The moment/incident you knew the marriage wasn't going to last?

Gattsama · 2022-11-13T08:29:13+00:00

She told me to leave (which I did), took her ring off and said don't come back until my vows mean something. Once out of the house I had never been more peaceful and stress free. About 3wks into the separation she called me at work told me something (in passing) that I had been asking for for 17 years; BUT instead of meeting my need it just caused me to rage out. It was clearly a lie, manipulation, etc. After I calmed down about 2hrs later I realized this is not healthy; and told her we should terminate.

She talked me back into one more try, she put her ring back on a few weeks later. About 3mo into separation I had just finished working night 13 of 14 (7p-7a = 12 hr shifts), my last paternal uncle had just died. I called to meet her for breakfast and support. At breakfast she said I need my ring back on, I'm not acting like a husband, she took her ring off again, said she is now my girlfriend since I'm acting like a boy friend. When I corrected her that I'm paying for everything, she said well I guess I'm a sugar baby then. And that was the final nail in the coffin.

Vejasple · 2022-11-13T11:25:47+00:00

My wife told me she will divorce me and she does not want any of my stuff. Now she wants all of my stuff.

Tomica333 · 2022-11-13T07:52:34+00:00

For me it was her telling me it was abnormal to take care of an aging parent who had a stroke..

EvidencePlz · 2022-11-13T07:49:00+00:00

Her argument was that I should make my side of the bed

Well that's enough internet for me for the day.

CB33isGMC · 2022-11-13T11:55:56+00:00

When she didn’t support me after the death of my Grandmother.

My extended family is very old-fashioned and family is everything. My Grandparents adored my ex and our children and treated her as one of their own.

Ex refused to cancel a girl’s trip planned for the week after my Grandmother’s passing, and arrived at the funeral 30 minutes late. Of course she was not present for the wake or any of the huge family dinners in the days leading to the ceremony. Having to explain repeatedly to family and friends where my wife was was humiliating. I’d already known she was a piece of shit by this time, but I couldn’t fathom the disrespect towards my Grandfather.

The situation made me understand very clearly that we belonged to two different classes of people. Even though she is an educated professional she will always be a selfish rat bitch with no respect for the concept of family.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-11-13T11:59:21+00:00

Her starting arguments on purpose. Never had done this in our 17 years together. In hindsight, i know this was on purpose so she could justify her wanting divorce. It finally came out, along with me finding hundreds of texts to Mr. 'He's just a friend'.

chicken_po_boy · 2022-11-13T14:51:48+00:00

We had an another argument because of her excessive spending. This time it was because she had recurring monthly charges on her credit card. She didn’t know what they were for and didn’t care to do anything about them. She was content to piss away our future. She was berating me, talking to me like I was worthless dirt. Saying cruel and cutting things to me, the kind of marriage-ending comments you couldn’t ever take back. We were in the kitchen. I calmly went and filled a glass of water at the sink while she was ranting at me. I turned and faced her. Then I threw the water in her face and said I’m done with this. I want a divorce. Then I broke down and cried uncontrollably. It was a shitty thing to do but in the moment it was somehow appropriate and effective. It shocked her so much she stopped screaming at me and we started talking. It was over. We had a speedy and amicable divorce.

MightBusiness7231 · 2022-11-13T11:18:42+00:00

That's insane. How do you make half a bed?

644pacf · 2022-11-13T08:12:30+00:00

I think this was the first time I laughed in over a year. Well done

SnooDucks2052 · 2022-11-13T09:58:17+00:00

She told me I’m the reason we don’t have a better house & I’m the reason the kids go to a ghetto school.

jimsmythee · 2022-11-13T16:54:16+00:00

It was her final disaster, yet about her great big dui crash, except this time the kids were in the car when she crashed while driving high as a kite. That’s when I formulated my exit plan.

That’s when I knew her disasters were never going to end. If I didn’t get out, her addictions and disasters would end up costing us everything.

I got out relatively unscathed. But guess what? Her disasters never ended.

captainchippsixx · 2022-11-13T13:37:54+00:00

For me it was her texts to her friends extensively mocking me and saying how I was thinking when she didn’t know. Her friends a joined in as well. She left her phone out in the bathroom so I looked because we have already talked divorce. She tried to say that’s just girl talk. That’s when I said fuck it, I’m done.

arcasul · 2022-11-13T07:45:41+00:00

For me it was when she told me to leave her parents’ house. It was over then, even though we’ve had fights before. I cannot accept this treatment from anyone.

ramboton · 2022-11-13T13:48:04+00:00

been together for 22 years, much of it miserable. I was waiting for the kids to turn 18. One morning we had an argument and she said something that she had said before "you'll never change" at that moment it was like a light shined down on me and I told her, you know what? You are right, I will never change, I am who I am and I am not changing to make someone else happy.

Prestigious-Ad978 · 2022-11-13T21:33:45+00:00

Mine acted like everything was totally fine and that she doesn’t understand why I don’t like that she chooses to sleep on the couch every night. Few weeks later I walk into the living room at 3am and she’s “watching movies” with some random “guy friend”. Mind you she was in her undies and still acted like I was crazy and controlling for being so upset.

I think there is a medical term in the DSM 5 for this kind of behavior. 😂

rhett342 · 2022-11-13T14:35:24+00:00

4 things that led directly into each other

Sitting at home waiting for hours while she was out with a guy who was "just a friend" and later saying she didn't do anything wrong and it's not a big deal. It was to me but apparently it had to be for both people for it to count.
Hearing her say she didn't know if she wanted to stay married while we were in marriage counseling. She also sat there multiple times saying she wasn't talking to him anymore.
I found out she was still talking to and seeing this guy plus she had actively been trying to hide it.
I flipped out when I found out and she said that was it and she couldn't do this anymore.

Jiggly_Love · 2022-11-13T17:58:00+00:00

I started bringing home 10k/mo from my new job and she tells me I wasn't good enough because she needed 30k/mo from me to live the lifestyle. This is from a woman that was born overseas and lived in a 50 sq ft apartment unit and then suddenly 4 years later, she's adopted the western lifestyle and wants everything to be big, expensive, and gives her more status.

MightBusiness7231 · 2022-11-13T11:44:04+00:00

For me, it was when we were in couples therapy and I asked her if she wanted the love back and her response was "I don't know." I mean, that's pretty much it.

Rwoods227 · 2022-11-13T13:42:45+00:00

When I learned she cheated with multiple ppl over 3 years.. and 3 weeks into trying to work past it I keep learning about more and more men that she keeps lying or hiding.

Exhausting reopening the hurt every other day because she couldn’t just tell me everything at once.

NickRubesSFW · 2022-11-13T18:15:07+00:00

For me it was the night she confessed that she wasn’t just serving cocktails at a private men’s club, that she was actually having sex for money with men in the back rooms. I couldn’t get her to stop because she “liked getting really expensive shoes whenever she wanted”.

She then proceeded to tell me she was planning on becoming a sugar baby for one of the really rich guys she met at the club.

Acrobatic_Light_8889 · 2022-11-13T16:33:49+00:00

When she told me she was sorry for cheating on me because it was making the relationship hard for her to deal with the aftermath of her decisions/actions. It was like a circuit breaker tripped and I knew that was the end.

furiousmustache · 2022-11-13T22:11:14+00:00

She screamed at me for getting her exactly what she wanted for Mother's Day. That after selling drugs, smoking pot in my truck (I dont at all and could lose my career if I was suspected of it), leaving me to take care of the kids for multiple nights on end, freaking out on me for ruining her birthday after trying to plan it with no input other than "forget the day exists", gaslighting me about me being the problem in our relationship when I was making all the effort.

Yeah, that was the final straw. Honestly, it should have been the drugs, but I honestly tried to look past the weed thing, its basically alcohol at this point. But smoking in my truck was pretty damn disrespectful.

San_Ra · 2022-11-14T05:45:48+00:00

She looked up from reading the proclamation that we were going into lock down and said im moving out you can deal with the kids.... that was the ahhh straw that broke the camels back

hittincervix · 2022-11-14T11:58:01+00:00

When she cheated with her supervisor 6 months into the marriage.

Idratherhikeout · 2022-11-13T14:07:51+00:00

When she told me she was leaving

Rjs617 · 2022-11-13T17:03:37+00:00

In the middle of one of her, “I want a divorce!” tirades, she yelled, “I don’t love you!” She had never said that before, but it just made so much sense.

jalopkoala · 2022-11-13T23:31:59+00:00

We were in couples therapy. For context I identify as white and my ex-wife identifies as black.

I can’t remember what I had said in therapy that preceded this, and wish I did, but the following exchange went as such:

Ex-wife: of course you’d think that, you’re racist and sexist.

Me: what? What if I said that about my blonde white wife?

Ex-wife: Then it’s just sexist.

Me: What if I said it about my gay husband?

Ex-wife: then you’d just be an asshole.

At that moment I knew we were past ever finding a way to care about each other, much less use any kind of logic to help us get there.

BeneficialAbalone578 · 2022-11-13T21:33:26+00:00

She said I ruined her birthday. Which I thought was pretty ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was her birthday. /s

I always liked that joke. I can’t actually remember anymore. I remember times specific times when I thought wow there’s no trying to go back now, but that was already after I’d made the choice.

Greadle · 2022-11-14T02:21:38+00:00

A week after i met her 🤣 Then she “somehow” got pregnant while on birth control.

BearsEatBooty · 2022-11-14T04:42:13+00:00

When I suddenly got a surprise “I’m pregnant “ weeks after we were going to split. She was on an IUD. This was not an accident. She purposely went to her OB and got it taken out. We did not agree on a second child. Our lease was ending the next month.

Yes I did have sex too but with the knowledge of her being protected with an IUD. I honestly feel like it was marital rape. IDC what you think but that’s fucked when you pretty much trick someone. She knew I was going to stick around for my kid and I didn’t want an abortion. Since then it just grew out of a lie and that never goes well. Not counting her severe alcohol problem and suicidal ideation that she blamed me.

Title	The moment/incident you knew the marriage wasn't going to last?
Author	Brilliant-Delay1410
Upvotes	41
Comments	47
Date	November 13, 2022 7:33 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ytuwdh/the_momentincident_you_knew_the_marriage_wasnt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-momentincident-you-knew-the-marriage-wasnt.1138773 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138773

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