Which one is correct?

NotReallyTired_ · 2024-01-21T20:11:25+00:00

For the majority of men it's honestly #2. Anyone who says #1 is either coping or has a comfortable social/romantic life.

Let's keep things a stack, the majority of us are not destined for a life of complete freedom to do whatever we want. Yes, you must build and have your own life, but for what? When you get older you start to introspect on and recognize your mortality. There will come a day where you won't have the energy to properly do the things you like or even perform your hobbies proficient. Your friends will move on with their own lives and families, as they slowly disappear from your life. You're going to wake up with wrinkles and sores every Monday, to work at a job that you're basically an expendable. Sure, you can save up your sick and vacation days to travel to a random country for a like week but you still have to come back to work and pay your bills.

Dating or marrying someone won't fulfill every need, but it makes life a lot more bearable. Of all the jobs I've worked in from minimum wage dishwashing and retail to working in tech offices for over 50k, one common theme I've seen from coworkers is how their motivation for work comes from their family.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-01-21T16:05:42+00:00

Why can’t 1 be true for some and 2 be true for others?

Why do “all men” have to be one or the other. Some guys might be perfectly content living their own lives. Some might need people in their lives.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2024-01-21T15:35:17+00:00

Number 1. With the caveat that the right relationship can enhance your happiness. But it cannot make you happy.

KaleidoscopeOk9162 · 2024-01-21T18:20:17+00:00

It’s a blend of part of the two.

You MUST be self sufficient. Full stop. You must be able to be stable on your own without relying on anyone. Desiring a relationship from a position of neediness is a non starter: while two healthy partners have to be able to support each other from time to time, no one is entitled to a full time therapist for free.

Now you are self-reliant, you work to be your best self, with hobbies, healthy habits, a social circle. Does this mean you will be happy?

Maybe not.

Maybe you’ll remain the wonderful friend your crushes wishes their crush “was like you”, but not you.

Maybe you won’t land a relationship at all and decide that life, while being acceptable, isn’t worth living.

Cherish_Lifee · 2024-01-21T19:11:56+00:00

being in love will definitely make you more happy its basically like a drug.

being lonely espically for long periods of time is incredibly bad for your mental health and over all well being atleast for most humans. there are some very rare exceptions that dont get the negative effects from being lonely, but generally humans are social animals and suffer heavily from loneliness.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-01-21T15:53:27+00:00

How is it not #1? Lol

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meisterkraus · 2024-01-21T16:48:27+00:00

Adding more happy not just happy makes the first statement false. As social creatures number 2 is true.

KayRay1994 · 2024-01-21T18:41:43+00:00

A blend of both - There is a level of happiness you can achieve alone through hobbies, your own self assessment, friends, community, etc - self love and achieving it yourself is important - BUT, a true actual intimate partner opens a new layer of happiness.

Loving and sustaining one’s self is the foundation, and romantic love is something to build on it. Can a strong building help repair a damaged foundation? sure, it can - but 9/10 times a damaged foundation will remain damaged and may ruin the entire structure.

gntlbastard · 2024-01-21T23:43:53+00:00

Well having your own life and hobbies generally cures loneliness.

obviousredflag · 2024-01-22T12:20:20+00:00

Both are incorrect.

If a relationship partner makes your life more happy, get one. If a relationship partner improves your mental health situation, get one.

Now, the tricky part here is "get one", and the probability of you getting one, increases dramatically with "having your own life, own hobbies, being fulfilled and happy and having a good mental health". Now, the advise should be:

If you have troube attracting a relationship partner into your life, try to address issues regarding happiness and being fulfilled in your life outside of having a partner and care for your loneliness and mental health outside of having a relationship. This will greatly increase the chance for you to get into a relationship, which will have capacity to further imrpove your mental health and life fulfillment.

safestuff987 · 2024-01-22T21:00:30+00:00

For me personally, it's #1. I'd only date if it enhances my life.

yungplayz · 2024-01-23T08:44:51+00:00

Both. If dating becomes the only thing of your life, it’s not leading to anything good. You won’t be respected, and as such, won’t be loved.

Singledom, however, is not a healthy solution. Getting a life is, as cliche as it may sound

Notsonewguy7 · 2024-01-23T20:30:49+00:00

Both are. If you don't have your own inner life you will have a deep misery which will poison any relationship you develop with any person. We are social species and isolation causes us to become depressed (in general) finding a relationship works to build a deeper connection.

If the Question which is the thing that you should go for first it's probably an inner life with hobbies then at least gives you the ability to develop a sort of sense of self. But you're not just some mind floating out in a primordial ether you're also a person who has to deal with other people so a relationship is also important but it's it's secondary.

stats135 · 2024-01-21T16:44:05+00:00

No. 1 sound good in theory, but rarely true in practice.

Just take a look at how men actually operate when they don't date. There are some men who can just obsess over a stamp collection hobby or something and be happy and fulfilled, but most can't. Most men have their hobbies but all their hobbies are just weak substitutes for dating. Its watching porn to substitute sex. Its parasocial relationships with Twitch streamer/ OnlyFans girls to substitute real social interactions with real women. Its Anime/Vtuber wiafus as a substitute outlet for love.

DarayRaven · 2024-01-21T16:39:32+00:00

What's your point ?

wtknight · 2024-01-21T17:19:34+00:00

I think that one needs to be content by fulfilling their own needs, but I don't think that one can be happy unless they have either a partner or very good friends. And even just having good friends might not be the greatest solution if those friends have their own partners and therefore aren't available much for hanging out with.

That's why I think that men should try not to be single if possible, even if being alone doesn't mean one has to be miserable.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-01-21T20:38:45+00:00

First one, as an average man is very hard to get a relationship. I p3rsonally never had one and I am 33. Trying to get one messed up my mental health really bad, but ever since I stopped trying, I healed a bit. So yeah, focusing on your hobbies and yourself is much better than having constant heartache.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2024-01-21T16:14:06+00:00

For most people it's option 2. Biologically we are all driven to reproduce. So family and kids are by default the most important thing for most people. If it wasn't, we'd have gone extinct by now.

abaxeron · 2024-01-21T16:15:12+00:00

2 until age 30, 1 after.

Barely-moral · 2024-01-21T17:45:15+00:00

In my case, number 2 by far and it isn't even a competition.

No_Constant7907 · 2024-01-22T04:49:08+00:00

You need to have your own life, own hobbies, be happy and fulfilled. Dating someone won’t fulfill your needs. It won’t make you more happy.

Being lonely and single is bad for your mental health. You need to be in a relationship.

I have my entire life together. I have innumerable hobbies, skills, my job is beyond fulfilling, I have dozens or hundreds of real friends, I'm extraordinarily healthy. Everything is in order.

But I'm single. It's depressing. We need relationships as humans. They're a need. We are a species evolutionary designed to be in long term relationships, raising children together for literally decades at a time.

All men need women to feel happiness. It's a fact. The same is true vice versa.

caption291 · 2024-01-21T16:04:05+00:00

The problem with the first one is that it's just very obviously not true that a relationship couldn't improve your life significantly.

It's like it assumes that either a relationship completely fixes every problem you have or it does nothing and there's no inbetween.

Number 2 is much more accurate to reality, but insecure people will probably pick option 1 because they think relying on others is weakness.

DoinIt989 · 2024-01-21T23:01:58+00:00

2 for sure.

Having your own life, hobbies, etc is definitely a good thing, but there's really no substitute for "getting it in". A lot of men who don't have anything going for them and are total degens have women in their life, and a lot of men with great "lives", hobbies, careers, have no women in their life. And the former are doing better.

horn1k · 2024-01-22T00:27:57+00:00

Neither.

SeveralLiterature980 · 2024-01-22T08:31:31+00:00

Typically whichever one gets the complaining male to shutup :)

coping_man · 2024-01-22T20:55:56+00:00

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2024-01-23T01:56:30+00:00

Why does it have to be one or the other

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-01-21T19:11:33+00:00

2 is textbook codependency

mrcs84usn · 2024-01-21T19:09:38+00:00

Who’s trying to advocate getting into a relationship to solve mental health issues??

Title	Which one is correct?
Author	DownwardSpiral_2000
Upvotes	18
Comments	58
Date	January 21, 2024 1:29 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/19c3fjt/which_one_is_correct/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/which-one-is-correct.1243481 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243481

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