Does female attraction to men work different? Ive always thought it was more complex compared to how men think.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-02-09T22:28:38+00:00

Men its very straightforward: you see an attractive woman and you want to have sex with her. I'm sure women are visual to but it doesn't seem as important and they aren't trying to get sex as much as men are.

Sure we are. Many of us see someone we're attracted to and want to have sex with them, even imagine, though different women at different degrees.

Most people when they are out dating are not thinking 'does he seem like a good potential father' more like 'does he seem like someone who would be pleasant to spend time with' or even just pleasant to kiss or go to bed with. Sure more people might think of that if they are further along in a relationship with that person and if they even want children, but it's not usually primary in someone's mind at the beginning of dating or when they are first attracted.

KikiYuyu · 2023-02-10T04:55:49+00:00

For me when I see an attractive man, I think "wow he's hot" and that's basically it. Other things have to come in before I think of actually wanting to have sex. Will he make me feel safe? Loved? Is there a future for us? Until those things are answered for me, hot guys are just some nice eye candy.

saraimarsena · 2023-02-09T22:41:48+00:00

i do not feel physical attraction to men I don’t know, so there’s that. there’s no “ooooh look a hot guy vag tingles in response” for me. ever. so as a result, I would never hop into bed with a man without first establishing an emotional connection.

once that emotional connection is there with someone I find to be LTR compatible, my libido is high. I think about sex often when he’s not around, I’m basically down whenever wherever, and even the smallest things he does turn me on.

INFPneedshelp · 2023-02-09T22:46:59+00:00

looks and style will attract me initially but warmth of personality will impress me most

northernlights190 · 2023-02-09T21:57:24+00:00

Yes, in terms of general tendencies, women have different attraction patterns than men.

In general, women have a lower overall sex drive; experience spontaneous desire less often (as in: we are less likely to randomly desire sex without specific stimuli); and are less likely to experience actual sexual desire based on simply looking at a man, even if he is a very attractive one. Women’s lust, arousal and desire tends to be more triggered by her interactions with the man in question.

There are of course variations to these tendencies in both sexes — some women have more spontaneous desire, some men have more responsive desire, some women have higher sex drives than some men — but overall that’s the pattern.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2023-02-10T01:51:13+00:00

There are many ways to skin a cat honey, the only times I've felt immediate sexual arousal for a male are: deepness of his voice, hand size and his penis

Physically attractive men that are "my type" I have had sexual thoughts of them sure but have never been compelled to act

What compels me to act is a lusty personality

Objectively aesthetically pleasing men are just that, no thoughts or feelings unless he is my type physically, and I have more than one type, the only way he can get around that by not being my physical type is a lusty personality and not be grotesque and frighteningly awful looking and smelly

chalkandapples · 2023-02-09T22:36:25+00:00

I have an entire mental scorecard, with minimum requirements for some individual attributes, which are essentially dealbreakers.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-09T22:25:12+00:00

Men love to push the narrative that attraction for men is simple and for women it's complicated. Yet I doubt there are many men out there whose attraction can be reduced to "you see an attractive woman and want to have sex with her". What makes an attractive woman? Well, that depends on who you ask, but it's almost never based on only what you can see. Does finding someone attractive mean you want to have sex immediately? For most people, no, they'll just think that person looks nice, acts in a sexy way, etc and sex most likely won't be explicitly in their brain, or certainly most of the time they aren't trying to act on it. Is your attraction to someone only based on what you see the moment you meet? For both men and women, of course not, it changes the more you interact with someone. Women tend to acknowledge this kind of thing more than men, I think.

MisogenesUSA · 2023-02-09T22:00:02+00:00

Depends if they are hooking up or in a relationship.

NJFlowerchild · 2023-02-09T22:10:11+00:00

If you're attractive? Not different to me, because it's a yes or a no. Does that mean I would want to hook up or date you? No.

quadzillax · 2023-02-09T23:00:07+00:00

Idk about you but as a man I got some higher standards than those you described lol

lle-ell · 2023-02-10T11:10:02+00:00

While men and women can be hot enough to make my v tingle, it's rare. And even if they are, unless they're fun to spend time with the attraction will soon pass.

On a first date I'm trying to assess chemistry and compatibility, and if either is missing, I'm out.

General_Doubt7181 · 2023-02-10T12:12:33+00:00

My first thought is always he’s not, wonder if he is taken, and that’s about it. Never sex.

Safinated · 2023-02-09T21:59:26+00:00

You already answered your own question in the OP. See? Empathy isn’t hard, it just requires a little imagination, confirmed by reality

Fiji41883 · 2023-02-09T21:58:04+00:00

“I'm sure women are visual”

Correct.

“To me it's more about how you make a woman feel and signs of you being a good potential father and raising her kids.”

Incorrect.

“Women have more to lose with sex so it makes sense that they're picky”

Incorrect.

Women are even more “visual” than we are, they’re more picky because most men have a horrendous case of the uggies, and you won’t make her feel anything if she’s not physically attracted to you which means they give less than a fuck about what a good daddy your fugly ass MIGHT be.

You really blew this one, son. I’m disappointed.

TigerBiting_A_Katana · 2023-02-10T00:45:51+00:00

There are differences, but I think the differences tend to be overstated. One key difference is that women have an additional “stranger danger” type of defense where even if the man is attractive, he still needs to prove that he’s not harmful or dangerous, and sometimes this can be a longer process.

But once you pass that test, In my experience, women can be just as visual as men. I’ve dated women who get turned on watching men masturbate, or who get wet and tingly at the sight of an erect penis, and can be “teased” by visual stimuli much like men. And the past three girlfriend I’ve had all masturbate to porn, and it’s highly specific porn too, which is normally seen as a masculine trait.

Ok_Entrepreneur2931 · 2023-02-10T00:49:19+00:00

I'm sure women are visual to but it doesn't seem as important and they aren't trying to get sex as much as men are.

Maybe you're just not very good looking

To me it's more about how you make a woman feel and signs of you being a good potential father and raising her kids.

Betabuxxmaxxing lol

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ohdiddly · 2023-02-10T05:24:00+00:00

I’m straightforward just like you

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-02-10T18:36:13+00:00

I can think a guy is attractive and still not want to have sex with him. For starters, casual sex is most likely not going to be particularly good for me. I've had casual sex a few times in the past and it was meh. It wasn't terrible, but I learned that I prefer sex with a partner that is at least somewhat invested in both of you having a good time. A guy can be really hot, but I'm not going to waste my time for a most likely sub-par experience when I could just masturbate at home and know I'll be happy at the end of it.

As for looking for a potential father to my future kids - eh, no. I was looking for someone who I enjoyed spending time with, someone who was understanding and we were on the same page about the things we found important for a partnership. Sure, the question of kids does come up early on, especially if you think this might be a potential LTR, but it's not specifically about finding a dad, it's about checking what both of you want. If I want kids and he doesn't, then we'd be wasting each other's time. If we're on the same page about it, whatever the answer is, then great.

Live_Pen · 2023-02-11T14:00:24+00:00

For me there’s a strong fantasy element if it’s not in an explicit dating context. I get this with women too sometimes. There will be an aura about him as a person + the situation we’re in + some attractive quality he has. For example, a barista with nice hands and eyes and a certain something. There’s something more tantalising about never following through on it though, because then that would extinguish the fantasy. It’s a kind of fantastical edging haha. Hot guys are dime a dozen. There has to be something more there for me to be sexually attracted to them, though it needn’t be anything complex. It could be as much as they opened a door for me. Some sort of relational dynamic has been established.

Dating is another story, and brings in more elements beyond pure sexual attraction, though I’ve learnt it’s essential from the beginning if you’re going to make things work long term.

When I’m a relationship with someone I’m attracted to and emotionally invested in, I’m sexually wild about them and the attraction grows. I don’t look at anyone else sexually and just want to fuck them, all the time.

somanyshawties · 2023-02-12T16:31:18+00:00

you will always get the “if hes hot cool but i need more” when in reality panties drop once chad puts 5 sentences together to form a coherent thought.

how they act > what they say

yunkichi · 2023-02-14T21:42:45+00:00

To think women think about potential good fathers and providers when seeing an attractive man is absolutely wild. Even more so considering that a big part of women nowadays are childfree/not looking for marriage. We just think "oh he's hot" that's it, we don't think with our wombs, my guy.

SedTheeMighty · 2023-02-16T19:22:12+00:00

It’s the same but the standard is waaaaay higher (if we are talking purely physical attraction)

Title	Does female attraction to men work different? Ive always thought it was more complex compared to how men think.
Author	spankyourkopita
Upvotes	14
Comments	164
Date	February 9, 2023 9:48 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10y79mr/does_female_attraction_to_men_work_different_ive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-female-attraction-to-men-work-different-ive.1151310 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151310

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