Why do guys hate commitment ?

exit_sandman · 2018-05-06T10:15:11+00:00

But if you like the girl what's wrong with settling down with her ?

That's the point: Guys who don't want to commit to a specific woman usually don't like her enough to do so.

Okay, occasionally it happens that the guy wants to fuck around for some other reason (FOMO, even greener pastures etc.), but I dare to say that the most common motive is that the guy thinks he can do better, or doesn't really want to date her long-term in the first place.

wtknight · 2018-05-06T12:52:52+00:00

Men by nature like sexual variety in women, and monogamous commitment means giving up that variety for the benefits of love and consistent sex, but with just one person. The idea of "getting married and having kids" also has a connotation of getting old, and many men want to avoid that responsibility and stay in a fun, less responsible state of youth.

DXBrigade · 2018-05-06T10:17:42+00:00

Men like to have fun in their youth by having commitment free casual sex with hot sorority coeds. Later on they settle down with someone they feel secure with.

Reverend_Vader · 2018-05-06T12:34:52+00:00

I don't know any men scared of commitment, I know plenty that are terrified of giving it, knowing their partner's commitment contract can be broken at will, with large financial 'repercussions to them

The issue isnt giving it, it's keeping it

dicklord_airplane · 2018-05-06T15:44:28+00:00

I dont want marriage or children. I just want women. Lots of them.

This issue is getting annoying because all of my female family and friends keep trying to tell me that conventional relationships will solve all my problems. Yall meed to understand that commitment and monogamy do not provide what a lot of men want. You need to sweeten the deal and go out of your way to incentivize commitment. How is his life guarnteed to get better after committing?

daveofmars · 2018-05-06T15:49:56+00:00

We don't, not always. Most beta dudes would love to have a long time girlfriend or wife, so what guys are you referring to?

This usually happens because the girl is good enough to put up with but not good enough to stay with long term. Why buy went you can lease?

In my experience, some girls don't understand relationship dynamics, that you have to give and take. They only see the taking part. If could be that these girls just aren't a good investment and they need to improve their game.

Dissentient · 2018-05-06T12:35:14+00:00

I don't want to marry or have kids. That being said, I'm not interested in relationships in general.

In any case, the more committed a relationship is, the more potential damage can happen at the break-up, and it's really impossible to predict how long a relationship will last. Therefore, it's understandable that men err on the side of caution when choosing whether to commit to a relationship.

md8716 · 2018-05-07T03:09:01+00:00

Finding a girl worth committing to in the U.S. is like trying to find a hockey player that can dunk a basketball. Sure there's a few out there that probably could, but their skillset and environment doesn't exactly lend themself toward that goal.

Likewise, most American women are really good at climbing the career ladder, being strong and independent, excelling at careers, and having exciting sexual experiences. Not quite as skilled at the things that make a woman worth commitment.

Unfortunately, they're the only game in town and most men lack the means to shop around overseas for a better deal. So, rather than enter into a shitty marriage/LTR, more and more men are simply not committing at all.

Reven311 · 2018-05-06T13:03:47+00:00

Because men are naturally more polygamous than women. So commitment is a bigger ask for them, sexually speaking. Women have limited reproductive capacity, men's reproductive capacity is only limited by the willingness of partners to engage in sex.

Five_Decades · 2018-05-06T13:07:48+00:00

In order for a man to be successful in reproduction he has to take one of two strategies.

r strategy - sleep with a ton of women and invest nothing in the women or children

K strategy - sleep with one woman and invest heavily in her and their children together.

When a man commits, he is admitting he can not follow r strategy anymore. He can follow K, but he can't do both (unless he is extremely high SMV. In that case most women would tolerate a man who does a dual r/K strategy).

crackrocksteady7 · 2018-05-06T14:15:53+00:00

It costs money and time. Time = money

Pope_Lucious · 2018-05-06T16:16:51+00:00

“Most women aren’t lovable, they’re leavable.”

-Patrice O’Neal

squidracer · 2018-05-06T11:51:14+00:00

Why do women change after commitment? 🤔

Electra_Cute · 2018-05-06T09:59:04+00:00

I do not think men in general “hate” commitment, I think the men people interact with on here do because they have a tendency to be MGTOWs or have those attitudes, so it may appear that way. Most men are okay with commitment. This entire “commitment for sex” thing etc. etc. and putting commitment and sex as these things that men and women are both just looking for in opposition to each other is the kind of fairytale-esque garbage The Red Pill often produces. “Men are cold, women are hot”, “Men like coke and women like Pepsi”.

Do some men hate commitment? Sure. Do most men hate commitment? I highly doubt that. I do not think a young man wants to marry or have children, maybe when they are a bit older they would.

SilentLurker666 · 2018-05-06T10:10:35+00:00

Should you buy the first car that catches your eye? The first one you like? Do you buy because the dealership is the closest to you? One your family recommends?

Or does it make sense to go to a range of dealers, find out what's in your price range, what options you need and which you can do without, then go test drive 5-10 cars so you can really get an idea of what they're really like, not just going by the glossy ad campaign?

People change, Their price range changes, their requirements change, cars get older and start breaking down. At some point you start examining the cost:benefit ratio of keeping the old car and all the maintenance versus a bright shiny new car.

Feanorfanclub · 2018-05-06T12:39:13+00:00

But if you like the girl what's wrong with settling down with her ?

Nothing. But the guy who's not committing, well he just doesn't like her enough to do so. Maybe it's because he's so so about her, or he wants to have more experiences or who knows what else. I've seen plenty of women avoid serious relationships because they felt they were "too young" to settle down.

ganso_bum · 2018-05-06T14:07:17+00:00

Beta bucks is a shit deal, yo

paccount112 · 2018-05-06T14:20:47+00:00

I dunno, why do you hate fucking unattractive dudes?

MGTOWManofMystery · 2018-05-06T16:37:29+00:00

Why is settling down even a thing? Humans aren't happy in excessively long-term relationships. Marriage was set up when we died at 30; now we are living to 90. Why are we clinging to the feudal notion of life-long, contractual pairing? Feel free to try to CMV.

angels_fan · 2018-05-06T20:54:57+00:00

It's just too fucking risky.

I've seen more than one woman hide her raging cuntbitch side for years in order to lock down a man, then suddenly turn it back on after the I do's.

newName543456 · 2018-05-06T21:56:21+00:00

Commitment is a fool's game. It can be invalidated at any given moment and if it happens while married (woman met someone more attractive and wants a divorce), you'd likely be severely financially punished, potentially without any explicit wrongdoing on your side. And that happening or not is outside of your control, so why should one play in the first place?

carefreevermillion · 2018-05-06T11:15:24+00:00

Guys hate when they invest their time and money into a woman, and she either a) stops giving him good sex, b) stops giving him sex altogether, and/or c) leaves him for another man with the rewards of his time and money. That's not the same thing as hating commitment.

PhucCheet · 2018-05-06T20:24:56+00:00

Commitment is legally binding. Offers of sex are not. That means trading sex for commitment is not a fair trade. Once you are legally bound with commitment and kids, she can reneg on the sex. Meanwhile, if you feel you're getting a bum deal by age 40 (dead bedrooms), it's hard for you to pull out: kids, mortgage, finances, emotional attachment, family, the law, and other things make separating your lives complicated and expensive. It's much easier (and cheaper) for her to withdraw sex than for you to withdraw commitment.

Therefore, men are taking a big gamble offering commitment blindly without assurances of what will happen in the future. This makes men cautious and selective about commitment. We'll offer it... under the right circumstances, with the right woman, and enough signs of trust and loyalty.

US divorce law complicates this. When divorce happens, men get the shitty end of the deal. If divorce law was different, men might be more willing to offer commitment.

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Maikowski2 · 2018-05-06T10:47:27+00:00

I do not want to marry or have kids. Most other men want it. I don't, I'm special snowflake but I may change my mind when I am in my 40s or 50s..

kandyapplez · 2018-05-06T13:27:58+00:00

because its directly opposed to their biological imperative.

i think men are wired to commit to one woman they truly like but to have sex indiscriminately, which leads to the impression that they hate commitment, when really they're just very exclusive about who they give commitment to, which ultimately works in the favor of the woman they do choose to commit to, because they wont easily be lead astray by new pussy during the early childbearing years when a woman most needs the support of a man.

sidenote: i've dated guys who for the most part have tons of options, and they have still been more interested in commitment than i have been.

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2018-05-06T15:13:45+00:00

Absolutely nothing wrong with settling down with a person who makes you happy.

Definitely something wrong with settling

concacanca · 2018-05-06T15:22:23+00:00

I've never had a problem with commitment really. Most women who aren't worth it show their colours pretty early before things get serious.

I've been in committed relationships for basically 14 out of the last 15 years and have no regrets about any of that time. Basically comes down to whether the other girls around can offer you something that your gf can't.

hammerhaunts · 2018-05-06T17:47:13+00:00

I don't hate commitment, gib medal

ssonepick · 2018-05-07T00:18:47+00:00

Don’t want to date her long term in the first place.

Basically most guys i know hold out for a girl as hot but less of a storied past

gasparddelanuit · 2018-05-07T04:33:23+00:00

Why do guys hate commitment?

On a conscious level, many men are averse to commitment in a relationship because it restricts their freedom. Whereas committed relationships can often expand a woman’s freedom and options, they tend not to do that for men. They tend to just increase men’s responsibilities.

On a subconscious level, commitment in a relationship is inconsistent with men’s optimal mating strategy, given that men can impregnate multiple women in a short space of time. In short, men are not built for commitment or best adapted for it naturally. Subsequently, they instinctively have an aversion to it and/or experience cognitive dissonance when they are acculturated into pursuing it.

mydikishomofobik · 2018-05-06T16:29:11+00:00

Most women aren't worth committing to. Are they 18 years old, hot and sweet with no kids? Most of the ones in that demographic are all fucking the same men. Or are they 45 years old single mothers with baggage or barren, bitter and ready to provide dead-bedroom followed by divorce-rape?

reluctantly_red · 2018-05-06T14:43:30+00:00

Guys are actually very quick to commit when they find a LTR quality woman (not just looks). When a guy tells a woman he doesn't want to settle down he means he doesn't want to settle down with her.

Almost all guys would like to get married and have kids. They just can't imagine it happening with most of the women they meet.

JTRonald · 2018-05-07T22:03:48+00:00

They don't love you that much.

Loving someone is large scale spectrum, you can truly enjoy someone's presence but you know it's not exactly what you want necessarily.

Don't underestimate the power of image and idealization that runs into people's mind. For some people if you don't fit the picture they will disregard you entirely, the chimestry, good talk, everything, their mind will just be focused on their IDEAL relationship, not reality.

There is no mystery science, men commit to what they WANT.

Men have no problem committing, they can go far for their job/hobbies anything that matter, if they don't do it for you, you don't really matter that much or they may lack the ability to recognize the good as they are.

The higher quality/character the men has, the more this will be amplified, because character is linked with clarity of purpose. They Know it's not YOU.

Ask men how many truly qualified high quality girlfriend/marriage material girl he has meet in a year, and you will understand quickly.

Woman invented the commitement problem, men don't have a problem, they may just be with you because you have given them attention/make them feel good/they lack option/they want sex. None of those are related to sincere desire of connection or are any indication that you fits his "invisible blueprint" about the woman he is really looking for.

mistercheeez-o____O- · 2018-05-07T23:34:59+00:00

But if you like the girl what's wrong with settling down with her ?

It's not that I don't like commitment, but I had to learn that if I go into it with that intention. The experience is not as good, because women aren't typically into guys that are too full on. It makes sense anyway. I mean you need some time to figure out if you're really compatible before completely committing. So even if I'm really fond of the girl, or even more smitten than I anticipated, I would proactively slow it down to avoid her or I "rushing into" something prematurely.

Do guys actually want to ever marry and have kids ?

Can't speak for all of them, but many such as myself would love to marry and have children.

redpillrobert · 2018-05-08T07:28:52+00:00

i did marry and have kids and i love it why

rainisthelife · 2018-05-06T15:37:30+00:00

They do?

I’ve never dated a guy that didn’t push for commitment before I did. Lol don’t let this corner of the internet fool you.

truedemocracy3 · 2018-05-06T16:26:58+00:00

Men do love commitment. It's just that the women men are after often have plenty of options and are thus less likely to lock down.

Also what men look for in a sexual partner vs a relationship can be greatly different things.

And lastly, at a net, I believe men give up more freedom in a relationship than women

Title	Why do guys hate commitment ?
Author	DXBrigade
Upvotes	7
Comments	214
Date	May 6, 2018 9:48 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8he8df/why_do_guys_hate_commitment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-guys-hate-commitment.262588 https://theredarchive.com/post/262588

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