Why are men so persistent?

External12 · 2021-08-22T20:10:05+00:00

I think I missed out on a number of opportunities with women because I'm worried to come off as a guy who doesn't get hints to back off.

Defiant-Principle-43 · 2021-08-22T20:51:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Karmacosmik · 2021-08-22T21:22:04+00:00

Because we will be alone if we don’t pursue or at least try.

Men have to prove their value, women are the judges of that value. It’s a numbers game for us.

And yes it’s weird and cringe to see guys fail with women but that’s the only way to become good at talking to women and talking to people in general.

FlanneryODostoevsky · 2021-08-22T19:54:37+00:00

Because we aren't being pursued.

a55_Goblin420 · 2021-08-22T21:43:33+00:00

This is how I feel as a man. Don't let her reject you, but BEFORE YOU FLAME ME this is what I mean. You can tell if someone's into you when you're flirting by the way the respond, their body language etc. If she radiates hard "I'm not into this vibes" don't push it further. Say "well it was cool chatting with you" and walk away before she rejects you. If you can read and do that, that's emotional maturity.

Also as far as already being in a relationship, a lot of guys think like this. If she's single it's a battle royale, if she's dating it's 1v1.

wondorous · 2021-08-22T21:06:00+00:00

It’s tough. There’s a lot of incentive for men to chat you up at the beach, but they all should be respectful when you decline their advances and surely ask to be left alone. Some guys can read the signs. Some guys can’t. Some guys care. Some guys don’t. It’s really frustrating as I am a guy who wants to talk to women, but I also feel bad bothering them if they wish to be alone. I admit that many guys are dense and don’t pick up on the signs nearly as well as we should. I try to be as observant as I can be, but I’m a whole bunch of nerves when even considering the approach of a woman.

Hope that gives you some perspective at the very least.

lifeblood74 · 2021-08-22T19:39:36+00:00

I work on the beach and often see this behavior more from the older guys. Mostly see guys in general trying to chat up the lifeguards and lemonade gals.

rudebwoy100 · 2021-08-22T22:55:00+00:00

Men need to be persistent and constantly approach to have sexual access to women, the more timid the man the less success he has with women as it's a numbers game.

bubblegummybear · 2021-08-22T20:56:05+00:00

Hey, thanks for all the replies! It's been really enlightening. Constructive conversation is how to avoid these awkward encounters!

vbcbandr · 2021-08-22T22:14:47+00:00

Media has programmed us to be persistent: movies (many of which cater to women like Rom Coms) tell men that if you are persistent she will appreciate you working for her and she'll come around.

Not the sole reason, of course, but one of the reasons.

YourFutureIsWatching · 2021-08-22T22:35:58+00:00

Good question and it's good to see you reaching out for other opinions.

There can be a lot of insecurity/expectation driving persistent behaviour. I don't think it is necessarily even that they are oblivious to cues. The (flawed) reasoning might be that if you get rejected, well then leaving is the same as staying, so why not stay a little longer and ensure you've exhausted all possible chances with this girl.

recyclablebanthas · 2021-08-23T04:06:30+00:00

1

Why are men so persistent? Field Report

Small problem: This isn't a field report.

What are the dynamics and behaviours of each situation in your opinion?

And a big problem here is that the audience in this subreddit have come here precisely because they lack the ability to get laid or get a girlfriend, etc.

So coming here with that kind of inquiry is like going to a place where people ask for advice on how to fix their car, and asking them to explain the inner workings of internal combustion.

In order for newbs here to identify what's going on in seduction, they'd need skills that many of them don't have.... yet.

2

I went to the beach recently and I can't even recount the amount of men trying to hit on me......Various men stop to talk to me and, even after telling them I am not interested plus, I'm in a relationship, they hang around.

Why do men do this?

This isn't a justification, but men are often either lonely or they have come to define their self-worth as a man in terms of how often they can hook up with a new girl.

(This last part is why guys often joke about a wedding being like a funeral, because it spells the end of the guy "being a man.")

This seems to be a cultural issue.

3

I've never witnessed this behaviour from a woman to a man. I'm sure people would say it's a biological impulse. I googled and found this:

Couple things here:

Cultural expectations of men versus women are quite different, as are our norms of what "being a man" or "being a woman" means.
Culturally, it's often problematic for women to act as persistent as men might.
- It's expected for men to put in the effort to "win a girl over."
- Often when a woman puts in that kind of effort, the difference of that situation will make a dude feel uncomfortable, as if there is something wrong with the girl if she does this.
- A lot of dudes come on too strong already. That's why a lot of girls don't seek out more interactions persistently. There's a disincentive because of the perception that it might lead to more negative interactions than they already experience.
The idea that "people would say it's a biological impulse," is a generalization. A lot of people also conduct research into other factors, such as culture. This has been the case for decades, ever since the whole "Nature vs Nurture" debate.

4

I feel like sometimes these men are so emotionally unintelligent and unable to grasp my mood.

As a woman, you would not have direct experience being a boy who grew up among other boys.

That culture is different from how girls are among girls growing up and we all know it.

Boys enforce all sorts of behavior and ways of thinking of manhood as normal.
- "Men don't cry (except in very specific limited situations)."
- "Men don't need help, we get it done ourselves." Or some variation of the notion that we should try to do it ourselves and that needing help reflects some sort of failure. We see this notion in the stereotype that "men don't ask directions."
- Boys grow up often avoiding emotionally intimacy among their friends. (This is why some guys who have trouble just being friends with women later on; their notion of friendship is often more superficial so the friendship offered by some women that's more emotionally intimate, can be a bit confusing.)
Boys enforce the norms of "being a man" with all kinds of emotional abuse. This is not controversial. Bill Burr had a popular bit based on this aspect of male culture.
- It's super common for boys to relentlessly tease their friends for being sensitive.
- The problem here is that sensitivity and empathy are pretty important social skills.

So we already have a cultural explanation that more than accounts for the lack of empathy. Men spend their childhoods discouraging each other from developing such social skills.

When I was a kid, I was often bullied by my male peers because I didn't fit into the very narrow definition of manhood, though no one had the insight to realize that was the case. Instead, people just though I was odd or maybe gay.

Because I wouldn't accept the idea that "friends" would emotionally abuse each other that way. (Like what, I couldn't just relax and be myself around my friends? Fuck that.)

But most boys accept it and submerge their emotions and develop little, if any, ability to regulate or handle them. They don't develop empathy because they don't want to seen as pussies.

5

To believe that, no matter what, you must persist in this task.

Because manhood is defined for many guys, as the ability to get a girl. Whether that means sex or a relationship.

Have we not evolved at all?

Our culture certainly evolved this way. Or maybe we could say that it has failed to adapt as we moved from rural areas to urban ones which mix multiple cultures together.

Many cultures also had various ways of passing on the social skills needed to navigate one's way through dating.

Social partner dances often performed this function: many of the skills necessary to dance well, crossover with seduction skills.
Matchmakers used to exist in cultures that didn't have social partner dances.

We don't really have those things now and nothing effectively took their place.

6

TL;DR I wonder what the boundary is between seducing someone, being seduced by someone and believing you are being seduced by someone?

Seduction is a team sport, really. It's not like a unilateral thing that one person does to another. BOTH people participate when it's happening.

People just have their own preferences and beliefs about what they personally want it to look like when seduction is happening.

Some people like to be in a dominant role in seduction and others like to be in a submissive role, while still others want something more egalitarian.

egonzacuar · 2021-08-22T20:57:03+00:00

Isn't it also a question of the way men equate having sex with success and thus the insistent pursuit of it? I mean, why do people brag about how many people theyve had sex with? Yeah, I'd agree with it having alot more to do with a score-oriented masculinity than with genetics or testosterone levels.

reallygavin · 2021-08-22T22:55:09+00:00

I’m not, once I get shot down I stop tryjng

LeavingituptoBeaver · 2021-08-22T22:29:48+00:00

FYI: this situation has been unchanged for many years and likely will continue. What is not being said here is this… when men/women stop talking, complimenting you…. How men/woman feel about that!! Take each moment for what it is! That is a human you are talking with and hopefully they are being respectful and like manners should be the same. Women pursue men too!

Safe-Investigator271 · 2021-08-23T01:00:39+00:00

As a guy, it is better than going home and kicking yourself for not talking to that girl you saw at the beach

anoyingprophet · 2021-08-22T23:52:23+00:00

To begin, there are women who are persistent. I've had women approach me and keep on trying after I rejected, and many men are in the same boat. For the most part though, there are more men who are persistent than women and I think that just has to do with the fact that in general, men approach more often than women.

As far as why men are so persistent, there are different reasons. But one major reason is that, believe it or not, but persistence sometimes actually works. I've approached a girl before who used to work at my gym and she rejected me and told me she had a bf. I would see her everytime I was there because she was working the front desk and everytime I seen her I would still strike up convos with her just in passing. Eventually she got to know me, and suddenly the mysterious bf that was mentioned in the past no longer existed, and it turned out she lied about him because she wasn't interested at first. We ended up dating and she became my gf for a while.

I feel that this one experience where persistence worked out has stuck with me, and I now believe it can work again. Which is why I'm not opposed to being persistence. There is a fine line however. A man needs to understand when he's no longer being persistent and it's turning into flat out creepy. Even if the actions and things the guy is saying is t creepy, the girl might be extremely uncomfortable and become creeped out. This is why I don't recommend it for most people. If your social IQ isn't the highest, you might think you're being persistent, but you're actually just scaring someone.

So in conclusion, because of the small likelihood that persistence may work, many men, and even some women, continue to show persistence to those who they are attracted to.

haz__4 · 2021-08-22T23:58:42+00:00

I think there’s a couple of possible reasons as to why this may be. I think one is that, we KNOW that if we don’t initiate, we will end up being alone, women NEVER initiate.

Another reason, and this won’t apply to all men, is that they’re just desperate. They’ve been alone for so long that, when they get to know a woman, they can’t seem to let go of them. Sometimes you might see a guy saying he remembers a compliment a girl gave him two, three or even 10 years ago, because they barely ever get compliments. It’s the same sort of thing.

Edit: also because some guys can just be creepy

PeacockBiscuit · 2021-08-22T20:16:01+00:00

I should ask you a question. Do you really enjoy this kind of attention in your mind?

KruseTheKing · 2021-08-22T20:30:18+00:00

https://dilbert.com/strip/1991-04-07

roaringknob · 2021-08-22T23:27:53+00:00

I've never witnessed this behaviour from a woman to a man

You should pay /r/Nicegirls a visit then. Though of course you’re gonna see men doing it more often because in general, men are the ones who have to make the first move and start talking to women – since most women don’t. But I believe that the percentage of people who won’t take No for an answer are similar among both the women who ask guys out and the guys who ask women out. It’s just more guys asking out women in general.

Optionsmfd · 2021-08-23T00:35:27+00:00

how else are guys supposed to get with women..... without asking them in person?

online dating is 80% men and a waste of time for most men (90% of women only swipe right on top 12% of men from a tinder study)

Odd-Opening-3158 · 2021-08-23T00:45:57+00:00

Is this in the US or Europe? I'm curious. I've never seen nor experienced it in my life in Australia. People just don't go up and approach random women or other people. However, when I'm at a nude beach, I do get a few much older men approach me and I do get irritated because I just want to swim and nap. Younger men/anyone under 50 will never approach me.

IntroMystique · 2021-08-23T00:46:34+00:00

This is my take on it:

There seems to be this belief that men should be persistent or keep trying. “She’s playing hard to get”, per-se.

It’s a horrible thing and I’ve witnessed countless attempts by men trying pursue women who have absolutely zero interest in them.

This has always been my fear: appearing like a creep. So just like another Redditor mentioned, in my case too, it has caused a large amount of missed opportunities by simply overlooking “the signs” — not wanting to appear like a creep.

Interest can sometimes be difficult to read, especially from strangers.

crisdd0302 · 2021-08-23T01:05:46+00:00

No two women are the same, and no two men are the same either, so the cues you talk about IMO don't have that much importance, even though for you they might. As a man, if a woman tells me she's not interested that's the end of the conversation. If they don't say that point blank then I'll try my best to honestly get to know them and see if there's any compatibility, and subsequently try to see if there's a connection or a spark.

Many men can be emotionally immature, and so can be many women. The only way we can know a person's maturity is talking to them, because many people can fake being pretty, but not many people can fake being mature.

I met my gf this way, she approached me in a club, we got to talking and saw how compatible we were. Her group of friends joined mine, everyone went to my place, she and I quietly left to her place, had a one night stand, turns out she might be the love of my life.

That first moment when meeting someone, it can be everything!

Maabuss · 2021-08-23T01:33:10+00:00

Eh. Depends on the man. I would hope most understand the concept of consent, but I'm always appalled when that seems to not be the case.

My issue is I won't talk to women. Or men. Or children. Or.... Anyone. Lol. I'm far more comfortable behind my screen.

bubblegummybear · 2021-08-22T20:12:36+00:00

Innate desire to procreate with as many women as possible. It’s evolution baby!

13asky · 2021-08-22T20:35:29+00:00

Well depends on your place, where you live and how men are used to female attention and "closing the deal". If it's from a place where men are accustomed to approaching women talking their way through and it works, they will apply that logic no matter where they go. It takes strong hints for them to understand but just because you are tolerating and being nice to them by not saying get the fuck out of my face,they will assume that you might be a tough chick who's resisting or testing them and they need to try harder to impress you(push and pull method)and it's only matter of time or repeated rejections from you before they could figure out rhqt you hav no desire at all. Learn to enjoy the attention but not yield to it. Your attitude to the attraction is all that matters, attraction is a blessing especially in your prime. You would be a very wise mother in future and you would know pros and cons of this kind of attention you had when you remember a decade or 2 from now. Imagine if you haven't had this kind of attraction how would you meet a potential future partner. Be open to possibilities, So don't think hard just understand or analyze the nature but not question the nature. Because that's how evolution works like it not 😀

eazolan · 2021-08-23T01:30:50+00:00

Because there is no socially acceptable outlet to meet women.

You keep trying or you die alone.

TinkrrCrow · 2021-08-22T21:41:08+00:00

High functioning autism also makes people misinterpret or unable to interpret social situations.

"High functioning autism" means the struggles of autism are not visible, but it's there.

qclady · 2021-08-22T22:25:03+00:00

I call it Male Pattern Optimism.

ketzusaka · 2021-08-22T23:52:18+00:00

i just finished reading a book about testosterone, which might interest you given the google. it’s called “T: The Story of Testosterone, the hormone that dominates and divides us” by Carole Hooven — it also links lower empathy to higher amounts of testosterone.

i think it’s correct to think that biologically, we’re more predispositioned to make advances towards women; evolutionarily speaking, that’s what gives men their best reproductive success.

as for why do they stick around after you tell them you’re in a relationship? they’re just disrespectful men, in my opinion. at no point have i let whatever my biological predispositions are disregard the opposite sex’s comfort or relationship status. yeesh 🤦🏻‍♂️

bubblegummybear · 2021-08-23T00:22:42+00:00

It’s a combination of being emotionally retarded and clearly seeing your not interested and not registering and the other side of the coin is the whole “I like a man who is persistent” so when they hear “I have a bf” they think “that could just be a deflection so I’ll just try to carry on”

I feel sorry for women in this context. I think that if I was a woman I would be straight up and tell them to fuck off but then I’m immediately reminded of he fact that you have no idea who the dude is and if he is a psycho, so you can’t do that. And here we are, reading your justified frustration.

idrinkapplejuice42 · 2021-08-23T00:40:30+00:00

Some guys aren't socially aware and are too pushy, however women often try to brush you off immediately and as a guy you have a bit of success if you can just get through initial resistance and show them youre a cool guy that has something in common with them. Also though I often try to continue an interaction and end it normally if a girl tells me she has a boyfriend. I dont just walk away the second she says that, rather, I try to wrap up the conversation in a natural way.

Thereisnopurpose12 · 2021-08-23T00:47:09+00:00

Dude I need to recharge after going to the store and seeing people lol. Seriously tho.

SalesAficionado · 2021-08-23T00:54:28+00:00

Welcome to South Beach

pdawes · 2021-08-23T01:03:02+00:00

A decent percentage of men have compulsive relationships to sex (esp when it's the only socially acceptable form of intimacy in their lives) and basically go after it at all costs like addicts. Even if this is a small percentage, they're out there constantly spamming themselves at any woman they find, so I imagine that women experience them constantly. Also, especially in previous generations, emotional neglect is almost default parenting for boys, so stuff like social cues and reading other people is something that doesn't develop for a lot of guys, or isn't as advanced as it is for women of their age. Many of the dudes on this sub are here trying to fix problems of never having been shown how to socialize/flirt/connect with women, either due to deficits in their upbringing or more global issues like autism or social anxiety. You are going to get weird answers from a lot of them.

I have experienced many women, possibly ones who are dealing with similar issues, taking rejection very, very poorly and engaging in similar persistent behaviors towards me, but you are right in that I have never seen them walk up and do this to strangers. There is an enormous cultural difference there. I've never known anyone who catcalls, but my impression is that guys who do this are doing it performatively to feel manly tbh.

RegretsNothing1 · 2021-08-23T01:04:41+00:00

And to think most women will never be informed about what we men go through like you have.

Slomojoe · 2021-08-23T01:10:35+00:00

It's learned behavior throughout our lives as dudes that persistence pays off. The amount of games and tests that we have seen growing up and trying to talk to girls (no, not EVERY woman) has conditioned some of us to be this way. That's not to say you aren't putting out obvious signals. Some of us are oblivious, and some of us are just rude. I would say most dudes can get the picture, it's more of the pickup types that will ignore obvious clues,

TLDR; the amount of times "no" has actually meant "yes, but try harder" has warped our minds.

mcjon77 · 2021-08-23T01:11:22+00:00

Because if a man wants to go out with you he needs to actually ask you to find out if you're interested. The fact that men can't telepathically tell when a woman's interested in them or not with 100% accuracy it's not the fault of men.

In today's world, maybe one out of 10-20 women that a man approaches may actually be interested in him enough to date him. So a man is left with two options. Either approach the 20 women in hopes that one says yes, or wait until a woman's choosing signals are so obvious that he knows he has "permission" to strike up a conversation with her. If he chooses the latter, I absolutely guarantee you that he will miss opportunities with women that would have been interested but didn't give him the right signals and he will misinterpret signals of women who just want friendship as opposed to a relationship.

Personally I think that the only thing that some of those guys you mentioned did wrong was to continue to pursue you after you explicitly Express that you weren't interested. It's not good for you and it's not good for them. The moment you express this interest explicitly they should have said "thank you very much, have a nice" day and moved on.

If I'm interested in a girl I strike up a conversation and ask her out. Why? Because I learned from my mistakes. A girl I was super interested in but never asked out later wondered why I never bothered to ask her out. I swore that I would never make that mistake again.

ShadowPaladin10 · 2021-08-23T01:21:36+00:00

I think it is related to the amount of men trying to pursue a women without thinking about how to build something before. I think that many of these men just see a girl and approach them just to get their number or thinking she will want to hang out just because they asked and when they are successful after trying like a thousand times, they think it will work with the next one and so on. I don't know if I am wrong but I see it that way. I hope you can enjoy your free time the next time!

itachiman95 · 2021-08-23T01:54:48+00:00

Personally as neanderthal me self. Me have few suggestions. Maybe it because they claim they cannot control themselves when dudes just wanna be creepy. I kinda got called out on this recently and it really made me take inventory of my brain because some allow their blood to flow away from their brain resulting in their ability to think less. This is no excuse of course, it’s things i’ve learned about myself recently. These men need help in learning to take a hint

rockyroad25 · 2021-08-23T02:32:31+00:00

Not all men. Mark Manson talks about this in his book "Models" that there are two types of men. The first one is socially anxious men who have the fundamentals down and are very aware of social norms but are too afraid to speak to new women. They have a lot of social anxiety and most men fall into this category. The other category is socially disconnected men. These men are always oblivious to what others think and feel around them. This category of men have far less fear or anxiety and are oblivious to social cues. These men have little hesitance for action but they tend to do the wrong actions at the wrong times over and over and they rarely understand why.

fr0ntsight · 2021-08-23T02:36:01+00:00

Life must be so hard for a beautiful girl...

J/k ..That sounds really annoying and it's embarrassing to the rest of us who aren't so aggressive.. I'm sorry

Pbear4Lyfe · 2021-08-23T02:42:55+00:00

I am a man...I don't get it either. I've never been like that. If I want to seduce a woman, I listen to them and respond accordingly. I keep my eyes on her face. I might do one quick glance head to toe and give a little half smile to see how she reacts. See how her feet are positioned, check posture, what she does with her arms and/or hands. Don't brag about yourself. Try to avoid telling them they're pretty, beautiful, gorgeous etc. If they are, they likely know it and hear it all the time. Try to find a feature that isn't on her torso like her hair, smile, or laugh. If she has her nails done that's a good one. Guys don't typically compliment such things, but women get manipedis for a reason. They want people to notice. Try to find a creative way to compliment her. Not just you have pretty eyes. I hope I'm not being too forward by saying this, and I'm sure you hear this all the time, but I think you're eyes are absolutely captivating. Get a thesaurus y'all. If she's interested she'll let you know. If she's the shy type there are still signs to look for. It ain't that hard.

makdaddy63 · 2021-08-23T02:44:35+00:00

i'm not at all persistent, and i've been single for 10 years.

the guys i know that are persistent, get tonnes of girls.

also i think that a lot of movies sorta have the thing where the guy doesn't give up on the girl he likes and eventually she gives in and marries him and that's meant to be some romantic story

gangweedsavedme · 2021-08-23T03:37:21+00:00

You assume all of them were hitting on you, before and after acting uninterested. Youre also generalizing men as socially oblivious based off the men that decided to engage you, who didn't assume you were uninterested until you made it clear. Maybe extroverted people will continue engaging you, and won't assume youre uninterested until you make it clear. The way you described yourself gives me the impression that youre introverted, so perhaps this phenomenon can be explained by a clash of differing personalities in regards to social enthusiasm.

For example, another introvert would be less likely to continue engaging you, or approach you at all. Where as an extrovert would seem more interested due to the nature of their socially enthusiastic personality. It's also possible that they were extroverts trying to get to know and/or seduce you too tho.

kettlebell_workout · 2021-08-22T20:03:52+00:00

This is some kind troll post.

It is like 'Why birds fly?", or "Why women say one thing but mean another?"

In any case will give you an explanation:

You are attractive woman almost naked lying alone on the beach. So, obviously guys will want to chat you up.

There is a reason why muslim women have to wear hijabs and burkas. Any naked flesh or even slim silhouette of the women can make a guy excited.

McWhiters9511 · 2021-08-22T21:26:20+00:00

Biology doesn't care about anything lol. It just keeps on doing it's thing.

ORIONFULL23 · 2021-08-22T22:15:50+00:00

Some men don't know when a girl is not interested and they think that can change her mind if they are persistent enough ( which is not true )

ToiletLXIX · 2021-08-22T23:00:34+00:00

I blame Hollywood

aslimeysnek · 2021-08-22T20:41:56+00:00

Testosterone.

imnotyoursavior · 2021-08-22T21:14:53+00:00

Speaking as a male....men are dumb. We don't understand social queues or women's behavior until after 35 years of living, maybe even beyond that for some.

But the need for validation and constant urge to reproduce can cloud a man's mind, effectively shutting down logical thinking.

For example: If I see a pretty girl, should I say something witty? Should I just move on and wonder what could have happened if I did do something? And if she was kind enough to tell me she's not interested, but her body language made it seem like she was(I thought she winked at me) should I try harder?

This, along with knowing women usually don't pursue and do care enough not to shatter a man's ego, make it a delicate waltz in perplexity.

Not to say any of it is your fault. You don't deserve to be harassed for just chilling at the beach. You just may need to be firm but patient with most of us boys.

bubblegummybear · 2021-08-22T21:47:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rivetcitymayor · 2021-08-22T20:41:37+00:00

Here we go again

bubblegummybear · 2021-08-22T20:30:30+00:00

You hit the nail on the head. Go get yourself pumped with the same levels of testosterone as a man and you'll see the effects of testosterone real quick, increased libido and aggression. That's why alot of people neuter male dogs, not just so they can't have puppies but for the effects it has on it's personality. I'm not saying it excuses the behavior of some men, but maybe a little empathy can alleviate some frustration you have for us.

CoinTimeU · 2021-08-22T19:51:15+00:00

Can you blame them? I mean just look at you.

321gumby · 2021-08-22T23:33:46+00:00

You know how many girls approach guys.... Not a lot.. Guys have to be persistent. It's just the way it is.

teez_louise · 2021-08-22T22:13:09+00:00

Because these are not the type of men you should be entertaining or sleeping with. So good on you for telling them no... I tell this to my friends all of the time and I get the "NAHAHWH JUST bECAUSE SHe SAID SHE HAS A BF DOESNT MEAN SHE WONT GET GAMED AND CHANGED HER MIND" and it's fucking retarded.

Too many guys need to just fuck off when they are told. If you're not getting the results you want, then work on yourself more.

I'm a Guy btw.

Edit; btw stop researching the psychological and physiological differences between men and women. You're going to throw yourself down a rabbit hole that we as a human race do not fully understand yet.

iamcgome · 2021-08-22T19:39:26+00:00

Sounds like these guys did a bad job

PleasantSquare · 2021-08-22T20:58:13+00:00

I get this is unpopular but I see a lot of excuses in here. To me it’s not cool and guys that do it should feel bad about themselves. And it seems pretty easy to read the body language and know what to do. If she keeps walking away or speaking dismissively move on. The only things I can think is those dudes get some kinda power trip or worse it actually works for them sometimes. Idk not something I would do

WobblyEyedWalrus · 2021-08-23T00:26:50+00:00

There have been some great replies in this thread so far and many of them are the building blocks which make up the bulk of the answer to your question. I’ll provide one more block. Let me just include the disclaimer that although I’ve known quite a few men who have subscribed to this mindset, I am not one of them! This pertains to the part where you tell them that you are in a relationship. Some men are under the insane presumption that all or most women cheat. They convince themselves this is the case. Unfortunately, it seems that this tends to stem from experiences where these guys approach a woman to chat up, the woman says that they have a boyfriend and then still get with the guy after a little persistence. If this happens to a guy twice or more, it greatly enhances the chance that they will develop the warped perception that all or most women are willing to behave this way. Throughout my years, I’ve met a handful of dudes that have thought this way. Whenever they explained this line of thinking to me, it always made me smh, but there was no getting through to them.

llanojen · 2021-08-23T01:00:40+00:00

Because penis.

sadhak_x0 · 2021-08-22T23:57:45+00:00

Do you really expect us to have a sophisticated answer for you? If you have a nice butt, then you have a nice butt. End of report. Also, I call bullshit on all the "evolution" comments. Nobody approached you while worrying about procreation and the survival of the human race. I have never given a single thought for humanity while fucking a women. All I'm thinking about is what's the hardest spank I can land on her butt without going to jail, what will the next position be, and how many rounds will I be able to have before I collapse.

John_Dos_Passos · 2021-08-23T00:51:00+00:00

Two thoughts. The first is descriptive (how the world is and why you're experiencing this). The second is normative (how the world should be and how I think men should behave in this situation).

First the descriptive. Evolutionary pressure has made men and women sexually dimorphic and given them different optimal mating strategies. To oversimplify a bit, this boils down to the fact that women get pregnant and men don't. As a result, sex is biologically more costly for women than it is for men because women they are committing to a carrying a baby to term in a way that men aren't (again, I mean this in a biological sense and not a moral sense). Because sex is more costly for women, they have to be pickier in choosing their mates. And because women are pickier in choosing their mates and because sex is biologically cheaper for men, the optimal strategy for men to pass on their genes is to be bold and take lots of "shots on goal," to make a slightly crude analogy. All of the men who exist today are descendants of many thousands of generations of men who were bolder (sometimes annoyingly so) with women than their evolutionarily less successful male peers who didn't reproduce or didn't reproduce as much. This is part of the sexual dimorphism.

Now the normative. I think it's totally fair for men to approach you when you are alone, but they should abide by a certain etiquette and try really hard to read the subtextual messages you're sending. It's cool that in one of your responses you listed the hints you give to show a man that you're not interested. Men should spend more time trying to figure out what those hints are. I think men ignore them for a variety of reasons: they're selfish, awkward, slightly psychopathic/less empathy (men are more likely than women to be psychopaths and score lower for empathy in psychometric testing), lack of male role models, etc. I'm not sure how to fix that other than promoting new social norms for men that strike the balance between being bold and being considerate.

I imagine that if you were single and on the market you would appreciate it if an attractive man approached you and that you would find him more attractive for approaching you because it showed confidence. The trouble for men is that, upon approaching, we don't know if you are interested or single. Of course, as soon as we find out that you aren't, we should drop it gracefully and move on.

TLDR: Men approach you because it's adaptive (evolutionary advantageous) and they are annoying for a variety of bad reasons. Hopefully men and women can understand each other better in the future to reduce unnecessary emotional friction in flirting and courtship.

RainbowChardonnay · 2021-08-22T19:40:20+00:00

Go check out the sub Female Dating Strategy for tips on how to handle unwanted male attention

PurpleLightningart · 2021-08-22T22:05:25+00:00

If you have to ask this question, maybe you should retake a science class or maybe look into studying biology.obviously women aren’t going to be out thirsting like men are.

Fearless-Physics · 2021-08-22T23:47:43+00:00

Because they're not thinking.

SquirrelSuspicious · 2021-08-22T22:48:21+00:00

Because it works in a lot of scenarios, there are a decent amount of men/women who aren't loyal (based on rumors) and even after saying no a few times will still sometimes give in. Chances are a number of the guys you dealt with have either heard stories or experienced what they were trying to do working before so they figured it'd work again.

Vonebone11 · 2021-08-22T22:58:11+00:00

Do you believe in magic spells? Where will you be sunbathing tomorrow? I want to do the rings routine on you.

HistoricalReception7 · 2021-08-22T23:03:49+00:00

Because so many people on subs like this push "ApPrOaCH aNy WoMAn aT aNY TiMe; Be peRsiStENt. DonT GiVe Up."

spacenuts09 · 2021-08-22T23:18:09+00:00

Because most women operate covertly and are not as direct as men are. Especially in the US. I cant tell you how many times I have eventually gotten laid when initially the girl wouldn't even give me the time of the day. Ironically after the sex a couple of them would say they never thought we would end up having sex when I approached first. I am not sure where the line crosses into being annoying and harassment, but from my experience personally three times is the limit. I used to stop persisting after the third signal.

Also the signs that you listed are all part of what we call the "hot girl blase" in seduction with really attractive ones. That is how they react no matter what

Dzeko_1 · 2021-08-22T20:36:08+00:00

Can you tell females to stop asking for attention then act that they don't want it, that's including you!

Dustybootyboy · 2021-08-22T22:23:31+00:00

Unpersistent man here. My guess is that these guys are hyper thirsty and have been watching too much tv. The media makes it seem easy to turn women in relationships.

froze_gold · 2021-08-23T00:41:27+00:00

Meh. Got to hand it to the ones that see what they want and take a go at it. That's how it should be done.

Skyccord · 2021-08-23T00:58:17+00:00

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Hariharan_VN · 2021-08-23T01:26:28+00:00

sigma rule #7 don't listen to bitches complaint .

Rev_Irreverent · 2021-08-23T01:35:36+00:00

Sorry, i'm skeptic. I might be wrong, but your answers make you sound like a typical damaged, annoying misandrist, exactly the type many men avoid like the plague. I mean, i've seen many attractive, agreeable women who don't have a double bun to complain about the opposite point. I think you made up that story to try to prove an ideological point in a nonsensical way. Either that or you live in an extremely sexually repressed country. Please don't take it personal.

LiamHubert · 2021-08-23T01:40:04+00:00

First the evolution bs is false. Then look on the bright side. At least you have got their attention be grateful for that. In a couple of years you most probably won’t be complaining anymore. Just kidding. If you are beautiful and you don’t like the attention, maybe you shouldn’t go out so much.

entrepreneur92 · 2021-08-23T01:50:46+00:00

Wait till you're older, not many men will be interested then

prettydirtyboy · 2021-08-23T01:13:27+00:00

I mean the answer is obvious, men are animals and some are creepy, don’t understand social cues, or mentally ill. Until you find a way to intentionally avoid it I’m sure you’ll keep enjoying it. I don’t have the power to stop men from being scumbags

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2021-08-23T00:43:45+00:00

Ego. The human brain will fracture if trauma becomes too great. Testosterone in high doses is a polarizing chemical that propels men to be brash and uncalculating. Put those two forces together and you have a freight train that can't understand why it needs to slow down for the bridge out up ahead.

pnceng · 2021-08-22T23:33:11+00:00

I'm sure your current dude started out as persistent and had he given up too soon, you would have wrote him off.

The wedding ring is the single sign of she is not available. Dating has no universal symbol....for every 3 women that say bug off....there are 2-3 women that would cheat....men are damn both ways, so persistence is one tool we understand.

Nothing personal put a sign out that states I'm taken Fack Off....

WeirdgeName · 2021-08-23T00:33:09+00:00

Im sorry this happens to you. It probably has something to do with mens nature, as you said, and as well as just societys influence. Women do this too, but in my opinion this only really happens when they‘re really in love with someone, not just strangers. Where guys more so do that to complete strangers that theyre really attracted too. There‘s also the part where women usually won’t approach guys, so you’ll rarely ever see this happen in public. More so happens in private where a crazy ex won‘t leave you alone. This is just my experience, could be total non sense so take it with a grain of salt.

I oftentimes don‘t even wanna approach girls because I dont wanna make them feel uncomfortable or cause them to just give me a fake number because they‘re afraid I won‘t take a simple no. There‘s also some girls that like when guys chase after them if that makes sense. Wether they simply enjoy the attention or they want to see how far someone is willing to go to make you theirs, some women do that. Maybe even some men, who knows.

philblock · 2021-08-22T23:22:45+00:00

I have been always curious about human nature. With regards to women, I am almost always right. My best friends are amazed some time. For example when we go to our pub. We play the observation game for fun since we are all married we no longer chase women when we go out we just catch up and randomly pick out 5 women to watch them either reject or accept the men that presue them that night. I won’t go into how I learned it but I’m not only undefeated I am almost always right.

Sketchy19 · 2021-08-23T00:21:49+00:00

I think a lot of the ponies are already made but also i was point out that social skills, aka intelligence is learned, so we don’t learn unless we try aka practice. It’s one of those things where it’s expected for us to be pro from the beginning but are shamed or shunned for trying to learn or get better because we’re not at the perfect level yet

NewCommonSensei · 2021-08-23T00:45:49+00:00

Well the opposite of trying is never getting laid lol

OneTaoThree · 2021-08-23T02:13:33+00:00

Higher testosterone (in males) and lower emotional and cognitive empathy are traits typical of psychopaths.

belachewhm · 2021-08-23T02:37:48+00:00

Men have to be persistent because most women will not initiate the dating process. The most a woman will usually do is give a man cues or hints that he should proceed in hitting on her, and frankly those are almost impossible to read correctly

SaltoDaKid · 2021-08-23T02:37:50+00:00

Most dudes stay around cause they need girl see who they “really are” and see how much of “nice guy they are”. Dude are always creep, it’s in nature of most weirdos get the girl by any means. Which why if they don’t leave I say take picture of them and tell them you will send this to your cop dad if guy keeps harassing you. Or call a friend and say hey I’m calling my boyfriend he should be on his way back.

Artist-in-Residence- · 2021-08-23T03:35:27+00:00

Well because, man or woman, being persistent often gets you what you want. The vast majority of people don't even understand nor know what they want, hence this gives you a perfect opportunity to convince them of what they should most desire.

There is a soft no or a hard no. A soft no invites dialogue and conversation, and most of all, persistence. A hard no takes a little more patience and strategy, a willingness to be more humorous and get the other person to drop their armor.

People who are persistent also tend to be emotionally intelligent, understanding the intricacies of human psychology,

Elevated testosterone is correlated with criminal behaviors- an inability to access the higher functions of the frontal cortex as elevated testosterone is linked with direct access to the amygdala bypassing the analytical functions of the frontal cortex, not that they lack empathy.

So I have to say, you are wrong on all counts.

cryptiiix · 2021-08-23T15:41:32+00:00

The more I read through this thread and see OP’s responses, the more I’m convinced she’s a literal cunt.

Title	Why are men so persistent?
Author	bubblegummybear
Upvotes	148
Comments	258
Date	August 22, 2021 7:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/p9j8d9/why_are_men_so_persistent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-are-men-so-persistent.1277787 https://theredarchive.com/post/1277787

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