Would you date a single mom? Why or why not?

midwesternMD · 2022-01-19T02:19:02+00:00

Hard pass.

1) 90% of the time, single mothers’ dating profiles include something to the effect of “my kids come first.” Of course they should. But you just told a guy that he can never be first. As a single guy with a demanding career, I don’t want to deal with that.

2) kids complicate things. Babysitter cancellations, baby daddy late to pick them up/drop them off, got into a fight at school, sick, etc. Any one of these things can throw off a date. Why would I want to plan a date only to have a significant risk that it would need to be canceled because of kid issues?

3) Baby daddy. He will always be in her life. As he should be in a coparenting situation. But that means that what remains of her attention, after the kids, is split by me, the ex, her friends, her family, etc. And the ex-factor is just a giant minefield. One that I’d rather not navigate.

4) for those of us who might (or do) want to have kids of our own, we’d be looking at first time fatherhood like an honor. She’d be looking at motherhood like another chore. Well maybe not. But it wouldn’t be as special as her first pregnancy.

I am a fairly successful guy. I work hard and earn a very healthy salary. But my leisure time is somewhat limited. I’m not going to choose to date someone with even less leisure time because finding overlaps in our schedules would make things practically a nonstarter. So I don’t. And I do just fine. If I weren’t doing fine, well, I’d have to think about it.

Now if you’re talking about dating as in casual dating/FWB, single mothers are fair game. But for a relationship? Not for me.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2022-01-19T01:22:17+00:00

Define "dating." For me, they're good for casual or FWB because they have their kids usually keeping them from demanding too much time.

So, often I'll get a text at 930pm saying, "the kids are in bed. Wanna come over?" That, or they only have weekends or every other week free so it's good for a part-time lover. And, if they ever stalk you then all you have to do is threatened a restraining order and they back off so they don't lose custody of their kids.

Their kids are actually good leverage against craziness. Just my opinion from experience. Never had to do the RO thing though. But, it's a tool in the tool box.

Slootando · 2022-01-19T01:39:57+00:00

LOL, single mothers are a "fucking no, dude" for me.

Why bother with single mothers when you can go with girls who haven't been encumbered with some other guy's spawn? Men with options will not want anything to do with some man's kids, nor single mothers.

Single mothers are leftovers. All else equal, her body will be worse, her dedication will be worse, she will always be attached to the guy(s) who knocked her up. She will likely always despise you on some level for being a low status male willing to date single mothers.

nodegreenoknowledge · 2022-01-19T01:03:39+00:00

The kids?

I think we shit on moms but we don’t actually admit that it’s more the kids than the woman.

I was raised by a single mom and lord fucking aye, I would have DEFINITELY disrespected a guy telling me to do shit cause he was fucking my mom.

Dudes don’t want to deal with kids who don’t listen. And when your not their father, they probably won’t.

Let me clarify this now: I love my mother and she is more than amazing but a kid is work, especially for young cats who are 25 and have never even babysat.

NockerJoe · 2022-01-19T01:06:23+00:00

No. I'm not really ready to he a dad and even if they say you aren't the odds you'd never be around their kid for the entire duration of a successful long term relationship is basically nil, and expecting me to just ignore a kid who probably needs a male role model so you can get laid is really fucked up.

John_Oakman · 2022-01-19T02:11:57+00:00

I'm not financially/economically good enough yet, maybe in about 12 years or so...

Future_Omori · 2022-01-19T02:34:29+00:00

I can’t even legally drink

SyndicatePlus · 2022-01-19T03:34:41+00:00

Only if she is a Widow.

throwinout · 2022-01-19T03:44:05+00:00

A single mom in her 20s (which is my age range) is a HUGE red flag. A girl with multiple children at that age is basically only fit for a simp. It provides clues that she may be bad relationship material or at the very least has horrible sense. Maybe I'll get more desperate once I get into my 30s and 40s once my T levels start dropping. That is my reasoning for why older guys tend to be more simp-like.

zerofeetpersecond · 2022-01-19T15:39:25+00:00

What women need to know is that men who want children see your first child as highest honor. Why should we give you more for less? Most single moms have kids with scumbags, give the best version of themselves away, and then expected a Prince Charming , that’s a terrible deal for men.

Barneysparky · 2022-01-19T01:53:07+00:00

I would not date a single parent with kids at home if I was looking for the person to start my future with.

However if I wasn't looking to settle down a single parent who was not looking to start a future together, but was looking to go on dates and get out and have fun together once every few weekends with sexy times, talk during the week and be the person you tell about that thing that happened today without having to commit to would be ideal.

I know because I was that woman for three very nice wanting to get married men around turning 30. We had a great time, I was even invited to weddings. They were all 28, two out of 3 were married soon after.

However guys with zero relationship experience. No.

JollyRoger66689 · 2022-01-19T02:05:09+00:00

I made the mistake of getting serious with a single mom with multiple baby daddies once (I was out of dating practice after a few years and made the rookie mistake). It became clear towards the end and especially after the break-up that she was looking for a sucker to help raise her kids (she even proposed to me lmao) and all the sweet nothings she had said kind of meant nothing.

If I ever decide on having a kid I'll just have my own, the older I get the more that primal instinct kicks in and raisng another man's kid seems like a ridiculous notion when im not even sure if I want my own (logically I don't think I do, but damn the species instinct of procreation).

Although casually dating a single mom is a different story (if you don't fall for them hahaha), its a walking sign of a woman who more than likely is above average in sexuality and apparently makes bad decisions...... perfect for the casual.

sine120 · 2022-01-19T04:06:34+00:00

Nah. In the case of the same woman competing against herself without kids, the kids will always lose. For dating, it's time, money and attention she can never invest into her romantic relationship.

The baby daddy situation also represents potential drama I'm not interested in, and in general I question the judgement of people who are having kids with people they're not intending to stay with. I get things don't work out sometimes and I don't fault anyone for leaving a bad relationship, but having a kid in one is a pretty big error in judgement IMO.

DrinkItInMan11 · 2022-01-19T04:45:32+00:00

No, absolutely not. I don't care if she's a unicorn, the perfect match and woman for me, the moment she says she's a mother I'm out, no questions asked.

I'm not looking to be a father to someone else's kids, no way, I'm not even looking to be a father in general. Single mothers are an instant no.

MalePsychopath · 2022-01-19T01:36:41+00:00

I would not date a single mom.

They are worse than childless women in every possible way. But, at the same time, a relationship with a single mom is much more difficult.

So dating a single mom is like paying a premium price for a damaged good. Nah

kyjolski · 2022-01-19T05:03:20+00:00

No, because I dislike kids and don't plan on having any.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2022-01-19T06:38:14+00:00

As in any other group of women, there are some good single mothers out there and then you have the bad ones. The downside is that they already have children.

So if you offer me a date with a single childless woman and a date with a single mother, I'm going to take the childless girl every time, hands down.

I would date a single mom if I'm intrested in her beyond what's normal for me though. But honestly? I wouldn't plan to stay around for long.

I would agree to have a FWB thing or a non-commited/open relationship with one though.

bonjarno65 · 2022-01-19T07:36:51+00:00

If I was a single father and our kids were similar ages, it would work quite well. But otherwise it just wouldn’t for many reasons others posted here.

I would say that this phenomenon of people dating similar people to themselves is very common.

Itburns12345 · 2022-01-19T17:59:22+00:00

1) as a single mom it means the guy you wanted to have a baby with cleared off meaning A) you use to like scumbags which means you may secretly may still wanna bang one and just want a decent dude to do all the other bf duties, a step up from friendzone with minimal sex thrown in.

B) you drove a good guy off even though you have his child thus theres very possibly a toxic/crazy side we havent seen from you yet.

C)you used to bareback and love that partygirl life hence the lil accident..cant make a housewife outta hoe.plus you may very well have stds.

2) you simply will not have the same time or energy as a non mum , arranging meetups to get a proper realtionship off the ground will be tricky.

3)you either will have a toxic relationship with baby daddy which means drama for me or get along fine with them which of course will cause doubts about fidelity when they are around.

4)the kid/kids will not respect their mums new man and often shel insist only she can put them in check thus theyl be utter brats

5)often have to help out financialy for someone elses kid and in time will be forced to give up free time for the kids activities

6)a break up after enough time dating a single mum will hurt doubly due to growing attached to the kids

7)if she can have a kid then leave the father once she can do it again, any guy will want a girl they can picture something more solid with as a potential mother of their kids.

PutthegundownRobby · 2022-01-19T18:50:06+00:00

My belief is that people should only have children with their partner to whom they are married. I don't believe in divorce in general but especially not when childten are involved. Children need a family. They need their biologocal mother and father to be together, to love one another, and to set a good example. Life has its up's and down's and to be good people we have to stick it out through the hard times. I am not going to choose a partner who doesn't share these values. I can let a lot of things slide but not this.

If the father is passed away that's different. If I were wanting to fill a fatherly role and a widow came along I might consider it.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-01-19T01:03:52+00:00

I would not date a single mom (or dad if he was in that position) because it takes a lot of effort to build a strong relationship and a single parent with kids is distracted, unavailable, and has different priorities than me. Similarly to why I wouldn't date someone who still lived with their parents, that shits a mood killer.

rkoll45 · 2022-01-19T02:07:49+00:00

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fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-01-19T04:05:37+00:00

I assume for the same reason lots of women don't want to date single dads. Or even divorced men with kids.

People don't want the hassle of taking care of someone else's kids. Or they just don't want kids. It's not rocket science.

Cheap-Pound7001 · 2022-01-19T06:07:00+00:00

Never. 1000 reasons.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2022-01-19T07:20:40+00:00

Possibly but probably not. It's my belief that adults should put the family first, then the marriage, then their spouse, then the children, then themselves. I don't see single mothers as being able to do that.

6gpdgeu58 · 2022-01-19T18:29:51+00:00

As a childfree dude, probably if she agree to never make me the dad. I can play with the child once in awhile lol, but I'm not signing up for babysitter in exchange for sex(well, maybe yes, with a good exchange rate).

If we stay together in 5-6 years I could help her more, but that is because I want to.

So basically if you're pretty and can handle the dating and the kid, yes I will. But I don't actually see many capable of that in real life.

Yes, your kid come first, but if I come second don't make me reschedule my gaming time to accommodate you. You'd better be very nice to me if you ask me to help or following your crazy schedule.

2022-01-20T09:29:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Infamous-Breath1043 · 2022-01-20T12:00:16+00:00

lemonwitchprince14 · 2022-01-21T04:14:21+00:00

Yeah I would. There’s no reason for me not to 🤷🏼

THExBEARxJEW · 2022-01-22T21:56:37+00:00

I paid thousands of dollars out of pocket for a vasectomy so I didn’t have to deal with kids. So no.

Vtridolla · 2022-01-19T01:07:04+00:00

I was raised by a single father, I might if the woman and I had a really great vibe. I wouldn’t try and be step dad though unless things got mad serious down the line.

CosmicBioHazard · 2022-01-19T13:20:29+00:00

I'm unwilling to invest any resources into raising a child, if those resources could be better spent on children who carry my genetic code. Simple as.

There might be other reasons depending on what the individual single mother's circumstances say about her as a person, but that's the constant across all of them.

Maleficent-Brief-178 · 2022-01-19T14:17:46+00:00

Personally I think you should reverse the question

Would most women date a single father of course the answer is quite easy Yes but we would want him to to be able to handle his responsibilities financing and time accordingly and independent from us

And if he is looking for someone to financially emotionally or physically support his responsibilities then the answer is probably no I think the same logic applies to men as well as we do live in a time of equality

The problem most men have is that they are not prepared to emotionally financially or physically to take on the responsibility of raising a child and a lot of single mothers are looking for someone to take on this responsibility causing a disconnect between single parents(mothers) and the dating market

2022-01-19T18:52:03+00:00

By “single mom” I am assuming you don’t mean a widow or a divorcee (though the latter raises its own questions), but a woman who had a kid with a “boyfriend” or at any rate outside of marriage?

If this is the case HARD PASS. Overwhelming statistics show that a child raised by a single mother will fare far worse in every conceiveable life outcome vs. children raised in a stable married household (there are anecdotal exceptions I am sure). When you have a child they are the center of your world and your legacy. You want to give the em every opportunity imaginable. By bringing a child into a single mother situation you are immediately handicapping them. I could never date someone who does that to another human being, esp. a baby who never asked for it in the first place.

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KingWhoCared86 · 2022-01-19T01:09:14+00:00

I’ve had a couple flings with single moms before and they turned out pretty bad. But the reasons had nothing to do with them having a child. Both had issues with substance abuse and promiscuity that I found out later and it was best to get out of the relationship before things got worse. Overall, I think now my hesitance to date a single mom again has more to do with my own mother projecting dating standards on me than my own personal feelings.

Embarrassed_Union_96 · 2022-01-19T01:57:54+00:00

No. I’m not interested in learning about a whole other person. Even if mom kept things separated until she was ready to introduce the kid(s) into the dynamic, I still don’t want to go through the motions of building a relationship with the kid(s).

If mom is a low value person who lets her vices control her, the vices will also transfer ambiguously to the kids via influence. That transfer will be a coin flip of either mirroring mom’s faults, or, being more grown up than mom. When dating people with a kid, their worst sides can hide until you see them in their parent role. Not going to take the risk of going that far in just to walk on out.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2022-01-19T02:25:49+00:00

What do you mean by dating? Casual, FWB - sure. Have a family, raise kids - surely no. I am single dad and don’t expect a woman to want to marry me either, until child will be 18 or something.

cantwifeahoe · 2022-01-19T02:50:33+00:00

I’d casually date one but I’d never commit

SuperSupremeKai · 2022-01-19T04:28:24+00:00

Things get even worse if you consider the reason as to why she's a single mom. Most here would assume that she was divorced or became one by choice, but what if she was widowed?

We'll have to deal with the kids and her feelings for her dead SO.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-01-19T05:30:23+00:00

Maybe, it depends on a lot of factors

If it's more than one kid, the answer is probably no, if it's just one kid it would depend on how old the child is, their own temperament and disposition and personality, etc.,
Why are they a single mother?

If they are widowed, I would think about it

If they're a baby mama, no

If it's because of divorce, more than likely not

Where is the father and what is his relationship?

If he dead or just straight-up not in the picture, Maybe

If y'all are on good terms and can co-parent without any drama and bullshit, Maybe

If this motherfuker is crazy or some kind of asshole, my life is too peaceful to deal with somebody else's baby daddy drama so that would be a no

Ultimately I would not advise a guy to get into a relationship with a single mother but we know some guys are hard-headed so best case scenario something like what I laid out here

Bandit174 · 2022-01-19T05:32:39+00:00

No, that's one of the few things that I consider a complete deal breaker. On the flip side a single mom probably wouldn't want to date me either so it nets out.

techr0nin · 2022-01-19T06:25:06+00:00

The obvious answer is the kid(s). Why invest time and resources into another man’s children? And even if that’s not required, you would not be the priority in her life. It just seems like a bad deal all around unless it’s just a STR and you are getting things at a discount.

I guess one potential case is if you are a single dad and want to build stable environment as a blended family together. But that shit is tricky as hell and difficult to get right.

throwawaythawne · 2022-01-19T07:24:58+00:00

Not unless I myself become a single father. If I have to put up with all the struggles of dating a single parent, then so does she. That's equality.

1962_beta-simp · 2022-01-19T07:51:24+00:00

No. Never. Only if she is 8 digit wealth and no prenup type i'd think about it.

ogsimpology · 2022-01-19T08:35:38+00:00

No. That's too much for me. She'd have to be THE woman for me. I can't risk getting to know a kid, then exiting his life 6 months after

BruddaMSK · 2022-01-19T09:09:47+00:00

Yes but she has different plans.

just_a_place · 2022-01-19T16:26:05+00:00

For me it depends 100% on the type and sort of mom that we're talking about.

If it's some crackhead with a baby that she never feeds HELL NO.

But if it's a feminine mom who just wants a man in her life then I would be interested and also if she can still have more kids so if we get serious she can have my kids as well and build a family.

I am going out with an older woman right now who is also a mom and her kids are about my age but that relationship is more of a fling and a FWB. We are not intending on having any deep relationship or anything we are just enjoying each other for the moment as lovers and friends.

Murphysmongoose · 2022-01-19T17:16:46+00:00

If you have a kid, or are wanting a kid, it's fine.

If you already have a kid, and are in that kid's life like a parent... Then a single mom is more likely to be understanding, and conducive to you making family time with your own kid.

If you want kids... Then you can see how she is doing on her own, on hard mode, as a single parent. If she can handle the stress, and the kid doesn't pretty much live with grandma- she is proving that she can handle being a mother.

Women tend to change after pregnancy/motherhood... So you can see how compatible you are with this changed person, not blindly wait to see if she goes cray cray or frigid towards you afterwards.

DarwinianKEKistani · 2022-01-19T21:09:33+00:00

Dating? Like going out for dinner and having sex, sure... everytime.

But if you mean dating, like in having prospects to marry her and her children. Never.

Although I would say this: Only if her husband is dead due to some natural cause or accident, not caused by his behavior.

yupyupyuypypn · 2022-01-20T09:05:26+00:00

Yes if I liked her enough I would actually

sprang_wasdjkl · 2022-01-20T19:51:28+00:00

As a casual/FWB thing, sure.

But for a committed relationship? Probably not. I have no desire to be a parent myself and I feel like it's naive to say that you can be serious and committed to a single parent without taking on some parental duties yourself or having extra work in the relationship to deal with kid challenges.

Plus I feel like affections are always divided - "my kids come first". Of course they do, and they should. And I don't want to be second, third, or fourth place when they'd be my first place. It's just a mismatch.

And random spontaneous vacations or easy date planning goes out the window entirely. You're on someone else's schedule.

And sex is more complicated.

Khanluka · 2022-01-21T01:01:18+00:00

I would But it would depend on how she became single and how many childeren.

Like if someone has 5 kids with 5 different fathers that a hard no

But if someone has 1 kid and the father died in a car crash or due to work medical reason. I see no probleem in dating a single mom.

hermetickingdom3 · 2022-01-21T23:11:13+00:00

I'll date a single mom but she needs to know that I don't care about her kids one at all (unless if they're from my cousin or something)

I am not there to date her kids or to be their babysitter. If she wants to have a kid from me then fine, I'll make an exception.

hermetickingdom3 · 2022-01-21T23:12:04+00:00

Do I get to raid her pantry for fruit snacks and Capri Sun?

Crushed_95 · 2022-01-23T02:08:24+00:00

In the hood back in the 90s that was all that was offered was single mommas so I was just banging and not trying to get serious with none of them and always protected my sperm. When my career started to florish while in my mid 20s I bumped into this pretty young thing 5 years my junior that had no children so I wifed her up for the next 20 years. Now we're going thru the divorce process! Lol life boi I'll tell you!

Mike3433 · 2022-02-16T05:29:15+00:00

No. I was (kinda) raised by a single mom. So I know how it is for her. But even as young guy, I know I'm not ever gonna be up for it.

They have "different" responsibilities and I'm half willing to drop everything and live somewhere else for an unknown amount of time.

She has a (for lack of better word) baby daddy, who could any combination of important, scumbag, moot point, secret that she has to justify keeping from someone.

I could love this kid and want to raise them as my own. But its not my kid. She has totally parenting control. And I wouldn't argue with that.

I don’t want a kid hating me. Kids can be cruel and I wouldn’t blame one for thinking me scumbag taking advantage of their mom. I especially wouldn't blame them if I'm the umpteenth guy in her life. Kids notice more than they're given credit for

I’m selfish and need emotional connections and validation. No man-child. But relationships involve supporting each other. But her priority will always be her kid. And sometimes love is finite.

I could be wrong about these. And it's a case-by-case scenario. But overall, it’s a high risk with low chances of her being worth it. God bless the couples that work but it’s not for everyone.

redstargazer · 2022-06-30T14:15:29+00:00

As a single parent myself (husband left me for another while I was just over 4 weeks pregnant with our only child), I think the question should be phrased differently: “How do you define the concept of ‘family’? What does being a ‘mother’ or ‘father’ mean to you?” Your answer to these will most likely lead you to finding your perfect answer/s to the question, “Would you date a single mom?”

Title	Would you date a single mom? Why or why not?
Author	divingrose77101
Upvotes	11
Comments	166
Date	January 18, 2022 1:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s6x6gu/would_you_date_a_single_mom_why_or_why_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-date-a-single-mom-why-or-why-not.1096907 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096907

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