When talking about divorce laws, the solution is often offered "marry a wife who earns the same or more"...but what about the mommy track? Can't force someone to work even if they agreed they would previously, and by taking the mommy track the woman will benefit financially in divorce.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-02-21T19:38:50+00:00

You can divorce her when she decides that if that's a problem for you. It's not like this decision is usually made out of the blue though. But if she's sacrificing her career to look after your children, don't be surprised if divorce law makes you pay for the services she's providing. They'd make her pay the same if you took the daddy track, maybe you'd prefer that instead?

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-02-21T19:23:19+00:00

I really don't think it's common for a woman to unilaterally decide she's going to be a SAHM despite protests from her husband. But yes, if you'd be more than right to divorce if that's a big enough issue for you.

Secondly, if you don't want to get married, than don't. No you don't have to, and the only people who may care would be your mom and your gf.

CatchPhraze · 2022-02-21T21:29:47+00:00

If you don't want your wife burdened by her motherly instincts then don't marry a woman with strong ones.

Men who value woman for being good doting wives/mothers shouldn't be offended when she's a poor career woman and vice versa. Don't be surprised when your career woman treats you like a roommate.

Most women aren't triple driven like that and neither are men. Choose the traits you value and build your life around the strengths of each partner and divorce is much less common to begin with.

sarkington · 2022-02-21T19:24:46+00:00

Men often don’t ask for primary custody or can’t prove primary caregiving. And yes, it is biased due to prevalence

The solution? Same as for women — provide evidence. Apply for paternity leave, tell your boss and colleagues you are cutting back and why, decline that promotion/overtime, put your name on that minivan title, know the names of your kids’ pediatricians and teachers, take the kid to the ER, enlist your family and friends, do the school drop offs and parent socializing, all of it

DonQOnIce · 2022-02-21T20:53:27+00:00

Life is just a series of decisions we make when weighing the possibilities and probabilities. If you are uncomfortable with the reality that you’ll never be able to control anyone but yourself, then you absolutely shouldn’t get married.

JCSledge · 2022-02-21T20:58:55+00:00

“The mommy track” comes with a high opportunity cost that isn’t addressed in OP. Especially for a person with a career, losing that income for the full time job of being at home.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-02-21T21:09:25+00:00

Don't have kids. There issue solved

Kids SHOULD assume financially risk for BOTH of you.

NorseSaga · 2022-02-21T21:12:29+00:00

You can equally change your mind and quite high paying job and do some low paying hobby thing. Lol. Woman has no guarantees you would not do it

DivineDaedra · 2022-02-21T20:10:22+00:00

Straight up if it’s a concern for you but you want to get married, go for a pre-nup.

It’s not for everyone but neither is marriage in the first place. You should never agree to something you aren’t comfortable with. If she’s not comfortable with a pre-nup but it’s a requirement for you to get married, you can call things off or just not get married at all.

Child support will be a thing regardless of marriage, so it won’t help there if things go wrong.

Divorce is absolutely weighted against men in the majority of situations. If you aren’t willing to risk getting screwed over for the potential rewards of a legal marriage, there are other options.

Presenting marriage to someone who can pay for themselves as a solution really only helps in avoiding alimony and even then it may not guarantee success depending on the lawyers involved.

If you feel the need to prepare in advance for the relationship to end further down the line, make those preparations. You may face judgement and more difficulty in finding someone to marry, but peace of mind should be part of a fulfilling relationship.

jeriatricmillennial · 2022-02-21T19:32:01+00:00

Then don’t get married. Or pay a daycare to raise your kids instead of having a trusted partner/kids mother do the heavy lifting in the parenting. Is the “mommy track” not good for the kids in any way? 🙄

purplish_possum · 2022-02-21T19:57:29+00:00

Don't marry them until the kids are in school full-time.

Sorcha16 · 2022-02-21T20:55:56+00:00

You already know my opinion 🤣.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-02-21T21:56:41+00:00

So what should the guy do...divorce his wife right after she's given birth when she says "no actually I'm going to do the mommy track"?

Yes...? Seriously, why is this not an option? If I told my husband I want to quit my job and insist that he pay for all my shit, he'd leave me. He doesn't want a financial dependent.

aerial_coitus · 2022-02-21T22:05:12+00:00

the only solution is not to get married.

Fit-Faithlessness149 · 2022-02-22T02:49:45+00:00

This is definitely true. My ex-wife worked and earned on par with me until we had kids. Staying at home with the kids made her go insane. I pushed for her to start working again which she resisted against. She then proceeded to cheat on me and we divorced with her getting alimony for a couple years.

Bendetto4 · 2022-02-22T09:05:30+00:00

Thats why you do what I do and marry someone with large tracts of land.

NorseSaga · 2022-02-21T21:09:45+00:00

Just don’t get married and don’t have kids. With such a toxic mindset you must not do any of that.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-02-21T19:21:44+00:00

If you married someone that agreed on both parts working after having a baby and they then decide they sort want to work anymore ans youre not comfortable with that you can just divorce them.

Non lifetime marriage, which is marriage today, is thus a grubby resource extraction scam meant to maximize women's benefit.

What benefits?

AquaChip · 2022-02-21T20:07:57+00:00

If you’re so worried about it don’t get married.

gibdegg · 2022-02-21T20:31:36+00:00

Agree. Logic is solid.

ruboyuri · 2022-02-21T20:34:32+00:00

Mommy track =/= SAHM

Quite the opposite, actually. You get paid less to do more

qclady · 2022-02-21T20:37:02+00:00

These decisions aren’t usual made early on. Everyone has their hopes and preferences but often life will dictate if both are working or one is home.

I started out with the intention to stay working after children and was also the high earner in the family. Covid happened and we needed someone at home. My job was better for us to sacrifice because it was easier to replace when I returned to work. Since then my husband has taken a higher paying job with a very difficult schedule for us both to be working so I’m still at home. Now our projection is to have me hone for another 5 more years.

Things rarely go as planned.

tiposk · 2022-02-21T20:26:06+00:00

As the only earner in a marriage where the woman unilaterally decided to quit, you are the gatekeeper of the resources. You can stop giving her money and do your own purchases for food and childcare items. If that doesn't work, then divorce will.

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freespirit1963TJ · 2022-02-21T20:43:34+00:00

I agree with some of what is commented on, the angst that I have is, people know (or should know it's 2022 after all and over 50% of marriages end in divorce) the consequences of getting involved are. I believe that the societal and religious norms drive both parties (in many cases) to marry. Although there are a number of us who look at the institution of marriage, and all that surrounds it, with a less than discerrning eye, hundreds of thousands still take the plunge.

pyrotechnic-looter · 2022-02-21T21:15:05+00:00

Or….. how about not getting married without a signed prenup agreement?

Oh but then there could be mo debate about how unfair various laws are?

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-02-21T23:42:15+00:00

So while it's acknowledged through the regime of no fault divorce that it's acceptable in society to end a marriage any time for no reason or any reason, men disproportionately face a Sophie's choice of having to pay through the nose for the crime of changing their mind, while women, as disproportionately the lower earners, benefit from changing their mind under the laws of divorce favoring lower earners.

In my state which is a Bible Belt state, you actually have to show proof of trying work out your marriage , have to be separated for an extended amount of time if you have children before filing, they actually call this the cooling off stage if a incident has transpired within the marriage, statistically if people are going to try to work it out they're going to try to work it out within 90 days after an incident has transpired statistically , and you have to show proof of trying to reconciliate without success before being able to file. It's not a simple process , state tries to make you jump hurdles before you can file.

Then if you live in a 50/50 automatic custody stage you can't even push a divorce through until the parenting plan is set in place and implemented , divorce is not easy by any means and I don't know why people make it like it's a simple process, it's not a simple process , the state doesn't make it easy.
The state would prefer if people stay together so that's why they make everything such a delay with time.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-02-21T23:50:48+00:00

Well just saying for instance because working with pediatric patients, A lot of the time there are parents that both have worked from the beginning, but then a baby is born with some kind of genetic anomaly , cancer etc and one of the parents is forced to stay home with the one child until the age of 18 ,and you can't foresee that, it's just something that happens you can't guarantee anything.

throwaway715123 · 2022-02-22T00:05:12+00:00

What about daddy trap?What about man child trap?Men can refuse to work after marriage and divorce rape women too. Why is this gender specific?

Wildhouse83 · 2022-02-22T00:09:09+00:00

No marriage, no cohabitation, no kids = problem solved.

LotBuilder · 2022-02-22T01:06:03+00:00

You need to find a woman that generally enjoys working, and enjoys her career. Helps if she has a career that she can re-join after five or six years if she wants to stay home with the kids for a while. The women that never go back to work usually don’t have a skill set or a work ethic so then they make the argument that they care cost more than they can make.

md8716 · 2022-02-22T07:31:55+00:00

Bro, not even gonna lie, for most people, marriage is just flat out not worth the risk. It takes a certain kind of man and a certain kind of woman.

But man, when it works, it fucking works.

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