How long does it take to fall in love?

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-01-17T15:57:19+00:00

Love is an unintentional/intentional emotion.

Unintentional love (a month - 3 months). Intentional love (1 year - 3 years).

SirTruffleberry · 2022-01-17T16:14:37+00:00

I think "time spent interacting" is a more relevant metric than " time elapsed since we started talking".

livs4dietdrpepper · 2022-01-17T16:45:59+00:00

I don’t believe in love at first sight per say but I do believe that you can think “this ones gonna be special or different” on first meeting for sure

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-01-17T17:55:26+00:00

I’m biased because I’m insane, but I fall in love very quickly. Probably a few weeks.

Dizzy_Boysenberry_42 · 2022-01-17T16:40:59+00:00

I'm gonna answer your post first but I want to add some additional thoughts.

Imo. Its very reflective of the post you just linked. Men fall in love quicker because we invest more especially in the initial courtship phase.

But its funny how nobody believes that studies show men fall in love quicker and harder than women. It should be painfully obvious.

MotiMorphosys · 2022-01-17T15:23:20+00:00

Both of those seem incredibly long to me based on my experience, and I imagine people fall for people more quickly than they admit.

It's hard to define "love" though. I know people who fall in love with people they've been on one date with.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2022-01-17T16:04:03+00:00

Seems about right, may be a tad skewed towards being longer than average as undergrads were the sample base.

after the man does

Coward 😉

goatismycopilot · 2022-01-17T16:31:28+00:00

Falling in love is really a combination of hormones, excitement, idealized notions about the other, psychological attachment or recognition and few other ingredients. Most people who declare love hardly know each other which is why it is so easy to say.

Any kind of lasting connection morphs into something more sustainable.

md8716 · 2022-01-17T17:09:09+00:00

That time period sounds right. Love early on isn't love, it's infatuation. Once the haze of infatuation stops clouding your mind, that's what I think love is.

Hell I didn't even love my own kids from day 1. It took a few months.

JALopo1 · 2022-01-17T19:35:59+00:00

Cringe I believe in love at first sight

Demasii · 2022-01-17T16:51:00+00:00

Not surprising.

The good old Rules Revisited did a post on this topic.

The information that a man needs to trigger romantic love is information that he can perceive within a few interactions with a woman. I believe this is true for a couple reasons:

A great deal of his attraction to a woman is physical, and her approximate physical beauty can be demonstrated by seeing her in a handful of outfits (or, to some degree, through photos).

A great deal of his attraction to a woman is rooted in her personality and energy, which can be demonstrated by experiencing her in a handful of moods. This takes longer than the physical attraction, but is still possible within a fairly limited number of encounters.

For women

Now, for women, the situation is different. Many of a woman's triggers for romantic love are less immediate:

His personal strength and emotional stability, which can only be demonstrated by seeing him react to challenging situations, and these are unlikely to arise on a daily basis.

His intelligence and confidence, which - although more readily assessed - can also take time to evaluate, as they are best demonstrated via situations in which his is pitted against others', or by seeing in a variety of real-life social situations.

His commitment, which is only demonstrated in proportion to its duration. The longer he is with you, the longer he is likely to stay with you.

ogsimpology · 2022-01-17T17:54:57+00:00

It took me and my wife a single day. I asked her out, she accepted, we instantly went to the beach, held hands, kissed, and just absolutely fell in love.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2022-01-17T20:56:35+00:00

It's actually surprising, yes.

I've been with lots of women and I've had my fair share of LTRs (well, not THAT long, I mean more than a few dates and hook ups) and I would say I can already spot the moment a woman is going to bring "the talk" with a few days of anticipation haha.

Usually, women have tried to "lure" me into touching this topic or just tried to casually bring it to a random talks around 45-60 days. By then I already know how they feel about me or what they want or expect from our relationship.

As for me, I don't think I've ever been in love. Idk how it feels, what is supposed to be, how to recognize "love" and all that. I just go with the flow and act like others, but honestly, I don't think I'm wired the same way other people are.

I asumed all men were the same, but I've found out I may be an anomaly? Also, women have always expressed their "love" for me before I did it, in different, subtle or very obvious but still indirect ways though, never stright forward and explicitly, but it was there for me to see it.

I'm currently engaged, and I know I love this woman with my whole heart, no kidding.

The harsh part is, however, admiting to myself I can't spot a moment when I said "I'm in love with this girl". It doesn't bother me really, but I know it would to her. She said she fell in love with me when she saw a pick of me, before sent me a Facebook friend request haha.

Of course I always say "the first time I saw you" when asked, but I know it's not true. It's the only lie I keep from her.

purplish_possum · 2022-01-17T16:03:50+00:00

It can happen in as little as a day or two.

213322 · 2022-01-17T17:28:21+00:00

Its completely different for everyone. My partner of 8 years and I.. instantly fell in love. We moved in together straight away. His body/energy feels perfectly matched for mine. We are of different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds. With completely different interests. Our pheromones must match or something. Yin/yang type of thing.

Previously, despite being considered very attractive and a "head turner" I really struggled to find a boyfriend. Was always SO complicated. With my partner we didn't even talk about being together. We just became a couple. No questions asked!

houstongradengineer · 2022-01-17T20:05:33+00:00

Those results aren't surprising at all, this is what I would have guessed. And honestly? This is why men should initiate things first in the rationship. If they feel ready to have sex first, if they have an interest at first, and if they love first, then men shouldn't need women to drag them into relationship milestones.

tropicsGold · 2022-01-18T00:50:45+00:00

I fell madly in love with my now wife “at first sight.” I obviously didn’t say so until years later when the time was right, but I knew it was only a matter of time.

divingrose77101 · 2022-01-18T12:30:33+00:00

There has to be an age component in this. Young people “fall in love” very quickly due to high hormones. Us older folks take a lot longer to figure out who we love. That being said, I can meet a new friend and love them almost instantly but it takes me a lot longer with a romantic partner.

Ohms2North · 2022-01-18T12:35:54+00:00

I love you

KirthWGersen · 2022-01-17T18:59:36+00:00

Sounds about right to me.

Most guys get attached very quickly and confuse finally having regular sex with love.

I think some women confuse someone being attentive and giving with love.

It is not actually easy to define.

I have always been very cautious about pretending to have feelings I don't have. It takes at least six months to two years for me to start feeling I love someone (though I may be "in love" from day one). And once I love someone (doesn't always happen), I always love them.

-passepar2t- · 2022-01-17T16:02:12+00:00

What do you mean by love, baby don't hurt me?

I think I've been in love but some would argue that I was just intensely infatuated.

Some would argue that real love is built over a long period of time.

MarBitt · 2022-01-17T16:11:23+00:00

Signs of incipient infatuation at the third meeting. This is usually the limit when it is clear to me whether we can only be friends.

In full infatuation after about a month of intense communication and several meetings. It can be significantly faster if there was sex, deep conversations, an exceptional experience.

If I try purposefully, I can fall in love in a few minutes.

2022-01-17T16:56:29+00:00

It seems super long to me. But then again my only experience is with my husband and we moved super quickly to a serious relationship. I was in love with him by the end of our first date.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-01-17T17:19:47+00:00

Well, how long it takes to fall in love is going to depend on a number of different factors, and I can't say what seems long or short without at least knowing the amount of time that these people spent with each other during their relationship and how well they knew each other before. I'd say it's hard for any of us to pinpoint the moment we fall in love, as we often put a name to it when we've already been there for a while. But this study isn't even about when people fall in love, just when they want to say it. I'm not surprised that men think about saying it well before women - they're generally expected to make the first move in relationships.

logiauser · 2022-01-17T17:27:40+00:00

Months. I think 3-6 in my case.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-01-17T17:35:29+00:00

I'd say that's about right.

Insidious-Sid · 2022-01-17T19:33:44+00:00

1/3rd of a standard second.

Source: My sordid life.

Drayenn · 2022-01-17T20:25:29+00:00

My current gf i took a month to tell her i loved her. Felt natural to me that day.

The girl i dated before told me she loved me on the 2nd date. Felt weird for sure but i went along with it as she was super cool and i had little doubt that id get along with her.. sadly two weeks later she decided to stop dating and told me it went "too fast for her" even though she was the one going fast

lilscorpiobaby1024 · 2022-01-17T20:40:39+00:00

Like 2 days honestly

Aimeereddit123 · 2022-01-17T22:15:21+00:00

TRUE love can happen only after you’ve seen and been with a person through all their varied moods and sides of themselves. A couple of months of dating is not going to give you that. This is why many relationships crumble when a couple move in together. When you see and still love them through tears, anger, fear, happiness, insecurity, and joy - their highest and lowest points, and still know they are the one - THAT’S love.

Willow-girl · 2022-01-18T01:35:17+00:00

I am a firm believer in "the lightning bolt."

Gerealtor · 2022-01-18T04:14:03+00:00

I mean, there's a difference between when people think about confessing love and when they actually start to feel it. It also takes a while for someone to go from falling for someone to actually understating and trusting the feeling themselves. As for the disreperancy in number of days in, I'd put that down to a gendered tradition of the guy having to be the one to say it first. I think most women just as fast as the man when they fall but they're holding off on confessing until he does first.

Jonesw16 · 2022-01-18T12:52:17+00:00

Because women have to get enough time to gain trust as through sex for example she's put in a vulnerable position.

iamthemovie1992 · 2022-01-17T16:36:17+00:00

I think putting an exact amount of days is super autistic. It just happens, go with the flow. Some exes I never loved, others I knew I love them in like a few dates

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chalkandapples · 2022-01-17T20:49:06+00:00

It’s not hard for me to like someone. It takes me very long to truly love someone, usually many years. I have a pretty high standard for love, for me to love someone, you’re going to have to be almost as important to me as my core family (eg. Parents and sibling)

decoy88 · 2022-01-17T21:16:40+00:00

I think it varies by location. In large cities? 6 months-a year. In rural places? 2-3 months.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-01-18T00:04:20+00:00

Question is: is this cultural?

Would women and men in less sexually liberal countries have this 97/ 149 day divergence?

I would think that they do not.

I postulate that it is thr change in culture regarding sex that causes this divergence.

TardisCat2020 · 2022-01-18T01:39:58+00:00

About 2 months of going steady

Smitten_Squire · 2022-01-18T03:13:53+00:00

What is love? Depends on person to person

kyjolski · 2022-01-18T04:02:03+00:00

What is love?

Rubberrobbb · 2022-01-18T06:12:55+00:00

Some time longer than staying

Murphysmongoose · 2022-01-19T17:27:41+00:00

You can make most women think they are falling in love with you in about 3wks. But it will probably be about 1-3mo before they want to say it.

That__EST · 2022-01-17T17:27:20+00:00

I would also say...is there an age limit to someone being able to "fall in love"?

Swans-r-cunts · 2022-01-17T21:01:53+00:00

I think theres three types, and most people experience all three in their life time.

The first love. This isn't actually love, this is infactuation an it's very very intense. It's basically your hormones and chemicals going brrr. You're more on love with the idea of love. Subsequently this fizzles out.

First attachment: this is maybe your second or third serious relationship, maybe you even live with them at some point. You have a strong attachment to this person but it's not to last for ever, you're not quite 'soul mates' and there's something missing. As the cliche goes - you love them but you're not 'in' love with them.

'in' love. This happens after a very deep, secure attachment has been built with a person. You want to make sacrifices for this person and you want to build a life with them. You respect them deeply and they are considered family. This takes half a year, a year to build (as that's how long it takes to get to know someone deeply).

Title	How long does it take to fall in love?
Author	yabbobay
Upvotes	28
Comments	94
Date	January 17, 2022 3:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s66f56/how_long_does_it_take_to_fall_in_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-long-does-it-take-to-fall-in-love.1097067 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097067

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