DO NOT USE DATING APPS

iainmf · 2022-04-20T11:26:21+00:00

This post has been removed because:

Rule 1: Submissions must be about men's rights issues. These should fall into one of these categories.

Discrimination against men

Issues that disproportionately affect men

Problems that prevent men's issue being addressed

Posts about other issues that have some relationship with men's rights should make it clear what that relationship is. These should be self-posts that explain the connection to men's rights.

2024AM · 2022-04-19T01:17:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Introvert82 · 2022-04-19T00:10:30+00:00

Men outnumber women 5 to 1 if I remember correctly on dating apps. It's a sausage fest deluxe. You might have some success if you are above average good looking. But expect to waste A LOT of time before you get anywhere. Also don't pay for anything, it's a waste of money. The algorithm is designed to squeeze money out of desperate dudes.

shit-zen-giggles · 2022-04-19T03:41:16+00:00

To everyone: Please watch this

The Tower of Tinder. Who stands at the top?? / Tinder social experiment compilation.

also take a look at the other videos uploaded on this channel

glodde · 2022-04-19T01:53:11+00:00

I had one girl describe it to me as "a buffet of dudes"... While on a date, and she just wanted to be fed. With that in mind, always take them out for coffee or drinks first. Don't waste your money on first dates for dinner.

xplodngKeys · 2022-04-19T00:25:12+00:00

I guarantee you're putting in too much effort.

Ask them out within 10 messages and only message once or twice a day when you're taking a shit.

TesticalDefibrillate · 2022-04-19T02:47:28+00:00

Dating apps are pimps selling women to men.

klouted_pollo · 2022-04-19T04:28:21+00:00

Dude I’m goodlooking, charasimatic, allat. Dating apps are terrible for men unless your a celebrity or super duper rich. Don’t get me wrong I used to get matches and met some gals but it took relentless EFFORT and time just to get them. Dating apps SUCKS for MEN of all backgrounds. Always meet women face to face in person

SomeLo5er · 2022-04-19T00:54:48+00:00

Dating apps are designed with women in mind, it’s also designed to make money so it forces men to look at a paywall before attempting to do anything else the app has to offer other than going through profiles and even that’s limited. If you truly want a good laugh my suggestion would be to sign up for free tinder and read the pathetic profiles of desperate single moms and below average women looking for love while they only target top tier men way out of their league.

ThumpingBump · 2022-04-19T00:04:25+00:00

Most dating apps just validate that looks are a person's most important trait when this couldn't be less true.

mikesteane · 2022-04-19T00:06:57+00:00

I make good money

That's something you should keep quiet about. If that is your draw card, don't complain when you find it's what she likes about you.

Reddit1984Censorship · 2022-04-19T00:00:27+00:00

I support this message.

anonuser637373 · 2022-04-19T05:06:53+00:00

Dating apps are a waste of time and money

OofOofOofOof1776 · 2022-04-19T06:27:19+00:00

i mean i use grindr and it works great /j

Txinthishoe · 2022-04-19T15:14:18+00:00

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yoitsericc · 2022-04-19T01:46:08+00:00

My dating profile just reads:

"This app is stupid. Change my mind"

I take the results about as seriously.

AnalystFormer9448 · 2022-04-19T02:55:17+00:00

Don’t worry, i never planned on using a dating app in the first place.

PQKN051502 · 2022-04-19T08:28:55+00:00

We need to focus on more important problems instead of chasing thots.

Men nowadays care way too much about dating. Why can't you handle being single?

I am not saying this in a judgemental way. I am saying this because I want we men to get better and improve.

You don't need love to live.

brenthonydantano · 2022-04-19T14:50:59+00:00

Lex Fridman had a software Developer (I believe) who worked for a major dating app which would not be named. He spoke of them being the first to develop and implement the "chasing the dragon" approach to milking more sales and boosting user engagement.

What they do is, take the bottom collection of performers' on the app and engage those user with bots, whose accounts are written professionally and feature photos of paid models to engage with said user thus boosting their confidence in themselves and as an extension, the app. The bots then essentially "ghost" these men, the app drives up targeted advertising to the user and offers discounted rates in some cases and hey presto, Mr High Hopes down on his luck turns over as a paid customer.

Thus, you've converted a user who was at risk of leaving your service to a paying customer - and the cycle, fucking, repeats.

The guest then went in to tell that once word had got out that they'd developed this method of driving sales AND catching at-risk users before they leave, to this day, every known dating app is using such a strategy.

There's an awful fucking lot of darkness behind the curtain these days. It's sickening.

trapezemaster · 2022-04-19T15:25:14+00:00

Don’t worry about it. Toughen up but stay sensitive. Remember that no one owes you anything. Give less fucks. Try to meet friends, not go on dates. I think I just met someone super special (this is an understatement) after years enduring dating apps. Omg she’s great 😊 Be curious, don’t take anything too seriously, and accept that you don’t need ghosting in your life. That makes it easier to say “fuck it” when someone does it. When messaging, all you can really do is be genuine and throw it into the wind and see what happens. Focus on yourself, always be a gentleman, and good things can happen.

squiddwardshouse · 2022-04-19T19:50:55+00:00

A lot of gaslighting and deception going on in this thread. “It works for me when I ask out after 2 messages, blah blah…” No. It doesn’t work. A typical conversation goes:

“Hey” “Heeeyy” “I thought you were cute and swiped to get to know you” “Ok” “So, what kind of things are you into?” “Like, food and music lolz How tall are you?” [gives answer]

Ghosted.

legend0102 · 2022-04-19T04:58:07+00:00

I used it and only got matches with trans and ugly women. Not once an attractive girl. Most didn’t reply messages. That shits a torture.

I tried to redpill a friend about tinder and he called me a bad influence and bad for his mental health lol. A Tinder simp.

WartimeDad · 2022-04-19T02:14:58+00:00

It seemed to work for me. Obviously my match rate was extremely low and most conversations lead to me getting ghosted. But, over time, I met many women of all different ages and ethnicities and interests. It’s a jungle.

welshwelsh · 2022-04-19T00:24:52+00:00

I don't agree, dating apps work and they are fine

Contrary to popular belief, your looks don't matter on dating apps. Your photos do, and so does your profile. It might take many attempts and a considerable investment of time to get good photos, because photography is an art form and it isn't easy or simple. When I was dating I spent every Saturday taking photos, it took a couple of months before I had profile pictures I was proud of but it paid off.

pielok · 2022-04-19T00:52:37+00:00

hit the gym fine.. but where will you meet women?

Huge_Faithlessness35 · 2022-04-19T07:18:03+00:00

Dating Apps is literally straight up looks. If you aren’t the top best looking Male on the app you will not get matches you might get lucky a few times but you must remember you are competing with literally thousands of men and literally hundreds of men that are direct messaging the woman you want. So even if she responds to you it might be her looking for validation. At the end of the day it’s better to just go out and meet women if you want a higher chance of success..

Ok_Machine_681 · 2022-04-19T09:39:25+00:00

Dating apps are not a game for the average man. Women have a platform to select and choose men like a toddler sorts pokemon cards in there. I see it as a degration of myself by participating in this shitshow. Better chances by keeping clean, presentable, well dressed, worked out and taking my chances in the real world.

Training-Celery3946 · 2022-04-19T07:03:15+00:00

Fellas… Women literally only use dating apps for validation, that’s it, they even admit to it. I’m sure I’ve had over a thousand matches over the few years I’ve used it, and I’ve only hooked up with about 5 of them lmao. You wanna get laid, go to bars.

2022-04-19T05:24:07+00:00

Why go to the gym for access to vagene or cold approach women when you can #JustGetADoll? Sex dolls look better than many of the women on dating apps and much of the girls that you may want to cold approach are already on Tinder anyway, plus working out should only be because you are unhealthy, you enjoy it or you hate how look you look, not just so that you can impress people. Besides, getting ghosted on isn't just an occurrence that is causally connected to online dating apps. You can cold approach, pass shit-tests and everything and still get flaked on or ghosted. Dating apps just bring this more to light in a concentrated fashion.

lord_ma1cifer · 2022-04-19T06:06:29+00:00

Dude not true im average at best in looks and certainly overweight but I carry it well as far as that goes, the only thing I've got going for me is im slightly above average in intelligence and most importantly confidence. Just go in prepared fill out your bio, and do a little googling on how not to come across as a dink while doing so. Take some decent pictures, not just selfies but of you doing things being around people etc. Don't pretend to be something your not and be genuine people can sense that even in a message. And to a certain extent its a numbers game the more chances you take the more opportunities there are to strike up a convo. Lastly for the love of God dont just say "hey" or "whats up" or some line be unique and creative even if it ends up being dumb or corny it will be attention getting most guys don't bother to do that for real! Don't be afraid to swing for the fences either say something to a woman you think you have zero chance with what's the worst that can happen?

Maximum_Emu_6748 · 2022-04-19T04:52:14+00:00

Just gotta keep looking or switch gears. Cause if every chic ain't clicking with ya than it ain't them that's the problem. If ya above height and look hot then they swiping but ya chatting is shit they ain't gonna stick around. Ya know?

ystinus · 2022-04-19T05:47:53+00:00

Does dating work out for you otherwise? I’m not a big fan of dating apps either, but I think it’s still a bit onesided to say they are only designed for women. First of all they are designed to make money.

jackedtradie · 2022-04-19T09:42:44+00:00

Below average looking guy here, average height, decent body. Years ago I racked up 100s of dates on tinder over 2-3 years. Now it’s much harder. They’ve changed.

It’s minutes out of your day. It’s worth a shot. Just don’t be too hung up on it. Don’t expect anything.

Also, I hate this shit on a mens rights sub. It feels incel. Not getting a date from online dating isn’t a mens rights issue. No one owes you a date.

Cassial · 2022-04-19T09:21:44+00:00

"Two hours into a conversation and then get ghosted." I mean this in the best way possible but that's entirely why you're getting ghosted, you're doing it wrong.

Any match you're remotely interested in you should be immediately trying to escalate with a brief chat for her contact info, get the fuck off the dating app garbage chat platform ASAP. And then keep escalating towards meeting up (notice I didn't explicitly say "date" ).

I've had a ton of success the past few years since the bullshit pandemic lockdowns started, simply going from the dating apps to my personal favorite - just get her to do a zoom chat. Skip the date bullshit, nobody pays, saves everyone time, and gets straight to what you want, a real face to face conversation, in the comfort of your own home. Afterwards, I've always been able to just invite my matches straight to my house and can honestly say I've had sex with every match that's come to my house, usually the first time.

I do agree with a lot of your points that these apps are absolutely designed to squeeze money out of you, especially if you're feeling low about your matches and self esteem. To all of this I think it's more healthy to view the apps like a form of light gambling, or as a supplemental way to meet women. I do agree with the sentiment of get off the apps and meet women irl instead as well, because these things can be huge time wasters. Again, the "healthy way to view it" in my experience and what I tell new guys making their profiles - this is literally something you should only be doing when you absolutely have nothing better to do, aka do your free swipes a day while taking your morning shit. Or if you're waiting in a really long line or whatever. And if you only get one match a week maybe, whatever, outcome indepence.

To finish up and follow up on the gambling point though, sometimes you can get lucky, but you have to at least be willing to play in order to occasionally win. There are some other redeeming qualities I strongly believe in with these apps as well; your immediate location may work against you and the apps give you more options outside of your immediate location. Ex: myself, the town I live in, I'm very uninterested in dating most of the women nearest me. I now have the best girlfriend I matched with on bumble about half a year ago. We live in towns about 45 minutes apart, we never would've met if not for the logistics help of an app.

traveller1976 · 2022-04-19T09:24:06+00:00

I'd say they're good for casually fishing around if you have zero expectations. The quality of woman will also be near zero, but then again that's the case everywhere. Use it as a random pump and dump locator, with a one in million chance a woman of substance might emerge for further consideration.

AplusMMM · 2022-04-19T10:33:23+00:00

Out here dating apps are used to demoralize men.

Langland88 · 2022-04-19T10:57:45+00:00

Agreed, I stopped using the apps a long time ago. From what I understand most women go on there and get bombarded with PMs that it's never likely that you'll get a reply. It seems like that even the least attractive of women still get a good share of messages while the vast majority of men on there get barely any replies.

iforgotkeyboard · 2022-04-19T11:19:45+00:00

Welcome to sigma club buddy

Go for the grind

jophuster · 2022-04-19T03:28:07+00:00

Unpopular opinion lol

The Bible allows for polygamy. Society doesn’t want it preformed because it leads to a male dominated system. Read the Bible. Read up on biblical polygamy. Find a good woman. Teach her the Bible. Have her help you find another good woman. Have children with them.

Make money. Buy guns and land. Watch the world burn while you take care of your own

furchfur · 2022-04-19T08:33:33+00:00

Relevant here:

Has anyone ever heard of a "stay at home girlfriend"?

I am sure she is a strong independent woman!

Influencer, 25, who 'quit her job to be a stay at home girlfriend' flaunts her lavish lifestyle with her 'rich boyfriend'

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-10728743/Influencer-slammed-boasting-rich-BFF-lavish-lifestyle-takes-helicopter-Coachella.html

First comment is on the money.

2022-04-19T08:42:17+00:00

If you’re not at least 6ft+ don’t even bother with dating ups for your own mental health. It’s exhausting.

freerossulbrich · 2022-04-19T08:57:47+00:00

Sugar dating apps work for me.

Smart pretty women outnumber rich men by 10 to 1

AdamChap · 2022-04-19T06:31:28+00:00

Females don’t even give guys like us a damn chance.

Clearly we are different people.

I’m above average in height, average I’m looks and I make good money.

I'm average and broke. And I do alright. Barely spent a penny on a woman.

Deakysneaks · 2022-04-19T12:01:00+00:00

"Females", well thats a red flag. Maybe you are the problem do some reflecting and stop pointing blame, thats not a good look. Because it doesnt work for you doesnt mean it doesnt work for everyone, I met my wife on Hinge. Stop calling women "females". The fact that youve been called creepy is also a red flag, I doubt someone would call you creepy if you were polite in asking to go out.

Nerfixion · 2022-04-19T04:36:12+00:00

This post boils down to "if I can't do it there's no way you guys can".

Maybe its you OP.

undiscoveredmetal · 2022-04-19T06:59:31+00:00

You sound like you’re very lonely and would really like a connection with someone, which is a valid human need, however you want something to blame for this loneliness, which is just sad.

anonuser637373 · 2022-04-19T05:06:22+00:00

Move to Brazil. Problem solved.

SomeLo5er · 2022-04-19T05:24:40+00:00

If she thinks you’re ok, she will expect you to come up with the perfect pickup line and to be honest that is a coin toss. A very attractive man doesn’t have to be that original , funny or charismatic. Chances are that she will not like what you will say for some reason and will simply ghost your average self.

Also, there are too many sausages on dating apps so this causes women to be less lenient towards guys that come up with unsatisfactory pickup lines.

bblack27 · 2022-04-19T09:56:33+00:00

Very true.

Danpei · 2022-04-19T03:41:54+00:00

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Gbro24 · 2022-04-19T07:00:40+00:00

I met my current girlfriend on an app. It was rough going for a while but once you learn what you want and how to see any bad actors it gets easier. It's been about 3 years now so I'm not sure how things have changed since then. Even then she has admitted that I was the one that made it happen and that she was just having fun on the app and not taken anything seriously till she met me in person.

2022-04-19T10:14:11+00:00

Well I met my missus on rsvp. I found it to be very good. A few dud dates etc etc but no worse than other ways.

Beats trying to pick up chicks in a bar etc.

Slow_Hand_1976 · 2022-04-19T11:54:46+00:00

This whole thread is depressing. It may be fact, but it's still depressing.

elusiveclownface · 2022-04-19T11:58:33+00:00

I think it mainly depends on location. If you live in a big city you get a lot of matches. If you don’t you don’t get many.

I have never met anyone who found there partner on tinder so maybe they don’t work in the long run.

nourjen · 2022-04-19T12:13:43+00:00

From what you said, you actually got a chance with these girls but messed up. Idk what you messed up, but you messed up something. You managed to get a match, then a discussion that lasted hours or days before getting ghosted. So, your issue is clearly not the apps, or the algorithm.

PrimeWolf88 · 2022-04-19T12:21:19+00:00

I might have a unique insight into this here since gay dating apps don't suffer from a male/female imbalance as the heterosexual ones do.

I agree with the post title. The best thing you can do is stop using dating apps. You're fuelling the imbalance of supply and demand: You're an undervalued commodity and women have unrealistic expectations because there are too many men fighting for their attention, and they can therefore afford to be picky. Stop using dating apps and meet women in other places. These dating companies don't value you, and the women on dating apps are just picking the top 20% anyway because it's all superficial.

KnightScuba · 2022-04-19T12:34:33+00:00

You may not like them but they are fun as hell. You get to basically shop for women without all the bullshit. I'm average but overweight as hell and never had a problem. It's all in the conversation. I dont knowbthe apps you are using or your tastes but if you are hunting young high maintenance barbies good luck with that shit.

4chams · 2022-04-19T12:41:04+00:00

I met my current girlfriend on tinder and it’s working out super well.

Previous girlfriend I met online as well and that also went fairly well.

Sounds like a lowest common denominator type scenario.

jinladen040 · 2022-04-19T13:06:57+00:00

With dating apps, its a numbers game. It is easy to get frustrated. As a general rule, don't over talk, make plans to meet and only a few messages a day until then.

funnybillypro · 2022-04-19T13:09:13+00:00

Hey OP. I'm sensing a lot of pain and frustration. I talk about sex/dating for a living and even help people with their online dating on the side.

Would you like a (free, duh) second opinion? Maybe I can take a peek at some message exchanges and help identify what might be going wrong.

Dating apps can (and do) work. I'm far from a model—my body type is Orgy Alternate. But they've worked well for me for a decade. Don't let the frustration turn into entitlement and anger. HMU if you wanna chat.

mercersux · 2022-04-19T13:24:18+00:00

Dating apps in regards to women tend to be VERY predatory. Not all but I'd say it's a coin flip. They paint this picture it's one sided thing but couldn't be farther from the truth.

caem123 · 2022-04-19T13:52:20+00:00

Approaching during the day is the best.

It takes some practice, but over time you can become comfortable starting conversations with strangers.... then women.... then women you would like to date.

I became very good at this in my later twenties. I'm still good at it. But i don't use it for dating. (I can get free rides from strangers, though, often for 30-40 miles).

rainbow_bro_bot · 2022-04-19T14:38:11+00:00

If you aren't in the top 10% of hotness, then forget apps/sites and stick to meeting women offline.

Shrodingerscarbomb · 2022-04-19T14:48:11+00:00

I’m a bartender and one of my coworkers is an IT guy that makes over 100k a year and has been working remotely, and solely applied for a bartending job just to get out and be social and meet women in real life even though he didn’t need the money. He said dating apps never worked for him either, but I watch women hit on him every time we work together! Dating apps are weird and it’s too bad we’re so isolated as a society now that it’s hard to have spontaneous, casual social interactions in person anywhere anymore.

jamesbwbevis · 2022-04-19T14:54:48+00:00

If you're average or below average you're going to struggle offline too right now. Dating game is messed up

KingWavyy · 2022-04-19T14:59:38+00:00

They're great if you're just looking for a quick, low-investment nut lol. Or if you're into transwomen. I'm an average Joe and got plenty of ass on Tinder. Market yourself a certain way with your photos and you're golden. Those college-aged girls eat that crap up. But yeah, there are no wives on dating apps.

Working-Zucchini1205 · 2022-04-19T15:01:45+00:00

All these “dating apps” are businesses and made upon capitalistic ideals, do not even waste your time on them, guys. Just go around IRL, visit regularly some societies and events in your local area.

Bonesteel50 · 2022-04-19T15:34:50+00:00

I dunno, I had plenty of luck. Not a particularly attractive guy but not ugly.

Match everyone, see who bites. Sometimes it goes nowhere, sometimes you get a date, sometimes it works out and you meet someone cool.

Most of the time its a miss, but thats why you dont put any real effort in until you hit the date stage.

Slow-Brush · 2022-04-19T16:09:57+00:00

Lots of American men I personally knows setup or create profiles on international dating site like Cupid com. I asked one of the guy, " why do you want to do that internationally?" Without further explanation, he told me to create one, I did and I was flabbergasted, I counted 347 replies in 5 days. Then I realized magic words is "US CITIZEN"

AlienAmerican1 · 2022-04-19T16:10:25+00:00

I tell people daily here that men shouldn't use them.

Crakkyo · 2022-04-19T16:34:54+00:00

I was on tinder for like under 2 hours before I found my now gf there last year.

Txinthishoe · 2022-04-19T17:37:16+00:00

Boohoo maybe its a deeper reason than just being unlucky.

tiger_woods_is_goat · 2022-04-19T18:54:19+00:00

If you do use dating apps, do not waste your time carrying out lengthy conversations before you meet the person.

Without fail, every time I've done that it ended up being a huge waste of time. The best experiences I've had all started with a very short exchange to setup drinks.

I'm sure there are exceptions, but overall it just isn't worth your time. Too many women enjoy stringing multiple guys along without having any real intention to meet most of them.

blacklotus2020 · 2022-04-19T20:00:27+00:00

I never had any problems on dating apps, just put something silly in your bio and say your looking for friends only and the women will be all over it, don't even have to ask them out because they will ask you and just go for a walk never out to dinner, never had to spend anything on them

Im-A-Scared-Child · 2022-04-19T23:10:09+00:00

Not to mention 9 out of 10 women on those apps are fake profiles trying to scam guys out of money

lettucealone · 2022-04-23T04:51:57+00:00

i think your personality just sucks shit

Title	DO NOT USE DATING APPS
Author	Txinthishoe
Upvotes	386
Comments	183
Date	April 18, 2022 11:58 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/u6rbe6/do_not_use_dating_apps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/do-not-use-dating-apps.1112128 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112128

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