What are reasons a first date didn't work out for you?

JNRoberts42 · 2023-11-05T10:47:58+00:00

He was furious that I don’t care for French fries and launched into a loud tirade about women and their eating habits. Another diner laid twenty on the table and said “Girl, run.”

A man who claimed to love hiking showed up for an hour long hike on a new trail with brand new Timberlands, a backpack with a frame (that’s for overnight hikes and a tent) and a goddamned compass. Trainers and a water bottle were adequate for the clean, wide trail that many classmates completed wearing flip flops.

A man who claimed to love kayaking jumped off the riverbank into my boat, flipping it and losing my favorite paddle. (If anyone here wants to kayak, they are very hard to flip on flat water. But step gingerly and carefully into the boat while keeping balance and you’ll never get wet). The same man flipped the boat again when he grabbed a branch as we went under it, knocking a small harmless water snake into the boat then proceeded to screech and demand to be “taken back”. It isn’t possible to paddle one mile back up a swift river.

A man fainted when he turned over a board in the woods for no reason at all and exposed several sleeping snakes in the middle of winter. He fainted among the snakes. I had to shove them out of the way before waking him, then I tried to put them back and cover them up because winter and he yelled at me for helping the snakes.

A talkative man turned completely sullen and silent because he insisted on walking ahead of me on a trail and slammed through a dozen spider webs. When I handed him a stick and indicated he should carry it and remove the webs as he walked, he angrily yanked the stick from my hand and threw it.

A man demanded that I take his picture with a bear which was aggressively ripping a log apart in search of grubs.

There are a few more, all related to men lying to me about their interests and skills like above.

Cool_Relative7359 · 2023-11-05T07:15:19+00:00

Almost inevitably? They say something vaguely or outright bigoted and when called out on it try to deflect it as a joke. (schrodinger's joke, also see schrodinger's AH)

The less common reason? They're a project and I'm not interested in fixer uppers.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2023-11-05T08:43:15+00:00

I just didn't feel anything. No butterflies, no desire to touch him, even hold hands... They didn't look bad, there was just no spark, no chemistry.

Novadina · 2023-11-05T05:02:47+00:00

Here’s some I remember:

No chemistry. Just didn’t feel attracted to him, not sure why.
Found out he is religious.
We had sex because I thought the date was good and we had chemistry, but he was completely sexually incompatible with me. He didn’t want to touch me anywhere except to put his penis in me, and lasted for 30 seconds. Not even touching my clit is a deal breaker for me.
He was rude to the waitstaff for no reason and then didn’t leave a tip. (I left one.) I’m not really into rude people.
He complained about his ex girlfriend the entire time. Seemed like he was still hung up on her and wasn’t ready for a new relationship.
He tried to “neg” me.
He didn’t look like his pictures, I was confused. Then he told me he lied about his age on the dating site and he was actually 20 years older, and he hoped I wouldn’t hold it against him. Umm…. Lol, does that work for anyone?
He told me he was actually “happily married”, but just wanted to “fuck those huge titties”. Wow, pass. I actually just left right away.

None of these were “changing my mind” really - dating is to find out if we get along and are compatible, and if I manage to find out we aren’t right away, then why would I continue? This is just dating working as intended.

AdhesivenessLevel379 · 2023-11-05T10:39:53+00:00

He bought his friend with him without warning me, it was meant to be a quick coffee date and they then said let’s go to a bar and tried to hype me up about getting drunk with them.

Texted my group chat our “call me with a fake emergency” code and left asap and blocked his number.

Lysa_Bell · 2023-11-05T07:25:09+00:00

The sex was terrible. So bad that I didn't see a future. Sexual compatibility is very important to me. If the person I'm with is nervous or anything that's fine - we will get comfortable with each other. But if there is just nothing to build on I'm not wasting my time.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-11-05T04:53:19+00:00

He thought Transylvania wasn't a real place.

Femcelphobic · 2023-11-05T06:29:27+00:00

Not a date, but I promptly stopped talking to a guy who was messaging me once. He was way too direct, there was no flirting, attempt to get to know me or to create a pleasant conversation. He then went on to tell me about his small penis (completely unprovoked I might add) and asked me if I wanted to hear more about it.

mcminimus · 2023-11-05T05:55:22+00:00

The conversation didn't flow organically. It felt like the both of us were trying to force the conversation going. It was like the both of us were interviewing one another. We met at a jiu jitsu class and we practiced together a few times. In a class setting, we could talk very normally, mostly about jiu jitsu and the conversation flowed well. But on that date, it was awkward as hell. It wasn't his fault or mine, we just had no chemistry. He asked me through text for a second date and the thought of hanging out again with him gave me such dread that I knew I couldn't do it. I switched my class schedule after so we never ran into each other again.

thelajestic · 2023-11-05T12:09:36+00:00

I was about 17 and one of my friends invited me to meet up with him and some of his friends. It was a nice time and I hit it off quite well with one of his friends, who subsequently asked me on a date.

It was a nice date and he was a lovely guy, but then my friend also asked me on a date - I'd known him for about 4 years and had liked him for parts of that but never thought he was interested. I went on that date too, but by that time he was really starting to get into religion, which is fine in a friend but not what I'd want in a relationship. And then I didn't go on any other dates with his friend because I didn't want to make things awkward.

Most of the rest of my dates were when I was older and dating to hook up rather than have a relationship, so not sure if this counts but I'll add it anyway. Went on a date with a guy and it was a great date - an afternoon date where we played pool, drank beer, it went on so long we ended up getting dinner at a pub. I invited him back to mine but he asked if we could go to his instead as he had an early morning the next day; all fine. His flat was disgusting. No flooring in the bathroom, mould, rubbish, mess everywhere. He had to move things out the way so we could sit on the couch (think the messy girl from friends that Ross dated but with a generally grotty flat). I should have just left then and there but didn't, and we started having sex. During sex, rolled onto something in his bed and realised it was a banana peel. In his bed 🤮🤮 stopped sex, made my excuses and left. He wanted to meet up again and tried for a while after but it was an absolute no go from me. If he'd accepted the offer to come to mine as well I probably would have hooked up with him a few times because we did get along well and I wouldn't have known about the filthy midden that was his flat. Just couldn't stomach seeing him again after seeing that.

MistyMaisel · 2023-11-05T04:22:45+00:00

He spent a decent portion of time complaining about random things in such a way as to make me think he's kind of a negative person. Talked a decent amount about drugs and drinking, and I'm not into someone who has vices that evident. Finally, almost all his plans were pie in the sky stuff that made me think he was mostly a bullshit artist. Nice guy, but messy and immature in ways that would have made me want to smother him with a pillow if we were in a relationship.
We had the wrong kind of chemistry. Kind of weird to describe, but basically we had the "couple that fights and one ups each other" all the time banter energy. Just constant clever and funny stepping on each other's lines. More of a battling guitars than duet if that makes sense. Plus, he had a lot of sexual and emotional trauma he was being way too open about and I was being way too callous about. Plus his fuckboi energy was way too proud of himself and high. Again, still thought he was a good and fun guy.

Ultimately, I think all of it comes down to just not feeling compatible or like I wanted to try my hand at fixing the shit wrong with them.

If you hadn't excluded ambigious didn't know it was a date or never said it, I'd have more answers to provide. Just trying to follow the prompt.

leosandlattes · 2023-11-05T04:38:19+00:00

It was rare that I stopped seeing someone after the first date, so these are the only two that I can remember:

Telling me the body is a temple and that he was so glad my body count was very low (something he seemed to ask off hand during texting so I didn’t mind then)… only for him to tell me he can’t even remember his own body count but it “didn’t really matter anyway.” Not that I even asked. He just wanted to rant about girls with high body counts, and that was really really weird.

Another guy would not stop interrupting me. It was so strange - I honestly thought he was doing a bit, but then I realized he was just totally unaware! He was an interesting guy otherwise, but that along with a lack of dining manners kind of put me off a little bit.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-11-05T11:56:23+00:00

The last three 1st dates I went on that ended with me having no intention on going on a second date were:

1) The guy talked about wanting lots of kids and to be a say at home dad where as I am firmly childfree by choice and want to be a power couple; so obviously there was no way to compromise.

2) The guy was too touchy which made me extremely uncomfortable.

3) The guy talked about only living in the moment and he wasn’t planning for the future at all. He was happy living check to check, no desire to settle down, no career goals, no personal goals. He just wanted fun and I’m the opposite. I need clear goals to strive for and I need to plan my future to feel as sense of safety and security. The life he lived was too stressful for me to consider and I wasn’t looking to waste my time on “fun”.

Katatonicsnake · 2023-11-05T16:46:46+00:00

He wasn’t open enough. I’m a curious person who loves to ask questions, I couldn’t be with someone who’s on the other end of that spectrum. It’s pretty easy to spot on the first date.

Another thing was education. If he wasn’t planning on going to a university or if he didn’t at least appreciate education, there was no way.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-11-05T17:46:34+00:00

Being bored. No laughing, no joking, no banter. No chemistry to make me want to see him again.

whybotherany · 2023-11-05T18:37:19+00:00

This has happened more often then not, but when the guy talks about himself the whole time like he’s trying to sell himself, and doesn’t ask me about myself at all. Tells me that he’s not interested in who I am, just wants any woman.

The other most often reason is that I can’t tell if I’ll be attracted to someone from the pictures. I don’t know that until we meet in person. More often than not, I’m not attracted to them, even if they are good looking. It’s all about chemistry and vibes, if it’s not there it’s not there.

Third most common reason is being pushy. If I get even a HINT of pushiness it’s a big no. I boundary test guys on first dates for this reason.

bluehorserunning · 2023-11-05T20:14:47+00:00

1)No meeting of the minds; difficult conversation

2)Dude was rude to the waiter

3)Dude sneered & was judgy at random passers-by through the window

4)Dude insulted his own friends to their faces in some kind of weird dominance-play

5)Dude couldn’t climb up a 30 foot hill without getting extremely out of breath

6)He smelled like my brother

nemma88 · 2023-11-05T08:47:36+00:00

Last one before I met my husband... He was chatty, too chatty for me. I'd met him through mutual friends a few times before, when we went for a first date he was already at the point of repeating stories I'd heard.

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T04:02:48+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T04:20:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T04:37:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T05:07:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T07:29:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T08:38:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T09:08:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T15:30:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T16:16:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T16:17:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T17:18:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

basedmama21 · 2023-11-05T18:07:15+00:00

The man was really nice and charming beforehand but then during the date assumed we would just immediately hook up right after.

I took that as a chance to play dumb during the date and then just block him as soon as I got to my car to go home. Best part about that date was getting a dm from my now husband. And going on a first date with him a week later. 😉

AutoModerator · 2023-11-05T22:26:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-11-05T22:27:52+00:00

He lived too far. But lovebombed me and created a false sense of intimacy. So the distance really felt irrelevant since we talked intimately every day. I was down and ready willing and able to drive out to him (he lived 1hr and a half away) he just had to make a plans so I could make it happen. And he didn't like me as much as I liked him but kept me around to feel wanted/appreciated but didn't really care about me or my feelings . Needless to say no second date I was being strung along. I feel pretty dumb about it... 🥲😅

The first date went pretty well. But there was no chemistry. We had a lot in common it was a shame. But they werent too keen on planning a second date which is okay 👍

We had a good first date. But he wanted the second date to be at his house. No sir. No way.. and seemed upset that I was opposed to this..I don't take house calls. So he told me to lose his number fair enough.

We had good conversation and really clicked... But he just wasn't looking for anything serious at the time and wanted to expand his options. Which was cool to hear after he ghosted me. I said thank you for your transparency. But he sent me a dick pic after and that was not okay. 🤢

kitterkatty · 2023-11-06T03:57:40+00:00

My advice would be don’t just look at your date without talking & have some activity planned that is good for memorable conversation. Smile and make it seem like you’re having fun and are relaxed, don’t take it too seriously. I’ve only been on three first dates and the one that failed was like that. Good luck :)

Title	What are reasons a first date didn't work out for you?
Author	passportbro999
Upvotes	8
Comments	163
Date	November 5, 2023 4:02 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17o3vu3/what_are_reasons_a_first_date_didnt_work_out_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-reasons-a-first-date-didnt-work-out-for.1237409 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237409

Comments