Do you pay on the first date?

WholeMilkElitist · 2025-01-08T16:21:15+00:00

yes and yes

My rule - if I invite her out, then I pay. But I'm not taking them out to dinner, just coffee

Recurringg · 2025-01-08T16:43:44+00:00

Yeah. The last thing you want is for her to think you're cheap. Keep the date venue cheap but pay. It's the best way to save money and save face.

entitledwank · 2025-01-08T17:00:52+00:00

yeah that’s why never do dinners for first dates. They are pretty expensive and very boring so the odds they don’t want to meet again are pretty high.

A lot of people like walks in the park cause thats free. i personally don’t mind spending $20-$30 so i always do first dates at a bar during a happy hour special

Some other cheap ideas, coffee, ice cream, cat cafe, dog park, or anything to get her to your place like coloring, puzzles, wine and movie etc

StrikingImportance39 · 2025-01-08T16:25:15+00:00

I do.

And I do it cause I like it.

norwegiandoggo · 2025-01-08T16:33:21+00:00

Yes + yes. Don't take a girl on an expensive first date unless you know her well from before and have lots of cash to splurge on that kinda thing

Fabulous-Designer626 · 2025-01-08T16:37:22+00:00

If I am not expecting anything serious, I don't say anthing when the bill comes and I wait. A lot of girls will say two bills and I still get laid. If she does not say anything I take the bill.

But it's never more than a drink. Don't ever spend a lot for a for first date.

Dapper-BlackPanther · 2025-01-08T17:25:17+00:00

I only spend $100 or more on a date that I feel the woman might become my wife and the mother of my child. I usually pay all the cost usually the first date in this case.
I may spend $50 or a little more on a date if I'm quite doubtful the relationship will lead anywhere else but romance.
Regardless of if the woman is wifey material or not, I try to only spend $30 - $50 on a two venue date like a picnic or wine tasting, bowling, window shopping at the mall etc. I just want to have fun and get to know each other. Dinner dates are over rated. I usually pay the entire date.
Exception - If the date ever goes past $100 to $120, it's usually because the woman wants to have more fun. I usually tell the woman to pay for that venue or game and she happily does. It's a good way to budget and delegate as a "pre couple."
If a woman likes you enough, she might offer to pay completely. Her interest in you is usually 8/10 or more. You should be in pants off paradise soon.

You set the tone of the relationship when you pay. Women feel good when they don't pay and they genuinely like you. Every date should be a learning lesson anyway or possibly a clear path to romance. It's fine if you have a budget and spend no more than $30 on a date as long as you get to know the woman and have as much fun as you can while doing it.

mtlash · 2025-01-08T16:35:59+00:00

If you decide the place, you pay.

If the girl wants to go to an expensive place for the first date then no. I have no interest in showing off my money, I like to value what I earn with my hard work.

And if the girl doesn't want to meet then yes accept it as is.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2025-01-08T19:37:25+00:00

I pay, but I don’t usually do dinner. Coffee or a drink.

brown_birdman · 2025-01-08T16:28:16+00:00

A coffee yes. More than a date… it is a check-in to see if pictures match and to make sure she is not crazy or something.

I once met a cute girl, chatting and pictures all good, but she was from elsewhere and the accent could not understand at all, it was so embarrassing making her repeat and try to understand what she was (trying to) saying. Just as anecdote.

Mr_Dixon1991 · 2025-01-08T16:48:31+00:00

I always offer to pay, regardless of the outcome. That's why I usually pick cafes for the first date.

Sonicmantis · 2025-01-08T17:19:51+00:00

Don't invite her to dinner. Do something light hearted and cheap (coffee etc) followed by a more fun activity as a follow up

Apples_into_Snapple · 2025-01-08T17:50:51+00:00

Yes and yes. Learned this the hard way, but don’t take a girl to an expensive first date on what you ask she likes (ie if she likes sushi or tacos, gonna take her to a nice restaurant, not an over the top one)

If she doesn’t want to meet again, I let it be, for whatever reason. If she was just trying to get a “free meal” she only got mid sushi, top tier sushi is only for the girls I am already dating/hooking up with.

The1WhoDares · 2025-01-08T22:59:34+00:00

ALWAYS

mdmaderpaway · 2025-01-08T23:05:35+00:00

I generally treat girls how I treat everyone regarding this.

I put people into one of 4 categories. Even if you don't know very much about them you probably have an idea of where they fall in stis spectrum

No disposable income (unemployed/studend)
Some disposable income (steady but lower paying job)
High disposable income (High paying job)
Rich

If I'm above the other person in this money hierarchy I generally offer to pay whether its a friend or date or family. If I'm below I'd assume we split.

DryIndependent1 · 2025-01-09T05:31:33+00:00

Just cut the crap and invite her over for Netflix and chill! You'll thank me later! 😘

Glacier_Sama · 2025-01-08T16:49:35+00:00

The true test of attraction is getting her to pay AND fucking her.

I've dated enough women to where I'm confident in telling girls that the first date is on them. I rarely have a problem with this and the ones that do have an issue just aren't as attracted to me as I would want my woman to be.

lildudefromXdastreet · 2025-01-08T17:06:41+00:00

Always. If you're broke just say that /s

dnavi · 2025-01-08T18:08:08+00:00

If it's a cheap coffee date then yeah I'll pay. I don't do dinner date first dates since I don't know if I'd like their company while enjoying food yet. If it's an activity like bowling I'll usually pay but say that they're buying food after or something and they're cool with that. If they like you then there shouldn't be a problem with splitting costs fairly.

If she doesn't wanna meet after that initial investment then i just move on. Gotta keep dates cheap for this reason.

Healthy-Falcon1737 · 2025-01-08T18:17:44+00:00

Whoever asked for it should pay

OrdinaryBeginning344 · 2025-01-08T18:28:20+00:00

Yes but will only do coffee or a drink. Paid for one yo many first date dinners before I saw the light.

ToxicM1ndfulness · 2025-01-08T18:28:29+00:00

Yes, i always pay. Yes, it’s just something you have to accept if you said yes to the first question

Historical-Case9201 · 2025-01-08T18:34:04+00:00

If I’m into her yes, if not then no

ThotBubble · 2025-01-08T18:41:38+00:00

I only pay if I ask to go out but if they ask I expect them to pay

tonybuckeye61 · 2025-01-08T18:44:53+00:00

Only if you want a second date 😂. But seriously , pay for dates and worry about couple finances when you are a couple

shortyman920 · 2025-01-08T19:09:54+00:00

I’m fine splitting on the first date. But if I really like the girl, then I insist on paying because I had a good time and to please indulge me this gesture. And then agree to split on the next one if they really want to pay their share and feel fair

bmcapers · 2025-01-08T20:07:23+00:00

I do within budget. Then I see if she says Thank You or not. Amazing how many don’t.

InteralFortune1 · 2025-01-08T20:22:18+00:00

Do you guys still pay when she’s your girlfriend?

roakmamba · 2025-01-08T20:26:17+00:00

Why is this even a question?

TripleDigitNomad · 2025-01-08T21:00:47+00:00

If you want the best chances at getting laid, yes you should.

This is why you never want to do dinner dates as a first date. Coffee or drinks only.

However, you also shouldn't be waiting until the second date to make a move anyway. Before the bill comes, invite her over to your place. If she declines and you feel like a second date probably isn't happening, then just split the bill to avoid wasting your money. If she accepts or she says next time, then pay the bill.

JOKERPOKER112 · 2025-01-08T21:08:29+00:00

I mean the highest chance to score a second date is to pay for the first. So what you do usually is go to something cheap that doesnt go over 20 dollars.

But if she suggests to split, just accept, because she either might be fine with splitting or she might want to not see you again or she wants to shit test for traditional bullshit. The thing is you don't want to pay and deal with the last 2 women so just split to be on the safe side in this case. Other than that you pay to lower the risk.

vesieco · 2025-01-08T21:18:48+00:00

Yes, and yes. Although always a cheap first date

ConsciousViewer · 2025-01-08T21:26:59+00:00

First date? ..??

johnzgarcia · 2025-01-08T21:29:58+00:00

Always pay for the first date, I always do coffee or something low cost like frozen yogurt, boba tea, etc. I generally visit coffee shops a ton even though I’m not an avid coffee drinker myself (or drinker in general) I know good spots with good atmosphere and proximity for other activities if the date goes well I can easily turn it into an all day date if I wanted to. I know a few magic/card tricks so I can make any setting fun/interesting when I have them on me and play card games too.

If she doesn’t want to meet again, just accept it. The first date is meant to see if you’ll like each other enough to spend more and more time together and if that isn’t the case, good. Don’t want to waste your time on someone who isn’t a good fit for you relationship wise.

Iam8incheslong · 2025-01-09T02:45:15+00:00

Yeah, generally.

maxreddit0609 · 2025-01-09T05:47:09+00:00

You invited someone to spend time with you, you pay.

You don’t invite someone to your house for dinner and expect them to cook or bring the food. Same applies for a date.

SquireThomas · 2025-01-09T06:48:52+00:00

I’m afraid so, my friend. Yes and yes. Oh, the things we do for pssy

Electronic-Fix2851 · 2025-01-09T11:51:30+00:00

I don’t do dates that cost a lot of money. I think it’s stupid if you do, because it heightens the threshold of it being worth it so much.

I sometimes do a coffee date though, and I don’t mind paying for that. I always offer, at least (not obviously, but I just go to pay and she can stop me if she insists).

mjornir · 2025-01-10T00:55:33+00:00

Always. Flip side is I don’t get dinner. NEVER do dinner for the first date. But yeah if they don’t wanna meet again I chalk it up aa an investment in getting closer to someone who is interested. Plus, I like being generous and providing, so I never mind treating for the first date or really first few dates

FeloFela · 2025-01-08T16:35:04+00:00

Yes x2

Chandansimms17and18 · 2025-01-08T17:11:13+00:00

Whoever invites the other party too the date pays for the date

GrowCanadian · 2025-01-08T18:45:34+00:00

I find it interesting that most people here say to pay. In my experience I’ve been much more successful in closing when we split the bill on a first date and have a 100% success rate when the girl pays.

I’m not cheap, I have a good job and don’t mind paying but I’ve had conversations with multiple girls that have told me they don’t like when the guy pays as it makes them feel like they need to put out because the guy paid which turns them off.

Maybe I’m the weird outlier but it’s very rare I pay for the first date unless it’s something small like a coffee and I’ve been fairly successful. I was juggling 4 girls recently but dropped it down to 2 just because I didn’t have the energy to keep up with all of them.

I’m going on a date tonight where I’m paying for everything but that’s because we’ve been on multiple dates and she paid for everything last time.

vivek_david_law · 2025-01-09T03:11:55+00:00

yes but first date should be cheap because they're frivolous so should be low pressure for both sides

SnooKiwis2460 · 2025-01-08T16:46:46+00:00

You should….if you’re the man.

Lonely_Computer_2058 · 2025-01-08T18:06:44+00:00

I’ll pay because if you don’t that conveys a message that you’re cheap and probably don’t have money. Not saying this is true, but this is likely the mental shortcut women make. Like if the average man sees a girl with purple hair he’d assume she’s a bit unstable.

I’ll usually do a coffee or walking date for first date. If I like her then I’ll spend more on a third date.

brian114 · 2025-01-08T18:50:23+00:00

Yes! In America if you don’t pay there is no second date.

How ever first go out for a casual cocktail and have multiple locations and reservations beforehand. Sometimes you can tell the vibe is completely off and or if the person is just there for a free meal. This cocktail nothing crazy can save you a lot of money in the long run. Also multiple reservations because some girls truly deserve a nice meal and some others are bare minimum and straight to the sac. Open to sharing more info if anyone cares. I’m out of the dating game now and happily taken

Title	Do you pay on the first date?
Author	originalgainster
Upvotes	18
Comments	86
Date	January 8, 2025 4:19 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hwny93/do_you_pay_on_the_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-you-pay-on-the-first-date.1540662 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540662

Comments