One argument that often comes up in discussions about dating and gender relations is that if men had fully understood and accepted the concept of hypergamy, that some women tend to prefer partners with higher status, resources, or social standing they might have viewed feminism differently. From this perspective, many men supported feminist causes under the assumption that greater equality would lead to more balanced social and romantic dynamics. Advocates of this view argue that widespread awareness of hypergamy came much later, and that both men and women were largely oblivious to how much mate selection preferences could shape outcomes in relationships.

Critics respond that supporting feminism was never supposed to be contingent on receiving personal benefits in dating, and that people should support equal rights because it is the morally right thing to do. In turn, supporters of the original argument counter that a genuinely fair and decent social arrangement should not involve preferences they perceive as hypergamous or unequal. The disagreement ultimately comes down to competing ideas of fairness: one side focuses on equal rights and opportunities, while the other focuses on whether relationship dynamics and partner preferences produce outcomes that feel equitable for everyone involved.