I feel like I have missed the boat when it comes to dating. And once that ship has sailed, it is never coming back. What advice do you have?

FlyV89 · 2022-09-16T00:40:30+00:00

I would recomend you to give 0 f**** what other people think of you and start doing whatever you want to do with your life.

Don't worry about being inexperienced, you just need practice, it'll go away.

Forget about "the one and only", "everlasting love"... "Young love"... Stop romantizising sex. It's not how it works, and thinking in romantic terms in the modern world will just give you lots of head aches.

Now I know lots of people will tell you the opposite, that there is someone out there for you and that someone will see how special you are and yada yada, and I'm going to be downvoted to hell because of this, but there is nothing "special" out there, trust me. Lots of average people struggling to keep ahead and alive, that's all. Just have fun, don't get into troubles and try not to fall for the first person that shows intrest in you, that's the easiest route to get taken advantage of.

If you want a woman with the same level of experience you have you'll probably end up in jail since virgin women stop being a thing after 16 or somethin like that. Forget about it.

Stop caring about being virgin, no one will notice unless you are acting too weird about it, just keep it cool. If you can't act as a normal man of your age then speed dial that authism and become an excentric freak.

Better crazy than akward normie.

You'll be fine dude, you are just putting too much thought into this, is not a big deal.

Distinct_Face_5796 · 2022-09-16T01:35:09+00:00

In the same boat brother. 39. In a college town. It's hard to even make friends with the opposite sex because a lot of them purposely avoid you if they aren't interested. I think we both need to become more grounded in ourselves, and not place our happiness on something out of our control. You can't control if someone likes you, hates you or thinks you are a creep. And what they think doesn't matter. Who cares. Move forward to the best of your abilities even when it's hard. I am not the best at this. Take one day at a time.

ICUpoop · 2022-09-16T04:27:34+00:00

You want the truth? No one is coming to save you. You’re on an island waiting for the boat to come save you (i.e. the magic pick up line that will make all women fall for you, the book, the dating advice etc.). The boat isn’t coming. You got to build your own boat and get off the island. Save yourself. Lift weights, eat clean, meditate, join adult clubs with things YOU like. Don’t focus on women, focus on you! While all of this is happening read and watch videos on building rapport with PEOPLE, not women. Learn how to genuinely listen to people, you can’t think of what you’re going to say next and comprehend what someone is saying at the same time. Don’t shy away from being a friendly personality in the world, give a friendly nod or a hello to random PEOPLE, all walks of life, just practicing saying hi and smiling will increase your confidence…and lastly reframe your virginity into something awesome! How special and lucky will you make a girl feel knowing she was your 1st one! Trust me, the right girl will treat you lovingly and make you feel special…. At the very end all of this has been about getting rid of the desperate and neediness vibe women are unattracted to and that you’re most likely putting out. You got this dude.

lantlos45 · 2022-09-16T03:01:15+00:00

I'm 31 dude. Never had gf never kissed so on so forth. No experience virgin as well. I'm learning as I go. Dont believe in the mythical "one" either. Just put yourself out there. It's a numbers game eventually someone will tag along. Don't beat yourself up. Not a good thing to do.

NatashOverWorld · 2022-09-15T23:58:46+00:00

I'm autistic raised in Asia, before a lot of cultural homogenization. So I missed out on young romance, one night stands, the weird and bad sex young people get up to.

But I dated the way average looking people do in the late twenties in Canada. Then I had to go back to Asia and I'm basically too old to date unless it's with the specific reason of marriage and children.

Which is ... Ehh. Marriage comes after a deep and profound connection, not because it's a milestone in life.

I'm hoping things get easier if I leave Asia. I'm sure the types of rlship for that age category will once again be different, but that's life.

Other neurodivergent people will be aware of how hard dating can be, and not be so intensely shocked if you're a virgin. Maybe start there.

userisauser · 2022-09-16T02:59:45+00:00

I would 100% recommend a book called The Power Of Now. The things you're talking yourself, even in the words of this post, are called pain bodies. You need to learn how to eliminate them from your mind so you can get what you want.

Another angle to consider is that your brain will give you answers no matter what you ask it or tell it. It will respond with something. So you have to make a conscious effort to ask your brain direct questions about achieving your goals. Turn your fears and frustrations with meeting women into "how questions."

So for example, instead of saying, "why can't I get a girl to like me", ask yourself, "how can get get a girl interested in me." Leave out all of the negativity. Deciding what you want is the hard part.

I'll be honest with you, 30 is not a bad age to start this journey. I started at about 29 so don't feel bad.

The only thing that should pass through your head is " what do I want", and "how can I get it."

NatashOverWorld · 2022-09-15T23:42:16+00:00

You can, just not with that milestone you missed. Every age group has its common practices, so you'll see a lot less of certain things, and more of others.

revente · 2022-09-16T08:27:26+00:00

There was never a boat.

Your success is directly attributable to the amount of work you're willing to put in.

You didn't do it in the past, now is the time.

jsbach123 · 2022-09-16T00:19:23+00:00

There's no such thing as "too late". But to be frank, the quality and quantity of the ladies who'll consider you will decline as you age.

I wouldn't be worried about age. More pressing is your lack of social skills which fortunately can be obtained. I'm no expert in autism but perhaps there are autism subs that can help you get more social skills.

pumpkinfox99 · 2022-09-16T08:34:57+00:00

There's a book called its too late mate by Alex Forrest.

He's 45 and had written himself off. It's his memoirs of his journey, success and failures along the way of learning to be attractive through pickup. Tips are explained and how he applies them. He had successes with beautiful women in his mid to late 40s.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Too-Late-Mate-Daygame-Memoir/dp/1708328610

Available as an audiobook if that's better for you.

He later bought out books that focus even more on the techniques but read/listen to this book "it's too late mate", he went against the odds and won and you can too.

52 First Dates Volume I and 2

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07NGMVPT6/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1

and

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07NGMVPT6/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1

FranciscotheBull · 2022-09-16T13:34:00+00:00

You are not alone. Lots of guys have struggles with getting a girlfriend, date, or get laid. 54-56% (approximately) are single and have no children and 1 in 3 men are either virgins or haven't had sex in a year.

It is sad and unfortunate that you have autism and my heart goes out to you. Believe me, many guys are looked over for various reasons; height, their job, their perceived looks, etc., but never looked at as a person with depth and substance. Many women won't look at most men or in their direction. (Generally speaking)

The only thing to do is work on yourself (trade, school, moving up or getting another job, going to the gym) and improve your social skills. It maybe more difficult in your shoes, but you would have to be consistent and strong throughout life. I would also recommend going to places, joining forums, or activities with people who have common interests and network. You may find someone in the process. That may help as well.

As for living with parents and being a virgin, I would keep that to myself until I would need to say it. Some people would take it the wrong way and be too judgemental with that. For living with parents, just make up something and say you had to move back, but make sure it is not like a big lie or something like that. As for a virgin, say it when it is time. Or you can not say it and when you finish fast, just say that she was that good.

MindlessPepper7165 · 2022-09-16T19:35:50+00:00

Time to YouTube the greatest of them all AMS

spicy_simba · 2022-09-17T07:31:23+00:00

Hi there buddy,

A ship will never ship without its captain,

Everyone is the captain of their own ship,

Accordingly, You are the captain of your own ship, the crew may be giving confused looks and ask you "when are we shipping captain ?" but you are your ship and you can't go without you.

You may see ships of others sailing, but your ship is always there,

Just like you my ship sailed after thirty, i am just a few meters ahead paddling in all directions at once, it's scary, but it's fun, just like going into the water as kids, it's really cold at first and we have no idea what to do, but with time we start enjoying it.

Some boredom/emptyness in life, combined with low self esteem, bad stress management, is like throwing fuel on a ground with sparkles and unlit cigarettes.

Our minds need stimulation, on daily basis, if we do not bring it to them, they will find things to obsess about, if we do not use that fuel, it's gonna seek ways to take it out.

This may lead to toxic comparison, looking at other people ships, obsessing about what's missing or wrong in life in toxic ways. This also may lead to emotional trips, feeling ashamed, guilty, angry, sad, depressed.

While this is a very un unpleasant experience, our brains characterize it as stimulating and will get some reward out of it, hence it will seek to do it again, and again and again and again.

As a captain of your boat, understanding the mechanic of your Boat is really important,

Why so? A lot of captains go out there someday and try something, for some it works, for others it doesn't

And unfortunately some just conclude, my boat is bad or my boat is broken and will never sail.

In reality they may have forgotten to lift the anchor, or start the engine. Or didn't notice the rope was still attached to the bay.

Good news, being an observer and a learner will is at the essence of being a good captain, for those of us who have been observing their boats for years, all that observation may be of some use.

That being said, observing alone won't cut it, observing will not move objects, it is also needed to experiment in combination with observing,

Experiment, observe, then adjust and try again.

Now from being stuck into a loop of emotional trips myself, i know it can lead to decision paralysis, or experiment paralysis.

One's brain gets so used to being stimulated by just emotional trips and obsessing that it may feel numb and unwilling to do anything else.

Breaking this loop can be quite hard, but not impossible, breaking the loop is essential to start experimenting.

Because our brains are smart, they will resist this like a petty kid who does not want to go to school.

Breaking the loop need to be an activity that you would not believe yourself doing, but not over the top. And dare i see it needs to move you physically.

For me it started by going out to learn how to bike, and saying yes more often.

For my friend it started by going for short walks on daily basis, and then to the gym.

For other people, is going to social events, and making new friends, dancing classes, whatever it is

Once the loop is broken, the fight to alleviate the brain from comparison and obsessing starts, the brain won't quit these habits so easily, it's going to take a bit more breakthroughs, a steady stream of stimulation through physically and mentally stimulating activities.

Now, this phase is important not just for dating but for life in general, a stimulated brain is a healthy garden to grow new plants, hope and belief, confidence to grow as a person and to achieve one's goals.

By then Dating will stop being this big Thing that is unreachable, super scary and unachievable.

Confidence and self esteem, being well stimulated, can change not only ones perception of life but how the person Is perceived.

Dating will stop being this Big Giant scary thing to obsess about, and will become just an activity like going to gym or taking a class, with this kind of approach it will still take some time some observation and some adjustments, but it will be on healthy grounds.

Contango6969 · 2022-09-15T23:32:11+00:00

It’s definitely not too late if you get to work

zapadz · 2022-09-15T23:29:23+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9_l_ponjTw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n81iKOnu_nU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRdPEthLDOo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FihAnXAWc2k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RubDFL5tFHU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YHBylCxJSY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhWiq3E7eI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-jvM3NSs6Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twTrrGiRXtY

Repulsive-Fee393 · 2022-09-16T11:57:57+00:00

Hit the gym and get on tinder

atomant88 · 2022-09-16T04:12:59+00:00

once you learn game you realize that ship goes where you direct it to go.

IceColdBrewsz · 2022-09-15T23:58:04+00:00

It's probably not too late. But it's gonna be insanely hard to get back in the game.

epimpstyle · 2022-09-16T10:27:34+00:00

If you talk to a girl until to the point to tell her that you are virgin you are not that innocent :-)

You know, maybe you missed the boat but it was not the single boat, so you will catch the next one.

Everyone is insecure and ugly especially when they wake up in the morning... you are not special.

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2022-09-16T14:39:01+00:00

The peak sexual attraction of a man is around the age of 38. You’ve still got some time buddy.

Global-Bridge-6787 · 2022-09-16T00:27:29+00:00

I’d recommend finding a career that fits your passions in life. Before you say you have no passions, take the MBTI test and look at careers with your score enjoy.

I’m ENFP which means I enjoy doing work in and around people. I’m a community focused person; so I started customer service jobs until I got a job in HR (I have a BA in Sociology). I’m now looking to go back to school for my MSW to become a mental health therapist. It’s a long journey but then again, time will pass anyways. Why not try to pick a career that brings the best out of you and make money from that? I think women tend to find that much more attractive than you doing a job you hate and makes you dread being alive.

Basically, I’d focus on your career first and then becoming friendly with people over time to secure a good social circle. I think that’s better than just jumping into dating with no real career ambitions, which some can do, but it sounds like would be harder for you to accomplish considering your current challenges.

burncushlikewood · 2022-09-16T01:30:25+00:00

Read this book https://www.academia.edu/26492146/Vin_DiCarlo_The_Attraction_Code_id610645886_size You need to move out of your parents place and find a higher paying job, go to school, study hard, talk to a career counselor if you have to, take a personality quiz and try and find your calling, i wish I could help tutor you, that's how sal khan (educator) started his company khan academy.

dobbs1997 · 2022-09-16T01:56:31+00:00

Everything you mentioned is just a thing, it has no meaning, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a certain thing, it’s like when dudes say “i’m short I can’t get women”…If you make your age, the fact you work a dead end job, the fact you live with your parents, the fact that you think you’re ugly even though someone else might thing you’re attractive, if you make all of that an issue IN YOUR HEAD, then it will project out into the world in the way you carry yourself, interact with others and your decision making. Don’t make it an issue & it will not be one.

Successful_Teach366 · 2022-09-16T04:12:29+00:00

Get ready for the next wave 🌊

Blackmagic213 · 2022-09-16T06:30:38+00:00

Start with what you can control.

I’m sorry I don’t know about autism. Will it allow you to live on your own eventually?

I’m sorry brotha. Dating can be ruthless so my advice is to just please realize that it’s tough on everyone so you’re not too hard on yourself. Take baby steps and if there are things you can improve then let’s work on it.

For example…. The dead end job….Can you find a non dead end job?

Don’t think of dating till you’re at a place of confidence and your confidence will rise as you gain small wins. Even if it is, I said hello to a girl today and she smiled at me (win)….I got a number (win)…. I texted a girl (win)…small wins lead to large victories.

creativedave73 · 2022-09-16T06:44:11+00:00

You can always learn and improve. I asked my first girl out at 19(she said no) and didn't have anything resembling a gf until I was 27.

I'm not sure the severity of your autism. Would you ever be able to move away from your parents or get a better job? Even if moving away from your parents and changing jobs is an impossibility, there are many men with gfs in a similar situation.

Are there Singles With Autism groups in your area?

You need to realize that you're not as unattractive as you think. That you can get a gf.

What are your strengths? What's something that you're really good at? You need to figure that out and maximize that in your life.

I always tell people to make a list of the non-physical qualities they look for in a woman and write a paragraph or two about your relationship goals. Then work at becoming the man that attracts those kind of women. Go places and attend events and activities where you're going to find those women. Use your strengths to attract those women.

Find men who have autism and are good with women and learn from them.

antonthecad · 2022-09-16T08:48:47+00:00

My advice would be to get real and say to yourself that if you can get to one or two levels up on what you have now that's a massive victory. Realistically if you go on 1-2 date a month with a 3-4, that's a marked improvement to where you are now. That should be your end goal, fuck the lofty heights of whatever movie you've watched recently. Get in the game. Given that you're autistic, it will make it more difficult and I'm not a doctor so I don't want to talk about how autism will influence on the way you date too much.

My first piece of advice is to always do the easy stuff. Get as good looking as you can (gym, haircut, stylist) you can do all of this on the cheap. Get on instagram and find a look you want to emulate and do it.

pumpkinfox99 · 2022-09-16T08:52:04+00:00

If basic social skills are a problem (the base for which attractive qualities women like are built upon) The book "improve your social skills" by daniel Wendler may help. He is on the autistic spectrum and the book/audiobook is written for people like himself.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Improve-Social-Skills-Daniel-Wendler/dp/1517309328

https://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/social-skills-books-courses

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeMW2Asu8vg

H8beingmale · 2022-09-16T09:00:44+00:00

[deleted]

incognito3107 · 2022-09-16T09:20:11+00:00

As I see you are very pessimistic and bitter about yourself. You can always make progress with your attractiveness level and potentially get with some decent girl. You just need to take some work into improving your sexual traits and changing your mindset. If you are not putting any effort towards improving yourself as an attractive sexually male, you are not learning about women's nature and dating game basics, and you are not helping your luck to meet many women - how this is supposed to work? You need to stay opened for the market, it won't just happen out of the blue like in romantic movies. It's not like you will meet your princess charming after 2 weeks of working on yourself, but you have decent chances to just have sex and happy relationship with the girl from your world.

Firstly you need to start thinking positive. Turn down all people that turn you down. Then you need to work on your body and appearance to look like a male that girls would love to smash with. Then you need to change your views about women and learn how to be seductive. Then you need to just get some practice, check your ideas and experiment, have plenty of interactions with women in real circumstances.

PowerLifterVagSlayer · 2022-09-16T09:46:26+00:00

Bro stop thinking like that. Any skill can be practiced. Go do some cold approaches. Just do it

YouGotTangoed · 2022-09-16T09:47:32+00:00

My advice would be to browse r/seduction and other sites, you will soon find others who are worse off than you, but still get laid.

You’re not special, you’re not a 1 in million bad case, stop being so self-absorbed and realise the positive things in your life

mjornir · 2022-09-16T13:42:18+00:00

Living with parents and working a dead end job.

Solve this first. Then the dating will fall into place.

OriginalMandem · 2022-09-16T20:59:07+00:00

I feel you, I'm an only child and also on the spectrum, touch starved, never had physical intimacy growing up. But I had to start learning.

Aeon199 · 2022-09-16T22:41:17+00:00

[deleted]

tinyservant · 2022-09-17T03:27:53+00:00

Pay for sex and the confidence will come along. I did and my life got much better 😎

IlikeHistoryMeme · 2022-09-17T04:54:06+00:00

Being good looking honestly helps a lot. In addition to what people say, fix your looks, unless you're already good looking. Get a haircut that suits you, have good hygiene, dress nicely, fix posture, shave your face and body (unless you have or plan to have a nice beard, just keep it nice).

Guides to all of this on youtube if you don't know where to start.

anny_29943 · 2022-09-16T14:10:26+00:00

Title	I feel like I have missed the boat when it comes to dating. And once that ship has sailed, it is never coming back. What advice do you have?
Author	a_sinking_ship
Upvotes	64
Comments	70
Date	September 15, 2022 11:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xfb0jp/i_feel_like_i_have_missed_the_boat_when_it_comes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-feel-like-i-have-missed-the-boat-when-it-comes.1249939 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249939

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