into play until AFTER you've already decided they are hot enough to bang.

Now I've heard women say that a man can 'grow' on them, and I don't doubt it in the least. But that's a shitty place for a man to start a sexual relationship in my opinion. Why invest time in someone you had to convince you were sexy? Seems much better to start with someone that already thinks you are "hot", and build from there.

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DSMA 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (57 children) | Copy Link

I believe this a problem with our culture in general. I'm not sure if this is a global thing or just a western problem, but romanticism and "love you for who you are" feels like so much bullshit. This has tricked women to deny their nature and search for a "nice guy" to settle down with, only to get miserable once doing so. Not to be a fedora, but christianity might've contributed to "nice guy" traits being glorified even when they go against human nature. Most women aren't attracted to a submissive, generous, passive man. Most women are attracted to a powerful, dominant, and loud man. The former is considered more "good" in western countries because of christian moral codes.

Also personally I don't see being shallow as something bad, because it isn't. What you are on the outside reflects your inside. When I see a fit guy, well groomed and dressed, I think discipline. When I see a skinny fat slob, I think laziness.

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (56 children) | Copy Link

[–]PIBagent 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (42 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]cipahs 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]cipahs 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (34 children) | Copy Link

[–]PIBagent 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]PIBagent 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] OncleJulian 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]duckyhunter 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

[–] PemBayliss 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] Noxin__Nixon PillPoppa 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–] [deleted] 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–] [deleted] 1 point 2 points 3 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–] DrunkGirl69 Manic Pixie Drunk Girl 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–] SetConsumes Always Becoming 0 points 1 point 2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]sen--sen 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]sen--sen 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Noxin__NixonPillPoppa 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]lady_bakerPurple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Noxin__NixonPillPoppa 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SetConsumesAlways Becoming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OfSpockBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]gasparddelanuit 10 points11 points12 points 10 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]deskgrunt88Your moralistic outrage means nothing 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]gasparddelanuit 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThatGreekLady -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]gasparddelanuit 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]sen--sen -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]gasparddelanuit 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

all you have to do is look up the news story of the girl who asked for help shoveling snow on tinder to know that it absolutely is a thing. silly men were outraged that she didn't strip down and fuck him right there in the snow that he'd shoveled even though she'd neither offered nor suggested she would do anything of the sort. they certainly thought she owed it to whoever helped her to put out, and considered her a bad person for not doing so.

Anecdotal, statistically insignificant, aberrations in behaviour do not constitute a thing.

Also, isn’t Tinder essentially an app for fucking? It’s not exactly the wisest thing to try and hire people, for a job, through it and then expect to only pay them with a verbal thank you. Look in the Yellow Pages or on Craigslist if you want someone to shovel your snow, and expect to pay them with more than just hot air; money usually works. If anything, it’s the girl who sounds entitled if she expected some stranger to shovel her snow for free.

[–]sen--sen 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Anecdotal, statistically insignificant, aberrations in behaviour do not constitute a thing.

i doubt there's many studies on this, if any; don't be like that. just go look up articles about it, and read the comments. even without stats, you can see that there are plenty of guys who do feel that way.

Also, isn’t Tinder essentially an app for fucking? It’s not exactly the wisest thing to try and hire people, for a job, through it and then expect to only pay them with a verbal thank you.

... and you're doing it right now. she never offered that (explicitly ruled it out, if i recall) and she had a stomach illness. no, no further 'payment' should have been expected. she owed nothing more.

Look in the Yellow Pages or on Craigslist if you want someone to shovel your snow, and expect to pay them with more than just hot air; money usually works.

but again, the person accepted the job without being offered any of this, knowing fully the terms of what she was asking for and would give in return. if you accept a job where the 'employer' states what you won't be getting, you can't get mad when you actually don't get it.

If anything, it’s the girl who sounds entitled if she expected some stranger to shovel her snow for free.

i think he got soup, or a cup of coffee; it wasn't totally one sided. but she just put an offer out there and people responded; that's not entitled any more than other people posting ads or signs for free stuff/garage sale/whatever. there's not some unspoken obligation to sex just because it was posted on tinder (and sex with someone with a stomach bug sounds pretty risky and unpleasant anyway).

[–]gasparddelanuit 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]sen--sen 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Probably only about 10% of what you read in the news is accurate and it’s impossible to tell which that 10% is, unless you were actually there. Reading a few articles is not going to solve anything and there are always at least two sides to a story. I don’t need to read anything to guess which side the mainstream media took; the woman’s obviously.

i'm not really talking about the articles themselves though, just the reactions to it. i believe it was posted to TRP, and the comment section of any article i saw about it was rife with men (and women) suggesting that she was a bad person for not 'giving out' the sex she never offered, but clearly owed him anyway (according to them).

In any case, as I already stated, isolated anecdotal incidents, do not establish that guys feeling entitled to sex because they are nice, is a thing. Of course they may want sex, but that’s not the same as feeling entitled to it.

i'm obviously not talking about all men, but pointing out that there is a good portion of people that expect sex in exchange for niceness.

[–]gasparddelanuit 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThrowawayCactus6012Man 9 points10 points11 points 10 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

People who believe that being nice entitles them to sex.

I think that's kind of a rarity as well. I know of no one who believes that being nice entitles them to sex. A nice guy might be looking for a relationship which might entail sex (eventually), but to suggest that they put in all that time and energy just for a quick pump-and-dump just doesn't make any sense.

I think "nice guy" behavior might be encouraged on a societal level, as a general default of how men are expected to act. Some might also call it "being friendly" or simple human decency.

However, some people are quite cynical and jaded, and as a consequence, they interpret every friendly, decent, or selfless act from someone as something to be suspicious of. That's what I see in women who constantly trash "nice guys," as if they see an ulterior motive and something "evil" behind every random act of kindness.

[–]PemBayliss 10 points11 points12 points 10 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 10 points11 points12 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GridReXXredder than dudes (lady mod) -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]duckyhunter 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]nomdplumeFormer Alpha 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThrowawayCactus6012Man 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

But they don't think they're "entitled" to sex. They just think they're doing the things that everyone's told them will get them what they want.

I agree, as I never could accept the idea that "nice guys think they're entitled to sex." It's not a matter of "entitlement," as that's the wrong word to use anyway.

I think what it might be is that people are brought up with certain "expectations" which are instilled into them from very early in life. We're told to do well in school, get a good job, get married, get a house, have kids, etc. It also seems a reasonable expectation that most people are raised with the idea that they'll eventually find "someone."

It's not a question of "entitlement" to sex with an individual woman, but more an expectation of living the same kind of life that most everyone else is living.

I think where the rubber meets the road is when the "nice guy" finds a woman he thinks is that special "someone" that he's been told he'll find someday. It's not that he feels "entitled" to anything, but if he thinks there's some chemistry between them, he doesn't understand the reasons why she doesn't feel the same way. Even if she rejects him for a better man, he may have a different concept of what defines a "better man" than she does.

If she rejects him for a wealthy tycoon, a star athlete, Mr. America - or someone who is obviously of a higher caliber, then the "nice guy" may still be disappointed, but at least he would have a better understanding. It's when he's rejected for someone who is not of an obvious higher caliber (drug dealer, thug, bum, etc.) that the nice guy might wonder "WTF is wrong with this woman??!?"

[–]alcockell 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]ThrowawayCactus6012Man 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]thecubs 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I think women encourage nice guy behavior out of their children, not out of their peers. This advances the narrative that the mother, as a woman, is a virtuous person who definitely did not choose their partner because of looks and utility. In reality, looks and utility are the driving selectors for both genders whether or not we care to admit it.

It is literally all that I was exposed to growing up that you are just so nice that you win the woman over. The truth is of course, that if you have to put that kind of work in to win someone over that you are wasting your time. The effort that you spend in that venture is better expended in improving yourself, then your relative value increases to the point that you attract more interest from others, and choose from among them rather than having oneitis.

[–]PemBayliss 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OfSpockBlue Pill Woman 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OfSpockBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes, of course women encourage "nice guy" behavior. Women do this for many reasons. Some of it is innocuous. It's intended to avoid causing unnecessary pain for a guy she knows she will never fuck. Most of it's intended to avoid awkward communications with a guy she knows she'll never fuck. So she encourages "nice guy" behavior hoping he'll get the hint and leave her alone. Plus, women say they fear violence and unbridled anger if they reject men. I think that's bullshit and a relic from a bygone era; men just don't react violently, rape women who reject them, or take women by force. Just doesn't happen, and it's another female hyperreaction that no longer has any basis in fact.

Women communicate with each other like this all the time -- covertly, hidden messages, etc. And they get it. Women communicate with men like this thinking that men will get it like women do. But many men do not, because men are more overt communicators -- say what they mean, mean what they say. When a man doesn't want to date a girl, he says "I don't want to date that girl". When a man doesn't want to fuck a girl, he says "she's not fuckable to me". When a woman doesn't want to date a man, she says "I don't know." When a woman doesn't want to have sex with a man, she says "he's a really nice guy, but...."

And women say "never change, you'll find a great girl one day" because they just want to avoid awkward discussions, really. If she were really interested in you she'd be touching you and all over you, not talking about what a nice guy you are. Remember that whenever a woman says "you'll find a great girl someday", here's what she is really saying:

"I do not now, nor will I ever, want to fuck you. Ever. Maybe you'll find someone else who does. But that's not going to be me. So stop hanging around me and please go the fuck away and leave me alone."

Women don't want to be fucked by nice guys. Women want to be fucked by masculine men who know who they are, know what they want, and take what they want.

So yes, women do encourage nice guy behavior.

[–][deleted] 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]sardonis70 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SoycratesWhy can't I hold all these pills? 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]czerdec 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]OfSpockBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]czerdec 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OfSpockBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Ultramegasaurus 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]CrazyTom54Fabulous Blueberry 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]meh613no pill anymore 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]OfSpockBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]BiggerDthanYou 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]squidracer 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]BiggerDthanYou 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]alcockell 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]findingmrnemo 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThatGreekLady 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PemBayliss 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

By the way....

There's a difference between being "nice" and "polite".

"Polite" in today's parlance means more or less "not a total asshole".

Men should be "polite" going through their daily lives. They should be assholes to people who deserve it.

I suspect that when most people talk about "nice", they mean much, much more than "polite". There seems to be an expectation among most women that most men will be more than "polite". Most women will expect men to do things for them, lift heavy things for them, retrieve things at heights for them, help them with mechanical things, help them with work, and protect them from dangers real and perceived.

Men should not do any of these "nice" things for any woman he's not related to or not fucking. Men should be "polite". But they are under no obligation to be "nice".

[–]SkentyDooBabbleRed Pill-ish Man 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]winterriderPurple Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]sen--sen 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OncleJulian 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]lbspredh 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]aanarchist 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Do women encourage nice guy behaviour?
Author	hairer
Upvotes	20
Comments	454
Date	August 5, 2016 12:01 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4wa19v/do_women_encourage_nice_guy_behaviour/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-encourage-nice-guy-behaviour.273724 https://theredarchive.com/post/273724

Comments