Thought experiment on direct/indirect communication styles in women.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-21T22:22:08+00:00

Probably something close to 2. Because that's how I speak. Although realistically I'd just get it myself.

Safinated · 2024-03-21T22:26:55+00:00

2

For anyone

No one orders me around, so I don’t order anyone around

I don’t take hints, so I don’t give them

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-03-21T23:28:28+00:00

''Can you get me some tea/water, please?''

I want a thing, I'll ask for the thing. I'm pretty sure if I said ''I'm thirsty", he'd figure out that I want a drink, but still. I think 2 is more polite.

AngeCruelle · 2024-03-21T23:47:48+00:00

I don't have to ask. My BF constantly checks in to see if he can get me anything.

If he weren't that kind of person, I'd just go with 2.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-03-21T23:08:19+00:00

1 expects me to know that “I’m thirsty” means “please bring me this specific beverage”. I’m not a mind reader. Just ask for what you want

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-03-22T00:03:34+00:00

2, though I’d add “please.” To me, 1 isn’t hard to figure out, but could sound a little childish or demanding.

If you are getting a drink and can’t extrapolate from “I’m thirsty” that your partner would like one too, then I’d say you have a problem. And this is coming from a neurodivergent person who often needs things to be spelled out. But I also don’t think that’s the most polite way to ask for something.

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-21T22:35:12+00:00

It’s probably the second one because I’ll ask him for something specific. Realistically my husband and I use both options. It’s easy to read the context and if you need more info you can ask.

I do think it’s weird to ignore your partner saying that they’re cold or thirsty.

flipsidetroll · 2024-03-22T03:40:06+00:00

First I would see if he’s going to the kitchen, and depending yes/no, and if his hands weren’t full, then would ASK with “please”.

MistyMaisel · 2024-03-21T23:44:44+00:00

2. I know he'd get me a drink if I ask. If I say I'm thirsty he'll ask if he should get me a drink which means I have to say twice as many sentences to get the drink. May as well say 1.

I think maybe I'd use I'm thirst in the context of asking if I can have his drink in order to add urgency.

But honestly with a good partner these are virtually the same

Sillysheila · 2024-03-22T00:24:08+00:00

Can you get me something to drink

Keep in mind, I’m autistic. It’s really really hard for me to do indirect.

YaKnowEstacado · 2024-03-22T02:04:30+00:00

I'd say number 2 except I'd probably preface it with "Can you do me a favorrrrrr 🥺" because I'm annoying.

I think the reason boils down to ask culture vs. guess culture. I am very much a product of an ask culture.

mrs_seng · 2024-03-21T23:13:10+00:00

It's usually the other way around: he's the one asking me to bring him x, y, z.

If i'm the one asking for something, it's option 2. Or both. Something like: i'm really thirsty, could you please bring some water?

I wouldn't use just option 1 because we usually stay at our computers and we avoid having liquids at the desks. So using just option 1 isn't specific enough that i would like him to bring me a drink. Plus, i like clear communication and option 1 isn't clear in general, let alone in our case.

Planthoe30 · 2024-03-22T03:50:59+00:00

1 sounds infantile.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-03-21T23:13:00+00:00

get up and get a drink and ask him if he wants one

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-03-22T00:34:26+00:00

Choice: 2.

Reasons why:

Number 1 is passive aggressive and expects mind reading, two things that are toxic for relationships.
While there is a decent chance my husband would bring me a drink if I said 1, it is only a chance. If I say 2, I can be 99% certain he will get me a drink.
The point of communication is to make it clear what you are saying. 1 isn't clear, 2 is.
If he said 1 to me, I would know he wanted a drink but be really irritated he didn't just ask. Why would I expect any different from him?

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HaymakerGirl2025 · 2024-03-21T22:48:41+00:00

TBH- I would jump up and ask him if I could get him anything. If he insisted, I would acquiesce and request a glass of water.

Jambi1913 · 2024-03-21T23:34:17+00:00

The ideal in this scenario is this: whoever gets up and goes to the kitchen takes any plates/empty cups with them and asks if anyone wants anything. This is what I do, and I appreciate that consideration from others.

But most commonly - the second one. The first is a red flag - too indirect and comes off like a test. I mean - if you want a drink, just ask? Saying “I’m thirsty” and expecting a drink to be brought to you is childish and rude.

Is it common for women to do that? I haven’t heard of it personally, but I certainly know women tend to be less direct than men. I just don’t know if it’s this blatant. Most women I know would just ask: “If you’re going to the kitchen, could you get me some water please?”

Novadina · 2024-03-22T00:56:51+00:00

2, but with a “please”. But in reality, anytime either of us is getting up to get something from the kitchen, we always ask the other if they want something too - so I wouldn’t even have to ask, but just answer with what I want.

As to why I picked 2, because the 1st sounds like then he’d then have to ask if I want a drink since I’m saying I’m thirsty, and then I’d have to answer with what I want… Just going right there to begin with, without a whole entire unnecessary conversation when we are in the middle of a movie, makes more sense to me.

Barneysparky · 2024-03-22T01:28:17+00:00

Can you get me a specific drink that I want.

I'm thirsty honestly sounds like she's just begging for attention.

hearyoume14 · 2024-03-22T01:47:28+00:00

Nowadays mostly 2. Younger me would be mostly 1.

I might be a little cranky. I had to center my family’s emotions growing up. For some of them stating what you want plainly is presumptuous so I had to learn to be indirect in order to escape their lecture.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-03-22T03:14:05+00:00

I can't for the life of me understand choosing 1 over 2, nor have I ever done so. If anything (as the length of my comments prove) I tend to overcommunicate.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-03-22T03:26:33+00:00

2 but I’d specify exactly what I want to drink and say please.

No guessing games & manners matter

Lysa_Bell · 2024-03-22T04:15:39+00:00

I usually don't have to ask for a drink, because when he gets up he will ask me if I need anything. But if I am asking, I am doing 2.

But tbf - sometimes I also just state things that are on my brain and he offers solutions. We both do. If I say '"I'm thirsty" he will say "you want some a drink from the fridge?" If he says "I could have a snack" I say "we have these options (... Followed what I know is available)". Sometimes it's also just me going "I'm thirsty" because I just say stuff out loud randomly and then he might go "we still got coke in the fridge" and I may have forgotten about that and I will be excited and say "awesome! I forgot about that!" Then I get up and get some and ask him if he wants some too.

We vibe well together. Sometimes I don't even know I'm thirsty and he will already have poured me a drink and I go "you know what - I actually am thirst. Thank you!"

KurlyKayla · 2024-03-22T04:41:30+00:00

I would choose option 2. I don’t see any reason why I wouldn’t go with that option

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-03-22T12:09:27+00:00

Closer to 2 because I would aso specify what I want. But I think that both options are direct and clear in this situation.

paputsza · 2024-03-22T13:23:58+00:00

i'd be annoyed if I say I'm thirsty, I hear a drink being poured, and it's just for him, but I'd most likely use 2.

meangingersnap · 2024-03-22T16:14:32+00:00

Neither I would just say "babbbbbyyyyyyyy 🥺👉👈" and he says"you need a fill?"

apresonly · 2024-03-22T17:13:39+00:00

i'm hyper independent and would NEVER and i mean NEVER ask a man to get me a drink lol

triggers my fight or flight just thinking about it

if its a woman i'm close to, and we're at my house (so i'm not asking for one of the drinks they bought) i would say "can you please bring me a water from the fridge?"

2024-03-22T18:14:29+00:00

Because I’m thirsty and want something to drink and he’s already up.

But when I say things like “I’m stressed” my man will go get me tea without me asking.

Sxnflower15 · 2024-03-22T20:25:53+00:00

I usually just say “waterrrr” like I’m dying and then my boyfriend gets me water while making fun of me.

gothfrootloop · 2024-03-22T23:19:37+00:00

Mixture of the two. I say “I’m thirsty” and hold out my cup so there’s no confusion on what I want. He knows he can say no. We both do this to each other. Someone gets up, “Hey can you hold this?” or some other ploy, shove your cup into their hands and smile like a shithead.

badgersonice · 2024-03-23T01:00:07+00:00

Honestly, I do number 1 sometimes because I just overshare and talk too much, and I’m not really expecting anyone to help out. Like I’m vocalizing aloud to decide whether I want to get up and get myself something or not.

I’ll use #2 if I actually want help. #1 is kinda more like “hmm… am I thirsty enough to go pour myself a drink? Maybe I’m not”. I’m definitely not annoyed if he doesn’t get me something, and he’ll, half the time if he asks “do you want me to get you a drink?” my answer is actually no.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-03-21T22:29:01+00:00

If he’s single minded, self-centered, or spectrum-brained, I’m not saying anything because I know he’s only thinking of himself and I have zero expectations he’ll consider anyone’s desires beyond his own.

Title	Thought experiment on direct/indirect communication styles in women.
Author	NARANagi
Upvotes	4
Comments	77
Date	March 21, 2024 10:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bkj165/thought_experiment_on_directindirect/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/thought-experiment-on-directindirect-communication.1513127 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513127

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