Pair Bonding vs Dating HVM

growframe · 2026-02-08T21:19:49+00:00

How would you, men, recommend women navigate the dating world today for serious commitment or marriage?

One of my core tenets of dating advice is to be selfish. You have to do some soul searching and conclusively decide in your heart of hearts what you desire above all else.

YourMrFahrenheit · 2026-02-09T21:10:51+00:00

"This sub talks a lot of about women who aren’t able to pair bond and are promiscuous"

Yeah, they sure do talk. Too bad nobody here actually knows anything about what pair bonding is and what it isn't, and nobody can provide any evidence that promiscuity directly affects pair bonding anyway.

AccomplishedDot7092 · 2026-02-08T22:54:47+00:00

On the other hand it basically makes you a fool who cannot end a relationship despite red flags, flaws, and incompatibility. It takes months before your brain finally regulates and you can begin to detach. And even then, detaching takes a while too.

Pair bonding after sex is not what's turning you into a fool. You just don't respect yourself to enforce boundaries.

Knowing that hvm expect to have sex by 3/4 dates, and knowing that they will lie/pretend/and hold back information until they get sex…. How would you, men, recommend women navigate the dating world today for serious commitment or marriage?

Lying to get sex is not high value. What information is being withheld? The fact that the guy wants to have sex with a woman he's dating?

This is the problem I have with slut shaming. You guys are really going to take this girl on 4 dates so she can act stupid when you finally say you want sex. But the girl willing to sex on the first date is worthless long term? Totally backwards logic.

James_M_Croft · 2026-02-08T22:17:07+00:00

How would you, men, recommend women navigate the dating world today for serious commitment or marriage?

Be around HVM. These individuals don't go out of their way to get women. They tend to date/marry the best women in their vicinity over going out of their way for a woman. Consider joining their favorite hobbies like golf, or fast cars. The reason why men tend to marry women in their workplace is no other reason but the fact that they share a space 9-5.
Ask the help of friends, the best results always come from those connections you have. It is surprising how many women know HVM but will hoard them like dragons instead of helping friends, so these friends may help them. I never understood that.
Join a hobby a HVM may have or something that would make him interested in you. Men like women who are entertaining but most men do not share any hobby or interest with any modern woman. So pick up something that seem interesting to you and go meet the high value men there.
Remember, you are also being evaluated. Men with choices also vet, and vet harder than women, specially in things like mental health or behavioral issues. So try to seem interesting without cutting your chances. Men don't often ask women much, they vet based on what women let it be known. And it can cause a lot of issues. A comment about being a party girl in their youth cut the chances of many girls with a friend.
Consider asking directly and without ambiguity male family members like brothers or fathers on tips in which you could improve your behavior or looks to seem more elegant. They don't wanna sleep with you so they will probably give the most accurate response.
Consider a boob job (heh, sorry),

Especially when vetting in three dates is near impossible. And shit test are frowned upon.

Is it? I would say it gives a lot of time, also 3 dates is not JUST the dates, you have instant messaging, conversations, chitchat, etc.

Preferably, you should know a lot about him and him about you before a first date. Going for a relationship with a complete stranger is not only counterproductive but dangerous.

Also, consider where you are and the crowd you join. Back in SF, the 3 dates thing only happened to extremely liberal and young crowds. If you were older or not so much? 6 dates was fine, if you were traditional or just very old? maybe even longer. Most HVM I know have no problem in going in 6+ dates, as long as they are entertaining.

The thing is, many women can't be entertaining for that long. Which ends up with them being rejected or the guy just stop contact. These women also seem to have not noticed they were vetted.

ScruffleKun · 2026-02-08T22:02:40+00:00

Knowing that hvm expect to have sex by 3/4 dates, and knowing that they will lie/pretend/and hold back information until they get sex…. How would you, men, recommend women navigate the dating world today for serious commitment or marriage?

Talk to people

Become friends with a guy

Take it slowly, see how he treats waiters, homeless, animals, kids, etc

Keep things slow for the first month so infatuation passes (important)

Also

Marriage as a long conversation. - When marrying you should ask yourself this question: do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman into your old age? Everything else in a marriage is transitory, but most of the time that you're together will be devoted to conversation.

Friedrich Nietzsche

wtknight · 2026-02-09T13:15:12+00:00

Knowing that hvm expect to have sex by 3/4 dates

Men shouldn’t expect this, even HVM. The only reason some men expect it is because some women have sex with them after three dates. Women should socially police other women in their regard just as men should socially police other men for treating women poorly or not respecting them.

abaxeron · 2026-02-10T18:03:31+00:00

Reminds me a post asking men what would they recommend to their daughters in complicated dating scenarios. I am afraid my answer stays the same.

"Go ask your mother."

In a vacuum, I could share some bland insights on how I dealt with unrequited crushes, but we are living in reality where men are patronizing scumbags if they tell women to bump uglies less, and player scumbags if more. Seriously, you women supposedly fought for the supposed right to sort these things out by yourselves. Wanna know what I do to make my brain "regulate" faster? - Chest-to-tennis-ball knuckle push-ups.

Ego73 · 2026-02-08T21:24:05+00:00

Just look for men with no other options if you want commitment. There never will be a shortage of simps.

Environmental_Day558 · 2026-02-08T21:39:17+00:00

Knowing that hvm expect to have sex by 3/4 dates, and knowing that they will lie/pretend/and hold back information until they get sex

Ok if your definition of a hvm is high earning and attractive looks and personality wise, why would any of this above apply? I don't see why any that's actually desired by women would need do any of that just to get laid. If anything that's the sign of a borderline undesirable man with a scarcity mindset who needs to strike while the window of opportunity is open and would say/do anything just to achieve that. The man you describe as high value wouldnt trip because he isn't likely to struggle to attract women and he would likely have another lined up if that doesn't pan out.

I don't really think vetting in 3 dates is impossible either, but imo it may be hard for women considering that they fall for it easily. Being a man with male friends I pretty much know the game that's ran and can spot when someone is trying to finesse. The problem is you guys get idealized versions of men in your head and even when the red flags are apparent you ignore them until too late.

Like one of them, if he's instantly trying to fuck do you really think he's trying to marry you? Likely it's a situation like I described above. And if you express discomfort and be tries to push anyway or throw an ultimatum, do you really think he's gonna have your best interest in mind? I think a lot of it is common sense but idk.

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ta06012022 · 2026-02-09T03:38:48+00:00

Knowing that hvm expect to have sex by 3/4 dates

Nearly everyone in the US has sex by the third date. The "three date rule" is a very real and pervasive thing.

DietTyrone · 2026-02-09T17:45:33+00:00

Here's the thing, both men and women simp. Simping isn't going above and beyond in a relationship where someone is reciprocating those feelings and that effort in return. Simping is when you do all that for someone who doesn't.

So the problem is what it's always been, how much effort should you put into someone whose not showing that they feel the same level of interest through their actions? And I mean actions, not just words. Words are cheap.

I think whatever vetting process you use for guys you don't believe are HVM, should also be applied to HVM, because that's the entire purpose of vetting. Is the problem not to avoid the very problem you described of detecting red flags so you don't end up wasting time and effort on someone who doesn't deserve it? So what is the point vetting if you're not going to use it in situations where it'll matter the most and keep you from getting hurt?

Standard-Banana6469 · 2026-02-10T12:31:09+00:00

No man wants to open up to a woman, never have sex with her, and then be ghosted. Sex shows that you really do give a shit. No sex means you can't get over your self, and just want to use a man as an emotional support animal. No thanks.

xxTx-Toymanxx · 2026-02-10T16:27:39+00:00

By the very definition of HVM in social media. They have options and will likely NEVER give anyone a serious commitment or marriage.

My ideal of a high value partner, is someone committed to me, someone that is an enthusiastic partner.

Hot_Plan_817 · 2026-02-08T21:39:40+00:00

How would you, men, recommend women navigate the dating world today for serious commitment or marriage?

Those days are over

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2026-02-09T00:46:14+00:00

Set your standard that he hasn't been in a relationship in 6 years. Done.

wolf2424b · 2026-02-09T02:05:17+00:00

Knowing that hvm expect to have sex by 3/4 dates

I don't think that's necessarily true. If (1) the man is looking for a long term committed relationship and (2) he genuinely perceives that the woman has never been intimate outside of such a relationship, it's highly likely that he will be fine with waiting.

That being said, there is a simple, traditional solution which is to have the man meet a trusted male family member such as a father or brother and follow the advice of that family member.

On the other hand it basically makes you a fool

It's refreshing to see a woman (assuming you are a woman) admit that women aren't these super-perceptive borderline psychics they often believe themselves to be.

It's also kind of cool that the problem you describe was solved literally a thousand years ago.

just_a_place · 2026-02-09T07:48:35+00:00

Knowing that hvm expect to have sex by 3/4 dates, and knowing that they will lie/pretend/and hold back information until they get sex…. How would you, men, recommend women navigate the dating world today for serious commitment or marriage?

A high value man is one who is seeking a long term or permanent commitment with a woman in order to build a family and a future with her. He also comes with, and is willing to offer, the desired resources that women want in terms of personality and physical traits such as intelligence, leadership, stability, strength (both physical and mental ) resources, resilience, discipline (in grooming, work ethic, physical aesthetic, and commitment) and compassion. This is why he's labeled "High Value" because such a man would be extremely valuable and sought after by women who are looking for a serious relationship.

A High Value man would therefore not actually seek nor expect to have sex by the 3rd or 4th date because sex is not his priority. He would be searching for "commitment material." He would be conducting his own vetting process. The ease of sexual access to a woman would be something he would definitely label as a red flag. Such a man would expect modesty from a woman that he seeks to take seriously.

Such a man would not have any reason to lie or pretend, these would be counterproductive to his goals, but he will hold back on disclosing too much information about himself while he is vetting or courting a woman. He is intelligent and disciplined after all. When a man is conducting reconnaissance on a woman's character he tends to keep himself hidden behind his natural charm or wit in order to avoid her hiding or obfuscating valuable information about herself from him which he needs in order to accurately conclude if she is the best woman for him or not. He would have no issues keeping women he likes as just friends - no sex intended nor expected.

The only real recommendation is that women learn to be modest. Cultivate genuine modesty in your style of dress, habits, demeanor, and speech. This is what genuinely high value men want in a woman. Do not get suckered in by other women's horrendously bad advice that's subconsciously intended to knock you down to the level of a "hoe" so that you're not competition to them. Do not swallow the feminist doctrine that you should sleep around and "play the field" a little because serious men don't play those games. Having sex without the intention to pair-bond and used just for recreation or as a way to just get emotionally high has both social and physical consequences.

Intelligent and sensible men expect intelligence and sense, so just act like you have some.

Complete-Record5167 · 2026-02-09T00:40:22+00:00

ultimately my recommendation is be consistent and be transparent/honest. don’t fuck 20+ people through random hookups and FWB and then say “oh I want to take it slow because it is special” bullshit. if you move with sex fast in a relationship, then be who you are. that doesn’t mean you owe anyone sex but don’t be a lying hypocrite and pretend you are sexually virtuous when you aren’t. likewise, if you like going slow historically, then go slow. just be authentic. there is simply too much manipulation, lies, and games by both men and women.

CelicnisGhost · 2026-02-08T23:27:44+00:00

It's this crazy concept called "no sex before marriage".

More women should practice this, ideally 100% of them.

Title	Pair Bonding vs Dating HVM
Author	Good-Preparation-811
Upvotes	1
Comments	121
Date	February 8, 2026 9:15 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qzl3pb/pair_bonding_vs_dating_hvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/pair-bonding-vs-dating-hvm.1573045 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573045

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