Do men care less than women about being found attractive/desirable in sex and relationships?

Sad_Top1743 · 2022-01-28T21:09:25+00:00

I’m a man and I don’t find a relationship with a women who doesn’t desire me satisfying. I think a common complaint from men is exactly that.

midwesternMD · 2022-01-28T21:21:44+00:00

To answer your question: we do care about being attractive, but whether we care more than women do is debatable.

I look for a partner that is into me about the same as I’m into her. Maybe some evenings she’s more into me, and other evenings I’m more into her. My point is, I want to be physically desired. Objectified, if you will.

But I’m also a man that already has the status/wealth part of the equation sorted out, so that isn’t something that I really think about actively. I just kind of live my life. I do what I want to do and buy what I want to buy.

I would argue that status/wealth does not afford me access to more women. At least not in online dating. Part of this is because I do not reveal my profession/occupation on my dating profiles. But in general, a swipe-based mechanism is going to match folks up based on raw, carnal, from-the-gut hot-or-not feelings. Sure, some folks read profiles. I usually do. But I expect that most don’t bother.

childish_badda_bingo · 2022-01-29T00:12:01+00:00

Similar I think to women, I’d prefer to be lusted for based on the quality of my character and personality. But the reality is lust is visceral and automatic. Almost entirely subconscious. The conscious mind exists simply to justify after the fact what the body has already decided.

When I’ve spoken with my buddies in long term relationships, the deciding factor seems to be unsolicited blowjobs. Oral sex from women to men seems to be a mate guarding and relationship incentivizer. Once those disappear, the apparent attraction and lust are gone. It’s an easy way to gauge whether or not to end the relationship.

ruboyuri · 2022-01-28T21:23:07+00:00

No they just know it’s more difficult because women aren’t men, so why try when you can deflect or complain?

lowlifedougal · 2022-01-28T21:33:18+00:00

Not anymore. they very much care more than u think. Men are adapting to woman’s mating preferences. they know mating is reverting back to a limbic or animal way as oppose to the older breadwinner monogamous way. They are “looks maxing” to the letter and they care about vanity almost as much as women.

This is why u see an increase in male cosmetics and things that make men appear more masculine. For example things like groomed beards and arm tats are some signals men send out to increase their “masculine” value . Don’t forget the hair replacement industry. Pretty much a man will have to be visually appealing to impregnate/have sex with an attractive /semi-attractive women and then he will have to very productive to keep her. This is partially the reason for the single mom epidemic…its not as if all these good looking guys are misfits or pump/dumpers… but in many scenarios a women sees him as having little value outside breeding…so a relationship cannot be sustained. U will see this: attractive female pump and dumpers;dad very optional.

U will see an increase of breeder class of men in the near future: men utilized just for breeding and sex. They generally wont be the highest IQ or be very innovative so modern women can generally out perform him. In fact the many traits that make a man an ideal breeder are often opposed to the traits that make him an ideal companion. ideally the women will be soo productive herself that she wont need the state to subsist her children. This is win-win for everyone.

U will see an increase of nihilistic / fatalistic men that cannot “looks maxx” their way into her vagina. Men that observe or detect that they have a genetic disadvantage in which they cannot improve above a woman’s min looks threshold will simply give up and bow out of the market.

Older/infertile women are a viable options for non-breeders as she can no longer leverage her beauty to attract a breeder class of man. I will suspect the older women would rather be alone than be with a subpar man, so u will see an increase of radical procedures to keep women looking as young and fertile as possible and u will see an increase of “companionship substitutes”. The idea is to attract good looking men for as long as humanly possible, then once the gig is up find a replacement that makes her happy or fulfilled

But to answer ur question in brief: they very much care, now more than ever- u can see it all over reddit

sarkington · 2022-01-28T21:57:01+00:00

Men here: lust is the most important thing! I won’t settle for less than pure lust based attraction!

Also men here: it’s so horrible that female attraction is based on lust!

It’s probably not the best standard/requirement to have, just saying

dogmeat116 · 2022-01-28T22:29:19+00:00

I want to be desired. That's why I work out (it's not the only reason, but it's an important one, even if few gym goers will openly admit it). I want to be seen as a sex object*.

I remember reading an article by a bisexual guy. His first time with another man was groundbreaking, cause he felt desired for the first time. Prior to that women would only say "you make me feel good". That doesn't make a man feel desired, it only means he's doing a good job. His ugly male body is merely tolerated as a necessary evil to satisfy the woman. Our culture regarding sex puts women at the focus. She's the attractive one, she's the object of desire. The man's sexuality is seen as a matter of skill, not attraction - he's praised for being good in bed, but not for being inherently attractive.

It really makes me feel shitty about my body. As if I'm trapped in a gross, dirty man's body. I want a culture shift. I want female gaze to be a thing. I like to see any signs of objectifying men in media - shirtless guys in ads, women openly lusting after male celebrities, etc. It makes me feel better about my body. Women, please objectify men more!

*yeah, that last sentence sounds a little extreme. Obviously, nobody wants to be seen only as a sex object. I mean a sex object among all other things.

philomexa · 2022-01-28T21:14:06+00:00

men: I NEED her to lust for me, or else I'm just being UsEd for BeTa BuX and then she'll cheat on me/leave me/cuck me for CHHHAAADDDD.

also men: when I turned 35 45 55 65 I'll have so much bux I'll just buy an 18 year old. Is she into it? don't cuurr, had sex.

I don't think men know what they want.

Bubbly_Taro · 2022-01-28T21:00:54+00:00

Men are taught they are nasty, filthy and inherently predatory. Most never really have been confronted with the idea that they can be attractive.

Then they also walk months without receiving any type of compliment. If people tell you that your new haircut is awesome, your sneakers great and your choice of attire on point you will be more likely to pursue these things.

-Giga- · 2022-01-28T21:19:14+00:00

I like your username.

Yes, they generally care or did care a lot less because for a long time, all that sexual socialism allowed men avenues to get the sex and relationships they wanted and needed. Womens orgasm are still an afterthought, if a thought at all

Things are changing and its not even changing bc women are telling men anything. Men dont listen to women

They are changing because by losing that clown show tier of sexual extortion, I mean leverage, men today need to be liked.. authentically.. to get what they used to get. A whole lifetime of benefits for being a basic functional adult. (U know, so called high standards)

Male beauty is more relevant to men now because its a metric in which they compete. Some of them want to live like Chad but get mogged by Homer Simpson

And with tech and social media being so prevalent in every avenue, with it only expanding, with men being able to easily pick up female adoration and opportunity across the globe off of looks

Even the most bitter copers amongst them are acutely aware of how much looking good helps them

Too bad that some of them only hear whats said in circle jerks so they focus on what sexually arouses other men despite being straight

A few clever betas and below are running "men written by women" game and I can't be mad at that lol.

Obviously when Chad does this, he's cleaning up. At least Red Pill has that balding meerkat-in-the-face clown and his FASD buddy Pumba (Fresh and Fit lulz) to tell them how to be hawt

MarBitt · 2022-01-29T03:03:43+00:00

When I was single, I hardly cared about my appearance. I didn't find myself attractive, but I didn't see it as an obstacle either. So I was surprised when girls told me a few times that I am handsome or good looking. I've always had enough interest from women but I didn't associate it with my appearance.

In a LTR, I want to be attractive to my wife. But I'm still not very interested in what other women think of my appearance.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-01-29T03:44:15+00:00

I wont be in a relationship where we dont want to F the crap out of each other.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2022-01-30T15:04:56+00:00

I think men care but stuggle to do anything other than project their sexuality. I've heard men say they wish they were women so that they could be desired. Men feel they can't be feminine, sensual, pretty or sexy. They think that's a woman-only zone but it isn't.

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-01-28T20:55:50+00:00

I can’t speak for all men but from what I have seen on PPD I would say that a lot of PPD men care less about being found attractive. Many recognize that women may not be attracted to them and they are not willing to do anything about that. They blame it on genetics, try to point to some photo of a random man online that is jacked but not great looking as an excuse not to go to the gym and be fit.

Yet these same men expect women to put hours of time into their physical appearance.

I think they are leaning on the hope that in their 30s/40s abundant wealth will come to them that will lead them a plethora of women to their door.

Talktomehudson · 2022-01-29T00:01:48+00:00

Men want a relationship with someone who loves them romantically and sexually and wants them only, would NEVER cheat, is honest, and is interested their hobbies/interests, even if they have no interest in those hobbies themselves.

Most ( sane) guys if they had this would not really care about dress size, ( within reason)or about where they are on the hotness scale of 1-10.

Guys will talk big shit all day about looks and small waist big ass etc. But when it comes down to it, we want the same as women do. Someone who looks at you THAT way, like on the sub where it has animals just mirin their owners.

It’s just hard to find, and it should be.

Red Pill/FDS has become popular because some people can’t accept that this might not happen for them.

And it might not. But that’s what everyone wants. If they are honest with themselves.

No cap.

It’s just hard to find

LotBuilder · 2022-01-28T23:52:03+00:00

Women like fun. Fun costs money and takes time. Men that have time and money (fun) are much more attractive than men that don’t. A 6 that is fun (aka has time and money) is more desirable than a 8 that works 70 hours a week and can barely pay the bills. Just like a female 6 that is fun, kind, sweet, giving and great in bed is more desirable than an 8 that is a miserable bitch.

Money and/or status bridges the looks gap and gives the man an opportunity to build real attraction. You can’t build attraction and overcome any shortfalls if the girl won’t give you any time and shuts things down from the start.

And those of you that don’t think attraction can be built over time… wonder over to the sugar daddy subs where you see girls falling in love with their sugar daddy’s all the time. Many with large age gaps.

Or you also see it in small niche groups. My friend started a running meet up group. He’s a 5’5 140 lbs ex college cross country star. In a night club he has zero status but within that group he is very high status and he is sleeping with a bunch of attractive mid 20’s ex college runners. None of these girls would want him if he did a cold approach at a bar but when they meet him in the scope of his excellence he is highly desirable. He is not rich, he teaches at a high school.

I have another friend that is a private pilot. He is extremely average looking and makes 6 figures but that below average money for our area… however he has access to private jets and many of his clients pay for his hotels, etc and will allow him to bring a guest. So he can ask a girl is she wants to go to Scottsdale, Vegas, Miami, NYC, etc for the weekend in a private jet. When it’s freezing cold in SF and he’s offering a weekend at the W in Scottsdale where it’s 85… As you would imagine, most of them say yes. He is knocking out stunners every weekend for the cost of a few meals. He would not be dating women at that level if he worked a boring job that paid the same.

back_in_blyat · 2022-01-28T20:52:43+00:00

I could care less how actually attractive someone I was just hooking up with thought I was. Obviously I would like them to, but if that was a deal breaker prostitutes would not exist.

For relationships it is 100% necessary for me to be found attractive. I want to have great sex, and I want you to want us to have great sex, and I want you to never think about cheating on me. Raw attraction is undeniably necessary to avoid dead bedroom at best or infidelity at worst.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-01-28T20:55:58+00:00

I see a lot of posts here that seem to equate a woman’s value in relationships with her beauty, and men’s with status/wealth.

Well, that's just people being sexist. Men can have value without wealth and woman can have value without beauty.

I think status and wealth have very little impact on attraction for most women. Women may exchange sex and companionship for a luxurious life and improved status of their own however.

I agree I think a lot of woman who go out with wealthy men that don't have much else going for them just want the luxurious life

For those who do want a partner who loves and desires you, what kind of weight does that carry in partner selection?

Well, I don't do hookups or short term relationships so a partner that loves me is absolutely required

awaythrow1234588 · 2022-01-28T23:30:00+00:00

Is this not the story of most celebrities , most of them wouldn't of had the partners they had if they were not famous.

A men could have a great personality but some women would not care to find out since the guy has no status

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-01-28T21:22:27+00:00

I mean when a woman lusts over you, there is nothing like it as a guy being with a woman who can't keep her hands off of you, molests you in public and private, etc.,

I think for most guys it's not that they don't care about not being found desirable and attractive, everybody wants to feel desired, especially by their significant other but as I often say men see women as sex objects and women see men as success objects so it's not the number one priority, not to mention so many men just don't get complimented in general that it just kind of is what it is and that mentality carries over in a relationship

FPSzero · 2022-01-28T21:12:34+00:00

I think us guys just know we are not the beautiful half. Women are admired for beauty, men are admired for what they can do. So we should maintain a good image, but I don't think men should obsess over their physical appearance, as being on their purpose will usually be a more attractive trait.

I'm sure not everyone shares this idea, but I subscribe to it. That's why many working men can turn on a woman.

figuringMylife · 2022-01-28T22:43:52+00:00

yes. if men cared about it, they would do it. simple.

Any_Championship_654 · 2022-01-28T23:23:36+00:00

I can't speak for all men, but if a woman I'm with doesn't find me sexually desirable, that's a deal breaker, whether that's a hookup or relationship, even if she still fucks me for some other reason. If I somehow find out she finds other men more sexually attractive, whether her exes or strangers, that's also a deal breaker. I think lots of men here agree, otherwise nobody would have a problem with being the provider beta bucks hubby.

I see a lot of posts here that seem to equate a woman’s value in relationships with her beauty, and men’s with status/wealth

That's more of a traditionally 'blue pill' point of view.

It seems like a common belief that men who do not have access to attractive women can achieve access through improving their status and wealth.

Yeah that's due to lack of options, not because they prefer it that way.

I think this is true but the key word is access, women who are not romantically or sexually attracted to a man without wealth and status will not become attracted to him after it is achieved. I think status and wealth have very little impact on attraction for most women. Women may exchange sex and companionship for a luxurious life and improved status of their own however.

Agreed minus the status thing, I'm still unsure about that, seeing as women go for men of status such as celebrities, even for just one night and with no hope for a piece of the pie.

Personally for me as a woman a large part of relationship and just pure sexual satisfaction is mutual attraction

Agreed completely. Ironically when I brought this point up on a relationship subreddit (different account) I was downvoted to oblivion.

Do men find relationships and hook ups with women who are not attracted to them satisfying?

I'd rather die alone.

For those who do want a partner who loves and desires you, what kind of weight does that carry in partner selection?

It's the single most important thing to me when choosing a woman. The second most important thing being how much I desire her in return.

tejasboi210 · 2022-01-28T20:51:08+00:00

Not sure how old you are, but this will be the standard for the rest of your life. So make money and these hoes follow. It’s simple….

Vtridolla · 2022-01-28T22:30:23+00:00

I like looking good for my partner. Hell just looking good in general is big for me.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2022-01-28T23:10:07+00:00

I’ve been very successful in life and in romance. A woman’s success never really mattered to me until my last relationship. 5 year LTR and I was paying for most things. It created resentment. So, find a woman that supports herself. She’s strong and independent now.

skunkbear444 · 2022-01-29T01:12:50+00:00

The number one bullshit thing for men that is starting to finally be talked about and ended is when you ask a man about another man's attractiveness and he denies about how to judge it because it's gay or he never gives it any thought.

Men should learn and be frank about judging other men's attractiveness in their own minds so they know how they compare. If they don't know look at the popular male celebrity crushes of the types of women you want to date and look around in public and your social circles to look at the type of men those women are flirting with and going after.

Women judge each others' attractiveness constantly. Men need to understand how they stack up. I will tell you my more handsome, well put together, assertive male friends that do well with women definitely know exactly how they stack up and how other men stack up. These guys are always looking at other men for styles to steal or even fun gestures, or lines.

MILFBucket · 2022-01-29T04:25:24+00:00

I care in the sense that it's a requirement for serious effort on my own part. This might be more of an ego thing than a sexual turn-off, per se, but I consider myself above one-sided pursuits and will always return a cold shoulder in kind. But when a sexual encounter is transactional in some way or another, I'm perfectly capable of compartmentalizing my sex drive and detaching it from my ego. I have the privilege of various other routes to satisfy the latter. It's the tender touch of a voluptuous woman that has always been scarcer in my life, and I have always regarded it as an end in and of itself.

cuckspace · 2022-01-29T07:43:33+00:00

Many of those men don’t know what it feels like to have someone physically attracted to them, so they just assume that’s how it is, that women are not as sexual and need to be compensated for any sexual act. They don’t know any better.

For me it’s the only thing that matters in sexual relations. I didn’t experience it until mid-twenties and it has only increased with age, not because of increasing worldly status/wealth (I’m not socially powerful or rich), but because I take good care of my body and age/experience gives me an inherent advantage, given that I also stay in shape.

RottingVillain666 · 2022-01-29T08:00:31+00:00

I don’t feel the need to be desired nor the need to belong. I could be living alone and friendless or being hated or avoided by anyone, wouldn’t hurt me in the slightest. If it wasn’t for my bf or my friends to have popped out in existance when i was doing my business outside and crossed paths, i would be doing what i do often: work, gym, reading, videogames, mma and finance.

TheElusivePeacock · 2022-01-29T13:29:31+00:00

They say they do. But considering how prostitution is a thing and there’s usually men on PPD screaming we need it legalized so men stop chasing women, I’m going to say nah. Paying a hooker is pretty much a sign that you’re very sexually unattractive. But tons of men are willing to do it. Or I guess we can say some men are so desperate to get their dick wet they being considered attractive by the person they’re fucking means nothing. Having a partner who wants to be having sex with you means nothing. Having mutually satisfying sex means nothing. So yea a lot of guys here say that, and maybe for them it’s correct, but I doubt sex work would still be work if that was true.

Complete-Temporary-6 · 2022-01-29T16:09:35+00:00

I want to be found unattractive and undesirable.

AggroWeasel · 2022-01-29T16:13:34+00:00

Being very physically attractive is the second most important qualification to me, second only to kindness.

I wouldn’t consider a relationship with a woman I didn’t find beautiful.

RealNiceLady · 2022-02-13T00:45:04+00:00

Do men care less than women about being found attractive/desirable in sex and relationships?

No unless she is an escort or rape victim.

EdessaKandros · 2022-01-28T21:00:19+00:00

As a woman, I do prefer men with status and wealth. I think most women prefer these men especially for LTRs. I want a provider and a mans good looks doesn’t pay the bills.

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livs4dietdrpepper · 2022-01-28T20:56:51+00:00

Hmmm not sure if it’s just a stereotype but it sure seems like it.

If I found out a guy I was sleeping with wasnt actually attracted to me, and just wanted “pussy”, I’d be upset. I’m sure it’s happened but it’s kinda an ignorance is bliss sort of thing for me

It seems like if a guy found out a girl slept with him even though she wasn’t attracted to him (I think this is rare anyway) they’d still be just happy it happened and chock it up to having great game lol

Sure it’d sting but, I don’t see it having quite has powerful an impact

Substantial-Toe3879 · 2022-01-28T21:26:13+00:00

I feel more secure with bigger women. The skinny women I'm always worried about them cheating. I guess it's my insecurity because I'm not tall

skunkbear444 · 2022-01-29T00:57:05+00:00

I think what is left out of this is that for almost all very successful and wealthy men their confidence overall rises and dgaf attitude. Even if it is a more uptight or dorky attitude it still is more confident, their time is valuable, don't take shit more which in itself is part of that boss attitude a good amount of women are attracted to because it projects some power.

nedinator3000 · 2022-01-29T11:39:32+00:00

Yes. We care less. We care more about being able to defend you and provide. We still want to be desired but looking pretty isn’t our job, it’s yours.

Title	Do men care less than women about being found attractive/desirable in sex and relationships?
Author	glowupresearch
Upvotes	26
Comments	105
Date	January 28, 2022 8:49 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sf0cl1/do_men_care_less_than_women_about_being_found/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-men-care-less-than-women-about-being-found.1099196 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099196

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